So lost and alone

No, you are not overreacting. He is in the wrong here. This is not how partners should support one another. You are not alone.

Wow, your husband sounds like a superficial, uncaring, unsupportive *kitten*. I don't think you're over reacting at all. Based on what you've posted, it seems clear to me (as an outsider) that he only liked you for your looks, not for who you are as a person. I think you should absolutely care that he's texting with other women. If it bothers me, someone who obviously doesn't know either of you, then I think it should absolutely bother you as well. Also, how are you so sure he hasn't cheated? And please try to get out of the mindset that you'll never find someone else. Even though you may feel that way right now, you've no idea what the future holds.

If preserving this relationship is important to you, I'd suggest you try to start with marriage counseling. Maybe this is something you guys can work through. If he's resistant to the idea - and something tells me he might be - there's your answer. As far as I'm concerned, if he's not willing to put in the work to make your marriage successful, then he's probably not emotionally invested in it to begin with.

With all that said, it sounds like you have a lot of soul searching to do. But if I was in your shoes, I'd end that relationship pronto. Breaking up or ending a marriage is obviously really tough, but it's better to be the dumper than the dumpee because at least you'll retain some measure of control over your life and your happiness.

I'm normally not one to suggest using revenge as a motivator for weight loss because the desire to lose weight and get healthy needs to be about you, not someone else. But in this case, perhaps having that revenge chip on your shoulder will give you the motivation to keep striving for your weight loss and fitness goals, even in the face of what I have to imagine is a very stressful and depressing time in your life.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Perhaps instead of marriage counseling, you should speak to a therapist on your own first. A qualified therapist will help you process everything you're going through and help you find the strength to do what's best for you.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way by any means. I know I don't know you but, #1 You are better than him on so many levels. He married you for better or worse not for thin and never changing. #2 it seams He has taken your self esteem away. He is supposed to love honor and cherish you until death do you part. I too have gained a ton of weight since I married my husband even at my highest weight and lowest self esteem did my husband ever tell me anything other than your beautiful to me. Even now when I'm logging my food and weighing it out he supports me. I am going to be praying for you, you deserve to be cherished not torn down by his words and actions.

I gained 90 pounds during and after my pregnancy and have been struggling to lose weight permanently ever since, it' s been almost 10 years now.I kept loosing and gaining weight, now finally on the right path I hope.The only thing that kept me sane is the constant support from my partner. The person standing next to you in life should be your rock, he is the one to know when you are suffering, when you are sad, happy and how much it is bothering you gaining that much weight!!! It is your life but never for a moment think that without him you will end up alone, there is someone to appreciate you, I am sure! Putting up with such attitude and lack of compassion, understanding and love for that matter will eat you alive and will make it even more difficult for you to tackle those extra pounds ( especially if you are like me - comfort eater when something is bothering me). Good luck with whatever decision you make but that guy needs to get his priorities right! Stay strong!

Your husband is not a kind and caring man. He has toyed with your self esteem to the point where you don't think you are worthy of someone and will always be alone. You will not be, because you are a good person with morals and values, both of which he seems to be lacking. If you are so terrible, why doesn't he leave? Because his self esteem is in the toilet too. And he is on a mission to make sure yours is worse. Losing 50lbs is a fantastic achievement and should be celebrated, not mocked. As you loose weight he becomes more insecure and works harder to kill your self esteem. Sorry to be so blunt, but you are better than this man and this marriage is not worth saving. I would be honest with your parents - you'll probable find out they are not that keen on him and will support you if you want to end the relationship. Also, it is strange that he doesn't like you going to your parents - another thing he should do because YOU like it and it's good for YOU. He is probably scared they will shed some much needed light on him. And he should be. Don't let him treat you like this. As soon as you stand up to him he is going to try to "put you in your place". If you leave him he'll beg for forgiveness and beg you to come back. But he won't change. He is fundamentally mean and needs counseling to figure out why he has to control people and put them down to make himself feel better. Start making plans to kick him to the curb. You really don't deserve this and you will be far happier being independent and free from verbal abuse. Your confidence will soar and your weight will fall off. The fact that you've lost 50lbs while going through all this stress is a testament to your strength. You are amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

wifeofgodek wrote: »

Thanks everyone for being so kind to me. I need to take a few days to clear my head so I'm going to visit my parents. Husband won't come because he doesn't like them and hates when I visit. But I need to do this.

You don't think I have to tell them, do you. It's dumb I just told the whole internet my business but I'm afraid my mom and dad will judge me.

You don't have to tell them, but don't be surprised if they figure out something is wrong. You're their daughter and they're not going to like seeing you in emotional pain. His hating you going to see them is just another way of manipulating and attempting to emotionally isolate you.

Hello beautiful! I agree with what everyone's been saying. Don't let ANYONE determine your happiness or your worth! Look at what you've accomplished so far , you're down 50lbs which is great! You're also obviously a lot stronger than what your giving yourself credit for, you had the strength to leave a bad situation before which takes guts and you know. I can't tell you what to do in your marriage because the final decagon is yours. However, what I can say is, do what's best for you. Really think this thing through, and don't think in terms of what he may think or want you to do. Consider your worth and your strengths while making your decision. Most importantly have faith that you are stronger than what you think, because you are!

wifeofgodek wrote: »

I actually have tears in my eyes. You all are so much kinder to me than I deserve. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

No no no... see, this is what he's done to you. You don't think you're worthy of love and affection, or even simple kindness from strangers, but you are!

I wrote a long piece of waffle here and then decided against it - the main point is that you're getting some good advice here from others. Work on yourself first, then decide if you feel it's worth working on your marriage. Don't let fear of being alone stop you from leaving if that's what you need to do - better to be alone than with a superficial person who doesn't love you for who you are on the inside, and you won't be alone for ever.

I wish you nothing but the best. Take care. *lots of hugs*

It's one thing to admit that he's not attracted to you anymore. But to use your weight gain as an excuse for his behavior is way out of bounds. He's way out of line.