husband sabotaging my efforts!

dufferoo
dufferoo Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need help with a husband who is not being very helpful or considerate of my efforts to eat clean and healthy.
He is a good man but he does not have a clue as to how hard it is to stay on a program with all the temptations he brings into to the house. I am doing a hormone reset program and just for 21 days i am trying really hard to focus on the plan. one part of it is limiting sugar and of course he goes ahead and bakes my all time favorite cookies to bring to a potluck and has me chop the nuts!
All the while not understanding why i would be upset and or hurt that he couldn't have offered to bring something healthy for us all. It is going to take all my will power not to eat one but i am going to do it! He will leave them all there so no worries. It just upsets me that he cannot understand how hard this is for me. He has about 10 lbs to lose himself but really can't be bothered with it. He does work out and eat fairly healthy so i do give him that. I guess my beef is i wanted him to be on my team and he doesn't want to play.:( Any one else have these problems?
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Replies

  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    showerbeer182 wrote: »
    That's no beuno...but...just so you know...you can buy prechopped nuts!!!

    This guy lol
    dufferoo wrote: »
    I need help with a husband who is not being very helpful or considerate of my efforts to eat clean and healthy.
    He is a good man but he does not have a clue as to how hard it is to stay on a program with all the temptations he brings into to the house. I am doing a hormone reset program and just for 21 days i am trying really hard to focus on the plan. one part of it is limiting sugar and of course he goes ahead and bakes my all time favorite cookies to bring to a potluck and has me chop the nuts!
    All the while not understanding why i would be upset and or hurt that he couldn't have offered to bring something healthy for us all. It is going to take all my will power not to eat one but i am going to do it! He will leave them all there so no worries. It just upsets me that he cannot understand how hard this is for me. He has about 10 lbs to lose himself but really can't be bothered with it. He does work out and eat fairly healthy so i do give him that. I guess my beef is i wanted him to be on my team and he doesn't want to play.:( Any one else have these problems?

    I feel like this with my boyfriend sometimes....and he didn't need to make your FAVORITE cookies but also remember it's a personal choice and he's not a bad person or inconsiderate if he does not want to diet with you..you might be inconsiderate if you expect him to do it just because you want to. I would love it if my boyfriend would eat healthier and lose weight with me, but I can't force him and to try would be wrong. Have a talk with him. I just told my partner to not order food when he's home with me and if he does buy a burger or something to not be offended if I leave the room or ask him to eat in the other room.
  • ShaleSelkies
    ShaleSelkies Posts: 251 Member
    I think you should be talking to him about this then. Clearly he doesn't seem to understand the effect his actions are having on you or how you would like him to support you in this so I think you should just sit down with him over a preferred beverage communicate openly about what you want and need and let him do the same to come to an agreement over what each of you should and should but be doing for the other while you are on this journey.

    Communication is very important to any relationship and especially when one or more members are in need of support for any reason, and its important the other to understand why each of you is doing what you in order to understand what the actual issue in this case may be. Best of luck to you and I wish you well on the both of your journeys!
  • melto1989
    melto1989 Posts: 140 Member
    If you have kids, there's no avoiding the junk food in the house. Grandmas always buying all sorts of treats I need to resist. You just need to say No in any circumstances.
    Just yesterday my kids were given a giant box of malteasers and my son kept offering them to me I had to resist
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    sorry your hubby is "sabotaging" you,. you have to find the willpower not to eat those things, he can support you but that doesnt mean he cant eat what he wants to.my hubby is like this all the time. I either have to make it fit into my calories or just say no, if you think you have a hormone issue you need to see a dr. there is no scientific proof that a hormone reset does what it claims,(you cant reset anything in your body). and its a very low calorie diet at that.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    Me, personally, having 1 or 2 cookies will not hurt you. but.!!! he is baking while he knows you can't handle the temptation, then throw away all the food that he makes. clean out the house of food that you can not eat.

    He will get the picture one way or another.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    [/quote]
    So he has no right to bake food, or have food that he likes, in the house just because his wife is on a diet? Sounds like a pretty crappy way to have a marriage.[/quote]

    And you would be the person, who would drink a keg, in front of the friend who trying to quite drinking.. Great friendship you would have.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    I started on my path in April 2011. It took until December 2011 for my husband to get on board. Yes, it sucked that he would bring stuff home that wasn't really healthy, and he still does. One of my friends at work and I used to joke that "everyone should be as perfect as we are." My husband isn't perfect and neither am I.

    Have you told him about the things that bother you?

    I remember LOVING popcorn. He would really want popcorn and I would have trouble resisting (not lack of will-power - but lack of discipline). At some point I was strong enough to tell him - "Look, if you make that I'm going to want some, and my food journal can't afford it today."

    One thing that really helped me was having a "snack box". I keep protein bars, snack bags of pretzels, "Jif to go" packets, etc. - basically 100-ish calorie things that I can grab and not do much (if any) damage to the food diary. Right next to it is a dorm fridge (they're in the laundry room) where I have yogurt, string cheese, apple slices, and bottled water. This is my "safe zone" for snacks. That way I don't every have to go into the kitchen for a snack.

    Speak up. Let him know what's helping you and what isn't helping. At some point maybe he'll join you - but don't expect him to. THis isn't his journey, it's yours. You can do this!!!
  • Zieskej
    Zieskej Posts: 33 Member
    Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.
  • showerbeer182
    showerbeer182 Posts: 798 Member
    Zieskej wrote: »
    Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.

    Do you say it like...AREbees....or do you do AIRbees...I've heard it both ways....
  • slong12041989
    slong12041989 Posts: 21 Member
    I went through a sort of similar situation... It sounds like your husband is reacting a lot like my boyfriend did when I first started making the effort to eat healthier.

    He would bring me sweet treats and junk food or try to convince me to eat something "bad" even after I said no. I was frustrated and a little hurt that he wasn't totally making the 180 and supporting me! I built up my self control though and I turned him down or thanked him for thinking of me but reinforced that I was serious about eating healthier. After a couple of weeks he started to support me more and bring me healthier "treats", like a green tea or some berries instead of a mocha with whipped cream or cookies.

    Also, I don't expect him to not have the junk food he wants to have around, you'll have to face temptation out in the world so might as well practice resisting at home too. At first I had a hard time with that, but I realized I was just going to have to use my will power! Maybe get your own healthy version of his junk food so you don't feel like you're missing out as much. My boyfriend will chomp on some chips and I'll make some low fat popcorn.

    I don't think he was trying to sabotage me, and I don't think your husband is either, but we kind of bonded over food and pigging out together. His way of showing me he cared was bringing me a cupcake or candy bar. I think your husband, like my boyfriend did, will support you more and more if you stick to your plan and show that you really want to do this!

    Best of luck!


  • Lucy17128
    Lucy17128 Posts: 53 Member
    Oh boy, I hear you. Mine loves junk food and offers me some all the time. I think he thinks he is just being polite. Today he asked me if I wanted to go have a margarita and chips and salsa. Very tempting, then I feel guilty like I'm ruining his fun. That's why this group is so important to keep us on track and motivated.
  • showerbeer182
    showerbeer182 Posts: 798 Member
    Lucy17128 wrote: »
    Oh boy, I hear you. Mine loves junk food and offers me some all the time. I think he thinks he is just being polite. Today he asked me if I wanted to go have a margarita and chips and salsa. Very tempting, then I feel guilty like I'm ruining his fun. That's why this group is so important to keep us on track and motivated.

    Chips and salsa make me very happppppy!!!
  • dvmmcw4015
    dvmmcw4015 Posts: 16 Member
    Consider it good practice for the real world. The temptations will continue to be out there.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    poor guy
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    showerbeer182 wrote: »
    Zieskej wrote: »
    Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.

    Do you say it like...AREbees....or do you do AIRbees...I've heard it both ways....

    Are-bees
  • tdaven00
    tdaven00 Posts: 3 Member
    Just look at it as your goal is on the "hard" setting of a game. It'll be more rewarding if you look at it that way when you achieve it!
  • SymbolismNZ
    SymbolismNZ Posts: 190 Member
    As always with relationship issues, try to look at it from his perspective; i.e you're actively limiting what would be normal behaviour (i.e baking cookies to take to a potluck) for him and expecting that he will read between the lines and think "Oh, my wife isn't eating these foods, what can I make for her?"

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