shamed in the locker room for the first time since middle school

madelonism
madelonism Posts: 292 Member
edited November 15 in Motivation and Support
let me start off with a brief up date on my journey: after very slowly gaining back 75 pound plus another 10 after my first but of weight loss i kicked things into high gear 2 months ago and have since lost 28 pounds and 12 inches. bringing me from 319 to 291, and size 26 to 22. ive been looking for a new gym since i moved and i used a trial at 24 hr fitness.

I had an amazing time, regardless of my size ive always loved the gym, i love getting guidance from trainers, classes, swimming, the steam room is heaven! im not one who has really been very aware of judgement as im very focused on my workout, use earbuds etc.

but two young girls, probably between 18-20, caught me in my most vulnerable moment. i was changing in the locker room with my swimsuit half down, sweater half on, trying to be reasonably modest might i add. when my head was stuck in my hood the girls passed me and said in full voice "god just let me burn my eyes out already" and they laughed and laughed as they hurried out of the dressing room before i could see their faces.


im a woman who thinks i have a beautiful body. its the only one ive ever had. so i appreciate it. the reason i am at the gym is BECAUSE I LOVE MY BODY, and i am determined to take better care of it.

but it dosnt matter how enlightened, how immature i know they are, how far ive come or how much ive been through and risen above shame and senseless hate-

this still shakes my core, and exposes the sad little girl that cant understand what i did to deserve ridicule for having to change clothes. in a very overly collected and stiff manner, i let the trainer know the girls shamed me in front of others and pointed them out. he tried to comfort me but i stated i only wanted him to be aware of the environment, because he made a point to tell me they were a very accepting gym. i fought back rage tears and calmly went home.

i dont need any poor me boo hoos, but i want everyone to know that im going to continue coming to that gym, AND ill let my boobs swing out for a second in the locker room should i so feel. i do not wish to interact with the girls who insulted me, but i will let them see that they have no power over me. and i hope that i can inspire others to be brave as well, because if i quit that gym then im just proving to them i dont belong there. i love the gym, and i will not let ignorance and intolerance stop me from living a healthy and fufilled life.
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Replies

  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    Good. You should continue to go. Because you are worth it.

  • __TMac__
    __TMac__ Posts: 1,669 Member
    You are awesome and I applaud your determination. And I'm grateful you told the staff about it. If we don't say anything, it'll never stop. Those girls should be ashamed of their behavior, and you can be proud of yours.
  • 2kellymike
    2kellymike Posts: 75 Member
    I am super proud of you and I LOVE your attitude and you are my hero. <3
  • JenHuedy
    JenHuedy Posts: 611 Member
    Unbelievable. What rotten little brats. But BRAVO to YOU! I am so impressed with how you handled the situation. I am non-confrontational to a pathological degree. I would have skittered home in shame and never would have told the trainers what happened. You are my hero!
  • ninyagwa
    ninyagwa Posts: 341 Member
    You are awesome, you are worth it, and your body is yours and yours only, I'm glad you love it!
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    i'm sorry you had to deal with stupid people. i'm glad you are continue going. bully suck
  • madelonism
    madelonism Posts: 292 Member
    i will be 23 in two months :) and its those kind of girls who put on weight for something like pregnancy or just a combination of uncontrolled life factors, then because of the point of reference they come from, live out a life of self loathing and misery. i think its important to love and embrace yourself wile at the same time, embracing the healthiest you that you can be.
    2011rocket3touring wrote: »
    Had a similar incident. Was working as a spook at the Howl O Scream attraction at Busch Gardent, Tampa when on my way to my station a 18-20 something-ish said "ewwww..."
    I laughed to myself. At that time I was 42, with all my hair and pretty stocky and thought to myself "honey if you have a guy who looks like me when your my age, you'll be very fortunate".
    I'm going to guess your not 18-20. These little flakes have no idea what life will bring them. They probably think they'll have those lean tight bodies for the rest of their lives and they are going to be in for a rude awakening.

  • serindipte
    serindipte Posts: 1,557 Member
    I remember being the kid in gym that would hide in the private shower stall to change because I didn't want anyone to see me. I wasn't even that overweight at the time, though my mom did instill in me that I was "fat". (Thanks, Mom)

    When I've gone to the gym as an adult, I've refused to change in the changing room.. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it's a throwback to then.

    You are amazing!! Thank you for sharing AND for not letting them interfere with going back and doing you.
  • leajas1
    leajas1 Posts: 823 Member
    I really like you.
  • happysherri
    happysherri Posts: 1,360 Member
    Girl, you Strong!

    You sound like you have great confidence! I love your attitude!!!! Let me add that you sound fun! Haha - I would have lost it, you kept it together because you are strong! There are people of all sizes at my gym and I always think they're here, everyone looks like they're working hard and that makes me smile. There are a couple of elderly gentlemen whom workout in jeans and at first I laughed in my head and then thought 'No, I don't care what they're wearing they are here!" **Also Karma comes back 10 fold, I've witnessed it so many times.
  • madelonism
    madelonism Posts: 292 Member
    it comes back to me not wanting to be viewed as weak. believe me, i understand. i want to hide in the shower sometimes. but i want to stand up for the women who are to afraid. id love to change the stigma by normalizing it. its out of my way and the locker room is a dressing area. this attitude may have come from my background in theatre, you must run down under the stage and change with everyone else in under 30 seconds. there is no time to get all your stuff and hide in a bathrooom stall, the show would be stalled! and i cant keep my audience waiting ;)

    serindipte wrote: »
    I remember being the kid in gym that would hide in the private shower stall to change because I didn't want anyone to see me. I wasn't even that overweight at the time, though my mom did instill in me that I was "fat". (Thanks, Mom)

    When I've gone to the gym as an adult, I've refused to change in the changing room.. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it's a throwback to then.

    You are amazing!! Thank you for sharing AND for not letting them interfere with going back and doing you.

  • LZMiner
    LZMiner Posts: 300 Member
    I admire your grace. I would've been like "What the EFF did you say? How rude and inconsiderate. Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear through, you little witch!"
  • HG210
    HG210 Posts: 103 Member
    I tell you......I was saying on another post how gym members can make you feel like never coming back and everyone was making it seem like the gym was such a great friendly place. I learned early on to go the gym focused and not let anything shake you as you did. I am so proud of you. You are amazing woman and quite beautiful. Seems like parents stop teaching respect and compassion for others. Just my opinion most a hole kids have a hole parents. So no worries on that. It's all about you and any little girls like that don't have an ounce of your courage or drive but could learn a lot from you. The victory is yours and thank you for not letting them steal it from you. You truly are amazing.


    Kids....smh...ridiculous. The parents too.
  • toolzz
    toolzz Posts: 163 Member
    I always think of those situations in this way, while you may be a bit "fuller" on the outside, those girls are empty on the inside. I detest bullies but I also feel sorry for them.
  • madelonism
    madelonism Posts: 292 Member
    there is nothing more ugly to me than the malicious laughter of a weak spirit, clinging so desperately to their ego that they fear they will lose themselves should someone challenge what they believe (in this case fat=disgusting) causes a outlash, so they can soothe their unstable sence of self. but i also wanted to say "if you wanna burn your eyes out i think ive got a lighter"
    LZMiner wrote: »
    I admire your grace. I would've been like "What the EFF did you say? How rude and inconsiderate. Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear through, you little witch!"

  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    One thing I've learned throughout life - someone somewhere is always going to have something negative to say. It doesn't matter if you're fit, overweight, blonde, brunette, etc. people will judge you and make rude comments.

    Gotta just keep living your life and I applaud you for doing just that.

    It isn't easy, but most things worth having aren't.
  • denversillygoose
    denversillygoose Posts: 708 Member
    I'm so sorry someone was so ugly to you. Your attitude is fabulous, so you win.
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,170 Member
    Sorry someone even said that!
    But you are inspirational. The determination in your post shows that no one can truly knock you down!
    They're 18-20, real life hasn't even started! I've had 3 pregnancies and only 24 and I've got a body to show for it!

    You look better in the gym than you do on the sofa
    And remember, they're probably going just to stand around trying to attract boys! Wouldn't know what a hardcore workout was even if they tried
    You are so much better, so much stronger and beautiful than them!
    You keep at it! Don't let ANYONE put you down!
    You love your body! And that is a difficult feat!

    I weigh less than you, and I don't like my body.
    You've achieved the hardest thing
  • englishmuffinruns
    englishmuffinruns Posts: 70 Member
    madelonism wrote: »
    there is nothing more ugly to me than the malicious laughter of a weak spirit, clinging so desperately to their ego that they fear they will lose themselves should someone challenge what they believe (in this case fat=disgusting) causes a outlash, so they can soothe their unstable sence of self. but i also wanted to say "if you wanna burn your eyes out i think ive got a lighter"

    You are my hero!
  • snickerdoodle1
    snickerdoodle1 Posts: 4 Member
    You rock girl!
  • Tgmcmonigle
    Tgmcmonigle Posts: 7 Member
    Personally, I love seeing heavier people in the gym. It tells me that they are actually doing something to make their life better instead of sitting around whining about how bad they feel. Kudos to all who brave the potential embarrassment to pursue a longer, happier, healthier life.
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
    edited February 2017
    "madelonism wrote: »
    two young girls, probably between 18-20, caught me in my most vulnerable moment. i was changing in the locker room with my swimsuit half down, sweater half on, trying to be reasonably modest might i add. when my head was stuck in my hood the girls passed me and said in full voice "god just let me burn my eyes out already" and they laughed and laughed as they hurried out of the dressing room before i could see their faces.

    im a woman who thinks i have a beautiful body. its the only one ive ever had. so i appreciate it. the reason i am at the gym is BECAUSE I LOVE MY BODY, and i am determined to take better care of it.

    Good on you. YOU do YOU. These snot-nosed little heathens do not deserve a second thought. Notice how they waited until your head was covered to say that within earshot... and then ran out of the room before you could respond? They're cowardly and insecure and think they have something to prove to each other, and they don't. They're miniscule little snail in the big, scary scope of life and should be pitied and disregarded.

    I'm proud of you for moving forward in your journey. We are all behind you on this.

  • jordyngiulio
    jordyngiulio Posts: 157 Member
    I really want to thank you. Not only for sharing what happened, but to have been brave and bold enough to tell the management. You really just stuck up for every one of us who has ever been made to feel that way in a gym and didn't have the confidence to stand up for themselves. Like you, I believe my body is beautiful regardless of what I weigh at any given time but I haven't always had the backbone to stand up for myself. To me, exercise has been an important part of self love and it really sucks to be in a place where instead of being empowered to find new strengths, you feel shamed. Unfortunately, those girls will probably never grow out of being 'mean girls' because it's all they really have' being petty, judgmental, shallow and uninteresting is easy and a great cover for being absolutely and utterly vapid.

    Thank you again.
  • SincerelyHiatus
    SincerelyHiatus Posts: 26 Member
    You are awesome! I wish I had the confidence that you do. Kudos to you and don't ever let anybody bring you down.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,029 Member
    Sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately the world is filled with shallow people and it's much much harder on females than males because of the expectation that Hollywood and the media have portrayed how a female should look. Sad. Good luck on your journey and keep it going. Maybe in 10 years, you'll see them again, but the roles might be reversed based on how kids are slowly getting more overweight with each generation.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Yeah I remember being made fun of too by my peers around that age. Twenty something years later and Karma tends to catch up.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    Little *kitten*.

    If you see them again say 'Now I've seen you're fugly face close up it's no wonder you want to burn your eyes out!'
    But anyway, you are awesome and you know it!
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