Deciding on a big life change
Replies
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Thanks for the replies. He loves his NFL and Survivor, and lots of other sports. But he's not a couch potato he is young and fit and fun. I guess he is more into play than I am and the contrast makes me uncomfortable. He's not interested in charity unless I suggest it. He just wants to ski and pal around with his buddies. He schedules this around me so when I'm home he is also.. mostly. My life seems so small in comparison. I mostly like working and I volunteer regularly. I am very intense and he is not. This may all seem so petty and it probably is but I don't like it anyway!0
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My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.
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My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.
Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.0 -
My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.
Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.
What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!1 -
10 acres? Are you going into marijuana farming and thinking you'll get rich on 10 acres?0
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.
Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.
What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!
Thank you.1 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »My boyfriend/common law husband has decided to retire. He took early retirement at 49 and has worked part time since then. He is now almost 57 and doesn't want to work anymore. We have only been together 2 years. This isn't what I envisioned. I can't retire for nearly 6 years and even then I may still wish to work part time somewhere. He wants me to be happy for him but it's not like we have spent our entire adult lives together. Maybe other women would love this as he cooks and cleans and does more than his fair share but .. I don't want to be with a retiree. What would you do? Please don't judge.
It sounds like you may have different outlooks on life. Work/career has not been a priority for him for quite awhile before you got together. You were apparently okay with him working part time. You seem to prefer to spend your time working or volunteering over playing around.
Can he afford this financially or will you be supporting him? Is he happy not working or is he restless?
Do you feel like you are missing out on the fun stuff or that you no longer have enough in common? Do you feel it is just basically wrong to be unproductive? Does he resent you talking about work, not playing, not appreciating what he does at home, etc?
Do you love him enough to work/talk through this?
Maybe talk to a counselor to help sort out your feelings.
Thank you for the insight and for the thoughtful questions. We started counselling a while ago and went a couple of times but it was more to help us communicate and other stuff. So yes other stuff exists also. I resent his playtime absolutely. I'm jealous as hell maybe that makes me awful. Do I love him enough. I don't know. His dad died in September and he says it's changed his outlook and he wants to enjoy and live life to the fullest. When his dad was alive my boyfriend said that his dad was always selfish with his time and left his wife to pursue a life of fun. Now that he has passed my boyfriend seems to think this is a good thing. He's grieving and I get that. I've been very supportive. I've got a lot to think about.
What a SO does away from us, as long as it doesn't interfere unreasonably with a relationship (like cheating); is none of our business. Love isn't jealous, it's proud of their SO's abilities instead; again as long as they're reasonable (he's able to afford, to retire)!
Thank you.
You're welcome!0
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