Why can't I get motivated!?!
johnleatherman77
Posts: 5 Member
I am a 39 year old father of two and husband to an amazing woman. I have always had a weight problem and have on 2 other occasions lost significant amounts of weight. However I am now 65lbs heavier than I have ever been and know I need to get going now more than ever and can't seem to hold traction. I feel my health getting worse everyday and am afraid I won't be around for my family. You would think all of those factors would be enough but I guess they aren't.
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Replies
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It's usually because you already know of the hardship and dedication it takes to lose. All I can tell you is DON'T DIET or use a specific diet program. 90% of people who do, regain weight because it's not a lifestyle they can continue. For ALL of my clients I just teach and encourage them to eat less. Use smaller plates (9 inch) to eat off of. Take your time eating your food and drink water or a zero calorie drink while you eat to help fill you up faster. It will happen IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT. If you're hesitant, then it's not as important to you as you think.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
9 -
You don't lack the motivation.
You're just applying your motivation in the wrong direction.3 -
How do you mean ?0
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johnleatherman77 wrote: ». I feel my health getting worse everyday and am afraid I won't be around for my family. You would think all of those factors would be enough but I guess they aren't.
Isn't this your motivation? You just need to set a plan, take small steps, and develop some good habits that will get you where you need to be. Maybe you don't "feel" motivated because you are trying to do it all at once. I've lost 148 lbs but I don't "feel motivated" many days. I just do what I've decided to do to keep going where I want to go.9 -
Try not to focus on the weight you have to lose. Once I began to think in terms of making decisions that are healthier for my overall body, the weight loss came naturally. For example, I am a bread/sugar addict but I noticed when I overindulge in wheat/sugar products my eczema flares up terribly and takes at least 2-3 weeks to go back down to normal.0
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A lot of people say "motivation" when they really mean "discipline". Your motivation is your why, and you have your why. What you lack is discipline- making the decision to do do what you need to do and following through.
I would also say don't just try to diet but also get into some form of exercise- most guys enjoy weight lifting but some like running or a certain sport... it's hard to just try to eat less all the time and have your only goal to be thinner. It's much more motivating & fun to work towards having good health, a good physique, healthy lifestyle, being active & strong... to not just work towards numbers going down on a scale but work towards being able to add 10 more pounds to your bench press, being able to run 1 mile further than you could a week ago, etc. Fitness goals could be what you need, and maybe what you were missing when you've lost weight in the past. I know it helps me stay on track knowing if I start to slack off I will be weaker next time I hit the gym, or if I gain a few pounds it will make running my stairs intervals harder.
Make your plan. Make it realistic. Have both long term goals and short term ones. Have both weight loss or body fat percentage based goals but also fitness and health goals. Start slow and don't rush. Think of this as a new way of life, not something temporary! Of course you will eventually be able to come out of being in a calorie deficit, but you will then have the goal of maintaining, or getting stronger, or maybe train for a race or something. You never got to go "ok I'm done now" and just go back to being a couch potato and eating too much.
Get started- start today, right now. You have the tools and information you need, now use them.6 -
johnleatherman77 wrote: »How do you mean ?
Okay what usually happens is you decide to change your life.
You look at the big picture and see that nearly everything needs to change. What you don't understand is how habit change works.
If you lay out a 12 week plan, look back at today, and decide what you want to achieve each month.
If you select 1 habit, add multivitamin and fish oil first thing in the AM, and do that habit for two weeks till it becomes a part of your day.
Habit two could be Unplug from electronics an hour before bed, so you improve sleep quality.
That's month 1. Honestly, you wouldn't even need to worry any food at that point. You're losing weight from the fish oil.
Set up a plan and simply chip away at the big rocks, one at a time.
If you work on one habit at a time, you're 80+% likely to succeed.
If you work on two at time, you're 33% or less likely to succeed.
If you work on three.... you're less than 10% likely to succeed and motivation flies by the wayside.2 -
johnleatherman77 wrote: »I am a 39 year old father of two...
John, I have walked in your shoes. I'll tell you what did not work for me for a very long time: thinking like that. Those are all reasons why you *should* exercise more and eat less. But how often do you really want to do what you should? If you are like me, you do what you should every day at work and every morning and every evening at home with your family. When you have time for yourself, you want to do things for yourself, not what you SHOULD.
The key is to be more selfish, and I mean that in the most positive way. Don't be healthy for other people. Be healthy for yourself. Eat healthy and be more active because of how good it makes you feel. Do it for the endorphins you get from exercising. Do it for the rush you get from seeing your body change for the better. Do it for the delight of having your clothes get looser. Do it for the pleasure of being the person you know you can be. Do it for the joy of having strangers smile at you, for no apparent reason. Do it to set an example for your children. Do it because you care about yourself.
I also encourage you to think in terms of small, sustainable lifestyle changes instead of overwhelmingly huge weight loss goals. Don't think about the impossible-sounding (but entirely possible) goal of losing, for example, 100 pounds. Think instead about getting at least some exercise every day, eating fewer carbs and more protein and vegetables, tracking your calories, and shooting for a modest calorie deficit every day, etc. If you do that, you will lose weight. And if you make it a habit, you will eventually reach that seemingly unattainable goal and stay there.
The community is also a good resource. Feel free to add me as a friend if you want someone to share the journey and ongoing encouragement with.10 -
Just do it. You've done it before so you know that the first day is the hardest. As you continue on it will get easier.
I'm a yo-yo dieter myself because I always viewed losing weight as a diet. I would diet until the weight was gone, maybe I'd even exercise a bit, and then when it was off I would quit. I would always restrict myself too much too and cut out foods I loved and it just wasn't sustainable.
I have a small deficit set up now for 1 lb of weight loss a week. I take things day by day sometimes hour by hour. I eat whatever I want. Ice cream, cookies, pie, soda if the mood strikes me as long as I can keep it within my daily calories. If I can't fit it in on the day I want it I just plan to fit it in the next day and have it then so I never feel like I am denying myself or restricting myself of anything.
It only has to be as hard as you make it. Just take things a day at a time and do a little at a time and you'll get there. We believe in you and support you.5 -
It's all in the mindset you are currently in. "I am a 39 year old father of two and husband to an amazing woman." Just from reading that sentence I can already tell you don't mind your current weight. You're in a happy state of mind, which is great!
But to lose weight, you are really going to have to discipline yourself and just go for it. It's as simple as that, you want results? Well, go out and get it. Read any success stories here, they WANTED it so badly that they went and did it. Even when it was tough and even when they lacked motivation. Do it right now, not tomorrow, right now. Can't hit the gym because it's closed? Do some pushups and body squats. It's dark outside / weather is crap and you don't have a treadmill to do cardio? Walk up and down your stairs for 20 minutes straight.
Lots you can do, but you have to do it.3 -
Hi John,
If you don't mind me pointing out a few things that I think are good:
It sounds to me like you have a great reason to make another attempt at improving your health and losing weight.
I think that when you understand and believe the potential negative health outcomes associated with obesity and realize that the choices you make can effect your life and also the life of your loved ones it can be a game changer for some people.
It's certainly carries with it a greater sense of urgency than "I want to see lines in my glutes".
I also think it's great that you're reaching out.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you having trouble with right now?
So for example when you say you don't have motivation, what is your lack of motivation preventing you from doing, or what are you doing right now that your lack of motivation prevents you from stopping?
One last question I would have is this: what are you doing right now about your situation? So what I mean by that is, what are you attempting to do in the immediate sense?
I hope you don't mind that all I've done here is ask questions.
I do think it's awesome that you posted this thread and I wish you the best.
If I have anything useful to contribute I certainly will, i'm just curious about these things for now.
5 -
If you don't have motivation, rely instead on dicipline & determination.
Decide it, then do it. Whether you feel like it or not.1 -
Hi John,
If you don't mind me pointing out a few things that I think are good:
It sounds to me like you have a great reason to make another attempt at improving your health and losing weight.
I think that when you understand and believe the potential negative health outcomes associated with obesity and realize that the choices you make can effect your life and also the life of your loved ones it can be a game changer for some people.
It's certainly carries with it a greater sense of urgency than "I want to see lines in my glutes".
I also think it's great that you're reaching out.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you having trouble with right now?
So for example when you say you don't have motivation, what is your lack of motivation preventing you from doing, or what are you doing right now that your lack of motivation prevents you from stopping?
One last question I would have is this: what are you doing right now about your situation? So what I mean by that is, what are you attempting to do in the immediate sense?
I hope you don't mind that all I've done here is ask questions.
I do think it's awesome that you posted this thread and I wish you the best.
If I have anything useful to contribute I certainly will, i'm just curious about these things for now.
I would say my biggest problem is discipline, as pointed out earlier.
And as far as what I'm doing now I would have to say not much. Hence the problem. I am a creature of habit and when I finally get my mind right I am very disciplined. I work at a job where I am on my feet most of the day. @460lbs this takes an enormous toll on my body as the years are going by. By the time I get off work I am whipped. Constant fatigue and chronic pain have imprisoned me. I am a former football player and power lifter. In my last streak of being healthy I studied Krav Maga and Brazilian jiu jitzu along with being a pretty avid crossfitter for a 315 lb man. I have it in me I know I do. But I don't know how many more times I have. Each time its harder mentally and physically. I do know I feel my health failing fast and I'm not even 40.
And no I don't mind the questions. I made up my mind when I put this up that I would be brutally honest about myself if asked tough questions. I think its an important step.2 -
Helloitsdan wrote: »johnleatherman77 wrote: »How do you mean ?
Okay what usually happens is you decide to change your life.
You look at the big picture and see that nearly everything needs to change. What you don't understand is how habit change works.
If you lay out a 12 week plan, look back at today, and decide what you want to achieve each month.
If you select 1 habit, add multivitamin and fish oil first thing in the AM, and do that habit for two weeks till it becomes a part of your day.
Habit two could be Unplug from electronics an hour before bed, so you improve sleep quality.
That's month 1. Honestly, you wouldn't even need to worry any food at that point. You're losing weight from the fish oil.
Set up a plan and simply chip away at the big rocks, one at a time.
If you work on one habit at a time, you're 80+% likely to succeed.
If you work on two at time, you're 33% or less likely to succeed.
If you work on three.... you're less than 10% likely to succeed and motivation flies by the wayside.
:huh:
this post was linked from another thread I was reading where the poster who linked it said your posts were confusing them. I agree with that sentiment.
I learned quite a lot from you years back, and your road map group was enjoyable
What has happened? why has your tone and my perception of your helpfulness and knowledge done a complete 180?
I mean absolutely no offence here @helloitsdan I'm just a little confused when someone I respected turns around and peppers an overall helpful post with such an outright lie. Is it merely hyperbole?1 -
Have you lost weight with calorie counting using myfitnesspal and weighing & logging your food? I made the assumption that that's how you did it in the past but maybe not.
How did you lose weight in the past? How much and how long did you keep it off those times and what happened to cause you to regain?0 -
johnleatherman77 wrote: »Hi John,
If you don't mind me pointing out a few things that I think are good:
It sounds to me like you have a great reason to make another attempt at improving your health and losing weight.
I think that when you understand and believe the potential negative health outcomes associated with obesity and realize that the choices you make can effect your life and also the life of your loved ones it can be a game changer for some people.
It's certainly carries with it a greater sense of urgency than "I want to see lines in my glutes".
I also think it's great that you're reaching out.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you having trouble with right now?
So for example when you say you don't have motivation, what is your lack of motivation preventing you from doing, or what are you doing right now that your lack of motivation prevents you from stopping?
One last question I would have is this: what are you doing right now about your situation? So what I mean by that is, what are you attempting to do in the immediate sense?
I hope you don't mind that all I've done here is ask questions.
I do think it's awesome that you posted this thread and I wish you the best.
If I have anything useful to contribute I certainly will, i'm just curious about these things for now.
I would say my biggest problem is discipline, as pointed out earlier.
And as far as what I'm doing now I would have to say not much. Hence the problem. I am a creature of habit and when I finally get my mind right I am very disciplined. I work at a job where I am on my feet most of the day. @460lbs this takes an enormous toll on my body as the years are going by. By the time I get off work I am whipped. Constant fatigue and chronic pain have imprisoned me. I am a former football player and power lifter. In my last streak of being healthy I studied Krav Maga and Brazilian jiu jitzu along with being a pretty avid crossfitter for a 315 lb man. I have it in me I know I do. But I don't know how many more times I have. Each time its harder mentally and physically. I do know I feel my health failing fast and I'm not even 40.
And no I don't mind the questions. I made up my mind when I put this up that I would be brutally honest about myself if asked tough questions. I think its an important step.
Start logging your food
Today, right now
Aim for 3000 calories today
Make it a numbers game not a willpower game4 -
Yeah weighing/measuring & logging all your food is 100% necessary and the most important thing. I see your diary is set to private so can't tell if you are doing this or not yet or currently?0
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Hey John,
Lots & lots of advice here, suppose some of it can be quiet confusing so certainly take some time to digest it all.
I do agree with you around mental strength to keep losing weight. I am on my 2nd (real) attempt to lose significant weight. I had previously lost 95lbs and then regained it all when I got pregnant.
Anyways, back to you. I see you mention about having a full on job and tiredness. Then why not focus on the things you can change. And if you are anything like me, this needs to be long term/permanent and sustainable. I'm currently carrying a knee injury so I have been unable to do any workouts for the past 3 weeks but I've still managed to lose 3-4lbs a week. I have focused on my food. I've lost 25lbs in 55 days on a really balanced diet, nothing flash or fancy just sustainable healthy food.
So start small and see what works for you. Maybe that's the whole point of you being on your journey, just figuring out what works for you.
I'm always happy to make more friends so feel free to add me. FYI - I still have about 140lbs to lose.
Welcome to MFP, time to dig deep and kick some a**.2 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »Have you lost weight with calorie counting using myfitnesspal and weighing & logging your food? I made the assumption that that's how you did it in the past but maybe not.
How did you lose weight in the past? How much and how long did you keep it off those times and what happened to cause you to regain?
No both times before was on weight watchers. The first time was a weight loss competition and I lost 65 lbs. I kept it off about 6 months. The second time I lost 95 pounds and it was about a two year process.The second time started with a shoulder injury, then my mom had to go to the hospital, then my mother in law came down with leukemia and lost her battle shortly there after. Needless to say the wheels feel off.0 -
My story: I ,to be 314 lbs. I was addicted to food and had all the motivation I needed to lose weight (my husband and son, and my life) but I just couldn't stop eating the wrong foods. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to help me stop eating gluttonously and He showed me food allergies that I didn't even know I had. I used to crave sweets: cakes, cookies, breads, peanut butter, anything with butter. Well, it turns out that those things were allergies to me. I just found this out at the beginning of September and I've lost 29 lbs without even trying!!! I don't eat any grains and if I do, I get really bloated, dizzy, headache, vomiting, ect. Now I eat meat, fruit, and veggies with a few different nuts (mostly almonds) and I'm never hungry and I never crave any food anymore! Praying for you!0
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johnleatherman77 wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Have you lost weight with calorie counting using myfitnesspal and weighing & logging your food? I made the assumption that that's how you did it in the past but maybe not.
How did you lose weight in the past? How much and how long did you keep it off those times and what happened to cause you to regain?
No both times before was on weight watchers. The first time was a weight loss competition and I lost 65 lbs. I kept it off about 6 months. The second time I lost 95 pounds and it was about a two year process.The second time started with a shoulder injury, then my mom had to go to the hospital, then my mother in law came down with leukemia and lost her battle shortly there after. Needless to say the wheels feel off.
Oh ok. Well I think you'll have great success with myfitnesspal, it is like a more accurate version of weight watchers. Get a digital food scale to help with food measuring accuracy- they're only like $20. And I stand by my earlier advice of making some form of fitness your hobby to keep you motivated and help keep the weight off once lost.
Totally get the wheels falling off thing! I recently went through a health crisis that lasted a few years and contributed to me putting on a bunch of weight to my already overweight self and putting me in the worst shape of my life. Got surgery to correct the healt issue about 1 1/2 years ago. Luckily I was then able to turn it around and with some effort & preserverence I'm now I'm in literally the best shape of my life (lots of strength, stamina, muscle) and on my way to a healthy weight (just need to shed a little more body fat).
You can do this- try to think of this time as the final time. This time you lose weight you will keep going until you are a healthy weight and that will be your new normal. No more lose and regain.0 -
Motivation is overrated. It makes me smile now, but when I joined MFP, I was literally grumbling about how I was already unhappy & didn't feel good, and now one of my few joys- food- was going to be taken away. Great attitude, huh? But I decided just to try it. Not a major overhaul, but just to get my calories from MFP (based on a modest weekly goal) and try it, not worrying too much about food choices or anything. Couldn't really do much exercise at first because my joints were in pretty bad shape. Turns out, I could eat pretty well on that allowance and felt pretty good about it. A few weeks went by and I dropped a few lbs and I felt *really* good about that! After about 10-15 lbs came off, my joints started feeling better and I was able to be more active. Now the motivation kicked in! But like others have mentioned, it's never really about the motivation. It's been a year & a half for me now, and after losing about 40 lbs, I've basically been maintaining for months. I haven't been in a good place mentally to attack a calorie deficit, but the logging & healthy habits I've put in place have kept the weight off until I am ready to move on. I like that you mentioned you once took off almost 100 lbs over 2 years, so you already have a sense that this doesn't have to be done overnight. That can serve you well. All totaled, I've actually lost about 70 lbs over the last 5 years in fits & starts. I never felt highly motivated, or like I was having tremendous success, but the weight loss happened anyway. It can for you too.
So maybe stop wrestling with the idea mentally, and just get your calories & go (and don't set your calories so low as to rob you of your joy!) 1 -
johnleatherman77 wrote: »I would say my biggest problem is discipline, as pointed out earlier.
And as far as what I'm doing now I would have to say not much. Hence the problem. I am a creature of habit and when I finally get my mind right I am very disciplined. I work at a job where I am on my feet most of the day. @460lbs this takes an enormous toll on my body as the years are going by. By the time I get off work I am whipped. Constant fatigue and chronic pain have imprisoned me. I am a former football player and power lifter. In my last streak of being healthy I studied Krav Maga and Brazilian jiu jitzu along with being a pretty avid crossfitter for a 315 lb man. I have it in me I know I do. But I don't know how many more times I have. Each time its harder mentally and physically. I do know I feel my health failing fast and I'm not even 40.
And no I don't mind the questions. I made up my mind when I put this up that I would be brutally honest about myself if asked tough questions. I think its an important step.
I think you need to begin with small steps. I definitely echo everyone who says set MFP up for about a pound a week loss, get a digital food scale so you can weigh your food, and try to stay within your calories everyday. You have an active job so I would worry about doing additional purposeful exercise later on in your weight loss journey.
Another thing I think is important is figuring out where exactly your problem lies with food. Are you an emotional eater ? Are you eating a lot of the wrong types of foods ? Do you eat even after you a full because you enjoy the taste of food ?
If you figure out the problem then you can address it. For me, I've always had a problem with overeating. It's not that I ever ate so much chocolate or so much fast food or so many chips. I just would eat and eat and eat even when I was full. I would eat out of boredom, eat because I was upset, eat because I wanted to eat and not because I was hungry.
It's something I'm working on now. I want this to be my last go around too and in order for that to happen I have to change my relationship with food. If I'm full even if I have more calories for the day or more food on my plate I am trying not to eat more. If I'm upset or bored and want something to eat and I know that's why I won't eat even if I could fit it into my daily calories. I'm trying to break bad habits and form new, healthy ones. I'm reconditioning myself. It's hard, but I do it day after day and if I can do it so can you.
And I'll be honest and say I had a problem with restaurant eating. I'm a single person and it was just sometimes more convenient to go out to eat (and also I wanted to). Most portions at restaurants are incredibly large and are calorie bombs. That was killing me too. I've almost completely cut that out. It's not something I miss, it's better on my finances, and it's just easier to avoid.0 -
To me its a mental thing. Just wrapping your head around it.
I started with a mantra "Make up your mind and your body will follow". I would say it over and over throughout the day to help keep my mind in the "game" if you will.
So my suggestion is to start with your head. Make up your mind and commit!
1 -
Helloitsdan wrote: »johnleatherman77 wrote: »How do you mean ?
Okay what usually happens is you decide to change your life.
You look at the big picture and see that nearly everything needs to change. What you don't understand is how habit change works.
If you lay out a 12 week plan, look back at today, and decide what you want to achieve each month.
If you select 1 habit, add multivitamin and fish oil first thing in the AM, and do that habit for two weeks till it becomes a part of your day.
Habit two could be Unplug from electronics an hour before bed, so you improve sleep quality.
That's month 1. Honestly, you wouldn't even need to worry any food at that point. You're losing weight from the fish oil.
Set up a plan and simply chip away at the big rocks, one at a time.
If you work on one habit at a time, you're 80+% likely to succeed.
If you work on two at time, you're 33% or less likely to succeed.
If you work on three.... you're less than 10% likely to succeed and motivation flies by the wayside.
:huh:
this post was linked from another thread I was reading where the poster who linked it said your posts were confusing them. I agree with that sentiment.
I learned quite a lot from you years back, and your road map group was enjoyable
What has happened? why has your tone and my perception of your helpfulness and knowledge done a complete 180?
I mean absolutely no offence here @helloitsdan I'm just a little confused when someone I respected turns around and peppers an overall helpful post with such an outright lie. Is it merely hyperbole?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it's because this is now his "job". It is MUCH harder to make any money in the fitness industry unless you buy into a lot of the woo out there.
3 -
Honestly I'm not a expert at loosing weight but if I was in your position I would do outside activities with my children, clean the house up more even if it is clean,and when you eat dinner chew it for a long time so you will get full.
Also if you are badly overweight you should take Alli weight loss pill0 -
ericasmagic wrote: »...Also if you are badly overweight you should take Alli weight loss pill
...because involuntary oily orange anal leakage is SUCH a great motivator.0 -
ericasmagic wrote: »Honestly I'm not a expert at loosing weight but if I was in your position I would do outside activities with my children, clean the house up more even if it is clean,and when you eat dinner chew it for a long time so you will get full.
Also if you are badly overweight you should take Alli weight loss pill
What good will a pill do...?0 -
ericasmagic wrote: »...Also if you are badly overweight you should take Alli weight loss pill
...because involuntary oily orange anal leakage is SUCH a great motivator.
Confirming my belief that weight loss pills are generally crap 0 -
I know I could get back into competition shape............................if I really wanted to. Problem for me is that I DON'T want to do what it takes to do that anymore. 12-16 weeks of dieting is the issue. Dehydration and feeling weak for that time.
So I see where you're coming from, but you're not talking about an EXTREME here. It really just comes down to starting by eating less than you're doing now. CONSISTENTLY. And not gonna kid you, it's gonna take more than a year or two. That's how far you should be thinking ahead for this.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 1
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