Feeling like a failure

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I constantly go back and forth. I've lost the same 15 lbs 3 times now. I am back to it today though. When I get to a rough spot I just need to keep going and that's when I say "screw it" and I throw in the towel.


  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 46,535 Member
    So what's your actual approach to losing? Do you do some special program? Are you an all or nothing person?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

  • schac061
    schac061 Posts: 41 Member
    Just keep going. Log your food, even if you go over your goal. Go to the gym or continue your regular exercise and push through it. I find that when I hit spots where I'm ready to give up, if I just continue my normal routine of logging and exercising I will snap out of it. Good luck to you!
  • CranstonJ2016
    CranstonJ2016 Posts: 142 Member
    Keep going! 15lbs is amazing! I'm back and forth right now between 8-10lbs lost and I feel like quitting too. Easier to be fat than skinny and healthy.

    But keep going! Add me as a friend if you like, the more support the better :)
  • qpmomma1
    qpmomma1 Posts: 218 Member
    I am deffinatly an all or nothing type of person. I think that's my problem. I don't do programs, just count calories with MFP.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,731 Member
    qpmomma1 wrote: »
    I am deffinatly an all or nothing type of person. I think that's my problem. I don't do programs, just count calories with MFP.

    try focusing on your weekly goal, not daily, that way you can have higher days and lower days that balance out...
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,795 Member
    You're no different than most people. I'm sure there's not a one of us on here that have not been in your shoes. Being on MFP is a good start. Reading about other people's successes and their methods leading to that success can be a big help. When you are emotionally ready to do this you, too, will be successful. That said, you are young. Don't wait like I did and decide to do it before it's too late. You don't want to be asking yourself this same question when you are in your 60's. It's not harder at that age, it's just that the results aren't as appealing to look at in the mirror. ;)
  • pedermj2002
    pedermj2002 Posts: 180 Member
    For me, whenever I hit any sort of wall, I step back and remember my overall goal. That's enough to get me to move forward again.

    Weekly goals aren't enough. They're pitstops on the way to my ultimate goal. Useful, need to be done, but in reality, they're not even close to enough. I need a bigger picture to keep me motivated.

    So, if 15lbs keeps coming back, then, to me, it sounds like you haven't figured out a goal that will keep that 15lbs off. Or you might not be committed enough to that goal. I'd suggest looking for *that* goal, and working towards making that goal your priority. If you do that, those 15lbs will come off and stay off.
  • Mary_Anastasia
    Mary_Anastasia Posts: 267 Member
    Whenever I feel like I'm not doing so well, when I gained back everything I lost, lost a ton more, gained it all back AGAIN...(and now almost where I was with an even further goal in sight), well, you have to remind yourself that you love you, and your weight, or difficulty in losing it, doesn't change the quality of person you are. You're doing this because you love yourself, because you want better for yourself, and what you're feeling is natural- it feels like you let yourself down. But that doesn't change who you are and what an amazing person you are already. If you love yourself, you will make the best choices, you will stick to your goals, and you will smile at your reflection and say "thank you" for all the hard work- even if it doesn't show yet, every good decision is one less bad decision.
  • sbrandt37
    sbrandt37 Posts: 403 Member
    edited November 2016
    qpmomma, you clearly have what it takes to do this--you have already done it several times! The problem you seem to be wrestling with is sustaining it. I have wrestled with that myself, as I'm sure have most of the people here.

    At some point, I realized that I was approaching it wrong. Although I do want to lose weight, my real goal is to be healthy and happy and look and feel good. I realized that to achieve that I had to change my habits and lifestyle in small, sustainable ways that would lead to long-lasting health and well-being. I had to eat well with modest calorie deficits, sleep well, exercise regularly, and generally take good care of myself. And I had to log my meals and exercise to keeps myself mindful and honest about what I am (and am not) doing.

    Thinking that way changed my focus from the all-or-nothing weight loss target to the small successes on the road to that target. Each of those small successes is a gift to myself that contributes to my health and well-being. And if I don't manage to do something on a particular day, or even go backwards, it isn't a failure, it's just a day with fewer successes to celebrate. Over the past nine months, I have lost 30 pounds this way and, of course, I feel really good.
  • timechanging
    timechanging Posts: 29 Member
    I retired in 2012 and my top priority was to change my lifestyle. Then came along some obstacles that I had to deal with and more obstacles for another 2-3 yrs. Now I have been trying to change since 2015. No success. I would make sure I weighed every week and record my loss/gain. Tried keeping a food journal. If my goal wasn't reached would just give up, but still weighing every week. So now I revised my goals to smaller goals. Now I fear if I don't lose 5 lbs a month (my small goal) then again I'll quit. So I feel your pain. I rejoined MFP again in 11/2/16 keeping track of food and water. Hopefully when I weigh in the morning I will reach my 5 lb goal.
  • sbrandt37
    sbrandt37 Posts: 403 Member
    timechanging--you may want to start your own discussion. I imagine you would get some very helpful advice from the wonderful people here.

    I'll give you a few of my thoughts, amplifying on what I said above. First, 5 pounds in a month is doable, but 2-4 pounds in a month is a more modest goal. Second, many people find it more effective in the long term to focus on the small lifestyle/habit changes that lead to weight loss, rather than the weight loss itself.

    I cannot overstate what a big deal that is. It changes your focus from your ongoing (perhaps lifelong) failure to meet your weight goal to your daily successes in making healthy choices that move you toward it. If you are like me, you wrestle with plenty of stresses and competing needs and desires each day. The very last thing any of us needs is a self-sabotaging internal voice telling us we are a failure because we haven't met some weight ideal. qpmomma, timechanging--neither of you has failed--you have both succeeded in so many ways, just by getting to this point in life, and you are both here because you want to succeed more! You can do it!

    Here's what I mean: Do *something* good for yourself daily. Get some sort of physical activity daily, even just walking. Log your meals daily. Aim for a modest calorie deficit daily. Replace carbs with protein and/or higher fiber alternatives whenever possible. Eat more protein and vegetables and less rice/potatoes/bread. Skip dessert most days. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Celebrate the successes and forgive yourself on the days when you are unable to do anything, because you are only human and even an off day where you are mindful about what you are doing is a success. Any month that you don't gain weight is a success, and even a month where you gain weight can be a success if you were making healthy choices that will help you in the long term.

    Start by doing what you can. When you are able, do a little more. These things add up. If you make a habit of them, you will lose weight and feel good doing it.
  • WW1984
    WW1984 Posts: 145 Member
    According to the Body Mass Index (BMI), I was considered OBESE. As a result, I became obsessed with losing weight which led to a LIFESTYLE CHANGE!

    My obsession started with CHANGING MY MINDSET. My motto about food now is "EAT TO LIVE, NOT LIVE TO EAT". I'm 46 years old at 4'11" and my weight loss journey is as follows:

    SW 145.6 lbs on 9/17/2016 (BMI = Obese)
    CW 128.4 lbs as of 12/4/2016 (BMI = Overweight)
    UW 105 lbs by 2/20/2017 (BMI = Desirable Weight). But I will settle for 112 lbs (BMI = Desirable Weight) by that date and will continue to work towards my UW goal.

    MY STRUGGLE IS REAL!!! But since changing my mindset, MFP has become an obsession for me when tracking my meals and macros. Although I meet, exceed or don't meet some of my macros; I'm still losing an average of 1 to 1.5 lbs a week. Consequently, my weight loss has been slow and steady which is the best way. Replacing coffee to include cream and sugar with oolong and green tea (+ 1 tbs honey & lemon juice) has helped a lot as well as following this simple and most effective rule: 80% Clean Diet + 20% Moderate Exercise = WEIGHT LOSS!

    Last, I've learned that there are no shortcuts! Creating a calorie deficit (through moderate calorie restriction and increase in physical activity) is the only way to lose weight. Any plan that does not require sacrifice is unrealistic and leads to failure!

    Since the beginning of my LIFESTYLE CHANGE, I've gone from a size 9 to a size 6. My ULTIMATE goal is to get back into a size 2.