Overweight son
tmn2016
Posts: 159 Member
Trying to figure out how to get my 16 yrs old son who has gained a lot of weight in the past year to realize that he is overweight without giving him a "complex" and sending him to the other way of becoming anorexic or having a weight obsession if you know what I mean.
He weights 220lbs and is 5'10". He is very active, plays basketball, baseball and football so he's always on the move; however, i know he eats way more than what I give him (probably buys from the mini mart near school). I want him to learn how to eat in moderation/make healthy choices but from what I see, he doesn't think he's overweight. Because of it I don't think he is "ready to lose weight" but he needs to or it will be much harder in the future (not good for his health). I don't know what to do but feed him less, knowing that he will probably not tell me what he is eating outside of what i give him.
anyone has gone through the same issue?
He weights 220lbs and is 5'10". He is very active, plays basketball, baseball and football so he's always on the move; however, i know he eats way more than what I give him (probably buys from the mini mart near school). I want him to learn how to eat in moderation/make healthy choices but from what I see, he doesn't think he's overweight. Because of it I don't think he is "ready to lose weight" but he needs to or it will be much harder in the future (not good for his health). I don't know what to do but feed him less, knowing that he will probably not tell me what he is eating outside of what i give him.
anyone has gone through the same issue?
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Replies
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He's 16. And at his height and 220lbs, he's not that overweight if he has some muscle. I'm 5'7 at 210lbs. Does he work out with his buddies too? If so, he likely WANTING to put on weight since this is common amongst boys of that age.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts
(hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster.... 0 -
I understand your concerns but whether he's 16 or 60, it's going to have to be his choice. I never cared about my weight until I was 46 and a grandpa, and until our company health insurance started to get feisty about it. Feed him the most nutritional meals you can at home and hope he understands the pitfalls of junk food from the mini mart.11
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I understand this. I had the same problem when my son was a bit younger than yours, 11. I starting talking to him about how his nutrition affected his sports (football and boxing). I tried to be very delicate, but I did show him my food scale, and what a serving of ice cream, trail mix, etc, really looked like. I taught him what the difference was between protein, fat and carbs, and what each do for your body. I explained how calories work, and that if you eat fewer than your body uses in a day, you lose weight. If you eat more than your body uses in a day, you add weight.
I was luckier, though, that he can't get food from other sources much.
I know it's tough! Good luck!13 -
Maybe it would be more helpful if he heard it from his doctor or his coach. But yeah, unless he's ready to lose the weight, it's probably not going to happen.12
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No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts (hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster....
I'm a little surprised his coaches haven't said anything...in my day, they were pretty much all over you if you came in overweight.6 -
I'm actually going through the exact opposite issue--I have a 16-year-old late-bloomer athlete son who is underweight, and trying to get him to eat enough every day (without giving him a complex) is tough, too. Our family is very active and we eat healthily for the most part--so we're trying to live the example, but I find it hasn't been enough. Start with talking to your pediatrician--is he worried about your son's weight at all? Does he think your son is suitably mature (physiologically) to start lifting heavy? Then maybe seek out a local gym that specializes in training young athletes. The gym we chose for my son does training on nutrition, too, and somehow it helps him to have a twenty-something athletic guy telling him that he needs to eat more or whatever then if I tell him (because it's nagging when I do it).5
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It's tricky. I also have a 16 year old son who's getting a bit podgy. I actually don't know how much he weighs, but he doesn't look very overweight, just very 'soft'. He has a really sweet tooth, so like Quik I've spoken to him about nutrition and eating enough protein, and made sure there's always plenty of fruit in the bowl. He likes to make smoothies so I buy protein powder to add so it's not all sugar. We also make the effort to sit down to healthy meals with lots of veggies, so he does have a balanced diet. I also think he eats quite a lot of junk away from home - but yes, at 16 he has to make his own choices.
It's great that your son does sports - mine really does no exercise apart from walking and riding his bike. In grade 11 PE is not mandatory, and he's not at all sporty (he can thank his parents for those genes, unfortunately) so it's hard to make him take up exercise. It's very cold here at the moment (Canada), and he refuses to wear a jacket, so I figure he'll be using up his fat reserves like a hibernating polar bear while he's waiting at the bus stop!
It's hard to know when to say something - we're all so sensitive these days to our kids' feelings, but I have started to mention small things because I want him to be aware that what he eats has consequences, and overweight teenagers can have a hard time.3 -
I understand your frustration...I have an obese stepson. He would say he wanted to lose weight but then would flat-out refuse to eat anything healthy saying he didn't like it. He is an extremely picky eater and would basically refuse anything unless it was deep-fried or covered in cheese. Also, he lives with his mom which doesn't help, as we can't control what he does. I would just try to lead by example. Or maybe you can say something to his coach and he will help? But yeah, unless he really wants to lose weight you can only do so much. If you restrict his food he'll just get resentful and find it elsewhere.0
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This is a good idea. Sometimes it's easier hearing something unpleasant from someone else.butterfli7o wrote: »I understand your frustration...I have an obese stepson. He would say he wanted to lose weight but then would flat-out refuse to eat anything healthy saying he didn't like it. He is an extremely picky eater and would basically refuse anything unless it was deep-fried or covered in cheese. Also, he lives with his mom which doesn't help, as we can't control what he does. I would just try to lead by example. Or maybe you can say something to his coach and he will help? But yeah, unless he really wants to lose weight you can only do so much. If you restrict his food he'll just get resentful and find it elsewhere.
My other son refused to shower unless we nagged him for days, and then overnight he changed to a kid who showered and wore fresh clothes every morning. I of course noticed and asked why he suddenly changed, and he said that a girl at school had told him he smelled bad. Now, I did feel a bit bad for him, but it totally worked. I felt like sending that girl a box of chocolates.
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220, 5'10", 16. That was me. Back then there were few fat guys. I was proud of being the biggest 'man' on campus. These days, he's lost in the crowd. At 15 I had played football as a freshman. I spend the season in an ankle cast from a hairline fracture. When the cast came off, off-season was getting underway. I was out of shape and could not keep up. I quit. The moment I decided to quit was at the end of the first off-season drill. We had to do something like sprint 40 yards, turn around, and sprint 40 yards back, repeating that 10 times. I proceeded from that to the coach's office and declared I would quit immediately. Coach, all 400 fat slob pounds of him, sternly advised that I stay active in sports or else I would balloon to 300 lb in no time. Thus began my first crash VLCD un-managed weight loss program, in which I ate only air-popped popcorn (without weighing it) and drank only diet Dr Pepper. I did lose weight rapidly, getting to 178 before school ended. My immune system was weakened and I caught pneumonia. After recovering from the pneumonia, I commenced to eating and gained back everything and more before school started for 10th grade. For both these years I was bicycling 6 miles each school day, so I did have a high calorie burn from exercise. Anyway, that's what I did.
Your son might be able to learn from me. Overweight and obese, he's more at risk of injury. He's out of shape, unattractive, uninteresting. He can lose weight, but he needs to do it sensibly with your guidance. Get him some good nutrition and exercise. Revoke his smart phone and sell his Xbox. If he wants to go somewhere, he can use a skateboard, bicycle, or roller skates. Or, walk. Run, even. Or, he could just be stubborn and plan on living another 40 obese years out of shape, unattractive, and uninteresting. I don't recommend that alternative.
You don't need to worry about him developing an eating disorder. Guys can, but are unlikely to.1 -
I'm going to tread lightly here. I'm going to start off by saying that if your son has not fully developed physically yet. So attempting to extrapolate and say that by the time he is an adult he will be x weight is futile. First off, 5'10" 220 is not REALLY that overweight. Also, I think people put too much emphasis on weight. You said your son is a 3-sport athlete. Being a 2-sport athlete (football, baseball), I can tell you that you don't pull that off without being in good cardiovascular shape. That, in itself is more important than what number pops up on the scale when he steps on it. Also, at 16, like I mentioned, his body is still growing. This is going to make him hungry. Teenage boys eat like animals (well, most of them). You should be happy I guess is what I'm saying. I understand you being concerned. But in my eyes, you have nothing to be concerned about. In high school, I was his exact height, but I was 275. Nobody ever said a word to me about my weight, eating, etc. Once I was out of high school and started maturing mentally and thinking for myself, I made up my mind to see what I would look like if I lost some weight. I did, but I gained it back due to bad habits.
If your son is managing fine at 220, I would leave him alone. If you hound him about it, you could potentially cause him to rebel and eat more.
I've been overweight my whole life, but I stay in pretty decent shape. There was a study done once that said that obese people who exercise regularly, may actually be in better shape then people who are the "ideal" weight, but don't exercise. I believe that is true. I see "normal" weight people with high blood pressure, heart problems, pulmonary disease. I hover around the 300 mark, and I have NO health problems.5 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts (hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster....
I'm a little surprised his coaches haven't said anything...in my day, they were pretty much all over you if you came in overweight.
That's what I was thinking. Especially with football. It was a requirement for us to be scheduled for a weight training class if we were playing football.4 -
Bottom line is your son is going to have to want to lose the weight. No amount of preaching will work, and coercion has but a limited effect. Maybe riding the bench will send a message he can't ignore and will want to correct.0
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Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »I'm going to tread lightly here. I'm going to start off by saying that if your son has not fully developed physically yet. So attempting to extrapolate and say that by the time he is an adult he will be x weight is futile. First off, 5'10" 220 is not REALLY that overweight. Also, I think people put too much emphasis on weight. You said your son is a 3-sport athlete. Being a 2-sport athlete (football, baseball), I can tell you that you don't pull that off without being in good cardiovascular shape. That, in itself is more important than what number pops up on the scale when he steps on it. Also, at 16, like I mentioned, his body is still growing. This is going to make him hungry. Teenage boys eat like animals (well, most of them). You should be happy I guess is what I'm saying. I understand you being concerned. But in my eyes, you have nothing to be concerned about. In high school, I was his exact height, but I was 275. Nobody ever said a word to me about my weight, eating, etc. Once I was out of high school and started maturing mentally and thinking for myself, I made up my mind to see what I would look like if I lost some weight. I did, but I gained it back due to bad habits.
If your son is managing fine at 220, I would leave him alone. If you hound him about it, you could potentially cause him to rebel and eat more.
I've been overweight my whole life, but I stay in pretty decent shape. There was a study done once that said that obese people who exercise regularly, may actually be in better shape then people who are the "ideal" weight, but don't exercise. I believe that is true. I see "normal" weight people with high blood pressure, heart problems, pulmonary disease. I hover around the 300 mark, and I have NO health problems.
Sorry, but unless you're very tall, you are in the morbidly obese range and most likely the health problems will unfortunately be popping up.
For the OP, as others have mentioned, I'm surprised the coaches aren't saying something. Your son seems to enjoy sports, he will realize for himself soon enough that the weight (fat) is slowing him down. You mentioned you are worried about him sitting on the bench, maybe that is just what he needs to help him realize the issue.
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As a former high school athlete, I am surprised his coaches aren't saying anything. I am also going to tread lightly here, but my family was just like this--I gained a little weight and was up to 157 and all I heard from my family was how I needed to be on a diet. So I rebelled. And I would grab snacks on my way home from school. As I got older and started gaining weight rapidly (because I still ate like I was playing 3 sports, 1 year round) the comments go worse, to the point that I am still nervous about visiting my family because (even though I have lost weight), I am concerned about the comments that will be made. So, I think the OP needs to tread lightly and not push her son on losing weight--it could impact him years down the road.
Also he's a teenager, and they have egos. Sitting on the bench is a big downer on the ego. At the same time weight loss and the desire to lose weight has to come from within--not from pressures from parents. And being a teenager he will more than likely continue to rebel the more he is pushed at it from mom and dad.1 -
Packerjohn wrote: »Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »I'm going to tread lightly here. I'm going to start off by saying that if your son has not fully developed physically yet. So attempting to extrapolate and say that by the time he is an adult he will be x weight is futile. First off, 5'10" 220 is not REALLY that overweight. Also, I think people put too much emphasis on weight. You said your son is a 3-sport athlete. Being a 2-sport athlete (football, baseball), I can tell you that you don't pull that off without being in good cardiovascular shape. That, in itself is more important than what number pops up on the scale when he steps on it. Also, at 16, like I mentioned, his body is still growing. This is going to make him hungry. Teenage boys eat like animals (well, most of them). You should be happy I guess is what I'm saying. I understand you being concerned. But in my eyes, you have nothing to be concerned about. In high school, I was his exact height, but I was 275. Nobody ever said a word to me about my weight, eating, etc. Once I was out of high school and started maturing mentally and thinking for myself, I made up my mind to see what I would look like if I lost some weight. I did, but I gained it back due to bad habits.
If your son is managing fine at 220, I would leave him alone. If you hound him about it, you could potentially cause him to rebel and eat more.
I've been overweight my whole life, but I stay in pretty decent shape. There was a study done once that said that obese people who exercise regularly, may actually be in better shape then people who are the "ideal" weight, but don't exercise. I believe that is true. I see "normal" weight people with high blood pressure, heart problems, pulmonary disease. I hover around the 300 mark, and I have NO health problems.
Sorry, but unless you're very tall, you are in the morbidly obese range and most likely the health problems will unfortunately be popping up.
For the OP, as others have mentioned, I'm surprised the coaches aren't saying something. Your son seems to enjoy sports, he will realize for himself soon enough that the weight (fat) is slowing him down. You mentioned you are worried about him sitting on the bench, maybe that is just what he needs to help him realize the issue.
Thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure to tell my primary care physician that YOU said he should be on the lookout for health problems. And even though I may be "morbidly obese," I am probably in better cardiovascular condition than 50% of the population.
My point was that just because the kid is a little overweight, doesn't automatically put him on the list for health problems. I realize that there MAY be increased risk of certain cardiovascular problems among the obese, but most of those people aren't 3-sport athletes. There are also such things as exceptions.5 -
Thank you all so much for your opinions and advice. His doctor mentioned that he is obese and should lose weight (especially because of the hereditary issues in the family like diabetes). His coaches however don't say a word to him! They don't really care from what I see. I do have one young coach that I could talk to and see if he can talk to my son about "hey if you lose some weight you will get faster on the court", less injuries, etc.
You are right that the desire to lose weight needs to come from him. I guess the only thing that I can do as a parent is keep promoting the healthy eating at home and hopefully by sitting on the bench a few times he will get the message.....he is really slow now (slower than last winter when he played basketball) and I can't help but think it's because of the weight.4 -
Thank you all so much for your opinions and advice. His doctor mentioned that he is obese and should lose weight (especially because of the hereditary issues in the family like diabetes). His coaches however don't say a word to him! They don't really care from what I see. I do have one young coach that I could talk to and see if he can talk to my son about "hey if you lose some weight you will get faster on the court", less injuries, etc.
You are right that the desire to lose weight needs to come from him. I guess the only thing that I can do as a parent is keep promoting the healthy eating at home and hopefully by sitting on the bench a few times he will get the message.....he is really slow now (slower than last winter when he played basketball) and I can't help but think it's because of the weight.
I know he has reached the age where hanging out with mom and dad isn't considered "cool", but there may be some kind of physical activity that all of you could do together, just to add a little more exercise into his life. Just a thought.0 -
One other thing. Does he date? They say there is no greater influence than the opposite sex. Maybe if he started dating, he would make the decision on his own so that he "looks" better to girls.2
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OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.4
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OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.
Me too. I always felt like a cat-burglar late at night trying to sneak in to get a snack. It's funny, because now that I'm 35 with my own house, a wife, and 3 kids, I still feel that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I go to the kitchen looking for a snack. I really wish my folks would have been nutritionally educated too. That's why (even though I'm overweight) I try to get all the info I can, so that I can help my kids if needed.2 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »One other thing. Does he date? They say there is no greater influence than the opposite sex. Maybe if he started dating, he would make the decision on his own so that he "looks" better to girls.
yes he has a girlfriend and has other girls after him from what i hear so weight has not been a factor (yet)....
And maybe because, up until now, he has been able to do things, participate in sports and always be a starter in any sport that he has played, he thinks he's OK. Now that he all of the sudden is sitting the bench (first time ever), he doesn't like it; just not sure if that will be enough to get him going on the decision to lose weight. Since football was over he has put on more weight (ugh). It was OK to be a linebacker, but now for basketball that extra weight is catching up to him0 -
OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It's good to hear from someone who has been through it (on the other side).
I am starting to think that the best way to handle the situation is to make good, healthy meals (which I have been doing) and have a good talk to him about the effects of the extra weight (like injuries, slowing down on the court, etc.). My hope is that he will want to lose weight going forward and once he does it, he will feel so much better and will keep going on his own. But i really want to weight him on the scale though.....I need to see if what he told me is real (220lbs) or if he's lying to me about his weight....
I thought about taking a picture of him and showing him how he looks now but I'm afraid that might make things worse1 -
Leave some nutrition for young athletes books laying around the house. Coffee table. Bathrooms.
Perhaps he'll pick one up and get interested. (I'd read it first to make sure there is sound advice and nothing bordering on a crash diet or weird meal timing, etc.)
Quick search on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Young-Athlete-Nutrition-Players/dp/0983661529/
https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Like-Champion-Performance-Nutrition/dp/0814436226/0 -
shagerty777 wrote: »I understand your concerns but whether he's 16 or 60, it's going to have to be his choice. I never cared about my weight until I was 46 and a grandpa, and until our company health insurance started to get feisty about it. Feed him the most nutritional meals you can at home and hope he understands the pitfalls of junk food from the mini mart.
This. A thousand times this. Start with the food at home, show him healthier options. You have some time with him under your roof left, so get to work with his diet at home and maybe those habits will catch on. There are plenty of very tasty recipes out there that are low calorie, less fat, high in vitamins. If he's eating a lot of packaged food it's almost certainly full of sodium, so maybe counter that at home by buying bottled water and keeping it cold in the fridge, buy low calorie flavorings for the water, and fix foods high in potassium. There are a thousand ways to mold his eating habits before he turns 18 and is out on his own.0 -
Then take him to someone that can direct him. Kids respond better to coaches, trainers, etc. than their own parents when it comes into getting into shape.No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts (hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster....
I train 2 kids now. One for football the other for baseball. They do EVERYTHING I tell them to with vigor.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Then take him to someone that can direct him. Kids respond better to coaches, trainers, etc. than their own parents when it comes into getting into shape.No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts (hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster....
I train 2 kids now. One for football the other for baseball. They do EVERYTHING I tell them to with vigor.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
There's an idea. Look around for a "cool" fitness/sports camp that he can attend. He will think you are sending him so that he can become a better athlete, but once he gets there and sees some of the other boys/girls habits, maybe he will pick something up.2 -
My mom was always getting on me about my weight when I was a teenager and let me tell you, it did not do good things for my weight OR my general self image. I'll probably be working the rest of my life to get over the insecurities that came out of that time, and it's not because I was slow at the gym or couldn't find clothes that fit. It was because of my mother.
16 year old boys are smart (enough) and they only get smarter as they get older. He'll figure out how and if when he wants to. They understand social cues, and they're aware of how everyone else looks in the locker room. He doesn't need his (well meaning) mother to let him know that he's bigger than the rest because he knows that. It's just when and if he's at the point where he can make those lifestyle changes himself, and all you can do as his mother is support him and his self image whether he's 220 pounds or 180 pounds.8
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