Deciding on a big life change

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Replies

  • crimsongrey
    crimsongrey Posts: 329 Member
    Thanks for the input guys!
    I've decided to move forward and am looking into ways to make this change happen. If it works out, great! If not, at least I tried. No regrets!
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
    So, I am stressed about a big life choice I have to make. The decision could lead to amazing things, but there are risks that could lead to more anxiety and financial stress. When looking at my list of pros and cons, it all works out on paper. However, life has a tendency to not go as planned on paper ;) This is something I've wanted for several years, but it's not exactly as I had hoped for, but I really want it to work out, but I'm scared it won't, but....ahhhh, my head is spinning!
    My question is, how do YOU deal with big life choices?

    Write out things that you thing could go wrong, and a potential solution if it did happen, in other words, make sure you have either an exit plan or contingency plan, just in case. It helps take the stress out of the decision if you have a back up plan, or at least mentally prepared to handle something unexpected.

    And then go for it.
  • Can Lead to amazing things- not much more to be said.
    You take the chance
  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
    I took a big leap this year, a big big risk, and it's working out really well so far. I'd thought of it off and on for years, but finally took the chance. I'm a big thinker, planner, hyper responsible type, so it was HARD.
    But I'm SO glad I did it.
    You might be too.
  • crimsongrey
    crimsongrey Posts: 329 Member
    I am not wasting my time with vague advice unless I am told what the fudge this big decision is about. Are you adopting a whole troop of zoo animals or becoming a porn star?

    Although becoming a porn star has crossed my mind, I think at my age and weight that kind of career change would be way too much of a financial risk for me ;) Zoo animals are much more likely!
  • crimsongrey
    crimsongrey Posts: 329 Member
    Since part of the decision involves buying a 10 acre property, I imagine it would be fairly easy to set things up. And duh, of course the porcupine would be free to roam. The tiger will love the sunroof of my car, but the hippo might not fit in the hatchback.
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
    Since part of the decision involves buying a 10 acre property, I imagine it would be fairly easy to set things up. And duh, of course the porcupine would be free to roam. The tiger will love the sunroof of my car, but the hippo might not fit in the hatchback.

    I've been living on my own 10 acres of equine heaven and loving it for the past 12 years. I'm down to one pasture potato and three dogs. The full time job keeps me from filling up the barn again - I did have 3 for most of the 12 years. I think it would be a good investment if it is in a high demand area. Go for it.
  • Baydogger
    Baydogger Posts: 37 Member
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    I like the cooking and cleaning thing. I think you've got a good thing going. I personally made some good investments and then retired in my late 30's. My time is my own and I do what I want. I'm not wealthy, but I'm comfortable. Nothing wrong with retirees unless they are stodgy and boring. Why can't he be retired and you keep working if you want? I don't see the conflict unless there's something else going on... :)
  • Nitroalley2
    Nitroalley2 Posts: 3,419 Member
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    Depends. If he is very active with hobbies, home projects, recreation, charitable activities, involved with young family members, travel great. A couch potato no. I have been out of work several times for a year and found plenty to do to be active and interested and look forward to the time not to be restricted by a job.
  • Baydogger
    Baydogger Posts: 37 Member
    Thanks for the replies. He loves his NFL and Survivor, and lots of other sports. But he's not a couch potato he is young and fit and fun. I guess he is more into play than I am and the contrast makes me uncomfortable. He's not interested in charity unless I suggest it. He just wants to ski and pal around with his buddies. He schedules this around me so when I'm home he is also.. mostly. My life seems so small in comparison. I mostly like working and I volunteer regularly. I am very intense and he is not. This may all seem so petty and it probably is but I don't like it anyway!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
    Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
    Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
    Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
    Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.

  • Baydogger
    Baydogger Posts: 37 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
    Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
    Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
    Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
    Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.

    Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    edited December 2016
    Baydogger wrote: »
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
    Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
    Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
    Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
    Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.

    Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.

    What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
    10 acres? Are you going into marijuana farming and thinking you'll get rich on 10 acres?
  • Baydogger
    Baydogger Posts: 37 Member
    Baydogger wrote: »
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
    Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
    Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
    Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
    Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.

    Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.

    What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!

    Thank you.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    Baydogger wrote: »
    Baydogger wrote: »
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Baydogger wrote: »
    My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.

    It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
    Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
    Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
    Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
    Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.

    Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.

    What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!

    Thank you.

    You're welcome!