Accepting Who You Can Be

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  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    people are great guys at times. not all the time. you're tall all the time.

    Wanting a girl to like you because you're a great guy presumes bring a great guy is an immutable fact about you. It's not. It's probably not true most of the time. who is a great person most of the time? That doesn't even make sense. You're probably a tolerable person most of the time at best.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    it's not a cheap shot, but otherwise would be a pretty high opinion of one self, no?
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    I smell humble bragging here, tbh
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    I could be being cynical... I'm not sure.
  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,752 Member
    edited January 2017
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    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Where did this possibility of a great relationship come from?

    I don't want the girl to notice my height and size.

    You're the one talking about dating. Surely you're wanting to date to find someone to have a great relationship with?

    Perhaps you should investigate the potential to become invisible - harry Potter had a cloak for that. Alternatively, you could invest in a blow up doll or a mannequin. She wouldn't notice or care about your looks, your personality, or be able to voice an opinion, so you wouldn't be put off by her preferences. She wouldn't be able to cook you your favourite meals, help around the house, engage in stimulating conversation, or enjoy concerts and outings though, that'd be a bit of a bummer.
  • rachelr1116
    rachelr1116 Posts: 334 Member
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    I'm 5'11". I've been that height since I was 13. I used to hate being that tall because not only was I taller than all the other girls in school but I was also taller than almost all the guys. Even when I'm at a normal weight I will always be a larger clothing size than my friend that is 5'2". And you know what, I'm completely fine with my height now. I even regularly wear high heels that make me look over 6' tall. People are always telling me that they wish they were my height. You just have to accept that height is one thing you cannot change but you can lose weight and you can develop self confidence. And honestly having self confidence is going to make you more attractive no matter what size you are.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    My outside has changed but my inside it the same. I have no idea how to "fix" my mental issues. I cover them up by acting "normal" (what's accepted in society) because I grew up with family and friends who went with the mantra "we don't talk about those things" and people with mental issues were put into "homes".

    I get you hate yourself. Live with it or change it. Yes, you can change it, even the height.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
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    People don't look at a 6'3 person and automatically assume they are "big". A healthy weight person at 6'3 is somewhat tall but not big by any stretch.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    I wanted to look different as a teenager and young adult. I went through a period of intense self hatred based on my appearance. At some point I accepted myself and found things to like about me. I had to make a list of 10 things and think hard. It took work to change my negative thinking.
    I have been surprised at times that people who had the appearance I would have wanted actually really disliked that aspect of their appearance. One man's trash is another man's treasure I guess.
    At age 42, I don't care about my height. My hair can do what it wants. My skin is going to be blindingly pale. My nose will be big. I have big feet. This is the vessel I have to go through life in. Hating it doesn't make my life better and takes too much energy. There are more important things about me than all these things that are just not going to change anyway.

    I've been married happily 17 years. My observation is that other people do not see or think of you the way you do. That's okay. I haven't always understood why dh is attracted to me but I'm not going to think there is something wrong with him if he tells me I look hot. He's a great guy.
  • JustAnotherOneOfThoseGirls
    JustAnotherOneOfThoseGirls Posts: 165 Member
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    I've not read all replies on this thread, just skimmed, but just wondering where you live as 6'3 is quite a good height for men in England, it's really not considered huge. My whole family is quite tall, my stepdad and stepbrothers all stand between 6'9 and 6'11 and very few people bat an eye, yes they're taller than most, but no one cares. My stepdad and stepbrother are also on opposite ends of the spectrum weight wise, my stepdad is very large, last I asked he was 340 lbs, whereas my stepbrother is rake thin. People come in all shapes and sizes, no one cares beyond a "oh cool, they're pretty tall", and anyone who thinks negative comments is just an a-hole. I know body dysmorphia is a real, terrible thing, and a few nice comments won't make it go away (I have it myself), but try not to beat yourself up too much
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
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    Dude you need to find some self love. No one in this world will love you but you. That's the red pill. You are your own best friend. Your own lover. Your own support team. Relationships with the opposite gender are fleeting and shallow. Only YOU can truly love YOU, so if you ever want even a shred of happiness in this life, you need to find some self love.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    I find it interesting that you don't want people to notice you for your height but you don't mind them noticing you for other qualities. Do you also have problems with the color of your eyes? Would you feel as bad if a woman found your eyes attractive as you would if she found your height attractive? Your height is just one of your collective physical qualities, either accept it or don't. Funny how in the process of wishing we were happier we often make ourselves even more miserable.
  • bestlifetoday
    bestlifetoday Posts: 1 Member
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    Girls like a guy for his personality. Build your confidence in small steps. Say hello to someone new. Go somewhere different. Look at meetup groups. Many men over 40 are follically challenged. Height is cool. What else do you have that is big? A big heart? A big voice that can carry across the room?

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