I give up. Seriously ...can't do this.

jackiedruga · November 2016

I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134) Menopause has not been kind to me. 3 years ago, I went from a mobile moving about job to my dream career of being a writer full time. During this time I entered menopause., stopped moving about and gained a lot of weight, especially that damn back and tummy fat. I carry a tire around my middle.

I'm healthy, the doc says I fall into the normal weight range, just need to exercise and lose the tummy.

I can't do this. I weigh my food, watch my calorie intake, walk every day now for two hours. 3x a week I exercise (Sit ups, dance, etc) I never consume more than 1100 cals a day and average 1050. I rarely do sweets, ever, hate candy, avoid cheese, and drink black coffee and water (I don't log these).

I eat very little because I get full so fast. In this third MFP round 35 days later, I have lost 7 pounds but only 1.5 inches. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I see no change. I buy big clothes to cover everything.

What is making this worse for me is my friend, same age 52 started MFP 18 months ago, but since January, she has lost 65 pounds (240-169). She doesn't exercise, works part time, ends her night with a high cal sweet treat and accredits her weight loss to fat free dressing and not exercising to avoid muscle weight gain. She shares her food diary with me as motivation. I couldn't possibly consume what she does. The last week alone, her snacks were as much as my daily intake, yet she still lost 3 pounds. She's defying all logic to me.

I know it's not a competition, but it's hard to go to dinner with someone who eats a whole steak, potato, salad with ranch and desert and boasts weight loss while i have grilled fish and a salad and fight to keep from gaining.

I just wanna say screw it and quit and buy bigger clothes.

Sorry for the long rant, this is the most discouraged I have felt in so long. I got a text she lost more weight, while I skipped most of Thanksgiving dinner to stay under calories.

Any advice or am I just overreacting and emotional. Damn menopause.

queenliz99 · November 2016

It's not menopause but your calorie tracking. Do you use a food scale to weigh you solid foods?

Alatariel75 · November 2016

You're overreacting.

7lbs in 35 days is more than a lb a week - that's excellent progress. 1.5 inches is a bloody decent loss in that time. When you're at a healthy weight, it comes off slower - many people at that weight would be looking at a 0.5lb loss a week.

Your friend is losing faster and can eat more because she is bigger and has a higher TDEE. It's easier and faster losing weight when you have a lot to lose - you're already at a healthy weight. And you said it - it's not a competition.

Stop comparing yourself to your friend - it's apples and oranges and it's clearly getting to you.

JDixon852019 · November 2016

Be patient and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

jackiedruga · November 2016

I use a food scale, I am very meticulous about weighing items. The only time I don't weigh is when I consume,let's say a single serving of popcorn, I'll scan it.

deannalfisher · November 2016

as counter-intuitive as it sounds when I upped my calories (I have a h, m, l day that I rotate though) - I started slowly losing weight

have you calculated your BMR and TDEE? what do they tell you? 1100 calories seems really low in general

queenliz99 · November 2016

Okie dokie! Keep going, it comes off slower at your weight. Patience is needed now.

deannalfisher · November 2016

if you open up your diary - people on MFP who are good at that kind of thing can take a look and see if they see any issues

jackiedruga · November 2016

deannalfisher wrote: »

as counter-intuitive as it sounds when I upped my calories (I have a h, m, l day that I rotate though) - I started slowly losing weight

have you calculated your BMR and TDEE? what do they tell you? 1100 calories seems really low in general

BMR and TDEE? Gonna say no, because I don't know what that means. I will look into how I measure those. 1100 calories is low and I did read an article that someone had to up their calories to lose weight.

deannalfisher · November 2016

BMR - basal metabolic rate - the bare minimum calories your body needs to survive excluding any exercise
TDEE - total daily energy expenditure - there are lots of different calculators out there

Grey_1 · November 2016

Alatariel75 wrote: »

You're overreacting.

7lbs in 35 days is more than a lb a week - that's excellent progress. 1.5 inches is a bloody decent loss in that time. When you're at a healthy weight, it comes off slower - many people at that weight would be looking at a 0.5lb loss a week.

Your friend is losing faster and can eat more because she is bigger and has a higher TDEE. It's easier and faster losing weight when you have a lot to lose - you're already at a healthy weight. And you said it - it's not a competition.

Stop comparing yourself to your friend - it's apples and oranges and it's clearly getting to you.

My first 8-10lbs came off pretty quickly, maybe 2 months once I got serious. The last lousy 4-6lbs took much longer. That was measuring, eating 1500-1800 calories a day with a 2400 or so TDEE (Total daily energy expenditure) and it got a little depressing to be honest. But I've since settled in, am extremely active at 57 years old and just finished replying to a thread of my own thanking folks here for their support

Stay with it, modify your program with advice gotten here, as needed, and try to not be so hard on yourself. You're likely doing better than you think and are just operating under some unrealistic expectations.

queenliz99 · November 2016

jackiedruga wrote: »

deannalfisher wrote: »

as counter-intuitive as it sounds when I upped my calories (I have a h, m, l day that I rotate though) - I started slowly losing weight

have you calculated your BMR and TDEE? what do they tell you? 1100 calories seems really low in general

BMR and TDEE? Gonna say no, because I don't know what that means. I will look into how I measure those. 1100 calories is low and I did read an article that someone had to up their calories to lose weight.

Ya, don't up your calories just yet. Open your diary first. You may be making errors.

deannalfisher · November 2016

I used TDEEcalculator.net to calculate and it gave 1424 for maintenance (assuming sedentary/limited working out)

https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=52&lbs=134&in=63&act=1.2&f=1

brandiuntz · November 2016

You've made excellent progress. Why would you quit when you've done so well?

As already said, your friend has far more weight to lose, so will lose faster. When she's as close to her goal as you are to yours, things will change. Don't compare yourself to her. And if her progress is discouraging you, then stop paying attention to it.

The best thing I can tell you about permanent weight loss is to be patient. We all want quick results, but it doesn't happen like that. You will reach your goal if you keep working towards it. You're doing well now, so just keep at it.

Evamutt · November 2016

While I'm fairly new at this (5 months) my friend, who lost 70 lbs told me my calories were too low. I started at 1200 so I upped them & started losing wt. I think 7lbs is good! It's not good to compare. Many ppl on here have lost more than me (25lbs) in the same amount of time. If you're loosing it's progress

Unknown · November 2016

This content has been removed.

middlehaitch · November 2016

I second both the posters above. (@queenliz99 & @Alatariel75)

Eat what MFP recommends to lose . 5 lbs a week. There is no reason whatsoever that you should be eating under 1200 cals a day.

Exercise- both cardio and weights. Exercise plus a calorie deficit, less stress and adequate sleep will help to reduce visceral fat.

Women once they enter the menopausal phase can start to retain more visceral and less subcutaneous fat due to hormonal changes and an increase in testosterone.

Have a check up- visceral fat can excaserbate IR and other hormonal related illnesses.

Some kind of weight resistance exercise plus adequate protein is important as one ages and becomes naturally more sedentary as muscle and bone density is lost more easily and is harder to regain.

I am 63 now but lost 30 lbs during menopause and have kept it off for 6+ years.

You can do it- just do it in a sensible fashion putting your health and well being first.

Cheers, h.
( success pics in my profile)
Oops a 5 min distraction by a 6 yo can add a lot of posts to a thread.

jackiedruga · November 2016

THANK YOU GUY SO MUCH.
If my TDEE is 1424, then I need to come in under that to lose, right?
I really appreciate your support, this is a bad day for me and this helps.

jackiedruga · November 2016

jrulo16 wrote: »

Be patient and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You're so right!

deannalfisher · November 2016

Noel_57 wrote: »

Increasing your calories to somehow "boost" weight loss is not scientific.

nope, not scientific, but there is anecdotal evidence - personally, I think its because I ate a lot more than I thought so when I started logging it was eye opening - but working with a dietician helped too

manderson27 · November 2016

Maybe you should try a progressive lifting programme, it will help you lose inches, it will make you feel stronger and fitter, it will maintain those precious lean muscles and will lift you mentally. You wont bulk up or look like a man that isn't possible without extreme training.

I came on here about 4 years ago and lost 35 pounds and combined keeping to my calorie goals and lifting heavy and I felt amazing. Sadly I have had some health issues which are giving me problems and I quit smoking and put on a lot of the weight I lost but I am back on track now and will lose it again.

I only mention my own problems to say that we all go through the "I can't do this anymore" But you know what? We can do it, you can do it.

Make yourself physically stronger and you may find that mentally you become stronger as well.

Also if you are going through the menopause then yes it can make you a bit emotionally unstable maybe a supplement like Menopace might help level you out a bit. I found it really helpful when I was suffering from raging menopause.

Chin up chick you can do this.

Fuzzipeg · November 2016

I think if possible I would try another doctor. OK so as far as she is concerned you are ok. You sound as if you need a supportive doctor who will run a raft of blood tests, if only to prove to you she is right. Hormonal balances change at menopause, if all is well you should be able to loose weight like anyone else.

It concerns me, you say you can't eat much because you get full so fast, do you also get indigestion, re-flux or other digestive issues? It could be worth taking this information to your doctor instead of just saying about your weight. These symptoms can all be linked and sorted.

shadowfax_c11 · November 2016

Menopause isn't your problem. Your Dr says you are in a healthy weight range. Therefore you don't need to lose weight.

You are not 25 years old. You are not going to have the body of someone who is. That said it sounds like instead of losing weight what you need to be doing is building muscle.

Your friend was significantly over weight. So why would her loss be a competition for you? You have totally different bodies. Be happy for your friend. You do you.

snickerscharlie · November 2016

I think you're doing really well, OP. And yes, we all have times when we get discouraged.

Please keep going and in a few months when you reach goal weight, you will look back at this thread and be so glad you kept at it.

3474449k · November 2016

jackiedruga wrote: »

I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134) Menopause has not been kind to me. 3 years ago, I went from a mobile moving about job to my dream career of being a writer full time. During this time I entered menopause., stopped moving about and gained a lot of weight, especially that damn back and tummy fat. I carry a tire around my middle.

I'm healthy, the doc says I fall into the normal weight range, just need to exercise and lose the tummy.

I can't do this. I weigh my food, watch my calorie intake, walk every day now for two hours. 3x a week I exercise (Sit ups, dance, etc) I never consume more than 1100 cals a day and average 1050. I rarely do sweets, ever, hate candy, avoid cheese, and drink black coffee and water (I don't log these).

I eat very little because I get full so fast. In this third MFP round 35 days later, I have lost 7 pounds but only 1.5 inches. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I see no change. I buy big clothes to cover everything.

What is making this worse for me is my friend, same age 52 started MFP 18 months ago, but since January, she has lost 65 pounds (240-169). She doesn't exercise, works part time, ends her night with a high cal sweet treat and accredits her weight loss to fat free dressing and not exercising to avoid muscle weight gain. She shares her food diary with me as motivation. I couldn't possibly consume what she does. The last week alone, her snacks were as much as my daily intake, yet she still lost 3 pounds. She's defying all logic to me.

I know it's not a competition, but it's hard to go to dinner with someone who eats a whole steak, potato, salad with ranch and desert and boasts weight loss while i have grilled fish and a salad and fight to keep from gaining.

I just wanna say screw it and quit and buy bigger clothes.

Sorry for the long rant, this is the most discouraged I have felt in so long. I got a text she lost more weight, while I skipped most of Thanksgiving dinner to stay under calories.

Any advice or am I just overreacting and emotional. Damn menopause.

Things I've noticed that hinder weight loss:
1. People give up too much good fat: Several people I know have plateaued and when they add a little good fat to their diet they start losing again. I use olive oil to cook my eggs, 1 tbsp of peanut butter on toast regularly, buy full fat yogurt and 4% cottage cheese.
2. Eat too few calories: This causes your metabolism to slow down to conserve the calories. 1100 calories is too few for the amount of exercise you do. I stay at 1200 if I don't exercise and 1300 to 1400 if I do. I lose 2 lbs a week religiously. You need to eat more to lose weight.
3. Make your diet too strict: I am careful and mostly eat healthy, but occasionally I'll give up some of my healthy calories for an ice cream cone or a piece of pie. I just walk extra to make sure I don't gain. On Thanksgiving I went over on my calories and just went right back to being good. Two days later I had lost a pound.

Good luck. I can only tell you that if you keep trying it will show up. If your 2 hours of walking everyday becomes hard to do, please don't give up the walking altogether. There's nothing better you can do for yourself.

sympha01 · November 2016

brandiuntz wrote: »

You've made excellent progress. Why would you quit when you've done so well?

This. OP, you said you know it's not a competition. Keep repeating that to yourself until you actually believe it.

Have you ever heard the expression "Comparison is the thief of joy"? Because it is.

Also, for whatever it's worth, as a former very obese person I'll just throw this out there. It used to make me pretty mad when I was still fat and my comparatively "skinny" friends (anyone with <20 vanity pounds to lose -- because when you have >50, >100, >150 lbs to lose anyone who wants to lose that much is "skinny" to you) would compare themselves and their progress to mine. Maybe it looked "easy" to them from the outside, but it bloody well wasn't easy by a long shot. And that kind of thinking always made me suspect people were, on some level, judging that I somehow didn't "deserve" to lose the weight because I wasn't making myself miserable enough.

It is not necessary to make yourself (or other people) miserable to work towards a healthy weight over a reasonable amount of time.

3474449k · November 2016

deannalfisher wrote: »

Noel_57 wrote: »

Increasing your calories to somehow "boost" weight loss is not scientific.

nope, not scientific, but there is anecdotal evidence - personally, I think its because I ate a lot more than I thought so when I started logging it was eye opening - but working with a dietician helped too

Yes there is evidence. If you lower your calories too much, your metabolism slows down. You're right about the ancedotal evidence. I've seen it often. Also if you cut out too much fat you will have problems

JustMissTracy · November 2016

Grey_1 wrote: »

Alatariel75 wrote: »

You're overreacting.

7lbs in 35 days is more than a lb a week - that's excellent progress. 1.5 inches is a bloody decent loss in that time. When you're at a healthy weight, it comes off slower - many people at that weight would be looking at a 0.5lb loss a week.

Your friend is losing faster and can eat more because she is bigger and has a higher TDEE. It's easier and faster losing weight when you have a lot to lose - you're already at a healthy weight. And you said it - it's not a competition.

Stop comparing yourself to your friend - it's apples and oranges and it's clearly getting to you.

My first 8-10lbs came off pretty quickly, maybe 2 months once I got serious. The last lousy 4-6lbs took much longer. That was measuring, eating 1500-1800 calories a day with a 2400 or so TDEE (Total daily energy expenditure) and it got a little depressing to be honest. But I've since settled in, am extremely active at 57 years old and just finished replying to a thread of my own thanking folks here for their support

Stay with it, modify your program with advice gotten here, as needed, and try to not be so hard on yourself. You're likely doing better than you think and are just operating under some unrealistic expectations.

This!

lynn_glenmont · November 2016

jackiedruga wrote: »

I use a food scale, I am very meticulous about weighing items. The only time I don't weigh is when I consume,let's say a single serving of popcorn, I'll scan it.

Are you sure that the things you are scanning are really a single serving? If you're talking about a microwave bag of popcorn, the small ones are probably labeled as a single serving (usually about 100 calories), but the larger bags are labeled as multiple servings. Scanning, however, will generally only log a single serving.

MelodyandBarbells · November 2016

Since you're at a healthy weight, you should consider resistance training because it will increase the chances that you'll be a bit more satisfied with the visual indicators of your progress. Can you tell where you lost the seven pounds? Check out this awesome thread, by the way:

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1161603/so-you-want-a-nice-stomach/p1

tiptoethruthetulips · November 2016

jackiedruga wrote: »

I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134)

So at 5'3 and 134 you are not actually overweight, BMI is 23.7.

Apart from being impatient to lose more quicly (1lb per week at your lowish weight is excellent) - what is your actual goal weight or size? Is it possible you have unrealistic expectations? What do you see yourself as when you look in the mirror at your current weight?

I give up. Seriously ...can't do this.

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