Supportive family Not

wendypark811
wendypark811 Posts: 65 Member
edited November 15 in Health and Weight Loss
Hi,

I have been trying to lose weight for 1yr and 3months. I did really well 2st lost yay.

But recently I out on another 7lb and 3 inches on my waist. It may not sound alot but to me it is major deal. Reasons well where do I start

Sister and Brother in Law constantly attacking me, it started July 2016 her son and my daughter share a birthday and we normally go to theirs but this time they wanted to come to us. When they turned up I was in baggy clothes after taking dog walk went upstairs to change came down and well it started
You look ill, why you going to the gym, what is the sudden thing with weight, are you having an affair, we think your anorixic and need to seek medical advice. This went on for months till I turned and said with me or against me if against shut the hell up. Now it is they turn up with major cakes and make comments if you don't eat it. They ring on way to the gym and go gym again has Ste had his tea (my husband), washing done etc dont want house running down. Like My 2 adult children and husband can't feed or look after themselves.

Then Dr took me off hrt so major symptoms. Start some tabs tomorrow to aid symptoms. Better work. Because I can't exercise like I did since before I stopped taking them the cals (even with mfp) on lose 2lb a week it aint working

Then the 4 toblerlones. 5 small malterers boxes, 2 large boxes of Thorntons chocolates, 3 choc oranges I got for xmas and could not resist it.

So now need to get stuck back in.

Sorry this post is so long.

Thanks
Wendy
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Replies

  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,213 Member
    edited January 2017
    I think you should try to resist the urge to replay their unsupportive comments in your head. Do what's best for YOU, no one else matters. Try your best to shake it off.

    As to the chocolates for Christmas thing, me too. Can't say I didn't enjoy all those treats but it's time to get busy again.
  • Ben_there_done_that
    Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
    That's terrible. Family shouldn't act that way to each other. Keep your chin up and rock on. You got this! Also, chocolate oranges are amazing :)
  • Queen_Israel
    Queen_Israel Posts: 4 Member
    edited January 2017
    I'm going through something similar, but I can't just leave or put them out (unfortunately). You have to be strong. Keep talking to people (like here) so that you know you aren't alone. Put up some reminders of why you're doing this in the first place...like a vision board or something. If you are able to cut them out of your life, even if it's just temporarily, then do that. Family or not, no one needs toxic people in their life. Whatever you do, just don't give up.

    Peace and blessings.
  • CafeRacer808
    CafeRacer808 Posts: 2,396 Member
    edited January 2017
    ntnunk wrote: »
    getupforchange wrote: »
    When people say things like that it has 99.8% to do with themselves and very little to do with you. Maybe your efforts are making them feel bad for not exercising? Maybe they worry that you'll lose interest in the cakes and chocolates and judge them for still indulging? My point is that you can't please other people or hold yourself back for them. It's your body, your health and your life. If they want to come and visit you, or for you to visit them, they also need to respect that you have decided to lose some weight and change your routine and if they can't handle that they can stay away.

    ^^^ THIS.

    People criticizing you for weight loss is entirely about them, not you. Some people, and sometimes even family (I say this from experience), are best being cut out of your life completely. Your life, not theirs. If they don't like the way you are living it they are welcome to hit the bricks and not come back.

    My $0.02. I've dealt with this some myself and it never fails to irritate me. Good luck with your journey, may you find the supporters and lose the detractors.

    I agree with all of this (both @getupforchange and @ntnunk). I say that without knowing your height and weight, however. If you're in a healthy BMI range, then it'd be a good idea to start limiting your time spent with these people. As others have said, it's your life not theirs. And if they can't be supportive of you and the decisions you've made, then who needs them?

    If you're actually underweight, however, it might be time to start listening to them.
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    The wide variety of ways they find to try to make things difficult for you should show they don't really have a specific issue, but they feel bad/threatened/insecure. Find your most bland smile and nod, and practice it. Don't engage them, it's none of their business and not a dialogue.
  • joaniebalonie088
    joaniebalonie088 Posts: 93 Member
    Annoying! Some of my extended family is like this from time to time, and it seems at every family gathering the conversation always circles back around to weight. Then comes the constant one-upmanship of who is doing what diet or workout, almost like a competition. Its gotten better, but it is still annoying!

    My immediate family is awesome and has even been saying things like, "You've lost weight! Looking great!" even though I've only lost 3 pounds haha.
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
    As I've said to people who continued to act/comment like that to me when I lost weight, "don't let the fact that I'm eating one reasonably sized portion make you feel bad about tucking into your third serving." Sometimes the only way to stop them is to hit them in their own gut ... figuratively speaking.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    You need to stop caring about what others say. Next time someone says something, laugh. That'll stop them in their tracks. Your weight is none of their business.

    Don't give anyone like that your time or brain space. It's not worth it. You are doing this for you, not them.

    Something in your post stood out for me, though. You binged on chocolate. Does this mean that you don't normally eat foods like that when you're trying to lose weight? You can eat those foods and still lose weight. Personally if I were to cut out my favorite foods, I would end up binging.

    You say you're trying to lose 2lb per week. Do you have at least 75lbs to lose? If yes, then this is an appropriate calorie level for you. If not, then you need to increase your calories.

    Use a food scale (cups and spoons for liquids only), choose correct database entries (even barcode scanner can be off)- check food packaging against the database entries and select the correct weight and log everything that you eat every single day. Place you energy where it matters and stop bothering with people that want to bring your down. Ignore their crap.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    Just curious what's your current weight, goal weight, height, etc.? I agree with everyone above do what you feel is right, not what everyone else feels is right. But, there's not enough information to say whether or not you've taken it too far or if they are just jealous? I'm also not sure I understood what "Then Dr took me off hrt so major symptoms" means. Does that mean you have heart problems? Is the doctor putting you on medication that causes issues with your heart? People are quick to judge and just say ignore the people in your life pushing you to gain weight, but for all we know you could be underweight? But yes, it sounds like jealousy. Is your husband overweight? Maybe he's afraid you will leave him if you get in shape?

    I get told all the time I'm "too skinny". Honestly I'm not, I am at the upper end of the BMI chart for normal, have more muscle than I've had my entire life, and feel great. That's enough for me to just smile and say "thank you for the compliment" when they say stuff like that. People bring me food too, I eat what I want of it and save the rest for later. I don't limit myself to what I can eat, only the number of calories in a day to suit my goals.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    Just "kicking people out of your life" who are negative is a simple answer, but I'm not a fan of real simple answers. It's one thing if it's an annoying aquaintence but family is not generally so easily dealt with. They are really important people in our lives, and they are not generally completely positive or negative. So I have some empathy here.

    What is really important sometimes is establishing healthy BOUNDARIES. And family members can be the worst offenders of healthy boundaries. So it's important to recognize what a healthy boundary versus an unhealthy boundary.

    Families sometimes are entrenched in unheathy habits, and eating and not exercising is certainly one of them. And it can be threatening if someone violates this norm. It means that you are putting out there that this is not the norm. It means that it is possible to be a normal weight and so on. Even though it's a positive change, this can be perceived (likely not fully conciously) as challenging what is normal and natural. The job of the family is often to re-establish order and normality. While this is healthy in many cases, in this it is not.

    So here's where boundaries come in. As a full grown adult, no one has the power to tell you what you should or should not eat unless it is a threat to your health. I suggest being polite but firm about this. It may mean being thoughtful about putting yourself in a vulnerable position...you may only want to go to the family BBQ once in a while, for instance and bring a salad. You will need to think of ways to say, "Thank you, but my doctor is very happy with the changes in my body and I am too."
  • Gisel2015
    Gisel2015 Posts: 4,186 Member
    Spliner1969 wrote: »
    Just curious what's your current weight, goal weight, height, etc.? I agree with everyone above do what you feel is right, not what everyone else feels is right. But, there's not enough information to say whether or not you've taken it too far or if they are just jealous? I'm also not sure I understood what "Then Dr took me off hrt so major symptoms" means. Does that mean you have heart problems? Is the doctor putting you on medication that causes issues with your heart? People are quick to judge and just say ignore the people in your life pushing you to gain weight, but for all we know you could be underweight? But yes, it sounds like jealousy. Is your husband overweight? Maybe he's afraid you will leave him if you get in shape?

    I get told all the time I'm "too skinny". Honestly I'm not, I am at the upper end of the BMI chart for normal, have more muscle than I've had my entire life, and feel great. That's enough for me to just smile and say "thank you for the compliment" when they say stuff like that. People bring me food too, I eat what I want of it and save the rest for later. I don't limit myself to what I can eat, only the number of calories in a day to suit my goals.

    HRT = hormone replacement therapy
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    Gisel2015 wrote: »
    HRT = hormone replacement therapy

    Thank you. ;) Too many acronyms, too few brain cells (at least for me anyway haha).

  • Mary_Anastasia
    Mary_Anastasia Posts: 267 Member
    My family is similar, and I live with them. It's not quite the same, but it's similar: they DO want me to lose weight, because I AM overweight. But then they bring me home spring rolls, chocolates, pastries, tacos, etc about 6x a week. Yes, they are overweight themselves, and I've lost 42lbs so far, but it hasn't inspired them to consider losing weight yet. They have good intentions with me, but they don't realize just how frustrating it can be to not be in control of what food I'm presented. Your family sounds a bit more abrasive..

    It's hard to stay motivated when others get in your way, but at the root of all discourse is fear: they fear something is going on with you that they don't understand. Next time someone gives you a chocolate orange, split it open right there and share it with a few people. Next time someone asks if you're having an affair say yes, and then see how long it takes for them to realize you were joking. I don't do drama at all, so I see the situation as easily handled, though frustrating for sure, I'm with you there.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    wendypark811 wrote: »
    5ft 1in, was 10st 3lb, bmi 28.3. Size 16/18
    Now 8st 10lb (before christmas 8st 3lb), bmi 22.
    Blood pressure etc is spot on so healthy.

    Thanks for all your support.

    Yup jealousy. Nothing wrong with a 22 BMI.
  • Master_Butcher
    Master_Butcher Posts: 50 Member
    ccsernica wrote: »
    I have nothing particularly useful to say, but I think this is a good illustration of why obesity tends to run in families. It's not genetic exactly.

    True point. Sucks for people who genuinely want change. My heart goes out to peeps with such toxic supposed "support systems".
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    edited January 2017
    Some red flags here, especially in you posting history.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10439986/worried


    I have a feeling your family comments are more out of concern than anything else. Your severe fear of gaining weight speaks for itself. Sorry but I am with your family and think some professional help may be beneficial to you.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Some red flags here, especially in you posting history.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10439986/worried


    I have a feeling your family comments are more out of concern than anything else. Your severe fear of gaining weight speaks for itself. Sorry but I am with your family and think some professional help may be beneficial to you.

    I wondered about that. There was a lot of information left out of the original post. At a normal BMI of 22 you should be eating at maintenance level. If the OP is still dieting then there's a problem.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    OP, with the stats you've provided, your current weight is in the healthy BMI range.
  • applemiki
    applemiki Posts: 13 Member
    It also depends on how much the OP wants to lose or maybe they are wanting to be more toned, which some call wanting to lose the "skinny fat".
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
    edited February 2017
    cerise_noir wrote: »
    OP, with the stats you've provided, your current weight is in the healthy BMI range.

    Heaven forbid that someone could decide to lose weight for aesthetic reasons.

    There is nothing to suggest the OP has disordered eating habits (except the reported faux concern of individuals whose vantage is probably from the overfed-undermoved crowd).

    Additionally, the OP's BMI is comfortably in the healthy range.

    It seems like posters on this site like to throw around diagnoses, which, even if they knew these individuals personally, they are unqualified to perform.

    ETA - This shouldn't have been a response to cerise_noir. It was referring to other posters' comments.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    LiminalAscendance wrote: »
    cerise_noir wrote: »
    OP, with the stats you've provided, your current weight is in the healthy BMI range.

    Heaven forbid that someone could decide to lose weight for aesthetic reasons.

    There is nothing to suggest the OP has disordered eating habits (except the reported faux concern of individuals whose vantage is probably from the overfed-undermoved crowd).

    Additionally, the OP's BMI is comfortably in the healthy range.

    It seems like posters on this site like to throw around diagnoses, which, even if they knew these individuals personally, they are unqualified to perform.

    ETA - This shouldn't have been a response to cerise_noir. It was referring to other posters' comments.

    Severely restricting calories with an intense fear of gaining weight when already in a healthy weight range, is a huge red flag, one that shouldn't be ignored. Maybe it is just me, but giving advice to someone on jownto lose more weight, where there already seems to be an issue, is irresponsible.
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