Gaining great muscle and fighting body dysmorphia - women

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serapel
serapel Posts: 502 Member
edited December 2016 in Fitness and Exercise
I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.

Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.

I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.

I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.

I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.

....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.

I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.



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Replies

  • scottdewhurst83
    scottdewhurst83 Posts: 3 Member
    edited December 2016
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    Google 'noomi rapace muscles' or 'Becky Lynch' if you want further inspiration that muscular development looks great. Physical changes are always fairly daunting when you view yourself with judgemental eyes, you just need to give yourself time to mentally adapt to these positive changes. Men do not have the monopoly on looking strong and great thankfully.
  • MonkeyMel21
    MonkeyMel21 Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I struggle with this at some points too. Especially when I am in the weight room and look over to see a slim petite girl on the elliptical. My husband can't keep his hands off me at any point in time so that's nice validation, lol.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Body Dysmorphia isn't just a problem for women....
  • serapel
    serapel Posts: 502 Member
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    my inspiration when I feel "manly"...watched my husband salivate during the olympics...

    http://theathleticbuild.com/the-top-50-hottest-female-athletes-of-2016/
  • Joanna2012B
    Joanna2012B Posts: 1,448 Member
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    I suffer from body dysmorphia as well! I still struggle to see all the gains that I have made that everyone else can see. I still see my flabby stomach and the fat left on my thighs....but I keep working! I bet you look FABULOUS!!!!!
  • glassofroses
    glassofroses Posts: 653 Member
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    I was just thinking about this the other day. I struggle the most when I want to wear certain styles of trousers (cigarette!) but my quads/calves are too muscular for my waist size. They aren't even that big, y'know! I just remember that my legs are my greatest asset to my sport, kickboxing, and I wouldn't change them for the world. Your body serves a purpose and it isn't to be 'skinny'. People just want us to think that so we don't take over the world. :wink:
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    edited December 2016
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    So, YouTube has this channel called "Female Motivation" that has videos of all these accomplished female lifters. I am going to guess that the aim of these videos is to show women that strength and fitness is beautiful. But, I must admit that, as a male, these videos of all these gorgeous, fit women in form-fitting clothing and various states of workout undress, is rather titillating -- and that is not lost on those who post those videos.
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1QnqLngjcsDDvtR0362iPg
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    This thread is interesting.

    With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.

    I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.
  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    This thread is interesting.

    With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.

    I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.

    If those are your thighs & tushy in your profile pic, you look very feminine to me. I don't know if outside opinions help with self-perception, but I thought I'd share in case it does.
  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    This thread is interesting.

    With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.

    I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.

    I've never been big, but when thin have been referred to as having a "boyish" figure. Which is *kitten*, my tiny boobs nursed 4 kids, slim hips were no impediment to having them, either. That is a womanly body by my definition, because it is very functional as a female body.

    Still, I did feel despair when some of my daughters had more waist definition as toddlers than I do as an adult, or ever did.

    Muscular development actually tilts me more toward stereotypically female shape, bigger legs and butt. My arms and back get great definition but not much mass.

    What was dreadfully disappointing to me was finding out that lats cause bra strap squish. I never had fat there, and thought the squish only came from fat, but when I built the muscle, boom, bra strap squish.

    And I feel your pain on the dysmorpia - my kids are constantly telling me I have this, and I think it is true. Always, thinner looks better to me, I cannot trust the mirror.
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
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    I am glad to see you have reconsidered and will continue to work your back. I have a couple female friends whole are quite muscular. Although they love the way the muscles look and make them feel, they struggle a lot with years and years of being told women shouldn't have them. It's really unfortunate that that is the struggle they and so many other women face.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    robininfl wrote: »
    I've never been big, but when thin have been referred to as having a "boyish" figure. Which is *kitten*, my tiny boobs nursed 4 kids, slim hips were no impediment to having them, either. That is a womanly body by my definition, because it is very functional as a female body.

    Still, I did feel despair when some of my daughters had more waist definition as toddlers than I do as an adult, or ever did.

    Muscular development actually tilts me more toward stereotypically female shape, bigger legs and butt. My arms and back get great definition but not much mass.

    What was dreadfully disappointing to me was finding out that lats cause bra strap squish. I never had fat there, and thought the squish only came from fat, but when I built the muscle, boom, bra strap squish.

    And I feel your pain on the dysmorpia - my kids are constantly telling me I have this, and I think it is true. Always, thinner looks better to me, I cannot trust the mirror.

    Good points and I can identify with several. Especially your first paragraph and your remarks on muscle development tilting you toward a stereotypical female shape. My thighs/butt are probably following that as well.
    Sara1791 wrote: »
    If those are your thighs & tushy in your profile pic, you look very feminine to me. I don't know if outside opinions help with self-perception, but I thought I'd share in case it does.

    Aw, you are sweet, thank you :) My husband assures me of the same. I just have to get it through to my brain.

  • serapel
    serapel Posts: 502 Member
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    sardelsa wrote: »
    I have specific aesthetic goals. A larger upper body does not fit well with those goals. Don't get me wrong, I find muscle and females with muscle wonderful and I admire them, but I do not want it for myself. When I flex I look pretty muscular (IMO), but in reality I am not and I love it like that.

    I think we are all entitled to strive for what physique we desire without being made to feel bad. You don't want big lats? Don't feel guilty for not wanting that and perhaps either don't use progressive overload or cut down on training them. Some women prefer to look more slender and lean rather than ripped or muscular, nothing wrong with that at all.

    I hear all the time "women won't get bulky" .. but what if they are trying to gain? See, I am bulking, I am eating at surplus, so yes, in my case there is the potential to grow so I have to be mindful of that. My programming is very specific and does not include a ton of upper body volume.. and so far my results have been exactly what I am hoping to achieve.


    You have made some great and valid points. I could ease up on the progressive overload if I am happy with the results I have achieved and I am very much so.

    But the barbell hip thrust will always be my biyach. I will conquer that biyach!!!!
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    serapel wrote: »
    I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.

    Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.

    I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.

    I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.

    I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.

    ....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.

    I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.



    Is that the same thing when opposite?

    Because I feel thin and fit all the time.

    wpcrzyjjm7mq.jpg
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    serapel wrote: »
    I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.

    Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.

    I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.

    I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.

    I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.

    ....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.

    I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.



    Is that the same thing when opposite?

    Because I feel thin and fit all the time.

    wpcrzyjjm7mq.jpg

    The opposite is what's colloquially termed as "bigorexia". It's when bodybuilders, no matter how muscular and cut they get, still see themselves as small and soft in the mirror. They can never be big enough or ripped enough.
  • Sumiblue
    Sumiblue Posts: 1,597 Member
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    I get you. My back is very muscular. I love it in workout clothing. I'm self conscious about it in say, a strapless Summer dress. But, I was not happy when I was overweight and had more fat. I'm actually smaller now but look muscular.

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