My heart has shattered

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2

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,555 Member
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    KarlyHK wrote: »
    Hey! I'm the OP and I assure you it's not another girl. My guy was single for 7 years before being with me. And his last relationship crushed him.

    He actually jjust called me crying again and told me what he didn't want to tell me yesterday. The real reason he is pushing me away. He said his alcohol addiction is getting bad and he wants to go to rehab. But he doesn't want to bring me down with him.
    But I told him if I let him bring me down then I am a weak person. Which I'm not, and when you love someone you are all in or your out. And I'm all in. I told him I won't give up on him and he doesn't need to push me away. My love for him so strong and I want to help him.

    I wasn't doing it in a begging manner either. I was just reassuring him that love isn't only when time is easy. It's the hard times that prove the extent of love.

    Thanks everyone for your comments and messages!
    I'm still hurting but feel more at ease now that he told me the real reason.
    I quit drinking alcohol at 28 because I found myself always drinking hard after work and getting real drunk that the next morning for work was tough. Had I not stopped, I may have become an alcoholic.
    So could he be legitimately concerned about dragging you along with this? Sure. People who have illnesses feel guilty about having to have family or friends cater to them, so they try to push them away or disallow any help.
    Hopefully that's what it is. Whatever you do, don't force the issue.
    If for some reason you help him get through it, and he again feels he needs to be on his own, the feeling of "but I did this for you" can really bring you down.

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  • anjulajj
    anjulajj Posts: 148 Member
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    Definitely sounds like there is something he left out. There is another reason other then what he has said to you and possibly to spare your feelings he made up something that would sound like he had good intentions but really he felt guilty for something he had done.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
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    jeezus. Honey. Ugh. Talk about a horse-kick in the gut. Heal however you can- take as long as you need and never apologize for whatever your current state of 'getting use to your new normal'.
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,834 Member
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    I agree with all the other posters.

    I know it feels like your world is crumbling - I've been there. But let this guy go. I think he's selling you a line of bull*kitten* by making you think he's this great guy for setting you free blah blah.

    You're young, your pretty and you'll meet someone else when the time is right.

  • meredithgir199
    meredithgir199 Posts: 243 Member
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    Sometimes you have to let what you love go and if it's meant to be it will work out. Sounds like you're still young (going off to college or currently in school) and have a lot to experience! It sounds like he may be using this as an excuse but none of us really know. I dated my husband for a year and he broke it off with me. I was devastated! No contact at all during our break-up, except for a couple of drunk booty call attempts on his end. Then another year later he begged for me to take him back. We went on to date for 3 more years before marrying, now celebrating 16 years of marriage.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,338 Member
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    Ugh. This is hitting very close to home for me. Just went through this a month ago. I'm still shattered, and everything is so complicated because mine was my best friend before, and still is now. Ultra complicated. I wish I could hate him and cut him off and move on.....I can't. Nothing's changed, but everything has changed. It's not healthy for me to hang on, but when you love someone that hard, you don't just walk.
    I'm still conflicted. Even though I'm trying to move forward.
    I'm still stuck.
    It's draining.
    I'm sorry I have no cool advice to give. :cry:
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    welll i dated an alcoholic for 6 years and a drug addict before that

    its really hard when they are your best friend and also your love ..to let it go

    still working on the letting go but it does get easier it gets a lot easier to try to move on, you will meet other people (telling myself this as well)
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    edited August 2016
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    km8907 wrote: »
    Honestly, as I was reading this it felt like it was going to end with him killing himself. I just lost a client to suicide and she was an alcoholic that pushed everyone out of her life near the end. That being said, don't let him push you away so easily. Help him get help and let him know you're there for him no matter what. If it was just a break up, you'll feel an attitude change soon, but if he's really in a bad place though, you did everything you could.
    Hornsby wrote: »
    Let him go unless you are willing to commit to that life. And before you say you are willing to commit to an alcoholic for life, you better know what that entails.

    In my opinion, your too young to get caught up in that.

    I agree with these. I would also add...if he's needing to get help for his problem, maybe it really is best for him to end the romantic part of your relationship so he can focus on getting himself together. My best friend from high school had a situation like this where her fiance was a drug addict. He always tried to work on his problems, and was in and out of rehab, but he always kept going back to the drugs. In the end, he stole a bunch of money from her and overdosed (fatally) on Oxycontin, and it absolutely devastated her emotionally and financially. Definitely be there for him if he needs you, but take this time to be his friend without trying to make it something more. He says it's over; as hard as it is, respect his decision and take him at his word. Not doing so may prolong your pain in the end. If it's meant to be, it will be, but see this as his gift to you. He loved you enough not to bring you down, too.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,338 Member
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    dragon_girl26 wrote: »
    km8907 wrote: »
    Honestly, as I was reading this it felt like it was going to end with him killing himself. I just lost a client to suicide and she was an alcoholic that pushed everyone out of her life near the end. That being said, don't let him push you away so easily. Help him get help and let him know you're there for him no matter what. If it was just a break up, you'll feel an attitude change soon, but if he's really in a bad place though, you did everything you could.
    Hornsby wrote: »
    Let him go unless you are willing to commit to that life. And before you say you are willing to commit to an alcoholic for life, you better know what that entails.

    In my opinion, your too young to get caught up in that.

    I agree with these. I would also add...if he's needing to get help for his problem, maybe it really is best for him to end the romantic part of your relationship so he can focus on getting himself together. My best friend from high school had a situation like this where her fiance was a drug addict. He always tried to work on his problems, and was in and out of rehab, but he always kept going back to the drugs. In the end, he stole a bunch of money from her and overdosed (fatally) on Oxycontin, and it absolutely devastated her emotionally and financially. Definitely be there for him if he needs you, but take this time to be his friend without trying to make it something more. He says it's over; as hard as it is, respect his decision and take him at his word. Not doing so may prolong your pain in the end. If it's meant to be, it will be, but see this as his gift to you. He loved you enough not to bring you down, too.

    This literally made tears come to my eyes. As with my situation.....no one stopped loving the other.
    I love him.
    He loves me.
    But it's not that simple.
  • jensenbutton
    jensenbutton Posts: 2 Member
    edited January 2017
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    KarlyHK wrote: »
    My heart is shattered and I'm struggling to stay a float.

    Then he said "I need to say something and I need you to really listen and understand"
    He said our relationship is unhealthy because he is holding me back from my potential... He said he loves me more than anyone. That he doesn't want to leave me. But he has to. For me. For my future....

    he just kept hugging me and kissing me. But he said he made up his mind and he had to break up with me. To let me grow.
    I'm heartbroken. Completely heartbroken....

    Part of my wants to hold on because I think he is just having a breakdown and made an impulse decision. But the other part of me says to just let him go.
    I just hope he realizes he is making a mistake.

    I dont know what to do or think.
    I'm shaking from anxiety and can't calm down. Even his friends are completely surprised. They said he talks about me all the time and how much he loves me and how I'm so different than any other woman he met.

    My heart is in shambles.


    This made me so sad to read. - the same thing happened to me over christmas but we had been together 8 years, lived together, talked about getting married and having kids and now its just me, alone and having to start again. He didn't tell his family or friends i had to and everyone was in shock and said it will be fine that we've been through so much we will get back together again when he's ready, but what about me? Am i that person suppose to just wait for him.

    I have to question after all this time is that the real reason he left, I'm struggling but i know i have to live life regardless, i lost so much weight, wasn't eating, didn't sleep and i took so much time off work but i was only hurting myself.

    This year I've decided i need to work on me, so here i am starting again. wish me luck for the road ahead.
  • JLAJ81
    JLAJ81 Posts: 2,477 Member
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    What happened! I need to know!
  • jameshibdon23
    jameshibdon23 Posts: 38 Member
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    Maybe he didnt go camping with his friends. Maybe its something else

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