Venting - anyone else a lone wolf?
sarahgreensandthings
Posts: 40 Member
I've come to realize over the last few years that I cannot exercise with a partner. The social connection completely keeps me from getting into my zone and doing good work because I'm too busy thinking about whether or not they want to talk or if I'm keeping them from doing something else they want to do, or what have you. Part of it is also that friends who would want to exercise with me would be able to do more than I could and I would feel embarrassed for myself.
Another part of my exercise mentality is that I hate talking about it. When I share progress, for whatever reason, I hit a plateau I guess because I get the instant gratification of people approving. I lost a lot of weight without ever mentioning it, but when people started noticing, I hit a wall.
It's also hard for me to listen to people trying to get into the world of fitness and healthy eating verbally exhaust themselves by constantly talking about. In least in my experience, there's in an inverse relationship with succeeding and talking about succeeding, especially with a lifestyle change. I realize that this does work for some people, so I'm not saying it's always bad. It just messes with my progress, so I don't like hearing it and feel like I'm coming off harshly.
It's gotten to the point that I resent people even mentioning going to the gym or "working out." I want to be happy that people I know are taking more time for their health, but I can't help but feel like they go out of their way to wiggle in those terms when they don't have to.
I feel this way about a lot of things, but it seems to be especially bad with fitness.
Reading and writing about it is my preferred way of communication and the most effective for me.
This isn't super common or popular, so I didn't know if anyone else has felt similarly.
Another part of my exercise mentality is that I hate talking about it. When I share progress, for whatever reason, I hit a plateau I guess because I get the instant gratification of people approving. I lost a lot of weight without ever mentioning it, but when people started noticing, I hit a wall.
It's also hard for me to listen to people trying to get into the world of fitness and healthy eating verbally exhaust themselves by constantly talking about. In least in my experience, there's in an inverse relationship with succeeding and talking about succeeding, especially with a lifestyle change. I realize that this does work for some people, so I'm not saying it's always bad. It just messes with my progress, so I don't like hearing it and feel like I'm coming off harshly.
It's gotten to the point that I resent people even mentioning going to the gym or "working out." I want to be happy that people I know are taking more time for their health, but I can't help but feel like they go out of their way to wiggle in those terms when they don't have to.
I feel this way about a lot of things, but it seems to be especially bad with fitness.
Reading and writing about it is my preferred way of communication and the most effective for me.
This isn't super common or popular, so I didn't know if anyone else has felt similarly.
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Replies
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I totally agree.1
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I never work out with anyone. I worked out once with an old roommate and spent half the time showing her how to rotate your arms in opposite directions during a warm up.
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MonkeyMel21 wrote: »I never work out with anyone. I worked out once with an old roommate and spent half the time showing her how to rotate your arms in opposite directions during a warm up.
Haha! That's kinda funny! I'm sure it was annoying at the time, but maybe you made an impact on her! But, yeah, I wouldn't have kept working out with her either1 -
Alone. Always. I hate having to hurry up or wait on someone else. And if I'm talking, I'm not focused.5
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Yes, that's me as well. I don't have the inverse relationships you speak of, but my efforts and success are highly personal to me. I don't expect praise or criticism. I don't want to hear about your spinning class or pure barre or tabata and how the instructor about "killed" you on any given day. Or how going to the gym is such a social experience that you've developed many new "friendships." The mountains in my back yard are my gym and I rarely share my time outdoors with anyone.8
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There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.
As for friends, social media etc, well, it could always turn in to petty competitions. I think its a good idea to stay above it, and simply workout for yourself, again, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people need assurance, and a support group, others simply have a self drive. Both are okay.7 -
I don't like exercising with anyone else. I understand the draw of it for others, but I'm the same mindset as you. I'm a slow runner, so I always feel that I'm keeping them from running the speed they want to go. I also like to get it done.
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I'm the same way! When I first started my fitness journey I tried to have others join me. I quickly realized that other people slowed me down or I wasn't as focused on my workout as I could be. It was frustrating.
Also I noticed most people would be super motivated at first, but as time went on they would cancel or make excuses.
I quickly learned that I needed to do this on my own. I really, really, really wanted this (weight loss and to get fit) and I was super determined to make it happen.
I definitely prefer to workout alone and in my own home (or outside) and it has worked very well for me. It's my me time.
Edited to add - I also love being in control and planning my own workouts and what I'm working on for the day.
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Yes, that's me as well. I don't have the inverse relationships you speak of, but my efforts and success are highly personal to me. I don't expect praise or criticism. I don't want to hear about your spinning class or pure barre or tabata and how the instructor about "killed" you on any given day. Or how going to the gym is such a social experience that you've developed many new "friendships." The mountains in my back yard are my gym and I rarely share my time outdoors with anyone.
Exactly! It's almost sacred. If I do have an exceptionally good day, I might snap a picture for posterity and share it in a fitness discussion if it's appropriate, but, yeah, never feel the need to share your alone time. And people can keep their thoughts to themselves for me, even if they mean well. It's always nice to hear that you look good, but I can do without much of it. One time, while I was stretching, my roommate put her hand on my leg because my knees weren't completely straight! Let my progress be my progress! And she also never stops talking about the leg press.
She and I don't share that aspect of our lives anymore
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subcounter wrote: »There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.
I wish everyone would get the message. People are always talking to me through my headset. And I'm rowing! So I have to stop to take out my headset and say, "What?!?" Incredibly annoying. And these are complete strangers. Gah. I've started taking off my glasses too, so I can't even tell when someone is trying to talk to me.2 -
subcounter wrote: »There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.
As for friends, social media etc, well, it could always turn in to petty competitions. I think its a good idea to stay above it, and simply workout for yourself, again, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people need assurance, and a support group, others simply have a self drive. Both are okay.
Yeah! I don't have an issue if the other way works for others; I just don't want to be around it. And by virtue of my preferences, I don't find many others who share my positions. I'm apart of some fitness Facebook groups, and gratefully things are pretty uplifting! It is easy for them to get competitive, though.0 -
I don't like exercising with anyone else. I understand the draw of it for others, but I'm the same mindset as you. I'm a slow runner, so I always feel that I'm keeping them from running the speed they want to go. I also like to get it done.
That's so funny you say that because, even though running is my primary form of exercise, I am SLOW. Anything above 5.5 mph feels like a sprint!! I'll just hang back here by myself, haha0 -
rainbow198 wrote: »I'm the same way! When I first started my fitness journey I tried to have others join me. I quickly realized that other people slowed me down or I wasn't as focused on my workout and I would get frustrated.
Also I noticed most people would be super motivated at first, but as time went on they would cancel or make excuses.
I quickly learned that I needed to this on my own. I really, really, really wanted this (weight loss and to get fit) and was super determined to make it happen.
I definitely prefer to workout alone and in my own home (or outside) and it has worked very well for me.
That's awesome!! I'm so glad you prioritized yourself. I tried to join friends at first, but had the same problems, let them go, and succeeded on my own
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I'm uncoordinated. I think psychologically, working out with someone takes me back to gym class, where being with someone to exercise meant being on a team and my lousy performance meant dragging people down with me. And even if it wasn't competitive, I'd see me in the mirror next to everyone else and feel that I looked like a clumsy clown.
It's not exactly that I'm worried about that happening all over again now, especially not when we're just working out together, not competing. But over time, because I've never been comfortable exercising with other people. I've discovered that I like taking long walks with my headphones on and showtunes or country music coming out of my MP3. I like the skier in my basement. I just do better getting fit alone.6 -
I prefer working out alone so I can focus. My workout time is my meditation. This is why I prefer doing things like running or lifting one on one with a trainer so I can just focus on myself and my goals. I don't like to socialize during workouts because it's distracting.6
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I usually lift alone because there don't seem to be any other women interested in lifting as heavy/hard as me (if at all). The guys at my gym lift much heavier than me, (I couldn't easily share much equipment with them either, because I'm short and have to adjust everything) so I don't really fit in with them either. I don't really mind though, I'm fine doing my own thing, and the guys are usually glad to help if I happen to need a spot for something.3
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Usually that is true for me as well. I won't run with others ever because I don't think my pacing can match anybody else. I'm not very good in social situations anyway, and I don't know that I want others to see me workout because I'm embarrassed about how weak / out of shape I am.
Having said that, I do join some others for exercising through Meetup groups. Never running, but usually hiking / backpacking. Most recently, climbing at an indoor gym. I had never climbed before and that was a good opportunity to go with experienced people and learn some things that require a certain level of technical skill. That was true to a little bit lesser extent with backpacking. I took a backpacking course that included class time as well as some actual backpacking as a group. I learned enough to be able to comfortably and safely venture out on my own now or with people I'm very close to and comfortable with (brothers). On occasion, I'll hike with a Meetup group. Otherwise, I will hike, run / trail run, or go to the gym alone and prefer that most of the time. Most of what I do doesn't take a lot of technical skill, it is just a matter of putting in the effort to build strength, speed, and/or endurance. Ironically, though, I'm talking to someone locally who is considering joining the same 24/7 access gym I just joined just so that we can do lifts that need a spotter.
So I guess I workout with others only occasionally for the social aspect, and am more interested in learning and safety benefits.4 -
That's great that you are thinking and understanding why you do what you do. It's so important in knowing how to go about reaching your goals. Good for you!1
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I'm with you, I workout alone too, and grab spotters as I need them. I've made some friends at the gym by doing it this way, but I can't work with them, I wouldn't be focused, and it would extend my workouts way longer than I have time for.1
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Solo here as well. I don't feel bad about it all.3
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midwesterner85 wrote: »Usually that is true for me as well. I won't run with others ever because I don't think my pacing can match anybody else. I'm not very good in social situations anyway, and I don't know that I want others to see me workout because I'm embarrassed about how weak / out of shape I am.
Having said that, I do join some others for exercising through Meetup groups. Never running, but usually hiking / backpacking. Most recently, climbing at an indoor gym. I had never climbed before and that was a good opportunity to go with experienced people and learn some things that require a certain level of technical skill. That was true to a little bit lesser extent with backpacking. I took a backpacking course that included class time as well as some actual backpacking as a group. I learned enough to be able to comfortably and safely venture out on my own now or with people I'm very close to and comfortable with (brothers). On occasion, I'll hike with a Meetup group. Otherwise, I will hike, run / trail run, or go to the gym alone and prefer that most of the time. Most of what I do doesn't take a lot of technical skill, it is just a matter of putting in the effort to build strength, speed, and/or endurance. Ironically, though, I'm talking to someone locally who is considering joining the same 24/7 access gym I just joined just so that we can do lifts that need a spotter.
So I guess I workout with others only occasionally for the social aspect, and am more interested in learning and safety benefits.
Oooh, meetup groups sound like a ton of fun! Especially for more lax things like backpacking. I might check that out!!0 -
I've tried working out with a friend. We were swimming laps and she wanted to stop after each lap to rest and talk but I wanted to keep going. We tried stationary bikes. I pushed myself so that I was too out of breath to keep up a conversation and she got frustrated. If she joins me on a bike ride I feel like I have to slow down so that I can keep her pace so we can chat. So, yeah, I'm not good at working out with her.0
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I'm with you, I workout alone too, and grab spotters as I need them. I've made some friends at the gym by doing it this way, but I can't work with them, I wouldn't be focused, and it would extend my workouts way longer than I have time for.
Productive acquaintances are the best! And a really awesome way to meet all sorts of people with a common interest0 -
It took me till I was in my 30s to find a sport I liked for a lot of those same reasons. I used to live in Austin Texas, where I was able to join a rowing club and get on the water with other adult beginners. It was awesome - you sit in a straight line in a boat, so there's no chit chat during the workout. There's a coxswain that is running the show and a coach that builds the workout plan, so there's no need for me train people or worry that another amateur is evaluating me. I do definitely feel some tension about whether I'm holding the boat back with my performance, but I think that sort of discomfort was what pushed me to work a little harder and be a better rower.
Now I live in Denver, where the club has a totally different vibe (more competitive former-collegiate-rowers rather than adult-beginners) and the water is different (you know, cuz it freezes. Also, we share a lake with power boats and that's insane). I haven't found anything like my old rowing club, so I'm doing solo workouts at the gym or running around the neighborhood. I miss the accountability of meeting up with people and the extra motivation to try harder because I'm part of a whole boat. My workouts right now are kind of nice because it is just me against myself though, so I take better notes (how fast, how far, how heavy, etc) and have a more detailed plan than I did when I was on a team.1 -
Yes... I'm a lone wolf and I most certainly prefer it that way.2
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I exercise alone, which is my preference. Sometimes my husband and I will go to the gym together but we split up as soon as we get inside and then meet back up when it is time to leave. I've never gone to the gym with a friend.
I don't have an aversion to people talking about exercise but I don't really have friends/family who do talk about it much.1 -
When I go to the gym to lift weights specifically, it's almost always alone because I don't want to feel like I have to worry about anyone else's schedule. But I have been going to a lot of group fitness classes where the peer support and environment is really motivating and the camaraderie makes it a better and more fun cardio workout than what I usually get on my own. So I could go either way.1
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Never in the history of time have I been able to exercise with others. When I want to exercise I want to exercise alone. That is one of my favorite time to get in my own head, and do my brain work, my reflections on life, meditation, etc.... When someone else is there it distracts me and I feel frustrated and irritable. I do not like work out partners. But then again this is also true for almost everything else. I am just not good at this people thing.5
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I don't like exercising WITH others, but AROUND others tends to help me. For example, I like to run alone but if there is someone else on the track at the same time (that I don't know or talk to at all) I end up running faster or farther... I guess I'm quietly competitive. They don't know it's a competition but it helps me.3
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mburgess458 wrote: »I don't like exercising WITH others, but AROUND others tends to help me. For example, I like to run alone but if there is someone else on the track at the same time (that I don't know or talk to at all) I end up running faster or farther... I guess I'm quietly competitive. They don't know it's a competition but it helps me.
Yeah, if there are other people on treadmills around me, I tell myself I can't get off the treadmill until they do! Works wonders!2
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