Losing Vanity Weight... HELP
Replies
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sfaust2196 wrote: »Thank you guys for your advice.
Growing up, I have never been naturally thin. My grandma made sure well I knew that I was the "big sister," that she was worried about my clothes fitting, that I was "built heavy," that my sister and I could never possibly share clothes because there was "no way" they would fit us both. I am seeing her this Christmas for the first time in over a year and want nothing more than her approval. Don't ask me why- I know she is just a judgmental, posssibly insecure, old woman. That does not stop the pain.
I was sick of being "bigger"," being worse, not good enough. I was sick of worrying if I would hurt people by sitting on their lap, or having to be lifted during spirit games in high school, or god forbid accidentally stepped on someone's toes. I was sick of having fear of eating dessert in front of others in case they were all thinking, "why is that chubby girl doing that to her body?!" I was sick of being afraid to ever have a boyfriend or get close to everyone because God forbid, they had to see my stomach. Not to mention having anxiety about going to the beach with friends and having anyone see my pudge. I was sick of being the one that obese friends thought they could relate to- asking me to borrow a shirt, or joke about how much we love food. I was sick of hating myself and what I saw in the mirror everyday and not being able to do anything about it.
I was sick of it all and most of all sick of being disgusted with my own body, and I needed a change and maybe now I am sick in my mind according to some of you but I'm not sure what else is to be done about it. Please know that I am not a girl self-absorbed with herself, or her looks. I am generous and thoughtful and smart and funny and caring and I sometimes wish that this didn't happen to me but it did.
I really did not think I was doing anything wrong but now that you point it out I see how it can be viewed as borderline obsessive. I'm sorry and I will try to be better.
Thank you.
It makes me so sad to hear what some family members do to people they're supposed to love because of their own issues. I'm so sorry you grew up feeling this way. If nothing else, I hope therapy helps you sort through some of those emotions, because that's a lot to keep bottled up for all these years.
I was anorexic in high school and have dealt with years of bulimia as an adult. I know what it's like to feel like the only thing you have control over is your body, and how easily feeling out of control or upset or hurt can manifest itself into hurting your body because it's all you feel you can do to cope. Some of your language concerns me that you're heading that way, and I would never wish upon anyone the things I've gone through. I hope you don't feel like people here are telling you you're "bad" in some way. It's just that a lot of us have felt this kind of hurt or known someone else who has, and we don't want you ending up there.
As to the bolded, you don't need to apologize to us. We're here to help, and we want the best for you, and we want you to want the best for you. I'm glad you're recognizing where some of your behavior is obsessive, and I hope you decide to work on it... Not to make us happy, not to make your grandmother happy, but for you. You deserve to be healthy and happy. You're worth it.8 -
OP: I think there's a bunch of stuff going on here.
Going to suggest a couple of things:- Weighing yourself that many times a day really doesn't make a lot of sense. Weight fluctuates a lot. It just does. Water weight, bloat, what you ate, etc. When my cycle was regular (I'm considerably older than you), I could gain as much as 3-4 pounds before my period. And then I'd lose it as soon as I had my period. That's just one example. You seem to be focusing too much on this and you're frustrated and it doesn't seem to be working, so I'd suggest if you have to weigh yourself, do it once a week. Same day, time, same clothes, etc.
- You seem to be worrying a lot about the healthfulness of the food you're eating versus what the people around you are eating. I worked with a woman who used to judge everyone by their lunches. It was insulting. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. It may not be fair that some people look the way they do, but there's nothing you can do about it--life is not fair. You do you.
- I don't know much about insulin resistance or PCOS, but I'm guessing the nutritionist does. If she's a registered dietician, she knows far more about the # of calories you should be taking in than you do.
- I am a big advocate of therapy. To me, it's your chance to be with someone who is trained and whose only agenda is to help you. If your therapist is not working, go see someone else, but do try to give the therapist you have a shot. If the techniques he's using aren't helping, tell him that and ask if he can try another approach. I don't know you. Maybe you do have an ED. Maybe you don't. But you don't sound very happy at the moment. There's nothing wrong with talking to a trained professional who is going to try and help you work stuff out.
Wishing you the best of luck in this.5 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »sfaust2196 wrote: »Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
Thanks!!
You don't gain 0.8lbs of fat in a day by eating 1700 calories by accident unless that is an extra 1700 calories above your maintenance and even then.
You have an unrealistic expectation of how weight fluctuates.
Start weighing every day in the morning under the same conditions and after using the bathroom and before eating or drinking and record the information in a trending weight app. Get past the scale weight obsession of thinking that there will be no fluctuations on a day to day basis and focus on your weight level.
You are at a normal body weight. Whether your goals make any sense or not, I cannot know. One thing I DO know and that is that the rate/speed you want to achieve them at is NOT achievable. The more firmly you are in the normal weight spectrum, and you are, the more effort is required for marginal changes.
Recomp has been mentioned. Might make you much happier...
I do weigh myself every day... about 6-8 times a day actually! ALWAYS every morning when I get up after using the bathroom, naked. This is where I got the .8 pound difference. I weigh myself throughout the day as well, and always at night before going to sleep (again naked after using bathroom). I gain as much as 6-10 pounds throughout the day in water and food, and then usually pee it all out and am 2-3 pounds heavier at night. Then I lose this. The 2 pounds I gained is from morning to morning weight so should be somewhat accurate.
What you're doing/feeling is not normal, healthy behavior. Seriously, you really need to get some professional help. Go to your actual medical doctor and get a referral to see someone who can help you work through your issues. I wish you the best of luck as you move forward!2 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »Y'all are way too nice.
OP, you weigh yourself too damned much. If an increase in weight when weighing on the same day or a couple days in between freaks you out that much, once a week will keep you saner.
If you don't like your current therapist, find someone else you're more comfortable with but don't expect the new therapist to see things the way you do. Your current one wasn't off the mark in his questions.
You're wayyyy too concerned about looking "great". First of all, if that's you in your icon, there's nothing wrong with you. Second, looks aren't everything and a FEMALE with that kind of attitude....ugh, I just can't. I do agree it's more time for a recomp than to lose more weight.
Also, are you on birth control? I had (have? Does it go away?) Pcos and I was put on the Pill to make my periods regular otherwise it could have turned cancerous.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. There is something with wanting to look like and idealized extreme that is not physically healthy for your body.
There is nothing wrong with hard work. There is something wrong with the "punishment" mentality you seem to have towards your body. It seems like your mantra is you are going to exercise no matter what and you'll keep putting your body through workouts until it looks the way you want. That may never happen. Are you going to spend your life hating your body for the way it looks because it doesn't meet some ideal you have in your head? Would you recommend to someone you love that they treat their body the way you treat yours--that appearance and vanity pounds is all that matters? And health doesn't?
What about setting some fitness related goals to develop some appreciation for what your body can do as opposed to disliking it because it doesn't look the way you want? Shifting to weights from all the cardio can give you new goals, as can improving vascular fitness if you want to keep focusing on cardio.
You have too much control over your body and eating. The obsessive aspects to your approach are mentally and physically unhealthy.6 -
BruinsGal_91 wrote: »sfaust2196 wrote: »xmichaelyx wrote: »sfaust2196 wrote: »My maintenance is 2491 calories
My maintenance is lower than that, and I'm a 6' tall, 180-pound guy.
Are you weighing all your food, or guesstimating portion sizes? Because if you were really eating what you claim to be eating, you'd absolutely be losing weight.
I think most people here are hung up on the fact that you're 20 and seem to be freaking out, which implies a potential eating disorder. There's nothing wrong with your weight loss goal (130s is fine for your height), you just need to do a better job of counting calories.
I just got my maintenance from putting my height, weight, and activity level on a website from google. I know it's not accurate as I would blow up on that!
I am ABSOLUTELY not eating more than I say I am eating. I measure everything and then round up further. My chicken may be off day to day, but I make one pound at a time so it definitely averages out over the course of the few days I eat the chicken. Everything else- sweet potatoes, rice, cereal, veggies- I measure with cups. Even yogurt I measure with measuring cups every morning- my roommates all think I'm crazy. But I want to make sure I can accurately log!
I'm not naive or making anything up. I really never ever eat over 1600 except in a case like last week where I made a mistake. I'm so frustrated and know it should not be this hard... my roommates eat like crap it's disgusting and many of them are thinner than me. It's so not fair for my age I should look great without trying this hard! It has consumed my life and I am still not happy.
Am I the only one who finds this statement somewhat worrying?
You're not the only one, I've been biting my tongue.3 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »Y'all are way too nice.
OP, you weigh yourself too damned much. If an increase in weight when weighing on the same day or a couple days in between freaks you out that much, once a week will keep you saner.
If you don't like your current therapist, find someone else you're more comfortable with but don't expect the new therapist to see things the way you do. Your current one wasn't off the mark in his questions.
You're wayyyy too concerned about looking "great". First of all, if that's you in your icon, there's nothing wrong with you. Second, looks aren't everything and a FEMALE with that kind of attitude....ugh, I just can't. I do agree it's more time for a recomp than to lose more weight.
Also, are you on birth control? I had (have? Does it go away?) Pcos and I was put on the Pill to make my periods regular otherwise it could have turned cancerous.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
No, looking your best isn't a bad thing but it doesn't give a person self esteem or self worth. You said in an earlier post that you wouldn't mind being thinner than a model. If you want that, you're going to have to start doing coke and throwing up.
Disclaimer: DO NOT START DOING COKE OR THROWING UP. I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT.
I get it with how your grandmother acts. The nicest thing my mother could find to say about my appearance was I had nice ankles. WTF, mom?! I couldn't take her negativity towards me anymore so I haven't talked to her in 10 plus (probably) years. And have no desire to change that. Personally, I would tell your grandmother not to talk to you unless she has something nice to say because I'm sure you're more caring than me and don't want her out of your life but no one needs that bs.
(Apparently, this thread is really POing me.)
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No offense to anyone else, but the last thing OP needs is advice on how to lose weight, measure her food, and/or recomp.
This isn't about her weight or how she looks. She thinks it is, but it's not.
Professional help is desperately needed; this is far beyond the scope of this forum.
I hope you find a therapist, OP, that you feel you can connect with and I hope you are honest and open with your therapist and yourself. The first step in getting help is acknowledging that you indeed have a problem.
I wish you well.10 -
I've gone back and forth about responding to this post a few times because it really hits home for me. I spent so much of my 20s and 30s feeling anxiety about my weight and really linking my self-esteem to whether I was in a size 4 instead of a 6. (Meaning I have never been actually overweight, just varying between versions of a healthy size.) I have an amazing husband, beautiful children and a great career, but that morning weigh in usually had more to do with whether it was a good day or a bad day than anything else. Like the OP, it was my family that made an issue of my size and appearance...I remember being a normal sized 13 year old and my parents urging me to diet so I could "become a model one day" because "I had a pretty face." (Like it's that easy or even a good idea!!)
I did end up getting therapy and it helped a lot--it helped me stop catastrophizing a weight gain or presuming it meant I was less worthy as a human being if I ate something unhealthy.
Not going to lie--therapy didn't fix everything. And taking on distance running ultimately was what made my weight/body images more manageable...my focus became speed and endurance rather than a specific weight or size (I still care, but my primary goal now is improving as a runner...I am much more excited by a sub 2 half marathon than I am by losing a pound). And maintaining my weight when clocking 30 miles a week or so became much easier and allowed me to learn to fuel my body with healthy rather than "diety" foods and enjoy without (much) guilt indulgences. It also reduced my anxiety in general and gave me much needed time to meditate about a lot of things that were all tied into my issues with weight. And, I grew in other ways thanks to newfound confidence that came with my racing accomplishments. I got more innovative at work and insisted on getting credit where credit was due. This had a financial impact on me & my family and that made me focus less on what is wrong with me physically and more on what is right with me.
Not saying becoming a runner specifically is what this OP needs to do, but having something else to focus on is what helped me turn the corner. And, I wanted to provide a glimpse of this mindset after age 40. It's a tremendous burden to deal with perfectionism and it's not something therapy will poof! chase away like magic.
Also, hearing people say "you need help" can sound like a judgment when you're a perfectionist like her/me. I hate when people say that. Not saying it isn't true, or that it wasn't delivered to her with kindness, but I understand cringing over that.9 -
storyjorie wrote: »I've gone back and forth about responding to this post a few times because it really hits home for me. I spent so much of my 20s and 30s feeling anxiety about my weight and really linking my self-esteem to whether I was in a size 4 instead of a 6. (Meaning I have never been actually overweight, just varying between versions of a healthy size.) I have an amazing husband, beautiful children and a great career, but that morning weigh in usually had more to do with whether it was a good day or a bad day than anything else. Like the OP, it was my family that made an issue of my size and appearance...I remember being a normal sized 13 year old and my parents urging me to diet so I could "become a model one day" because "I had a pretty face." (Like it's that easy or even a good idea!!)
I did end up getting therapy and it helped a lot--it helped me stop catastrophizing a weight gain or presuming it meant I was less worthy as a human being if I ate something unhealthy.
Not going to lie--therapy didn't fix everything. And taking on distance running ultimately was what made my weight/body images more manageable...my focus became speed and endurance rather than a specific weight or size (I still care, but my primary goal now is improving as a runner...I am much more excited by a sub 2 half marathon than I am by losing a pound). And maintaining my weight when clocking 30 miles a week or so became much easier and allowed me to learn to fuel my body with healthy rather than "diety" foods and enjoy without (much) guilt indulgences. It also reduced my anxiety in general and gave me much needed time to meditate about a lot of things that were all tied into my issues with weight. And, I grew in other ways thanks to newfound confidence that came with my racing accomplishments. I got more innovative at work and insisted on getting credit where credit was due. This had a financial impact on me & my family and that made me focus less on what is wrong with me physically and more on what is right with me.
Not saying becoming a runner specifically is what this OP needs to do, but having something else to focus on is what helped me turn the corner. And, I wanted to provide a glimpse of this mindset after age 40. It's a tremendous burden to deal with perfectionism and it's not something therapy will poof! chase away like magic.
Also, hearing people say "you need help" can sound like a judgment when you're a perfectionist like her/me. I hate when people say that. Not saying it isn't true, or that it wasn't delivered to her with kindness, but I understand cringing over that.
I would argue replacing one obsession with another isn't healthy either. However, the reason people keep saying get help is because OP clearly does not see the full picture. She has an eating disorder. There's no way around it. However, we aren't qualified to give her the help she needs. If saying she needs help is judgement, then fine. But at lead it isn't sugar coated.
And just because your perfection did not dissipate does not mean therapy cannot aid another. I was hospilized twice for things like this and had the same perfection issues. I had to do all types of activities to accept that a person cannot be perfect at everything. It took years and dedication, but a person can move on from this. But to say that she just needs to focus on something else when this is a mental disorder isn't quite helpful either. Whether you want to read it as judgement all or not, OP needs to find a therapist she feels comfortable with to begin understanding want is going on.
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vespiquenn wrote: »storyjorie wrote: »I've gone back and forth about responding to this post a few times because it really hits home for me. I spent so much of my 20s and 30s feeling anxiety about my weight and really linking my self-esteem to whether I was in a size 4 instead of a 6. (Meaning I have never been actually overweight, just varying between versions of a healthy size.) I have an amazing husband, beautiful children and a great career, but that morning weigh in usually had more to do with whether it was a good day or a bad day than anything else. Like the OP, it was my family that made an issue of my size and appearance...I remember being a normal sized 13 year old and my parents urging me to diet so I could "become a model one day" because "I had a pretty face." (Like it's that easy or even a good idea!!)
I did end up getting therapy and it helped a lot--it helped me stop catastrophizing a weight gain or presuming it meant I was less worthy as a human being if I ate something unhealthy.
Not going to lie--therapy didn't fix everything. And taking on distance running ultimately was what made my weight/body images more manageable...my focus became speed and endurance rather than a specific weight or size (I still care, but my primary goal now is improving as a runner...I am much more excited by a sub 2 half marathon than I am by losing a pound). And maintaining my weight when clocking 30 miles a week or so became much easier and allowed me to learn to fuel my body with healthy rather than "diety" foods and enjoy without (much) guilt indulgences. It also reduced my anxiety in general and gave me much needed time to meditate about a lot of things that were all tied into my issues with weight. And, I grew in other ways thanks to newfound confidence that came with my racing accomplishments. I got more innovative at work and insisted on getting credit where credit was due. This had a financial impact on me & my family and that made me focus less on what is wrong with me physically and more on what is right with me.
Not saying becoming a runner specifically is what this OP needs to do, but having something else to focus on is what helped me turn the corner. And, I wanted to provide a glimpse of this mindset after age 40. It's a tremendous burden to deal with perfectionism and it's not something therapy will poof! chase away like magic.
Also, hearing people say "you need help" can sound like a judgment when you're a perfectionist like her/me. I hate when people say that. Not saying it isn't true, or that it wasn't delivered to her with kindness, but I understand cringing over that.
I would argue replacing one obsession with another isn't healthy either. However, the reason people keep saying get help is because OP clearly does not see the full picture. She has an eating disorder. There's no way around it. However, we aren't qualified to give her the help she needs. If saying she needs help is judgement, then fine. But at lead it isn't sugar coated.
And just because your perfection did not dissipate does not mean therapy cannot aid another. I was hospilized twice for things like this and had the same perfection issues. I had to do all types of activities to accept that a person cannot be perfect at everything. It took years and dedication, but a person can move on from this. But to say that she just needs to focus on something else when this is a mental disorder isn't quite helpful either. Whether you want to read it as judgement all or not, OP needs to find a therapist she feels comfortable with to begin understanding want is going on.
Didn't say she shouldn't go to therapy. Was trying to empathize as her post resonated with me. That's all.3 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.14 -
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that.
This cannot be emphasized enough. It's not just you or OP whose hips are not shaped like that, no one's hips are shaped like that. Not even those of the models. Magazine covers and ads and fashion spreads have the kitten Photoshopped out of them. They do this to both men and women, creating body image problems everywhere by setting up an artificial, unrealistic, and downright fake standard. People only ever hurt themselves trying to conform to it.
If the model is short-wasted, they'll lengthen the waist. If there's a bit of pudge showing, they'll smooth it out. If there's no thigh gap, they'll add one. If the breasts aren't perky enough, they'll lift them. If the collarbone juts, they'll soften it -- and if the collarbone doesn't jut enough, they'll sharpen it. Cellulite is simply erased. And on and on and on. You might as well try to look exactly like a comic book character as a magazine cover model.7 -
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that.
This cannot be emphasized enough. It's not just you or OP whose hips are not shaped like that, no one's hips are shaped like that. Not even those of the models. Magazine covers and ads and fashion spreads have the kitten Photoshopped out of them. They do this to both men and women, creating body image problems everywhere by setting up an artificial, unrealistic, and downright fake standard. People only ever hurt themselves trying to conform to it.
Absolutely! But even beyond Photoshop, I know women compare themselves to other women in real life and build an idea of what about *real* women they want to look like -- and even within the un-Photoshopped real world? Not every body can attain every shape.
Everyone says my daughter looks JUST like me. But while she's almost my height, I wear tall jeans and she doesn't, because she inherited her father's proportions. I have ridiculously long legs and I'm very short waisted, she's much more evenly balanced between leg and torso.1 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
Thanks!!
You did not gain .8 in a day by eating 1700 cals, our weight fluctuates naturally, most of us see daily fluctuations of several pounds - completely normal.
Stop stressing, you are at a good weight, those vanity pounds will go, they'll just take a while longer - also perfectly normal when we get down to last few pounds.
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Your post reminds me of me - a younger version mind you. I'm 49 and 5'10. At my lowest I was about 126 lbs (when much younger) and I looked like a skeleton. Today I am 160 and trying to lose 10-15. My happy weight is at about 146 but my focus is on eating healthy and doing exercises that I enjoy - running and lifting. You sound obsessed. You understand that your exterior does not define you, right? A self confident woman is a sexy woman.
As I enter menopause I have to shed some of my old ideas about beauty and sexuality. It's not easy, especially with stubborn abdominal weight gain. But I continue to make healthy choices and to enjoy exercise. And I've talked to a counsellor about body image because it really was hard for me to accept that I was getting older.
My advice? Put some time and effort into who you are, not what you look like. Find some meaning and purpose besides this torture you are putting yourself through.
You are beautiful just as you are, no matter what the scale says.2 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.
This was inspiring and something everyone needs to remember. It took me nearly 48 years to finally accept that I am the way I am, that my body is unique (as is everyone's) and that it's the only body I'll ever have. It was so freeing when the epiphany came and allowed me to finally stop obsessing about everything.
I hope the OP can eventually come to that realization too.3 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.
100%! I too had fallen to where op is at. I wanted to look like Ariana Grande.... except even at my lowest weight I still felt so fat.
Well at 5'1 and 98 pounds.... I WAS skinny, but I still didnt look like her. Why? Because I have a straight/althetic build with a medium-large bone structure. My abdomen is short and straight, my hips narrow and my boobies too far apart lol.
It took a paychologist and a nutritionist to tell me I was anorexic and had body dismorphia.
Eventually I started reading self help books such as self esteem books, eating books(intuitive eating, brain over binge) and also biology books!
After putting on 20 pounds and seeig a therapist for 6+ months Ive realized my body will never look like skinny models bodies.
Op you need to understand that being skinny is not the only socially acceptable/desirable way to be. Stop putting so much emphasis and VALUE on your weight. Stop doing it for society.5 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »crzycatlady1 wrote: »sfaust2196 wrote: »Thanks for the help! My metabolism is messed up because I lost weight quickly at 1200 cals a day with exercise. I also have hormonal imbalances, insulin resistance, possible PCOS, reasons for not getting my period.
I would LOVE a food scale but my roommates would freak out. They already reported me to the campus nutritionist and now I have to go to therapy every week. A food scale is just not possible in my situation:( I wish it was.
I guess recomp seems to be the way to go I'm just so clueless. Thanks..
OP do you have a history with EDs by chance? Somethings 'off' here.....
NO! My friends and family and nutritionist just think I'm getting one. My best friend was anorexic in high school and trust me, I'm NOT! Yes, I obsess about it but they just don't understand! I put so much work into this and it's frustrating to not see results! I feel like I worked so hard I should look how I want to look and I just don't. They think I look "great" but they don't see the cellulite and rolls that I do. I just want to be happy about my body and it isn't cooperating. I'm terrified of increasing anything because I don't want to gain weight and have all my hard work be for nothing:(
Red flag, trust me! My own history shows this as a red flag. Don't obsess, it's step one down a LOOOOOOOONNGGG and dark road!! Appreciate they care, and think about it, if you saw your room mate obsess like this, wouldn't you worry too?2 -
OP, have a {{{{{hug}}}}}. This is obviously causing you a lot of distress, in fact it sounds like it's beginning to take over your life. Do you think that if you achieve your goal of weight in the 130s, that you will be free of the worry and able to fully invest your energy in other areas of life? I think you'd find, if you talked to others who have battled to get to a low weight, that you'll find that getting there is not the end of it. The goal posts will keep moving. The worry of regaining the weight will be constantly with you. You will almost certainly be no happier.
I'm speaking from experience, and out of real compassion for your situation. Our stats are eerily similar. I'm 5'10. I weigh 149lbs. My measurements are 34/26.5/38.5". I've lost 60lbs in 2 years. I fought for every lb. I work out for an hour a day. At first my goal was to get to a healthy BMI (170lb). Then my goal was to get to 150lb (my lowest adult weight). Then my goal was to get to 135lb (my skinny - and I mean skinny - teenage weight). It's madness, it never ends. Everyone says I look tiny, but I genuinely feel fatter at this weight than I did 30lbs ago. And like you, it feels incredibly unjust that I work so damn hard and don't have a supermodel body to show for it.
Have you heard of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) DSM-IV? It's real and I believe it is more prevalent than any of us admit. It's defined as
a feeding or eating disorder that causes significant distress or impairment, but does not meet the criteria for another feeding or eating disorder. One example is Atypical anorexia nervosa (weight is not below normal). Sadly, our culture is the perfect breeding ground for this kind of obsession. Everywhere we look we are told that thinness=attractiveness and attractiveness=love. And love=everything: safety, acceptance, everything a human needs & wants. It is not surprising that we become obsessed with attaining a perfect body.
There has been some good advice so far, that actually address your original question, but I question whether you are in a safe place right now to follow that advice. I think you are at a tipping point (I teeter there myself). Do you want to be happy? If you think that losing 10lbs is the only way to secure that, you really need to seek help (and be determined to work as hard in therapy as you work in the gym, because you'll only get out what you put in). I strongly recommend that you put your weight loss on hold (that doesn't mean you will regain the weight, that you need to lose your fitness, or that you stop eating healthily) until you find some peace on the whole subject of your body. You are 20, your whole life is ahead of you. Do you want to live it like this? Or do you want to be at peace, to feel good about yourself, to know that you can trust yourself to take good care of your amazing body & mind? I think the choices you make now may well answer that question for your future.7 -
I do about the same amount of excercise & probably about the same amount of walking & my maintence is 2500 too. I find that I lost the vanity weight when I eat a little more & try to move a little slower. Vanity weight doesn't like to come off so easily (: You can "fool" your body by eating at maintenence a few days & below a few days & going slow. I'm 5'6" 118 lbs now. I never shoot for 1700 calories, the lowest I go is 2000 & try to end the week at 1750 below (about 1/2 lb). Typical days would be 2000 for 4 days, 2500 for 2 days, & 2750 for one day. I also found that when I included calcium from dairy at 120% I had much better results. It was crazy how much better my results were actually!! Good luck, but go slow. This isn't a great time of year to be trying to lose and if you try too hard it really can lead to binging when you can't live up to your own expectations.1
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One last thing is that I really do feel like having a day where you go slightly over keeps my metabolism revved up & I see better results!!0
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At your height 140 is perfect weight. Sometimes weight goes up and down. You could be missing ur periods from the weight loss and intense workouts loosing ur period is not healthy it leads to having brittle bones and hormonal problems s see a naturopath in at what helped me get my periods back0
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Fellow Stephanie, I just want to give you a hug. I'm also 5'11" and was around 145 when I was that age. It's a good, healthy weight girl. What's not so good and healthy is your mindset, as everyone here has already pointed out. Taking care of your health includes more than just your body, you need to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally too. You're your own worst enemy there, and you need to find professionals who can help you and who you feel comfortable with. Your therapist you have now? Don't like him? Change. Want to change your body but also make sure you're doing it healthy? Why not look into a personal trainer to show you how to do weights?
I understand where you're coming from and how you've gotten here, I truly do. Being 5'11" you're always going to be the "big friend" because guess what, you're tall! Embrace it. Put the scale away. Work on managing your stress, because it's killing you girl. Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.6 -
stephmph16 wrote: »Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.
Awesomed
2 -
stephmph16 wrote: »Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.
OMG, this is so, so true. If she gives up on talking about your weight, she will switch to something else, and probably keep comparing you to other people. If she couldn't be loving and supportive before, it wasn't about you, it was about her.3
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