I need some advice
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I'm vegan, and I really prefer people let me bring my own food. Because what happens when I don't? They put all this effort into making whatever, and then it turns out there is meat/egg/dairy hidden in some seasoning packet/they use chicken broth (duh), or they don't check the bread crumbs for eggs, and on and on. Or, it's actually vegan, but it's just a plate of steamed veggies with lemon juice. When I bring my own food, I know it's actually vegan, and I know I want to eat it. I also always bring enough to share, so other people can eat awesome vegan food.
How I would take this would also partially depend on the way it's said, and how the person generally treats me. When I go to my MILs house, I cook all my own food. She eats it too and loves it, she just doesn't know how to cook anything that isn't basically meat, potatoes, and butter. BUT, she's super sweet and nice to me, and I love her. Other relatives, are just jerks who don't care though, and I just shrug it off and avoid them, because they're jerks.0 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Christinith77 wrote: »My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!
How is that relevant (in bold)?
Thanksgiving, one person brought sides, another brought meat and bread, another brought drinks and dessert, another brought cultural favorites.
Each person contributed what they enjoy best about the meal and it was wonderful.
No one complained they had to bring something.
As the WIFE, maybe they they are expecting you to contribute to the culinary delight of the family.
But instead, you are talking about you as a CHILD, and what your parents did for you. Guess what?
I think they are more interested in seeing what YOU are doing (and cooking) for their SON.
You are looking to see them step up to the plate as your 2nd set of parents, when they might be looking to see you step up to the plate as a WOMAN prepared to care for a family.
Just saying. They are giving you an OPPORTUNITY to impress them.
So impress them.
Because it means they have exceptional culinary knowledge? Clearly there must be a correlation.
I agree with all this perhaps they wanted you to offer to contribute to the meal. As someone who is making the Christmas meal it's really nice when people offer and if they have special dietary restrictions it's especially nice because it means I can focus on the meal the majority will eat rather than creating an entirely special menu for the restrictions.3 -
I did offer to bring something. They said they are making prime rib, and to bring whatever I want to eat. I've had them over for dinner many times, and I always make meat and side dishes. I guess I just feel that I put more effort to accommodate them than they do for me. It's ok though. I'm over it already. You guys have all talked me down from my hurt feelings.
P.S. I'm not one of these people who need a participation trophy. I'm not like that. You don't know anything about me other than that I am a vegetarian. (For some reason I can't quote specific posts on my phone. It won't even let me like any posts. Idk what's up with that)4 -
Atta girl, now that's a Christmas spirit! I am sure they'll appreciate your time and effort if you bring something yummy to the family dinner. They might make it up to you in some other way.1
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Christinith77 wrote: »I did offer to bring something. They said they are making prime rib, and to bring whatever I want to eat. I've had them over for dinner many times, and I always make meat and side dishes. I guess I just feel that I put more effort to accommodate them than they do for me. It's ok though. I'm over it already. You guys have all talked me down from my hurt feelings.
P.S. I'm not one of these people who need a participation trophy. I'm not like that. You don't know anything about me other than that I am a vegetarian. (For some reason I can't quote specific posts on my phone. It won't even let me like any posts. Idk what's up with that)
@Christinith77 my apologies. I wasn't directing that towards you as you've stated many times already that you were looking to vent a bit but remained understanding.
But there are folks posting that have expectations of accommodation. If everyone lived by that and felt that way, we'd be living in quite a sorry society.
So again, my apologies if you felt that was directed towards you...0 -
No worries!
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its your life style, your choice, don't be a overly sensitive about it... take what ever you want over there to eat.0
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If I knew a vegetarian was coming to a holiday dinner I would ask them what their favorite holiday vegetarian dish was and I'd make that for them along side everything else. It would be the considerate thing to do. I'd also make sure that I left meat out of other things (like no bacon bits in salad, or on top of broccoli salad, etc.) and put that stuff on the side for anyone who wants it. It's not that big of deal. Granted, I probably wouldn't make a tofurkey (I wouldn't know how) but I'm sure the vegetarian would likely have some recipe they liked that I could handle.3
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My wife has a collection of food issues. My parents (now just my Dad) have tried to accommodate, but any time they've shown me something they think will work, I find something on the ingredient list that doesn't. Gluten free with potato starch doesn't work, for example. My wife cooks and brings her own meal for Christmas.
Honestly, if I had a vegetarian coming over, I'd be reluctant to try to cook as I don't know if that means no eggs, dairy etc. I'd rather it became a potluck and they brought what they knew they could eat.
Glad your over the bad feelings. Enjoy your in-laws (I don't enjoy mine, but not food related) and you time together.
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Your husband should be advocating for you.0
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Spliner1969 wrote: »If I knew a vegetarian was coming to a holiday dinner I would ask them what their favorite holiday vegetarian dish was and I'd make that for them along side everything else. It would be the considerate thing to do. I'd also make sure that I left meat out of other things (like no bacon bits in salad, or on top of broccoli salad, etc.) and put that stuff on the side for anyone who wants it. It's not that big of deal. Granted, I probably wouldn't make a tofurkey (I wouldn't know how) but I'm sure the vegetarian would likely have some recipe they liked that I could handle.
Ditto. Especially my daughter in law.0 -
Overly sensitive2
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I'm not a vegetarian - I love a nice slab 'o meat, but who doesn't make side dishes for Christmas?? It seems bizarre. Are you sure you understood correctly, and they didn't just mean they weren't making a vegetarian MAIN dish? I can't imagine anyone having *just* meat and munchies for Christmas dinner.1
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I'm not a vegetarian - I love a nice slab 'o meat, but who doesn't make side dishes for Christmas?? It seems bizarre. Are you sure you understood correctly, and they didn't just mean they weren't making a vegetarian MAIN dish? I can't imagine anyone having *just* meat and munchies for Christmas dinner.
This is what I was thinking too - it would be one thing if they were making sides that contained meat, like putting green beans in the bacon. That would be a bit of a slap in the OP's face. But not making any sides to go with your rib roast? Everyone is missing out there, and it seems very odd to me. Unless they're roasting root veggies along with the roast, in the same pan... But is there bread? Is there anything other than rib roast and carrot sticks? That would never fly with my family, we always have enough food to feed a group 5 times our size!0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You need to talk about how an animal lived happily and now it's dead on the table.
You give thanks for that animal when you say your prayers. Just remember that prior to vegetarians and vegans, people relied on the flesh of an animal to survive. I'm talking when dudes were fig leaves and the ladies were Wilma and Betty. So if you want to put someone down and try to make them feel badly about eating meat, just remember that we wouldn't be here if it weren't for surviving off these animals.
By the way, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being vegan or a vegetarian, because there absolutely isn't. But humans survived on meat long before there was any such idea as being vegan or a vegetarian...2 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Because humans survived on meat in the neanderthal age, the OP needs to bring her own veggie food in the house of her in-laws?!
That sounds like a wonderful atmosphere. Red carpet welcome.
I really wish your reading comprehension was above sub-par...
Unfortunately you are who you are and that isn't going to change
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It's rude, they are family, they know better. It's not like it's strangers.
I get really pissed when people invite me places and I have to bring my own darn food, like seriously, you invited me to do what? Sit around and starve or eat sides? I might as well stay home then.0 -
littlechiaseed wrote: »It's rude, they are family, they know better. It's not like it's strangers.
I get really pissed when people invite me places and I have to bring my own darn food, like seriously, you invited me to do what? Sit around and starve or eat sides? I might as well stay home then.
Because it's all about the food, definitely. Spending time with your loved ones doesn't matter at all.
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In my house, if I invite you for dinner, I ask if you have any dietary restrictions. Why? I'm allergic to wheat. My brother gets violently ill from anything containing corn. My son is diabetic. It doesn't take much effort to meet people's dietary needs, if you know what they are. I consider that basic hospitality.0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I wish I can reach your level one day. Keep me in your little prayers.benmullins4 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Because humans survived on meat in the neanderthal age, the OP needs to bring her own veggie food in the house of her in-laws?!
That sounds like a wonderful atmosphere. Red carpet welcome.
I really wish your reading comprehension was above sub-par...
Unfortunately you are who you are and that isn't going to change
You won't though. And I'll save my prayers for those who truly deserve them1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
You don't sound like the one who loses faith in the "power" of prayer this fast.benmullins4 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I wish I can reach your level one day. Keep me in your little prayers.benmullins4 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Because humans survived on meat in the neanderthal age, the OP needs to bring her own veggie food in the house of her in-laws?!
That sounds like a wonderful atmosphere. Red carpet welcome.
I really wish your reading comprehension was above sub-par...
Unfortunately you are who you are and that isn't going to change
You won't though. And I'll save my prayers for those who truly deserve them
Sometimes we just know when it's a lost cause0 -
I just think it's odd that there aren't any side dishes...I like meat, but I couldn't imagine just eating meat and munchies...
Personally, I'm someone who enjoys entertaining and part of that enjoyment comes from my guest's experience. When it comes to entertaining guests, I'm a pretty accommodating guy...I want my guests to feel comfortable and welcome and I want them to enjoy themselves.
We entertain quite a bit, even outside of the holidays...I usually will contact my guests before hand with what I'm considering for the menu to make sure they're ok with this or that or to see if they have aversions to anything (like surprisingly, a lot of people don't like mushrooms).
I had a vegan friend over for Thanksgiving and I made a lentil shepherd's pie for her as none of my other foods and sides were vegan except for the salad...she was appreciative of both the fact that she had somewhere to go for Thanksgiving as well as my willingness to prepare something for her...
So IDK...I guess I don't understand why someone wouldn't be more accommodating if they're hosting/entertaining...
ETA:...crap...I just realized that everything I'm making for my Christmas Eve open house party has meat in it...posole, pork tamales, chicken tamales...bacon wrapped scallops and cold smoked salmon...I'm sure a couple of my vegetarian friends will be stopping by so I'm going to have to rectify that...0 -
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Christinith77 wrote: »My husband's dad and stepmom have invited us over for dinner xmas evening to eat and exchange gifts. The only problem is that I'm a vegetarian (my entire life) and they aren't planning on having anything other than rib roast and a few munchies, which usually is chips and dip and carrots and celery.
I asked if I can bring anything and she said anything vegetarian that I would want to eat.
Is it just me or is it kind of rude to invite to dinner who you know doesn't eat meat, and only serve meat for dinner? Am I just being overly sensitive?
Honestly no you're not being overly sensitive this isn't a new fad for you this is your lifestyle. As your in-laws I'd think they are well aware of this and are being very rude. I'm don't blame your husband for their actions but I do believe he should step in and say something or respectfully decline the invite if his other half won't be accommodated. Not saying they should make a full meal but what would a side dish hurt?0 -
Are you married to Fred Flinstone?
Just eat before you go and also bring a nice side dish to share with all.
Sounds like there's some passive-aggressive weirdness going on with the meat-only and no side-dish thing, but just rise above it. Don't let it ruin your holiday. I don't think you're crazy.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Christinith:
I have put together a five point plan on how you may troll your in-laws:
1. Cow farts contribute the highest to greenhouse gases, enjoy the rib roast.
2. The changing weather patterns caused the ongoing refugee crisis in the middle east
3. Were these cows humanely raised?
4. Do you know my contribution to the near extinction of polarbears in the Arctic circa 2075? Nada!
5. Oh by the way... the cholesterol content in the food I eat is Zero.
@Cutaway_Collar
1- Wouldn't butchering cattle for consumption nullify this first stupid point?
2- And how is eating meat contributing?
3- ONLY valid point
4- How did polar bears get involved? Aren't they already low in numbers, and not because you can buy it in grocery stores?
5- Does your wife approve your posts prior to you clicking ok?
Mind you, maybe she doesn't want to be a dyck at their family holiday gathering...0 -
@Cutaway_Collar why the F don't you ever bite?!?!0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Ben, greenhouse gases come out of a green house right?
Duh0 -
You guys are cracking me up
haha 1 -
I just texted the stepmom in law to ask if there will be any sides, and she said shrimp and cocktail sauce. So the dinner is meat and a meat side dish. And the rib roast is for rib roast sandwiches, but no veggies for that kind of sandwich. I guess I can put some carrots and celery that they will have to dip alongside the chips and dip in a bun and eat that while they are eating their sandwiches.0
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