I'm struggling to really get into it.
britishbeau
Posts: 60 Member
I WANT to lose weight
I NEED to lose weight
But when it comes to the crunch, I just can't seem to get there.
I HATE my body, but not enough it seems to choose water over soda.
I HATE my clothes, but not enough to not eat the cake.
I just can't get my head into it like I have before, last time it felt easy. I worked out every day, I got my *kitten* up and went to the gym before sunrise every day, and after long night shifts. I cooked, I planned meals, I ran loads. And I keep remembering how amazing and confident I felt, but this time I feel lost, unmotivated. I need the mojo back because I am disgusting. How do I get it back?
I NEED to lose weight
But when it comes to the crunch, I just can't seem to get there.
I HATE my body, but not enough it seems to choose water over soda.
I HATE my clothes, but not enough to not eat the cake.
I just can't get my head into it like I have before, last time it felt easy. I worked out every day, I got my *kitten* up and went to the gym before sunrise every day, and after long night shifts. I cooked, I planned meals, I ran loads. And I keep remembering how amazing and confident I felt, but this time I feel lost, unmotivated. I need the mojo back because I am disgusting. How do I get it back?
3
Replies
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You need to work on that mindset. Losing weight is an act of love, not hate. If you hate your body, it knows that* and it will not trust you to feed it and take proper care of it. It will react with cravings, binging and energy hoarding (lethargy) in a bid to survive, as it fears you are going to starve it**.
You need to work hard on self-love, self-forgiveness and constructive thinking. This (weight loss) is not something you have to do in any way possible because you hate your body and find your whole self disgusting. This is something you choose to do because you only get one body and you're going to take proper care of it for the few years you are on earth.
*by this I mean that the primitive parts of your brain are aware of this hostility and will react as if to a threat - it hardly matters if the hostility comes from you or something outside of you.
**this is not a scientific theory, it's my personal speculation and may just be a helpful story - but I have a real hunch there is something in this. We are complex creatures of many parts.14 -
If you want to change habits permanently, you have to replace them with something you like just as much, or better. And to paraphrase the eminent PP, you can't keep doing good things to your body out of hate to your body.2
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If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there. Start making small changes now, set small goals for yourself and take things a day at a time.7
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it's a life style change but if you treat it like a diet then you end up binge eating tons of junk food.
Allow yourself treats one to two times a week and don't beat yourself up over it. If you don't then you will be back to square one again.
Allow yourself the occasional bad day off where you ate more then you should've and just start fresh the next day. Sometimes that one high calorie day can you give you a boost to lose more weight.
Its a life style change, not a diet. It's time to change that mind set or you're going to fail.1 -
RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!3 -
I think the key here is you are looking at the whole journey not the first step and you are over awed. I know I was at the back end of last year. So rather than trying to sprint from day 1 why not just take the first step.
It does not matter if this is only one thing, to start logging, increasing your water, putting one cake back, swapping one soda for water. Then tomorrow take the next step. Soon you will be making better choices everyday.
In a few weeks you will be back logging, eating well, sleeping better and staying hydrated, wondering what all the fuss was.
Every journey starts with one step.5 -
Hey many of us have been there! Don't worry , you can get your mojo back. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Set smaller incremental goals and incorporate them slowly. I know that I had a hard time getting into things when I expected that I SHOULD eat x number of calories AND it had to be x types of foods AND I had to work out like crazy AND etc etc. The idea of it was exhausting and overwhelming. And when I would try, If I missed one of the things, it made it so hard to keep up with all the others. So I started by setting a lower goal (1 lb per week) and JUST watching calories. Then after that got easier, I started small bits of exercise etc. I still have a ways to go, and I hope I end up half as motivated as it aounds like you have been in the past! You can get back Into things. You juat need to find the thing (motivation) that works for you.
Also, for all those that say you need to work from a happy love yourself place: I totally agree that the sounds WAY nicer and mentally kinder. But a number of years ago I got in shape and I did it the entire time through tough love, and being motivated by negative feelings about myself. I hated what I was and wanted to do something to change it. And that felt positive and encouraging to me - taking control to do something about it. And when I hit my goal, I was in a great positive head space. I just think for my personality, I needed that.0 -
trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
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trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
I'm one of those people you're talking about in your first paragraph. And I agree with @RunRutheeRun.
You can't make yourself taller by eating less. We overweight/obese people crying about our weight can literally just make better food choices and lose weight.
I can reach my goals if I want them badly enough. No one said it'll be easy, but it's doable.4 -
trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
You have to mentally be in the right place to lose weight. I honestly believe the battle is 99% mental. There is eventually an "A ha!" moment. Something that will make you flip that switch and become determined to do it. For me it was my doctor telling me that I would be dead in 5 years if I didn't change my habits and lose weight. I was 32 when he told me that and 388lbs. That was about 15 months ago, and I am now 33 and weigh 185lbs. You have to want it, and you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. How you get to that point only you can figure that out.14 -
I agree with some of the previous posts. It can be daunting at first - so many of us start with the mindset that it's "all or nothing" and one slip up during the day ruins the whole day. Sometimes I would slip and eat a piece of cake or something at the office, and say screw it for the rest of the day and ate what I wanted. That's what got me overweight in the first place! Instead, realize that you ate the piece of cake, you enjoyed it, and it's time to move on. If you want to meet your goals, you can. Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. If you slip up, that's ok, adjust your goals for the rest of the day (or week, depending on how you approach your calorie goals). Like others said, this is a lifestyle change, not a diet.4
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You need to start where you are right now, in this moment. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, or your perception of ease. The idea that you have about how easy it was in the past is likely interfering with your current attempt and making it even more difficult for you. I've been there, too.
Start small. Think about what changes you can make that won't feel too difficult. Once you have those things mastered, move on to the next.
Be nice to yourself and remember that you don't have to be perfect to succeed. You just have to do better today than you did yesterday.
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I am glad about this lifestyle change...took me so long to get here...its the beginning and I already feel so much better. I hope to gain more discipline, enthusiasm, information, and consciousness about living---feels like I'm just now learning how to live. Glad to have you all with me.1
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trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
It most certainly IS true. There is a big distinction between wanting something to be served to you on a silver platter, otherwise known as WISHING, with the attendant magical silliness you reference, and wanting something badly enough (also known as determination/motivation, as you reference) that you are willing to roll up your sleeves, work and suffer (and eventually find great joy in that work, which now becomes discipline)...whether it is making money or losing weight.
I 100% succeeded because I WANTED to, and not just because I sat around wishing, without putting down the fork and picking up the weights. I didn't lose much weight when I was just wish-wanting, but went from a size 12 (or worse in the winter) to a size 6-8 when I started want-wanting.
OP, it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do, and you know how much work and discipline it requires. Personally, I would recommend adding one new thing a week or every other week. Start with accurately tracking your calories, because 80% of weight loss will be in the kitchen. That is the single most important thing you can do.
If you have your calories under control, you don't need to spend every day killing it in the gym, unless that is something that you *WANT* to do. Next week, you could commit to doing a 45-minute bodyweight workout at home 2x a week, or pick up some 5 and 10 lb weights to use at home (I do 30 day shred and other Jillian Michaels routines when I can't make it to the gym) or start some fast walking/light running 2-3x a week.
Whatever you do, make it a sustainable lifestyle so your weight stays off and you don't have to face that huge mountain once again. I think MFP is extremely useful for building a disciplined and thoughtful lifestyle.
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Start small then it's not so overwhelming. Start just by tracking your calories, try to sub full sugar drinks for diet soda, maybe try to aim for maintenance calories just while you get back in the zone of logging, then aim for just a modest deficit. Don't cut out any foods, let yourself eat whatever you want within your calorie goals. Don't feel like you need to make yourself stick to a super strict and consistent workout routine, start out just by maybe walking more when you can. Ease yourself in and it'll be a lot easier 2
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I think we can be overwhelmed by the scope of the issue - looking at it as losing 50 lbs (or whatever) when really, its just losing 1 lb over and over again! There comes a time when you want to have the you that is in your head and the you that you see in the mirror to match - I often say I was a runway model on the inside but trapped in a fat old ladys body!! But I'm down over 100lbs (one pound at a time) and while I will never be a runway model (seriously, what was I thinking?!) I am not a fat old lady any more - just old! That was a big part of my motivation - projecting who I thought and who I wanted to be, and not settling for a label that others put on me at first impression. I wanted to be in control of my life so much more than letting what had become of my life control me. You have to want it more than you want that next bite of whatever. Or staying in bed 30 minutes more. Its got to mean the world to you.
I hope you find your moment, and your momentum again. Its in you!3 -
I think if you just start by tracking your food, no matter what you're eating, it is a huge start. Just getting into that habit I think makes you more aware of what you're eating and it is really the first step. Don't put pressure on yourself to make huge changes yet, just start tracking everything. Maybe you will be more motivated to make small changes once you have it all in writing.3
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This may be weird advice, and may not work for you, but it has worked for me. I channel my love for food into a love for preparing healthy, new, delicious food. When I last got on the wagon (and I hope never to go off it again), I planned to expand my cooking repertoire. Then, instead of spending all day eating all the food, I allowed myself to continue to obsess over food for awhile but most of that was in the form of meal planning, cooking, preparing meals for the freezer, healthy treats, etc. When it came time to eat one of those healthy, but delicious meals made from whole foods, I was really able to savor it. When I thought I needed to keep eating, I'd just channel that desire into planning what's next. It's not sustainable forever, but it's a way to buy time while your body adjusts to the fewer calories and lack of junk. Then you'll enjoy what you eat even more, you'll have a bunch of reasonable calorie but delicious meals at your fingertips, and you won't be able to believe you ever ate differently. If you're not a foodie, now is a good time to become one. The eating is good on this side...3
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1) You have to really want it and be determined to stick to it this is where a bit of self control comes in. (I get it, I've already had to resist toffees and chocolates since starting back at work last week but I had cake at home as a treat)
2) start with small changes, swap soda for diet soda, have smaller pieces of cake, or if that big piece fits in your calorie allotment then hey, go for it
3) If the above doesn't work, start with maintenance calories and slowly reduce or start with a small deficit. You can do it, you know if you go over for one day then log it, acknowledge it and move on.
4) only you can motivate yourself, we can only encourage.
5) finally, there is no rush, so what if it takes a long time? You are going to be around for a long time right? Even a 1/4lb less weight is better than carrying on gaining or staying the same.
Edited to say I get it, I had no mojo to continue dieting last year so I stuck to just maintaining last year. This year I have decided to go for it and lose the last 11lb. Try and have something to look forward to when you get to goal weight (mine is a tattoo I've wanted for ages).1 -
That's the question of the century. In 2011, I got "on it", then lost it - lost 143 and gained 100 over the past 6 years. Life happened in between and lost the mojo. It SUCKED. Just like you - I sat there thinking EXACTLY what you said. GOSH was it aggravating.
Back in 2011, I had trouble walking from the parking lot to the door of my daughters school for one of their events. That was the first time I made the decision that I had to do something if I wanted it to change. This last time, what ended up doing it was that I have excess skin from the weight I've still lost (I'm still 44 pounds down and have excess skin on my thighs). I'm tired of it. SO have a new goal. I have to lose 150 pounds again so I can have the surgery to get rid of it. BUt even then, getting started was HARD.
I ended up just starting logging. Had to do the mindset of "I have to log everything. If I don't, then this information is useless." So - started logging. Logging logging logging. Finally it set in - going to have to change the things I was eating and over the last 4 weeks, suddenly, it seems to have clicked in - although I'm still scared I'll lose it (to a degree).
It really is a decision. All Yoda baby - Do or do not - there is no try.
Hope you find your "why" soon.2 -
It sounds from the original post like you're trying to do too much too soon, especially on the exercise front. Maybe concentrate more on the food side for right now, on hitting your mfp numbers every day. Getting that calorie deficit going is what's gonna move the scale. Hang in there, keep a positive attitude. It'll take some time but it's very doable.0
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trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
I do see your point to some extent, but overall that's a pretty disempowering message.
I have bags of empathy for frustrated fat people, as I am fat myself and have often been frustrated/despairing about it, but the truth is that the times I've got up and taken action have been the times that I've wanted it badly enough.
You learn the skills you need to lose weight. And this message, though it seems squashy and lovely, would actually be more likely to lock me deeper into the fat prison than to help me get out of it.
Sure, there are things in life we have no control over. You're fat right now, for whatever reason, and you can't change the past. But staying fat? That's definitely something you have a choice about.1 -
trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Hmm yeah that is not true. Try telling this to the crowds of overweight and obese people in the world who cry themselves to sleep, refuse social interaction, refuse a love life and become depressed/suicidal because they hate the way they look. They don't want it enough, huh?
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
I understand how someone like you who is already successful at weight loss could believe it was all down to the fact you wanted it so badly. But I'm afraid that isn't the case. You posses skills that you have used to reach your goals. Maybe that's knowledge, determination, high self esteem, motivation or something else. It's most likely a unique combination of many things. But you didn't succeed ONLY because you wanted to.
That mentality is exactly how people become, and stay, obese.
Sincerely,
Your formerly 400 pounder3 -
If you have been on here a while... you know that you can have that cake/fizz and still lose weight.
However, something really is holding you back. It isn't love of cake/fizz. Eating too much cake won't satisfy you. You already know that doing it over and over isn't working. You are still going to want more AND you will want not to have eaten it.
So what is it? What leads you to excess? (Actually, the cake itself might not be completely innocent here. Sugary food messes with your own blood sugar and does lead to cravings.)
You do want to lose weight and change... and yet it seems that some part of you isn't quite ready.
Your 'Mojo' has retreated in the face of this mysterious 'something' that is holding you back.
What is it about losing weight - or the changes in life-style you will make to do it - that is difficult to face?
I'd say that you need to sort this out first.
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You just need to move your arns and legs and turn that brsin off. You may not think youre worth it, but you afe. Treat yourself like you would treat a child, cause your decisions aren't presently in your best interest1
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when you hate it badly enough, and want it badly enough, youll do it.1
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One day you wake up and all the excuses stop and all the self loathing stops and all the mess in your brain stops and YOU JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. When you get to THAT point then nothing and no one will stop you from getting to your goal. Or....at least that's what happened to me. Happy Days to u0
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This is a great post. I just got back on here. I had lost 25lbs and then over 2016 put it back on and then some. I knew what I was doing every time I over ate or put "bad" food in instead of "good" food. I just couldn't get over whatever it was in my brain that took over. I realized very recently that I was sabotaging myself at every turn and then feeling very sorry for myself afterwards. I'm not sure exactly what has changed other than I think I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and being miserable. I'm the only one who can do anything about my weight and how I look so if I want to feel better and yes look better than I'd better get on it. Depression is a killer with weight loss, I've got that issue also. You can do it, stop beating yourself up over what you used to look like and start focusing on what you can look like again. Good luck. Lots of people here are in your corner rooting for you.0
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goodasgoldilox wrote: »If you have been on here a while... you know that you can have that cake/fizz and still lose weight.
However, something really is holding you back. It isn't love of cake/fizz. Eating too much cake won't satisfy you. You already know that doing it over and over isn't working. You are still going to want more AND you will want not to have eaten it.
So what is it? What leads you to excess? (Actually, the cake itself might not be completely innocent here. Sugary food messes with your own blood sugar and does lead to cravings.)
You do want to lose weight and change... and yet it seems that some part of you isn't quite ready.
Your 'Mojo' has retreated in the face of this mysterious 'something' that is holding you back.
What is it about losing weight - or the changes in life-style you will make to do it - that is difficult to face?
I'd say that you need to sort this out first.
You're so right.
I guess its not really the losing weight, its fear of what happens when I do. I'm studying atm. Nearly at the end of my course and then I will be starting a business and I'm scared. I'm scared of starting a business when I'm fat. I have no confidence and when I'm working I will have to be out in the big wide world where everyone can see my fat.
On the other hand I'm thinking that when I do lose weight I'll have to start a business and thats scary as hell.
I guess I'm in limbo. But I am going to lose the weight. 100%.
And some people suggested that you have to love yourself to lose the weight. I thought about it and thats exactly it Last time I did this I loved myself, this time I feel like I'm trying to destroy my body, Im working against rather than with. I will work on loving myself and stop trying to be so all or nothing.0 -
trigden1991 wrote: »RunRutheeRun wrote: »If you want it badly enough you'll make the necessary changes to get there.
I was going to write exactly this!
Wanting something is in no way the same as being able to do it. I want to be a millionaire, I WANT to be taller, I WANT to do and be all kinds of things but it takes more then that. You don't magically gain the ability to reach your goals just because you want it.
Please reread what you wrote and realise how absurd it is! Being tall or a millionaire are completely different to weight loss.
Weight gain/loss is directly proportional to your calorie intake. Everyone has a choice of what to eat, what portions to eat and most are fortunate enough to be able to exercise.
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