SAHM, weightloss seems overwhelming, but very unhappy with body so looking for support. Anyone else?

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karleeggarner
karleeggarner Posts: 37 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am hoping to find motivation and help from others who find themselves in similar circumstances and better yet, those who have found ways to accomplish their goals in such circumstances.

I have never even posted in a discussion group, let alone started one, so this is a huge step for me. I'm a mom of a 6,3 and 2 yr old. I generally keep to myself and don't open up to people. Trying to get my life on a better track now though. Been seeking help for depressive episodes and social anxiety. I'm a military wife living over seas and a stay at home mom. We have moved 7 times in our 7 yrs of marriage which makes staying in a routine extremely difficult, and keeping friends and support group even more difficult.

I am 29, 5"3' and 168 lbs which is revolting to me. I use to be very active and fit and never let anything get me down. I was of athletic build. I was also a very self motivated person with a lot of drive and determination. I know I must still have that in me some where but I'm so tired and stressed and lonely that I'm having a hard time finding it again. I love to workout as I find it is a stress reliever and it makes me feel good. But I have 2 main problems right now:

1. I constantly have a 2 and 3 yr old with me and its difficult to find the time to exercise. I prefer to exercise without them because then it actually works as a stress reliever. But I don't live near any family nor do I have any friends to take them. My kiddos are always fighting or getting into some kind of trouble which is constantly interrupting my workout so I just end up more frustrated then when I started.

2. I push myself too hard when I exercise and burnout and have back pain. I want to do the intense workouts but have a hard time accepting that my body is different and can't handle that right now. Slow and steady was never a strong point for me. I like to throw myself into things at 100% or I don't feel like its worth the effort. I believe in always putting my best out there. So I am trying to accept that doing things slower and simpler is still exercise and I am going to be starting physical therapy for my back. I'm looking forward to what the therapist has in store for me. But it's going to take a lot to accept that just walking is enough exercise for me.

I want to lose 20 lbs by end of April, which I think is a realistic goal. Longterm I hope to get down to 130 which means losing almost 40 lbs.

I find that I eat out of stress (commonly linked to motherhood) and find comfort in diving into my secret stash of chocolate. I read way too much about what you are suppose to eat and what not to eat and all these do's and don'ts of healthy weight loss. I find myself reading it all but not acting on anything. Where do I start? Macro tracking seems to make sense to me, but is it impossible to do when you are trying to feed a group of kids that are picky eaters? I can't make seperate dinners for me and my kids all the time. I know I need more protein, but I'm a little bit picky and tend to not like to eat very much of the protein type foods. I need tips for how to get more protein in.

How do you other mothers do it? How do you manage to eat healthy when your kids are picky and how do you get the exercise in when you constantly have your little ones with you? How much do you exercise? How do you find support? My husband is gone a lot and could care less about health and fitness so he is no support at all.

Am I the only one? Sure feels like it. It would be helpful just to know there are others in similar circumstances ...

Replies

  • lee252x
    lee252x Posts: 11 Member
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    I don't have any kids but you can add me if you like and we can try to get through this together I'm 5"7 187 disgusting pounds... I'm hoping to lose 10-15 pounds. I used to be 260 3 years ago. The wright I did lose made me hate my body even more because the weight loss was "uneven" so I have a small waist and kind big arms and legs... Not muscular big... Fat
  • sassybutclassy1
    sassybutclassy1 Posts: 5 Member
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    There is always a way! I have a hectic job, got to school PT, and a 17 year old with a lot of school activities so I know how difficult it can be trying to eat right and stay on track! The 1st step is definitely meal prep, I do it every Sunday and it saves me so much time during the week. I'm a stress eater as well and chocolate is my go-to, but I've found some quick n eaay healthy recipes to curb the over indulging. Add me to your friends list if you like, I'll help you along the way! You can do this!
  • shanell1983
    shanell1983 Posts: 26 Member
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    Hey i am in the same boat as you! I have a 7 & 2yr old. I don't want to work out with them as it seems it takes longer. But will if i have to. I work FT, take care of the house, cook dinner, help with homework, while Husband is working nights.

    I also have a picky eater. He doesnt eat meat..only Bushes Baked Beans. So I have started to give him the foods he like to eat for dinner, plus make a deal with him to try something new. Right now I have him eat cream of brocolli in addition to what he wants, in order to get him to eat something new for momma.

    I have a set bedtime for the kids..cause I need my time also..So my kids go to bed at 7:30, no later than 8pm everyday. After that I will try to get a workout in..a high intensity one so that I don't have to spend hours trying to get it done..

    There are many things you can do. MEAL Prep. If i make a dinner..i automatically divide it out. I can then just take it out and pop in in the microwave.

    It's hard! I know. YOU have 3 kids..i only have 2..but man! I actually just started like 3 days ago of wanting to make a change for good. I am at my heaviest and I need to make a change! This is it. Let's stick together! Friend me!
  • bridgetyost
    bridgetyost Posts: 2 Member
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    sassybutclassy1 wrote: »
    There is always a way! I have a hectic job, got to school PT, and a 17 year old with a lot of school activities so I know how difficult it can be trying to eat right and stay on track! The 1st step is definitely meal prep, I do it every Sunday and it saves me so much time during the week. I'm a stress eater as well and chocolate is my go-to, but I've found some quick n eaay healthy recipes to curb the over indulging. Add me to your friends list if you like, I'll help you along the way! You can do this!

    Okay.. I'd love to know about these quick and easy recipes... I could eat sweets and chocolate all day.. I want to lose that sweet tooth.. any healthy options you have would be great!
  • decembre2015
    decembre2015 Posts: 14 Member
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    God I could've written the OP - am not in a good place on many levels. Have been trying to lose weight / get fit for 5 years now and am at my heaviest. I even weigh more than at full gestation with each of my first three children which sickens me to the core. Every day is the same: eat all day, feel cranky & sick by evening, anxious & depressed going to bed after yet another failed attempt to get a grip of myself. I do have general anxiety disorder (not depression) which doesnt help.
    Feeling very lost so am interested in reading responses to OP
  • skellymama1
    skellymama1 Posts: 83 Member
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    Ok, firstly I am the same weight and height as you give or take a few pounds. I most definitely am not nor do I think of myself as revolting.
    So you need to stop with the negative self talk.
    Second, you are 30/40 lbs overweight, you don't have cancer! So lighten up!!

    Make a plan and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
    Personally I think being at home with smallies is pretty hard going and a bit mind numbingly boring so its easy to feel depressed.
    Start meal planning and prepping including baking, let the kids help. Organise their nap time and exercise then, get out and walk, walk , walk with the buggy or cycle with them!
    There must be other military wives near you? Some who probably feel the same as you. Why not arrange a coffee/ play date morning? Create a support group for yourself, this is vital for sahm. Then as you get to know each other better you can take each others kids for an hour during the week maybe?
    You need to reclaim yourself as a person and make some space/time for yourself.
    I don't know anything about being in the military so I don't know if or when your husband is home but when he is you need to use that time to go for a jog/fitness class etc.
    Honestly you just sound like you are stuck in a rut, you need to get off your bum and start making some small changes.
  • karleeggarner
    karleeggarner Posts: 37 Member
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    skellymama1 wrote: »
    Ok, firstly I am the same weight and height as you give or take a few pounds. I most definitely am not nor do I think of myself as revolting.
    So you need to stop with the negative self talk.
    Second, you are 30/40 lbs overweight, you don't have cancer! So lighten up!!

    Make a plan and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
    Personally I think being at home with smallies is pretty hard going and a bit mind numbingly boring so its easy to feel depressed.
    Start meal planning and prepping including baking, let the kids help. Organise their nap time and exercise then, get out and walk, walk , walk with the buggy or cycle with them!
    There must be other military wives near you? Some who probably feel the same as you. Why not arrange a coffee/ play date morning? Create a support group for yourself, this is vital for sahm. Then as you get to know each other better you can take each others kids for an hour during the week maybe?
    You need to reclaim yourself as a person and make some space/time for yourself.
    I don't know anything about being in the military so I don't know if or when your husband is home but when he is you need to use that time to go for a jog/fitness class etc.
    Honestly you just sound like you are stuck in a rut, you need to get off your bum and start making some small changes.

    Can I just thank you! I know some people would get offended by your abrupt response, but it's just what I need to hear. I spent all my life (before marriage and kids) playing soccer so I'm use to having a coach push me, encourage me and tell me what to do. I'm blessed to have a husband that loves me how I am, but I wish he could push me and encourage me to get out of this rut for the sake of my well being. I want to lose weight and get healthy for me, not to impress anyone else. I know I'm not obese, but it's the biggest I personally have ever been and it's shocking to me. I weighed this much during pregnancy but I was OK with that because I had a baby inside me! I have no excuses now.

    My depression and social anxiety are a different matter all together.

    I've made a plan that I think I will be able to stick to. One that is challenging but not overwhelming. Working with a physical therapist was a great move for me and my eyes are opened to what the root of my physical limitations are and how to overcome them. I plan to eat more protein, complex carbs and fresh produce. I plan to stick to our regular family dinners without worrying wether it's the healthiest for me, because I have been eating great all the rest of the day. Eating as a family is more important to me. Of course I will still encourage my children to try new foods in small amounts and hopefully over time their food inventories will increase.

    A rut is exactly what I have been in and it has lasted long enough. It's time for me to give back to myself. I have given everything to my children and supporting my husband. Surely some personal goals and focus on becoming a better me doesn't make me selfish (right?). By focusing a little on myself I will become happier and an even stronger foundation for my family.
  • karleeggarner
    karleeggarner Posts: 37 Member
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    decembre2015 wrote: »
    God I could've written the OP - am not in a good place on many levels. Have been trying to lose weight / get fit for 5 years now and am at my heaviest. I even weigh more than at full gestation with each of my first three children which sickens me to the core. Every day is the same: eat all day, feel cranky & sick by evening, anxious & depressed going to bed after yet another failed attempt to get a grip of myself. I do have general anxiety disorder (not depression) which doesnt help.
    Feeling very lost so am interested in reading responses to OP

    It is discouraging to see the scale at a number that you only saw before during pregnancy! I had a good reason for that weight gain, this time not very good reasons! Being a mother is so hard! But I want to be a better mother so I know it's time to pick myself up and even ask for help. I haven't been successfull in doing it on my own before so it's time to try a new way.

    I'm starting a new morning routine that begins with me getting up before anyone else so that I can have the peace and quiet of the house to get my mind in the right place each morning. I can plan my day and start off on the right track. Of course this is difficult when my 2 yr old keeps waking up at 4 am, but that won't last. I keep my goals taped to the walls all around me to try to keep me focused. Next to them are words of motivation to improve my self doubt and to instill positive vibes.

    I hope you can find some time for yourself too. I'm in a good place at this moment, but only a week ago I was really really down. It is so hard to stay motivated in those times. It's so hard stick to a plan when your moods fluctuate so drastically and frequently. But I think trying counts for something. Getting started seems to be the hardest part. But planning ahead can help so I'm trying that and I hope it gets me up that hill even if just one step a day.
  • Sumiblue
    Sumiblue Posts: 1,597 Member
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    I'm a SAHM, too. But older & shorter. I'm 47 & 5'2". I started lifting when my daughter was 3 & she was in pre k only 3 days a week. I scheduled workouts when she was in school & if she was with me I took her with me on walks, hikes. I would do pull ups at the playground while keeping an eye on her. Even though you say you'd rather not exercise with your kids (I do understand that) walking with kids in a stroller is great for exercise & entertains the kids.
    I'm in a good place now since my daughter is in kindergarten 5 days a week. That's when I exercise. But, I have anxiety & depression & sought help. I'm on Zoloft now & it helps. Exercise does, too.
    I will say, diet is the biggest piece of the equation. Get that nailed down & walk or do some body weight exercises. I like the FitStar app.
  • skellymama1
    skellymama1 Posts: 83 Member
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    @karleeggarner
    Oops I didn't mean to come across as so abrupt, but I just said it as I see it in your post. There is literally nothing stopping you but you!
    Go easy, enjoy your family.
    It is absolutely essential to take time to look after yourself, a happy mommy equals a happy everybody. Don't rush it, live in the moment day to day. I used to be the same I used to get so caught up in my own head thinking about all the things I wanted to be and do and plan and stuff that it used to overwhelm me. So I had to stop because I was wasting everyday by fretting about the future stuff.
    CICO really is the key to weightloss , exercise is for fitness and health. Although I will say if you had always been physically active and had hobbies it sounds like you need to make time to have these in your life again. This could have a lot to do with your depression anxiety etc.
    Being a wife and mom isn't the only thing you are. You are still you and you are entitled to live a happy life. Running yourself into the ground and being miserable isn't a necessary requirement to be the best mom. Make time for yourself to be happy now , your kids are small but as they grow and become more independent you will have more time for yourself. It will be great for them to see you happy, active and teaching them to enjoy their life.
    You can do this.
    Good luck.
  • psychgirl_02
    psychgirl_02 Posts: 10 Member
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    First, see a doctor to get help for the depression. Weight loss shouldn't be a main focus until you're healing your mental health. Second, you're exercising all day running, bending, and carrying kids. That's a workout! Think if it that way. Any activity is exercise! Start logging all your activity with an app. You'll be surprised I bet. If you want something more, can another person babysit for an hour? A neighbor or another military mom? An hour kid-free would do you and your mental health good.

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