Overweight son

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  • nowine4me
    nowine4me Posts: 3,985 Member
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    OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.
  • Flapjack_Mollases
    Flapjack_Mollases Posts: 218 Member
    edited December 2016
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    nowine4me wrote: »
    OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.

    Me too. I always felt like a cat-burglar late at night trying to sneak in to get a snack. It's funny, because now that I'm 35 with my own house, a wife, and 3 kids, I still feel that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I go to the kitchen looking for a snack. I really wish my folks would have been nutritionally educated too. That's why (even though I'm overweight) I try to get all the info I can, so that I can help my kids if needed.
  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
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    Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »
    One other thing. Does he date? They say there is no greater influence than the opposite sex. Maybe if he started dating, he would make the decision on his own so that he "looks" better to girls.

    yes he has a girlfriend and has other girls after him from what i hear so weight has not been a factor (yet)....

    And maybe because, up until now, he has been able to do things, participate in sports and always be a starter in any sport that he has played, he thinks he's OK. Now that he all of the sudden is sitting the bench (first time ever), he doesn't like it; just not sure if that will be enough to get him going on the decision to lose weight. Since football was over he has put on more weight (ugh). It was OK to be a linebacker, but now for basketball that extra weight is catching up to him
  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
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    nowine4me wrote: »
    OP - I don't have kids or solid advice. But, I'm so happy that you want to help him. As a kid, my parents constantly told me I was fat and restricted food, leading to me sneaking food. I think straight forward and non-judgemental conversations on nutrition would have benefitted me greatly in my youth.

    Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It's good to hear from someone who has been through it (on the other side).

    I am starting to think that the best way to handle the situation is to make good, healthy meals (which I have been doing) and have a good talk to him about the effects of the extra weight (like injuries, slowing down on the court, etc.). My hope is that he will want to lose weight going forward and once he does it, he will feel so much better and will keep going on his own. But i really want to weight him on the scale though.....I need to see if what he told me is real (220lbs) or if he's lying to me about his weight....

    I thought about taking a picture of him and showing him how he looks now but I'm afraid that might make things worse
  • laur357
    laur357 Posts: 896 Member
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    Leave some nutrition for young athletes books laying around the house. Coffee table. Bathrooms.
    Perhaps he'll pick one up and get interested. (I'd read it first to make sure there is sound advice and nothing bordering on a crash diet or weird meal timing, etc.)

    Quick search on Amazon:
    https://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Young-Athlete-Nutrition-Players/dp/0983661529/

    https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Like-Champion-Performance-Nutrition/dp/0814436226/
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
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    shagerty777 wrote: »
    I understand your concerns but whether he's 16 or 60, it's going to have to be his choice. I never cared about my weight until I was 46 and a grandpa, and until our company health insurance started to get feisty about it. Feed him the most nutritional meals you can at home and hope he understands the pitfalls of junk food from the mini mart.

    This. A thousand times this. Start with the food at home, show him healthier options. You have some time with him under your roof left, so get to work with his diet at home and maybe those habits will catch on. There are plenty of very tasty recipes out there that are low calorie, less fat, high in vitamins. If he's eating a lot of packaged food it's almost certainly full of sodium, so maybe counter that at home by buying bottled water and keeping it cold in the fridge, buy low calorie flavorings for the water, and fix foods high in potassium. There are a thousand ways to mold his eating habits before he turns 18 and is out on his own.
  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
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    thank you @laur357 I will check it out! :)
  • Flapjack_Mollases
    Flapjack_Mollases Posts: 218 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    tmn2016 wrote: »
    No....he needs to lift some weight! that would certainly help. He does have a very tight schedule between school work and practices, etc. He is also being tutored so that makes time very hard to find. It's not muscle but guts :( (hate to use that word). He is now much slower on the court due to his weight gain and I'm afraid he will be sitting the bench a lot this season if the doesn't lose weight. I've told him that but he still doesn't seem to "get it" that if he loses maybe 20lbs he will feel better and get faster....
    Then take him to someone that can direct him. Kids respond better to coaches, trainers, etc. than their own parents when it comes into getting into shape.
    I train 2 kids now. One for football the other for baseball. They do EVERYTHING I tell them to with vigor.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    There's an idea. Look around for a "cool" fitness/sports camp that he can attend. He will think you are sending him so that he can become a better athlete, but once he gets there and sees some of the other boys/girls habits, maybe he will pick something up.
  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
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    is it bad to at least get him on the scale?
  • Flapjack_Mollases
    Flapjack_Mollases Posts: 218 Member
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    tmn2016 wrote: »
    is it bad to at least get him on the scale?

    Kind of. I mean. I'm only speaking from my point of view, and how I would feel if my mom asked me to do this. But it would feel like you were trying to control me. You know this better than I do, but teenagers, especially boys, don't want to be controlled. I would wait until the conversation came up naturally (don't try to force it), and if it does, then say something like, "I'll bet I weigh more than you do!" Keep it light, and make a game out of it. Bet him 20 bucks even though you know you'll lose, and when he wins, give him the 20 bucks and say, "man, you are heavier than I thought." That way, you are kind of being critical, but in a playful way. But, it may get him thinking.
  • zorander6
    zorander6 Posts: 2,711 Member
    edited December 2016
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    I'm going to be blunt. Getting him on the scale and lecturing him will not accomplish your goals. Talking to his coaches may embarrass him which will cause rebellion. Instead of worrying so much back off. Make healthy meals at home and just do the best you can with what you have. If he talks about it be open but don't start the discussion about how overweight you feel he is. Just discuss good food options.

    Honestly at some point he will realize what is going on. Pushing him to lose weight is not the way to go here. You know he eats junk food so cut back on the food a bit but keep in mind that he's still growing and as such trying to force him to lose weight is a bad idea. I get that you are worried about him but right now mom lecturing is not going to do any good and may cause a negative reaction. Instead find things you can do together that will get him burning more calories without him realizing it if you can. Encourage him to find external activities.

    Heck if it's snowing suggest a side job of clearing driveways. Does he earn an allowance? If so switch it to something more physically demanding, like cutting firewood if you have a fireplace (or even just bringing it in.) Find real activities that have real benefits (IE money to spend etc) that will encourage him to not only work but also burn calories.

    Getting him involved in a sports camp would help too but right now it sounds slightly like something else may be going on in the background. If he's always been super athletic and is now gaining weight something may be going on at school causing him to care less, or maybe he's gotten bored.

    For his height and activity level 220 isn't horrible. Support him and try to encourage him to find activities he likes doing. Does he have a car? If not find an old beater that he can rebuild and get him working on the car. As he earns money he can put money into fixing it up to be "his."

    Addendum to point 1: Start getting his input on dinner. Suggest he start helping cook if he doesn't already do so. Explain what a balanced diet is and let him have some leeway in what is made. If there is something he loves that you make possibly suggest him cooking it. At a bare minimum find out what he'd like to eat.
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    edited December 2016
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    For the op you said he gained quite a bit of weight in the laSt year?; how much are we talking and did he get taller? Some kids will add some baby fat then shoot up several inches.

    How does his pattern compare to family members? DI'd his doctor say anything? Most high school associations require a physical annually.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    edited December 2016
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    I'd approach it this way...by asking the younger coach (who OP thought might be more supportive) to advise your son on how to increase his speed on the court ie "would practicing sprints help?"...ask what you all could do outside of practice to improve performance. The fitness advice from a coach might be better received.

    At 16, he's old enough to learn about nutrition. I'm sure you can find some recommendations here on MFP for good books about nutrition. "Oh hey, son. I borrowed this interesting book from the library I thought you might like to read..."

    ETA: my son is 8, and he's very interested in nutrition. I borrowed a couple of books from the local library geared towards kids/tweens. It can be an interesting topic for any age kid.
  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
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    @zorander6 he is under a lot of stress lately. It's his junior year and between a challenging school schedule he just took the PSAT and is getting ready for the sat. He is having to be tutor in physics as well. Lots of pressure so I'm sure he's turning to eating. He won't talk about it which makes it harder to help him.

    After reading all the comments I think the best thing to do is cook healthy meals and talks about nutrition and portion sizes. Let things take its course. He needs to want more than me. As much as the doctor told him that he needs to lose weight and I'm so afraid of him developing diabetes, I need to walk the talk and ensure that at least at home he is getting a healthy and a balanced meal
  • Ming1951
    Ming1951 Posts: 514 Member
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    I have to 2nd what "sarko15" has said. You talking about his weight will only cause him poor self image of himself. If you've said something once I wouldn't bring it up again. At 16 he knows, and he will start a habit a sneak eating..only causing more problems..Just cook healthy at home, don't overcook, just cook enough for everyone to have a portion. He will get it, just let him and love who he is. Our children need our unconditionally love no matter what size they are.
  • Tallawah_
    Tallawah_ Posts: 2,471 Member
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    I 3rd sarko15...parents can't really say anything without it being taken the wrong way but they can lead by example! So just make sure healthy options are available, you train regularly, you eat healthy etc and leave the rest to him...

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