Feeling Like A Failure - 345lbs
courtneyallisonatx
Posts: 133 Member
I stepped on the scale this morning and almost had an emotional breakdown. 345lbs. I have never been this heavy in my life.
Things have been difficult lately for me - walking, reaching, steps, putting a tampon in, breathing. I want to lose weight for myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to not want to die everytime I walk up the stairs, and have sex with my fiance without cramping. I can use all the help I can get, I don't even know where to start. My Fiance and I see a trainer twice a week to workout, but it just proves how important food actually is. Add me.
Things have been difficult lately for me - walking, reaching, steps, putting a tampon in, breathing. I want to lose weight for myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to not want to die everytime I walk up the stairs, and have sex with my fiance without cramping. I can use all the help I can get, I don't even know where to start. My Fiance and I see a trainer twice a week to workout, but it just proves how important food actually is. Add me.
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Replies
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your likely to find most exercise quite difficult to begin with so focus on cico. aim for a deficit, and dont ever comfort eat if your feeling down.8
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Getting stared is half the battle. There is a lot of great information out there, but there is also a lot of dieting myths that will only keep you confused. I recommend starting here for reading:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10300331/most-helpful-posts-getting-started-must-reads#latest
Log daily and accurately. There will be ups and downs, but stay persistent.9 -
I know exactly how you feel but believe me, you only fail if you stop trying. You've already started a workout routine and you're here reaching out to others for help and advice. That's a great first step so don't give up on yourself! I've just started on MFP myself but I'm finding it a great tool to keep me on track nutritionally..... much better than just writing down on paper what you're eating b/c it gives you the calorie/fat/carb/sugar & protein calculations. That really helps make better food choices....and also to realize that you don't have to (and absolutely shouldn't) starve yourself! Just take one day at a time, one step at a time and set realistic goals. If today you can only do 10 minutes on the treadmill try adding a minute a day until you've worked up to where you want to be. Try not to get overwhelmed by the total amount of weight you have to lose....instead set a realistic monthly goal and reward yourself with something that makes you feel good when you achieve it.
Good luck on your journey!!10 -
Thank you all so much for your kind words, they mean a lot to me.10
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Start small.
Begin logging all your food here on MFP. Buy a food scale if you don't already have one and weigh all your solids and measure all your liquids. Be honest with yourself and log everything you put into your mouth. After you have logging down, begin trying to reduce portion sizes and stay within your daily calorie allotment.
Be kind to yourself. Don't set too aggressive goals. Don't think about all the weight you have to lose. Just focus on five pounds. Just lose the first five pounds and then next five and so on. You will have bad days. We all do. Just keep logging and keep going.7 -
It is easy to feel like a failure...all you have to do is either never try or give up when it gets hard.
To be successful is hard...it means work...determination...persistence...and maybe the hardest of all is to forgive yourself when you are not perfect.
I know...I have been there myself...more than once.
What I have learned is that I am successful when I keep trying...even after setbacks.
I do small goals at a time...5lbs at a time...no matter how long that takes me. Adding distance and or time to my walks. Adding even just a couple of pounds to my weights or being able to do a few more reps.
I also had to learn to love myself as I am before I could even begin to want to improve myself...become healthier...become more active.
Have you failed at this point??? I don't know...you are here asking for help...you are seeing a trainer...just doesn't sound as if you have completely given up. What you do from this point on is up to you...do you want to fail or do you want to succeed?
My last bit of advice...Before you can succeed you have to rid yourself of the idea that you have already failed.3 -
Here is my advice.
Be gentle with yourself. Life can be difficult. Forgive yourself and move on.
Log your meals honestly and accurately. Use a food scale. Log everything you eat.
Aim for modest calorie deficits daily. Don't overeat or undereat. Don't ban any specific foods. Just eat them in moderation.
Eat when you are hungry. That prevents overeating later. Just log everything and try to stay within your calorie budget. Try to replace carbs and simple sugars with proteins and higher fiber alternatives, when possible.
Get some kind of physical activity every day. When you can do more, do more.
Don't focus on the big weight loss goal. Focus on the small successes that move you toward it. Every day you log your meals is a success. Every day you hit your calorie target (or even just stay at or below maintenance) is a success. Every time you take the stairs is a success. Every walk is a success. Every bite of dessert not eaten is a success. Every workout is a success. And every one of those successes is a gift to yourself that will improve your long-term health and well-being.
If you make those things a habit, you will lose weight and keep it off.
Good luck. You got this!9 -
Some great comments / advice so far!
The only thing I can add, is take a stroll around through the success stories section of the forum. Find people who have similar stories, and message / add them as friends. Knowing someone understands, is awesome!
You are not alone! You're honesty is inspiring! You found the right path, now it's just a matter of making your way along it.6 -
The only failure is failure to continue. If you have an off day, just accept it and move on. Don't look back at the past, live in the moment and consider the future. Set reasonable goals (start with a max of 1 lb per week and adjust after a month.) Log everything and don't deny yourself treats that you like, budget them in. Eat half the calories you burn exercising and keep on keeping on.
This is not a plan to deny yourself happiness. This is a pure case of tortoise and the hare, the tortoise always wins. Get to a healthy weight but don't set a number by X day. Realize that weight loss is not a linear progression but is a factor of averages.
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Sent you a friend request. And really I agree so much with being gentle on yourself. Start small, weigh your food, and log consistently. We all started this journey somewhere. Make a promise to yourself. Whenever I feel like grabbing for extra food that isn't within my calorie goals I have to force myself to stop and think--what do I want more, these cookies/chips/pizza/bagels/mashed potatoes/etc or to feel comfortable in my own skin? Would I rather have this VERY temporary enjoyment or would I rather have new clothing? The journey is a series of small decisions that add up to BIG results!
XO1 -
You're getting great advice, but I'll add my two cents as well:
Someone said be kind to yourself - this times a million! You're getting healthier, which is a beginning. Everyone has moments where they don't feel they've done something perfectly. If you're like me, sometimes you beat yourself up over that. Don't. You're trying, and that is an amazing thing.
Commit to being honest with yourself. The hardest thing I had to do was commit to honestly logging all of my food and drink even when I didn't like how high the calories were going. Committing to doing it anyway helped me learn which foods were higher calorie and which ones I could eat a lot of for fewer calories. Eventually, without even realizing it, I was substituting lower calorie foods for things I had been eating on a regular basis... and enjoying them. The weight came off for me and it will for you too as long as you're honest with yourself.
You have totally got this. :flowerforyou:6 -
I honestly can not thank you all enough. I have found myself in tears reading some of your responses. I know I beat myself up so bad. Earlier this week I was looking at buying seatbelt extenders because my boyfriend owns a tiny car and the seatbelts are getting too small, I had this moment of "wait, instead of being uncomfortable enough to change it i'm trying to just find a way around getting fatter" I immediately exed out of the page. I know I can do this if I really set my mind to it, and control my ridiculous food cravings. I have had issues with food my entire life, but I feel like now is the time to overcome them. You are all so amazing and your words of encouragement mean so much to me!8
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While I agree with not beating yourself up. However...for me...how I got to be obese and out of shape...I think I was TOO kind and gentle on myself.
I find handing out some tough love to myself does more for me. It gets me back on track...makes me take a hard look at my failures and try to figure out why I failed.
I am prone to rationalizing not eating properly or not exercising when I am being too gentle with myself. I can always find an excuse or a reason to say...this is just too hard today.
OP...I am not trying to be nasty...I just think that sometimes we need to be honest with ourselves. Do you feel as if you are a failure because you are feeling sorry for yourself??? Or it is just too hard???
Believe me...I have been where you are. Right now...I am being really hard on myself. I need to be or I will look for every reason to give up. I can find so many reasons to eat too much and to not exercise...I lose sight at times mainly because in the short run...it is too easy to feel sorry for myself.
OP...this post in reality is maybe more for myself than for you so please accept my apology if I have offended you. It is just that I am old and don't have that many more years to get it right. I just don't want to see some young person give up that has their whole life still ahead of them. I want to see you young people live a happy and healthy life that you deserve.
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I spent the first two weeks on MFP simply logging all my current foods honestly and completely, as well as learning how to weigh and measure everything accurately. Didn't make any changes to my diet - I just wanted to get a handle on how much I was *really* consuming in an average week.
The results of that were eye-opening.
Then I started making small, sustainable, gradual changes to what I ate and how much activity (walking) I did. Once you get the hang of it and start seeing results, that in and of itself is very motivating.
And I agree to set small goals for yourself. The big picture can be overwhelming. And realize that if you have a day that you didn't do so well, the next day is a brand new opportunity to do better.
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Reading through all of the responses I agree with everyone. Give yourself the credit that you have identified the issue and you are working towards it. We are all going to have good days and bad, just don't give up and let the bad outnumber the good. The key is to always be honest with yourself, log your food and exercise and revisit it often to see where you can improve. Best of luck!3
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courtneyallisonatx wrote: »I stepped on the scale this morning and almost had an emotional breakdown. 345lbs. I have never been this heavy in my life.
Things have been difficult lately for me - walking, reaching, steps, putting a tampon in, breathing. I want to lose weight for myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to not want to die everytime I walk up the stairs, and have sex with my fiance without cramping. I can use all the help I can get, I don't even know where to start. My Fiance and I see a trainer twice a week to workout, but it just proves how important food actually is. Add me.
You can do it! It's so much simpler than our minds make it out to be. 100% is diet and exercise is a bonus. Find you TDEE and eat less than that! YOU CAN AND YOU WILL DO IT if you focus on WHY you are doing it and keep it simple!1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »I spent the first two weeks on MFP simply logging all my current foods honestly and completely, as well as learning how to weigh and measure everything accurately. Didn't make any changes to my diet - I just wanted to get a handle on how much I was *really* consuming in an average week.
The results of that were eye-opening.
Oh my god, THIS!! My first day on MFP, I was like "but i only eat about 1200 a day." then I added it all up one day accurately and dear god, I was eating 4000cal in one meal! and I tell you, that shocked me!ShowingProgress wrote: »Stay focused, consistent and motivated. Create good habits. Stay busy, keep your mind active (don't sit in front of the tv or play on your computer/phone) and you find that your mind isn't on food.
I have to agree with this too. Make exercise a hobby, not a chore and if you can't do that, find something else to focus on so you're not sitting there dreading the exercise. it's amazing how quick it becomes a part of your daily routine. Brush teeth, brush hair, 10 mins of exercise, put on make-up. Soon you won't even think about it.courtneyallisonatx wrote: »Earlier this week I was looking at buying seatbelt extenders because my boyfriend owns a tiny car and the seatbelts are getting too small, I had this moment of "wait, instead of being uncomfortable enough to change it i'm trying to just find a way around getting fatter" I immediately exed out of the page.
wooo, go you!! you can do this and in a year you'll love yourself for starting today!!3 -
Don't make it any more complicated than it already is. Start making small changes to your daily habits. Before you know it, those changes become good habits, and you're on your way! Stay away from overly processed foods, eat a balance of carbs, fats, and protein, and do your best to move every day. As much as you can, and build from there. Start logging here on MFP, and be honest about what you log. Finally, find some people who are in the same situation as you (here on the site), as well as people who have walked the same path as you and have succeeded. Don't get too high after success, nor too low after failure (and yes, you will have failures). Most important, don't try to do this for anyone else but you. You're worth the effort. Feel free to check out my profile and send a friend request if you'd like. God bless you on your journey.0
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Such a beautiful woman! You've gotten lots of good advice. Just don't try to change everything overnight or aim for too steep of a deficit. You did mention issues with food- I don't know if you meant this in the general sense like we all have, or something more specific, but if you come to find something is holding you back, don't be afraid to seek extra help.
This isn't going to be a short-term project, but there will be lots of benefits along the way, so make a point of enjoying every one. 3 -
I cant add much to all the great advice given so far but I will say, take it slow and take it easy, none of us gained weight over night and it's going to take a while to get rid of it again. Settle in and try to enjoy the journey. Don't try and do everything at once, one poster mentions just logging every thing for the first week or so before you develop a plan, great idea, start by getting a grip on what you have going on right now and then work out how you can start changing things.
From my experience; what you are doing is changing your lifestyle for the positive, it may not always 'feel' like it but it really is, I lost around 90lbs and feel better than I ever have. Do things in moderation, don't deprive yourself as that will just create intense cravings down the line, just be more in control of what you have, frequency and how much. When you can, exercise (water fitness is great to lessen joint problems and other issues), it helps both the body and mind in great ways.
I found that educating myself was a big catalyst to my success as I got further along, watch and read shows and books on nutrition and sugars, there are lots of great documentaries about what processed foods are doing to us, how sugar is killing us and so on, every once in a while take in something like this to help you improve on what you are doing. You can do this, I have had other friends who have lost in the 200lb range and so much happier for it, but none of them will ever say it was all easy, sometimes it really takes work and determination. All the best!2 -
Great advice here, but I still wanted to show my support. Be proud that you are doing something about your weight! Kudos for that! Stay positive Feel free to add me, if you wish! 2
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Hey chick, I sent you a friend request. Listen to the people here, their advice is great. You've already started, so you're on a good path. Don't beat yourself up when you have a bad day. Getting out the door is half the work done. And don't quit!0
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We all fail sometimes. That's life. Good news is, you can stop sh!tty habits right now. Not Monday, not after Xmas. Now. Your choice. Get busy living. The path you're on now is the fast track to disability and death.
https://youtu.be/xgZcJD-KfHI 1 -
You have started, I am sure it is again. But this time, this time, do it slowly, thoughtfully and carefully. In 1 year, only 1 year, you will look back and marvel at the new habits and all the weight you have lost. Think how you will feel! And hold on to that thought when times get difficult. We are not perfect, we are all tempted and we give in, on occasion. But if you stay the course and make small changes, and eat real foods, this time will be the last time. This time, you will get it done and keep it done. Research all the diets out there, then choose one that appeals and is healthy. If it doesn't work, do something else. Keep working at it until it clicks for you.
Be kind but firm with yourself. Eat real foods, be honest in all things concerning food and exercise. Do not reward yourself with food. Do not eat food for comfort. It is fuel, good tasting, but fuel, not happiness or any other emotion.
This is the story of so many of us, me included.
You are a winner because you have started. Just keep going, no matter what.1 -
Nothing different to add, except that you are already doing awesome for not telling yourself that you'll start on Jan. 1. Start today. Just log your food. Get a baseline and find out how many calories you are consuming each day. Even if you do JUST THIS for two weeks, you'll get some good data for starting out.
Hugs to you, OP. You're worth this. You will find a supportive community here, full of people who have been where you are, or have just been down a difficult path in general. We all have our demons. Yours shows on the outside. You'll get there. Never, EVER give up on yourself
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Start small.
Begin logging all your food here on MFP. Buy a food scale if you don't already have one and weigh all your solids and measure all your liquids. Be honest with yourself and log everything you put into your mouth. After you have logging down, begin trying to reduce portion sizes and stay within your daily calorie allotment.
Be kind to yourself. Don't set too aggressive goals. Don't think about all the weight you have to lose. Just focus on five pounds. Just lose the first five pounds and then next five and so on. You will have bad days. We all do. Just keep logging and keep going.
That's what I don't do.. I always think about 'all the weight I have to lose'.. instead of trying to just shoot for the small goals.. I guess it takes practice to try to get it through my head lol0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »I spent the first two weeks on MFP simply logging all my current foods honestly and completely, as well as learning how to weigh and measure everything accurately. Didn't make any changes to my diet - I just wanted to get a handle on how much I was *really* consuming in an average week.
The results of that were eye-opening.
Then I started making small, sustainable, gradual changes to what I ate and how much activity (walking) I did. Once you get the hang of it and start seeing results, that in and of itself is very motivating.
And I agree to set small goals for yourself. The big picture can be overwhelming. And realize that if you have a day that you didn't do so well, the next day is a brand new opportunity to do better.
Totally agree with @snickerscharlie Before you start, just log for a little while - Doing that (and using where possible real data - for instance USDA vs user entered) is an eye opener as to what foods add up to and how.
I was going to do it in the same way, but it was such a shock to my system that I cut out 50% of my snacking within 4 days.
Then start with the small goals - Mine was fitting back in my favorite (too snug) favourite workpants Did not take that long - but then I set my sights on another skirt and then and it snowballed to where I am now.
The good news about being on MFP, though our starting points are all different and our reasons are all different We of all people really understand your feeling. We have walked, are walking and will walk the same path. That feeling of feeling what do I need to do and how do I start. We know it.
Find your way around this place and you will find a lot of help, but the journey is and will be yours to take.0 -
While I agree with not beating yourself up. However...for me...how I got to be obese and out of shape...I think I was TOO kind and gentle on myself.
I find handing out some tough love to myself does more for me. It gets me back on track...makes me take a hard look at my failures and try to figure out why I failed.
I am prone to rationalizing not eating properly or not exercising when I am being too gentle with myself. I can always find an excuse or a reason to say...this is just too hard today.
When I say be kind I mean 'don't hate yourself because you are x amount of pounds'. One thing I have learned from doing this repeatedly over the years is that if I don't love myself at x amount of pounds losing x amount of pounds isn't going to make me love myself. It will never be enough. I will never be good enough in my eyes and it leads to destructive thoughts and behaviors.
When I say be kind I mean 'don't have a meltdown when you overeat or go over your calories one day'. I've been there too. I go over one day or maybe I'm being super restrictive (as I have been in the past) and I eat a cookie and I start calling myself all types of names in my head and then I give up because what's the point?
I'm young, but it's taken me a long time to get to this point where I love myself and trust me I love myself. I loved myself at 214 lbs and I'm going to love myself at 150 lbs (my goal weight) because I am enough.
I am doing this because I love myself and I want to be kind to myself. I want to be healthy. I don't want to destroy my body or destroy my health.
OP, I have had issues with food all my life too. Eating far too many sweets and foods high in calories with poor nutritional value, eating when I'm upset, eating when I'm happy, eating because I'm bored, overeating because I want more food...
I'm from the South and I swear eating seems to be apart of the culture here. At some point, you have to just say enough is enough. Identify the issues and start actively working on them. No, they aren't going to fix themselves overnight, but working on them day after day and accepting that some days you are going to fail and have to pick yourself up and keep going is going to make all the difference.
Just like my fitness level has improved over the last two months my relationship with food is improving. Slowly, but surely I see changes. I cannot imagine where I will be a year from now, but I want to find out.
Just never give up and for help and support, we're always here.3 -
courtneyallisonatx wrote: »I stepped on the scale this morning and almost had an emotional breakdown. 345lbs. I have never been this heavy in my life.
Things have been difficult lately for me - walking, reaching, steps, putting a tampon in, breathing. I want to lose weight for myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to not want to die everytime I walk up the stairs, and have sex with my fiance without cramping. I can use all the help I can get, I don't even know where to start. My Fiance and I see a trainer twice a week to workout, but it just proves how important food actually is. Add me.
Hi Courtney!
Your statement about food is spot on, unless you get your diet in check, seeing a PT 5 days a week won't do anything but lighten your bank account.
Do you plan your meals per day? Are you logging the calories to take in daily? Can you get yourself a fitness watch to help determine the amount of calories you're burning per day?
This is obviously a long journey but once you start seeing results, that alone is motivating even to get you going daily.
Also, see your doctor and talk about options for weight loss. I don't advocate taking medication for weight loss but it sounds like you may be a candidate for some of these medications for weight lose. But unless you change your life style, you'll just gain all the weight back after the end medication cycle.
Frank
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Girl - I get you! I recently went to the Dr and the scale has me at about the same. I NEVER thought I would be this heavy. It's sad and scarry. But i mostly want to feel good about my body - no more aches, pains and struggle! I just want you to know that Im in the same boat and Im doing battle alongside with you ❤
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