Gym Instructor won't leave me alone.
Replies
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I'm not sure how much of it is just him being a little too pushy, trying to flog his personal training service.
He's been writing things on the facebook group offering help 'come and ask me' etc. I didn't ask for anything. He was quite calm when he talked to me, but it felt like a teacher telling me off.
I'm torn between wanting to be left alone, and wondering if I am over-reacting. I look a lot younger than I am, but I'm quite tall, and can give a hell of a death stare haha!
It's not overreacting to want to be left alone. This guy either has no ability to read people or he doesn't care that you don't want his instruction. If it is the first (no ability to read people), telling him straight up that you are not interested in his advice so he needs to stop giving it to you is likely going to lead to him saying "oh, okay" and then he'll leave you alone. If it is the second, saying the same thing will lead to him making a rude remark, at which point you should talk to management. If he approaches you again, hold up your hand and say "Stop. I don't want to hear it so take it elsewhere" and then turn around and get to work.
Being kind doesn't mean being a doormat.8 -
I'm not sure how much of it is just him being a little too pushy, trying to flog his personal training service.
He's been writing things on the facebook group offering help 'come and ask me' etc. I didn't ask for anything. He was quite calm when he talked to me, but it felt like a teacher telling me off.
I'm torn between wanting to be left alone, and wondering if I am over-reacting. I look a lot younger than I am, but I'm quite tall, and can give a hell of a death stare haha!
It's not overreacting to want to be left alone. This guy either has no ability to read people or he doesn't care that you don't want his instruction. If it is the first (no ability to read people), telling him straight up that you are not interested in his advice so he needs to stop giving it to you is likely going to lead to him saying "oh, okay" and then he'll leave you alone. If it is the second, saying the same thing will lead to him making a rude remark, at which point you should talk to management. If he approaches you again, hold up your hand and say "Stop. I don't want to hear it so take it elsewhere" and then turn around and get to work.
Being kind doesn't mean being a doormat.
exactly!!!
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Anyone who insists on telling you to do exercises that are detrimental to your health is not a qualified instructor. I had an instructor provide unsolicited assistance to me before but it was pretty brief. Then again, I'm not a pretty young female either. Report him.3
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Stop being polite and stop engaging him. Ignore him or tell him to leave you alone. He probably sees you looking around for him and takes it as a sign to come over.5
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Here's a line I like to use with people like that: I smile and say in a very positive voice, "Thanks for your concern, but you're being a bit too helpful right now. I'd like to just finish my workout in peace."
Next time around, I would say, "Look, perhaps I was not clear the last time we talked. Why don't we go talk to the manager and get clear about this."
Third time, though, I would go "Full retard." If I choose to get angry, the object of my anger knows it in no uncertain terms.8 -
You could drop a weight on his foot and then giggle-7
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I'm not sure how much of it is just him being a little too pushy, trying to flog his personal training service.
He's been writing things on the facebook group offering help 'come and ask me' etc. I didn't ask for anything. He was quite calm when he talked to me, but it felt like a teacher telling me off.
I'm torn between wanting to be left alone, and wondering if I am over-reacting. I look a lot younger than I am, but I'm quite tall, and can give a hell of a death stare haha!
is this guys name Biglouie, and did he tell you to eat peanut butter and avacods?
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Tell him to get lost, period.0
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Here's a bit of a different way to handle it. It's a bit passive aggressive, but may get the point across without conflict. Go in one day and arrange to work with a FEMALE PT. Tell her that the other guy thought you were lifting wrong but you wanted advice from a female so is there something you need to fix on your form. You can mention that you felt a little creeped out by him if you want to.
Then if he sees you a different day and tries to correct you, you can fall back on so and so said this was how to do it. Plus, if there is something wrong with your form, you can get it addressed in a safer way (the guy could be correct, but a douche).
But, in my mind you need to do something about it as it sounds like it will keep you from going back. If you don't then you will be looking for a different gym soon.
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I'm not sure how much of it is just him being a little too pushy, trying to flog his personal training service.
He's been writing things on the facebook group offering help 'come and ask me' etc. I didn't ask for anything. He was quite calm when he talked to me, but it felt like a teacher telling me off.
I'm torn between wanting to be left alone, and wondering if I am over-reacting. I look a lot younger than I am, but I'm quite tall, and can give a hell of a death stare haha!
You are NOT over-reacting. If he is making you uncomfortable he needs to stop.
Those guys only make money if they find people to pay for their advice. Some are very pushy. If they aren't pushy they might not make any money but that's not your problem, they need to know when to back off.1 -
Tacklewasher wrote: »Here's a bit of a different way to handle it. It's a bit passive aggressive, but may get the point across without conflict. Go in one day and arrange to work with a FEMALE PT. Tell her that the other guy thought you were lifting wrong but you wanted advice from a female so is there something you need to fix on your form. You can mention that you felt a little creeped out by him if you want to.
Then if he sees you a different day and tries to correct you, you can fall back on so and so said this was how to do it. Plus, if there is something wrong with your form, you can get it addressed in a safer way (the guy could be correct, but a douche).
But, in my mind you need to do something about it as it sounds like it will keep you from going back. If you don't then you will be looking for a different gym soon.
The problem with changing gyms is that there are always unpleasant situations to resolve---that's life. Better to learn how to handle people like him.1 -
Talk to management. They have an employee ignoring clinets medical limitations and injuries. You could get hurt and that would be a problem for their business. You feel harrased and uncomfortable by his attention. They should know these things about an employee.
If he comes up to you tell him you do not want his help or attention and want him to leave you alone from now on. I would not say please or thank you. Stop and stare at him until he leaves.
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I like the "pretend I can't hear anything" approach. Put on headphones and if he comes over to you just pretend you can't hear or notice him over music. If he still pesters you then he's a dbag! But headphones are definitely a signal to be left alone.0
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Sometimes I have a hard time being aggressive on my own behalf, but I can do it for others. If that's you, it pays to remember that you are probably not the only one feeling uncomfortable. Your complaint may be the one that finally gets management to act. Or it might be the one that validates it when sometime else comes up with the same concern next week or next month.1
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If you've already told him to leave you alone, go to management asap. If you haven't yet told him to leave you alone, start there. Using your words, "1 know what I'm doing, so I just want to be left alone."0
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snowflake954 wrote: »Tacklewasher wrote: »But, in my mind you need to do something about it as it sounds like it will keep you from going back. If you don't then you will be looking for a different gym soon.
The problem with changing gyms is that there are always unpleasant situations to resolve---that's life. Better to learn how to handle people like him.
You could go to management, remind them you've been a long-time member, tell them how he is harassing you, and tell them that your friends are saying you should switch gyms. Depending on management, many companies have a very strong focus on retention. Throw in a little negative advertising and a manager with sense will make sure you two never cross paths again.4 -
The guy has only just started there things might have been different where he was before. He might think he is trying to help or more likely get a client. Have you made it clear to him you you don't want his advice it seems like you maybe too nice to do that so have listened to him hoping he will go away and now he thinks you want it. I would try and make it clear you are ok doing your own thing either by saying thanks I am just in middle of this set etc I will ask if I need help or say I can only do things in a certain way my dr advises. Unless you have made it clear to him his advice is un wanted and he is persisting i think going to management is really unfair1
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The guy has only just started there things might have been different where he was before. He might think he is trying to help or more likely get a client. Have you made it clear to him you you don't want his advice it seems like you maybe too nice to do that so have listened to him hoping he will go away and now he thinks you want it. I would try and make it clear you are ok doing your own thing either by saying thanks I am just in middle of this set etc I will ask if I need help or say I can only do things in a certain way my dr advises. Unless you have made it clear to him his advice is un wanted and he is persisting i think going to management is really unfair
Did you read the OP? She stated that she has told him no on two separate occasions. I think she has made herself abundantly clear.
If he is indeed a good guy just getting his signals crossed, then it would be to his benefit to have a manager communicate that to him before he alienates every other potential female client in the gym.
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The next time he approaches you tell him to stop harassing you or you will report him to management, And then if he keeps it up follow through and report him.
I just did my annual harassment training at work today - this is basically the same thing they say to do.4 -
"Oh, no thank you. I've got my routine down. Maybe someone else could use your expertise."2
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Any unsolicited advice about your crotch should be a hard no, sorry. Tell management, please. Sounds like sexual harassment and that should not be left unreported. You are a patron of the gym and a human being, if you feel embarrassed that's a HUGE red flag.2
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The guy has only just started there things might have been different where he was before. He might think he is trying to help or more likely get a client. Have you made it clear to him you you don't want his advice it seems like you maybe too nice to do that so have listened to him hoping he will go away and now he thinks you want it. I would try and make it clear you are ok doing your own thing either by saying thanks I am just in middle of this set etc I will ask if I need help or say I can only do things in a certain way my dr advises. Unless you have made it clear to him his advice is un wanted and he is persisting i think going to management is really unfair
Did you read the OP? She stated that she has told him no on two separate occasions. I think she has made herself abundantly clear.
If he is indeed a good guy just getting his signals crossed, then it would be to his benefit to have a manager communicate that to him before he alienates every other potential female client in the gym.
Yes I did read it......both times she ended up doing the exercises he showed her not "abundantly clear" to me she made it clear to him....I am not saying this guy is right in his approach but getting someone fired because you haven't made it clear you don't want their help isn't right either. Some people don't get subtle.
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Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.1 -
Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.
Wow! So you assume he only talks to women and not guys?!
Here is bombshell he works in a gym as a gym instructor it's his job to instruct/help the gym members and sell pt he needs to talk to "people" to do that.
If you made it very clear your not interested then I agree with everything above if you haven't then you should make it crystal clear once and then if he does it again then complain.
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Okay, before we turn someone who is trying to do his job, into a stalking pervert with mass-murdering tendencies, let's take a deep breath!
When he asked you if he could give you some advice, did you say "NO" and carry on with your routine? Because it looks like you accepted it and tried to do what he asked, so sorry to be blunt, but his this his fault or yours!?On the first week of January, I was just finishing up a work out when a new trainer at the gym came up to me, and asked me if he could give me some advice. He then told me to make certain changes to my routine, I explained after every single one that I couldn't do that because of injuries, and medical limitations. He still pushed me to do an exercise that really hurt.
I left so embarrassed and humiliated, I don't talk to anyone at the gym, I'm fairly fit and know what I'm doing, so I just want to be left alone.
Possibly the reason he asked you to do something is because he thought it would badly affect other muscles, ligaments or tendons, but failed to take onboard your personal circumstances/injuries.
So, someone that is paid to help people in the gym is going to get a black mark for helping you?
You are going to have to be a little bit more positive if you don't want to do something and refuse to actually do it, rather than trying to appease your gym instructor and then getting all embarrassed and humiliated.
If the guy is taking it beyond a professional level, then by all means take it further, but first I'm afraid you're going to have to "grow some" and just say "NO, thank you!" and ignore him and his advice, there's no need to be embarrassed or humiliated in a situation like this, but YOU have got to take 'control' of the situation and do not allow him to control you.
So go back in, next time he comes up to you, continue with your exercising and just repeat after me "No thank you!" and continue to blank him, it will take 2-3 goes, but he will finally get the message if you don't give him eye contact.
If he has an IQ less than 80, he might try again, just stop what you're doing turn to him and repeat this "look, I've tried to tell you several times, I don't need your help, but appreciate you trying, but I no longer need your help or attention"
If he tries after that, I will have to eat my hat, then you're going to have to play hardball and say
"Do you really want me to take it further to management?"
By accepting his advice and trying his exercise technique, you're signalling to him that you're happy for him to be in your personal space, so be strong and say 'No thank you!' And mean it the next time he asks.
Hope it gets all resolved without turning nasty.
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My gut feeling is that he's flirting with you, but I could be way off base. If you don't feel you can tell him to his face to back off or you'll file a complaint (I couldn't, myself) then maybe just go ahead and file it.0
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As a trainer in the business, the BEST thing you can do is TELL HIM you don't want his advice. That should end it right there.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.
Wow! So you assume he only talks to women and not guys?!
Here is bombshell he works in a gym as a gym instructor it's his job to instruct/help the gym members and sell pt he needs to talk to "people" to do that.
If you made it very clear your not interested then I agree with everything above if you haven't then you should make it crystal clear once and then if he does it again then complain.
I mean, I (and you) only have the information OP gave, and she said she told him no, twice. So if you want to defend someone who, gym instructor or not, was out of bounds (seriously, unsolicited advice I understand, but no trainer should ever mention my crotch. Ever.) that's your decision. But I firmly believe that if someone feels uncomfortable, they should speak up. And telling management won't necessarily get the guy fired, it'll cause them to look into it farther. And if this guy has a clean record, he's perfectly safe. But she's a paying member of the gym, she has a right not to be made feel uncomfortable.7 -
Not trying to belabor the point (and not really trying to demonize the trainer), but, I can say from the standpoint of someone who does this for a living that any trainer with an ounce of awareness and professionalism would have never gotten themselves into this situation.
First of all, if you have someone do an exercise that is uncomfortable and causes discomfort or pain, it is almost immediately apparent--if not the exact details, at least that something is amiss and you should reassess the situation.
Secondly, it is also readily apparent when someone is not interested in working with you or interacting with you, even on an informal basis. Usually it is obvious within a few seconds, rarely does it take more than a minute, and NEVER does it take more than one interaction.
That's why, although it's certainly possible, I have trouble accepting the whole "poor, innocent guy just trying to help" interpretation.
My bigger concern would be that the OP belongs to a gym where the trainers have been ordered to be this aggressive and pushy--that's becoming more frequent in commercial gyms.11 -
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