Struggling with Anorexia
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Glad you see the issue and are seeing a counselor. Eating disorders come in many forms, our relationship with food is very dysfunctional when you think about it. I like to boil it down to this: what is the purpose of eating food? It is very simple, but think about it every time you eat. The purpose of eating food is to fuel your body, like a car needs gas. Maybe if you think about it in such simple terms, it will remove some of the anxiety. If I were your mother, I would say you should approach it this way. Throw away the scale for the time being since it is causing you anxiety, eat 3 healthy meals per day, that your body needs for fuel. Relax. And get some support around you.2
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My wife was 5'5" 117 when I married her (age 24) and I thought she was really thin then. I think her optimal weight would have been about 125 then. She weighs about 140 right now and I think she looks great (she is 52)! I really think a good weight for you would be more like 120 instead of 105.
Please don't let your weight be the determiner of your self esteem. That is just one facet of our lives. Don't let that obsess with you. Do seek help from professionals and good luck!2 -
Thanks again for all the advice and compassion. A small update, in case anybody would like to know what's been going on:
I visited a nurse practitioner on my college campus and she found that my pulse was dangerously low. They drew blood and found that my electrolyte levels were alright, but my blood pressure and heart were suffering. She monitored my heart rate a few days later, and it had gotten down to forty-four at rest and was beating irregularly, which she said was "critical" and my safety was at a serious risk.
The medical and counseling team coerced me to call my mother so that I could go home on medical leave and get help from a better-equipped facility. Currently I am home and have come clean to my mother about the disorder, and we're scheduling doctor appointments and working out solutions. Right now my weight is around 105, and the plan is to work on bettering my nutrition and heart rate. Luckily we caught the problem before the danger was even more imminent.
Psychologically, this is a huge struggle. I am still obsessed with calories and being thinner, but I'm willing to work with my mother and with doctors to help my heart get better. Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words, every bit of solidarity helped me more than any of you could know.41 -
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I am so happy that you had the insight to go to see your school's nurse! Now you have some help/supports that will get you there!
You have done the RIGHT THING girl! This could have taken a turn for the very worse.
Your family/friends love and need you! You need you 'back'.
Life will get better...it's not easy, but take this time for YOU. It's your life we're talking about!!! School and 'whatever' can just wait. It'll always be there. If you didn't act on it like you did, life would most likely be taken away.
Hugs and good luck with your continued journey:)1 -
Glad you are getting help. Remember the most beautiful part of a person is what is inside of them!1
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Great news.
Good luck and best wishes for your recovery1 -
I am so glad that you are getting the help you need. I wish you all the best in your recovery!1
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I am so happy to hear that you visited the nurse practitioner and caught those symptoms before something terrible happened! I, myself, have been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and have struggled with it for the last 4 years. I see a therapist weekly and I have a treatment team that specializes in eating disorders, and they have helped wonders. I still struggle, of course, but I am so glad to hear that you are getting help for your disorder. I am sending you a friend request so we can keep in touch and you can talk to me anytime you have any questions or anything. Hugs!!4
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I've suffered with disordered eating and body dismorphia for at least 30 years. I'm 5'6" I've weighed as little as 115, and as much as 180. When I was at my lowest weight I developed severe galbladder issues, and my tooth enamel started to deteriorate. I also have a sister who was severely anorexic and dropped to 80lbs before getting better. A treatment plan is your best option because eating disorders are more of a problem with anxiety and needing control, and not as much about food. Reaching out to this group was a great first step! If you get the right medical help you can over come this. I have a healthier relationship with food and body image, and my sister fully recovered with no relapses. You CAN do this! *HUGS*7
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noowaseem13579 wrote: »Please strive to be healthy. Health is beauty.
It is not fun to be dizzy all the time. If you are not comfortable with 120 yet, at least strive for 115 to begin.
Your BMR is what you need to be alive. Just to simply breathe and have your organs function normally. If you don't eat the amount you need to be alive, your health will completely deteriorate.
Eat way more than 1300 calories.
Many people recovering from anorexia need more than 3000 calories to recover the damage from starvation
OP needs to be cared for - she can't just 'simply' (ha) start eating 3000+ calories. Her body could go into shock...
"Any individual who has had negligible nutrient intake for many consecutive days and/or is metabolically stressed from a critical illness or major surgery is at risk of refeeding syndrome. Refeeding syndrome usually occurs within four days of starting to re-feed. Patients can develop fluid and electrolyte disorders, especially hypophosphatemia, along with neurologic, pulmonary, cardiac, neuromuscular, and hematologic complications."https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refeeding_syndrome
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jamocha101 wrote: »Thanks again for all the advice and compassion. A small update, in case anybody would like to know what's been going on:
I visited a nurse practitioner on my college campus and she found that my pulse was dangerously low. They drew blood and found that my electrolyte levels were alright, but my blood pressure and heart were suffering. She monitored my heart rate a few days later, and it had gotten down to forty-four at rest and was beating irregularly, which she said was "critical" and my safety was at a serious risk.
The medical and counseling team coerced me to call my mother so that I could go home on medical leave and get help from a better-equipped facility. Currently I am home and have come clean to my mother about the disorder, and we're scheduling doctor appointments and working out solutions. Right now my weight is around 105, and the plan is to work on bettering my nutrition and heart rate. Luckily we caught the problem before the danger was even more imminent.
Psychologically, this is a huge struggle. I am still obsessed with calories and being thinner, but I'm willing to work with my mother and with doctors to help my heart get better. Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words, every bit of solidarity helped me more than any of you could know.
That bold sentence is why you will succeed. Best of luck to you!3 -
It's great that you're getting help. I had anorexia in high school and never did get the right help. That coupled with other mental issue caused me to flip to binge eating and now I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I am now on meds and talk to my doctors and others. If I got help in the first place this all could have been avoided.
Work hard and accept the love and support and you'll do great.0 -
Glad you are getting help. Learning about nutrition and teaching you brain a new way to think is a big part of treatment but you also have to figure out what the controlling issue is for you. You can do it. My registered dietician that I worked with was amazing. She worked around my likes and dislikes and introduced new foods and ideas in steps and made it so it wasn't overwhelming. I had some electrolyte issues and BP problems and was able to address them and very lucky not to have permanent damage of any kind. I now am doing great and monitored two times a year for bloodwork only. I use a trainer in the gym and have gained some after treatment and didn't think I would allow that but I did. Its amazing my gain was muscles and the power I feel and things I can do now I would never trade for a number on a scale. I can not say I never have those thought but now I know to turn to others and turn quickly so those thoughts don't take me down. I have been healthy now for 5 years. I use MFP to monitor because I do not feel hunger and make sure I am eating enough to keep up with my exercise and lifestyle3
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It's amazing how many others suffer from this kind of turmoil. While I hate to think of the commodity of such a horrible disorder, it's definitely helpful to be reassured that I'm not alone in the struggle. Thank you for sharing your stories, advice, and experiences.
Quick update:
I am currently in inpatient treatment to achieve medical stabilization. The doctors and dietitians have put me on a program for undernourishment that consists of three meals a day, slowly building up to an intake sufficient to re-balance my systems and restrengthen my heart. The anxiety is horrendous; I hate to think of being coerced to consume more calories and gain any weight. I feel like my eating disorder was a consoling coping mechanism, and it's emotionally straining to put it in the hands of others to take away from me.
But, deep down, I know that it's for the best. I try to remind myself of that.13 -
I am so glad to hear you sought treatment. You aren't alone. You can do this.1
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I love the input and help on this thread and it is amazing that you are getting help so early on. We are all rooting for you. However I see a lot of people saying they had anorexia when their lowest weight was above 17.5 BMI. Keep in mind to be diagnosed you have to be below 17.5. I think they are changing the weight criteria though which I am all for because it is more a mental disorder than a physical one. The physical is just the consequence.0
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