husband sabotaging my efforts!

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  • showerbeer182
    showerbeer182 Posts: 798 Member
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    Zieskej wrote: »
    Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.

    Do you say it like...AREbees....or do you do AIRbees...I've heard it both ways....
  • slong12041989
    slong12041989 Posts: 21 Member
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    I went through a sort of similar situation... It sounds like your husband is reacting a lot like my boyfriend did when I first started making the effort to eat healthier.

    He would bring me sweet treats and junk food or try to convince me to eat something "bad" even after I said no. I was frustrated and a little hurt that he wasn't totally making the 180 and supporting me! I built up my self control though and I turned him down or thanked him for thinking of me but reinforced that I was serious about eating healthier. After a couple of weeks he started to support me more and bring me healthier "treats", like a green tea or some berries instead of a mocha with whipped cream or cookies.

    Also, I don't expect him to not have the junk food he wants to have around, you'll have to face temptation out in the world so might as well practice resisting at home too. At first I had a hard time with that, but I realized I was just going to have to use my will power! Maybe get your own healthy version of his junk food so you don't feel like you're missing out as much. My boyfriend will chomp on some chips and I'll make some low fat popcorn.

    I don't think he was trying to sabotage me, and I don't think your husband is either, but we kind of bonded over food and pigging out together. His way of showing me he cared was bringing me a cupcake or candy bar. I think your husband, like my boyfriend did, will support you more and more if you stick to your plan and show that you really want to do this!

    Best of luck!


  • Lucy17128
    Lucy17128 Posts: 55 Member
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    Oh boy, I hear you. Mine loves junk food and offers me some all the time. I think he thinks he is just being polite. Today he asked me if I wanted to go have a margarita and chips and salsa. Very tempting, then I feel guilty like I'm ruining his fun. That's why this group is so important to keep us on track and motivated.
  • showerbeer182
    showerbeer182 Posts: 798 Member
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    Lucy17128 wrote: »
    Oh boy, I hear you. Mine loves junk food and offers me some all the time. I think he thinks he is just being polite. Today he asked me if I wanted to go have a margarita and chips and salsa. Very tempting, then I feel guilty like I'm ruining his fun. That's why this group is so important to keep us on track and motivated.

    Chips and salsa make me very happppppy!!!
  • dvmmcw4015
    dvmmcw4015 Posts: 16 Member
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    Consider it good practice for the real world. The temptations will continue to be out there.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    poor guy
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    showerbeer182 wrote: »
    Zieskej wrote: »
    Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.

    Do you say it like...AREbees....or do you do AIRbees...I've heard it both ways....

    Are-bees
  • tdaven00
    tdaven00 Posts: 3 Member
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    Just look at it as your goal is on the "hard" setting of a game. It'll be more rewarding if you look at it that way when you achieve it!
  • SymbolismNZ
    SymbolismNZ Posts: 190 Member
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    As always with relationship issues, try to look at it from his perspective; i.e you're actively limiting what would be normal behaviour (i.e baking cookies to take to a potluck) for him and expecting that he will read between the lines and think "Oh, my wife isn't eating these foods, what can I make for her?"

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    dufferoo wrote: »
    I need help with a husband who is not being very helpful or considerate of my efforts to eat clean and healthy.
    He is a good man but he does not have a clue as to how hard it is to stay on a program with all the temptations he brings into to the house. I am doing a hormone reset program and just for 21 days i am trying really hard to focus on the plan. one part of it is limiting sugar and of course he goes ahead and bakes my all time favorite cookies to bring to a potluck and has me chop the nuts!
    All the while not understanding why i would be upset and or hurt that he couldn't have offered to bring something healthy for us all. It is going to take all my will power not to eat one but i am going to do it! He will leave them all there so no worries. It just upsets me that he cannot understand how hard this is for me. He has about 10 lbs to lose himself but really can't be bothered with it. He does work out and eat fairly healthy so i do give him that. I guess my beef is i wanted him to be on my team and he doesn't want to play.:( Any one else have these problems?

    Have you talked to him about your plan? Did you ask him to not bake cookies for 21 days?
    Is he making remarks about what you are eating or telling you to eat a cookie?
    Do you guys usually take stuff like cookies to potlucks? Did you suggest other foods to take to the potluck and he shot you down?
    Probably not sabatoge.
    You are on a self imposed restricted diet for 21 days- not your husband or the rest of the world. The food will be there.
    Talk to him about it.
    Choose:
    1. Suck it up and stick to your plan no matter what.
    2. Drop the unsustainable diet and just moderate intake.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
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    Sometimes my husband sees me eat dinner and then thirty minutes later asks me what I'm going to eat for dinner! It's not sabotage. He just forgets I guess.

    Remember that you are responsible for yourself and your choices and that he can't make you do anything. Maybe next time politely decline to take part in the baking - if you've clearly made your wishes that he not bake known.
  • xRezin
    xRezin Posts: 17 Member
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    My wife makes it very very difficult for me to watch my weight as well. And I got all the way up to 285 pounds, and then very very careful over the course of the next two years and got down on the 180ish.

    She slowly introduced junk food and stuff back, and I climbed back up to about 235. Managed to stop and get down to 190 again.

    But here we are same crap again. Nothing but junk food coming into the house and I'm back up to 203 already.

    Many of you can have support, but take it from me... Weight loss journey is when you are truly alone on. Even if they TRY to be with you, you are still alone.
  • Stella3838
    Stella3838 Posts: 439 Member
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    I live with my boyfriend and he isn't in the same place I am regarding healthier eating and working out, but that's his right. I LOVE beer. He drinks several a night while we watch TV. Does that mean he's being a jerk? Absolutely not. I have to have the willpower to A) not partake or B) plan a beer or two into my day. I'm not expecting him to change habits because I have decided to. I'd love for him to be a little healthier sure, but he has to want that. Until then, I do what I need to and I don't get hung up on what he's doing.
  • kristikitter
    kristikitter Posts: 602 Member
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    OK and the family I live with 'sabotage' me by having chocolate and crisps in the cupboards?

    Nope.

    It's up to ME - a fully-grown adult - to make the choice, to open the packet and stuff my face - or to not. Yep, they're there when I go for my Marmite, for example, so I see them - but no one forces them into my mouth and makes me chew.

    It can FEEL like sabotage/mean intentions/teasing, but it's not. All it takes (in your husband's case) is, "That was such a sweet thought, I can't eat them at the moment though!! You enjoy them though." Kiss, made up, done.
  • eIIekay
    eIIekay Posts: 164 Member
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    I think its awesome that your husband took care of the potluck food...and the best part is, you could eat one or two and not derail your plan because the rest were staying at the potluck and not coming home with you.

    Maybe you are trying to restrict too much? Maybe he thinks you are grumpy on your diet and was trying to get you to eat something to change your mood? Talk to him. Are you feeling good?

    If you need support, come here. We can't expect everyone else to change just because their eating doesn't work for us. Try to eat in a way that works for both of you. Good luck!
  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,138 Member
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    My wife does the same thing...She doesn't understand why she is not suppose to bring home donuts even though both my boys and I are trying to lose weight...I have talked to her about it, but she brings the stuff home because "it was on sale"... so I throw them out...we have a fight because she says I am throwing away money, and I tell her (again) not to buy it...I don't care if they are giving it away...don't bring it home. This does go on and on...she refuses to understand. So what I have told myself and my boys is that we use this as a test of our endurance and will power. She brings it home and it sits and gets moldy. We are winning, but she may continue to bring it home...

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