Do you find this offensive?
Replies
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I don't think it's very nice that people are telling the OP to stop being judgmental, yet some people are clearly judging her based on the profile picture and her signature. All she did was ask a question, and while you may not agree with her, there's no need to be harsh for no reason.
Thanks.
Yeah I guess this site isn't really the place for support I thought it was. Amazing.0 -
I don't think it's very nice that people are telling the OP to stop being judgmental, yet some people are clearly judging her based on the profile picture and her signature. All she did was ask a question, and while you may not agree with her, there's no need to be harsh for no reason.
Thanks.
Yeah I guess this site isn't really the place for support I thought it was. Amazing.
It is a great place for support...but just like in real life, some people can be less than nice.0 -
I don't think it's very nice that people are telling the OP to stop being judgmental, yet some people are clearly judging her based on the profile picture and her signature. All she did was ask a question, and while you may not agree with her, there's no need to be harsh for no reason.
I have to agree with this,yes it seems like she was being pretty judgemental to her friends but I dont see why her religion was brought into it.0 -
I don't think it's very nice that people are telling the OP to stop being judgmental, yet some people are clearly judging her based on the profile picture and her signature. All she did was ask a question, and while you may not agree with her, there's no need to be harsh for no reason.
I have to agree with this,yes it seems like she was being pretty judgemental to her friends but I dont see why her religion was brought into it.
Yup I agree that was uncalled for and totaly off the subject0 -
Why should what your friends choose to eat bother you so much? You can only control what goes into your mouth, not other peoples and I don't think it is rude of anyone to eat whatever they want to eat...stupid maybe....but not rude.0
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What I find annoying and offensive is when I eat with others and they make their choices and I make mine. THEN they note that I am eating less or choosing healthier options and they feel free to judge and call my choices "lame" or "weak" or something equally stupid. As if being a glutton is a strength. Hogs. Bah!0
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a few thoughts.
regarding the original question. you have made a life change, and that is great, however; your co-workershave NOT decided to make any changes and should have the rights to eat whatever they want to. I realize that some "ex" people go completely overboard, ex-smokers that go NUTS when they see someone smoking, ex-drinkers that condemn anyone that decides to have a glass of wine after work, and finally the former over-eaters (who are addicted to food) that think that the whole world must change to suit your new choices. It is simply foolhardy, or amazingly self-important, to assume that others will change because I made a change in my life. I have work related meetings where we are in detailed engineering meetings all day, with breakfast and lunch provided. I acknowledge that I will not have choices that fit neatly into my eating plans, so I make sure that I am prepared and bring my own food. Yes, i am surrounded by guys eating greasy pizza, but I do not make a scene, I eat in peace and I can assure you that 90%+ of the people in the room did not know, or care, that I brought in something else to eat. I think that if the draw of the food they are eating is creating an intense emotional response, then you may need to see a therapist to get a better understanding of your emotional relationship with food. I do NOT mean that as a jab in any way, and frankly do not understand why mental health would be treated as an insult in the first place. Mental health and our emotional responses to things/events in life play a huge role in addictions to food, drink, sex, etc.. I personally love the saying "there is something about that guy that I really dont like about myself". it underscores that strong emotional responses to a total stranger, or what another person is eating, are not very healthy. Food really should be treated as fuel, and not be surrounded by emotion. I am a native of New Orleans, and grew up with the "food is love" culture. I still love good food, and I am very passionate about cooking, but I have modified some of the unhealthy emotional linkages to food, and can enjoy a good meal without overeating or using food as a drug.
My second comment is that the people on MFP, taken as a whole, are good and caring people that are all sharing a common goal. I have seen a few threads were people are very abrupt in their answers and then people whine that they were expecting "support". The reality is that someone giving you a REAL answer, without sugar coating anything, is the real support. The people that just say something to make you feel better and allow you to continue bad habits are called enablers, and they are not doing you any favors. I have seen cases where someone responding takes a personal jab, and I do not feel that is called for, but I think those cases are pretty rare and it seems that the overall community of users tend to discourage that type of behavior. The people that call you on something, telling you exactly how they see it are your friends even if it might hurt to hear it at first.
to directly answer your questions/statements:
1) I have no desire to even attempt to speculate how many calories are in your cheesy bacon ranch fries, and I really don't want to know that's the best cake you've eaten in your entire life.
-GOOD.. why on earth would you want to be concerned about their food in the first place. makes no sense.
2) As "friends" they know physically and emmotionally I'm 100% in this. I have to no other choice or option but to lose weight. So why do they continue to do this?
- they continue to eat the foods that they wish to eat, when they want to eat them. They have absolutely NO reason to modify their diets or behaviors.
3) Are the oblivious to the fact that it bothers me?
-perhaps oblivious, or they have thought it through and come to the conclusion that they do not have a reason to change behavior just to cater to your desires.
4) Then when I do say something I'm some how being mean and cruel.
- In a word.. YES. you are telling other people, that have not come to an inflection point in their life that would demand a radical change in their eating habits, that they should change because you order it done by your decree. Its none of your business what I eat, if you HATE broccoli and I happen to love it.. tough dookie, i will still eat what I want.
5) Maybe I'm being crazy and blowing it way out!
-crazy might be a strong word to use, but you are blowing this out of proportion. you really need to get a handle on your emotional relationship with food, and I suspect that you also have some control issues as well.
6) Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you?
-no. i have never felt this way. I can honestly say that the whole world has no clue who I am and could really care less about what I want to eat, etc. i am a VERY important person in the lives of my close friends, and family, but like all other humans, I am of little meaning otherwise (and I am 100% ok with that).
I really want the OP, and everyone on MFP, to get to your health goals but we must all realize that we can only stay healthy if we are healthy in mind, body and soul. I have personally battled with a dysfunctional relationship with food, and when i started to work on that and fix those underlying problems, the weight just started to fall off.0 -
At first, it would annoy me. My friends, co-workers, and family eat whatever they want, whenever they want. It wasn't until I mentioned it to them that they didn't realize that it was affecting me. If I don't communicate with someone about what I think or feel, I can't expect them to know exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. It doesn't make them a jerk or oblivious. I can't expect everyone I know to start eating like me or exercising like me. I guess my will power has grown but if I'm not eating it, it's not my problem. But I will gladly let someone know how many calories they're consuming in one sitting0
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I agree with you. I try and try and I live with my BF and her boy-firend. She cooks very southern and is a fantastick cook. When she says dinner is made I hate having to tell her over and over that I am trying to lose weight and am eating what a bought.. Her comment is "whatever makes you happy". I am very worried about her she is also overweight actually more then me. Don't get me wrong I am losing for me. I just was hoping to get her onboard. Now when they keep asking if I want a donut or cookie, cake ect. I simply say " No Thank and Thank You for your SUPPORT". Man it sucks. Cuz I know that the things I can't have are two rooms away. If they stay in the house after 3 days I announce that I am throwing it out. They tend to dissapear. LOL0
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No one is under any obligation to change their lifestyle because you have. do you think you were being offensive when you were eating poorly? Seriously, sometimes the people on this site are so sanctimonious. If you don't like what others are eating, then don't eat with them.0
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No - I don't find it offensive at all. In fact I think you are the one being slightly obnoxious in expecting them to change their eating habits for you. I am a vegetarian and would love a world in which no cute, furry, amazing animals are harmed in the making of delicious food, but alas this is something I cannot change about other people and I would be a very lonely soul if I chose not to hang out with anyone who eats meat - my live in boyfriend, for one, would probably not be so live in if I asked him to stop eating meat in front of me. I think what really offends you is that you would love to be tucking into that very same pizza (I know I would love to wrap my lips around a good steak on occassion) but can't because of the good and healthy choices you are making for yourself. This is your journey - not theirs - so just be happy in the knowledge that you are bettering yourself and let everyone else worry about what they eat. :-)0
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No, not at all. I look at it as a challenge to stay focused on my goals. You can't change people, just stay focused and allow them to watch your walk. Wink, just think of how nice it will be to hear them say "even when we were scarfing down the bad stuff, she stayed focused and look at her now". (Insert diva strut, stop, pose, now walk away) Catch the vision, make it happen!0
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Wink, just think of how nice it will be to hear them say "even when we were scarfing down the bad stuff, she stayed focused and look at her now". (Insert diva strut, stop, pose, now walk away)
I love you.0 -
No, not at all. I look at it as a challenge to stay focused on my goals. You can't change people, just stay focused and allow them to watch your walk. Wink, just think of how nice it will be to hear them say "even when we were scarfing down the bad stuff, she stayed focused and look at her now". (Insert diva strut, stop, pose, now walk away) Catch the vision, make it happen!
Best reply so far.0 -
No, you can't dictate your health by what they do. They shouldn't have to change their habits for your sake either. It would be a prob if they kept tempting you or you do lunch only at fast food places, but other than that I think you will find yourself constantly offended if you are bothered by others that much. Americans are a fat culture. People will continue to make their own choices. You should also try to make some friends that share your goals so that you have a balance.0
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If it bothers you...then dont be around them and food I dont expect my friends or family to go with out because of my choices...but then again i also allow myself my guilty pleasures...while staying with in my calories.... I hate to sound mean but going to a resturant etc and expecting everyone else to be healthy is kind of like going to a bar and expecting everyone to drink water.. But if your freinds are being mean and throwing it in your face then maybe you need an upgrade of freinds0
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No, that wouldn't bother me. The only time I'd get mad is if they offer it to me after they know I've changed my eating habits. Other than that, I don't really get tempted based on what someone else is eating. I either crave it on my own or I don't.
Don't worry OP, you'll eventually get to where it won't phase you what other's eat around you. Until then, have a heart to heart with them about how difficult this is for you and you need as much support as possible.0 -
No I don't, in fact I'd go the other way actually. I find it really offensive that people judge based on what they're eating. Why hould someone eating a pizza offend you? Maybe you eating a salad offends them? Grow up and get over yourself, you can't tell other people what to eat and why the hell should you? It' their life. You eat what you want and let them eat what they want. It's not like they're forcing you to eat it! And if you don't like it, go eat on your own, I expect that if someone eating a pizza offends you that much, you'll be eating mot of your meals alone anyway.
Yep, I'm afraid I have to agree with ^^. It's their lives, their bodies - none of your business.0 -
Not really, Because I'm not the one eating it. They are making that choice all by themselves. Plus it's their body, they can do what they want.
hear hear0 -
People eating is a part of life, and if you are in it for the long haul, you are going to run into situations like this a lot. You might as well start dealing with it now. It's not going to get any better!
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