Fell off the wagon..how to stop being mad
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I cant answer for you, only for me. Like someone above said, I don't assign moral labels to food, there is no good nor bad food, only food. There is calorie dense food, there is nutrient dense food and so on, but it is just food. That was liberating for me. Also, I look at calories somewhat like a bank account, I get (x) per week (or month) and I can spend it however I want. Some days I spend little, some days I spend quite a bit, but in the end I have this much to spend. I think people fall into the XXXX per day trap and try to nail that number every day. I am more liberal, I shoot for somewhere around 2000 per day. I maintain at @ 2600 not including exercise. Some days I eat 1800, some days 3000, but it balances out. Every once in a while I might eat 3000 in one meal, big deal, It is just what my life is. I refuse to let food hold me hostage, on either side of the equation.2
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My suggestion is to quit calling it a wagon. It's a journey. If you go on a trip and make a wrong turn, do you just sit there and stew and give up? Do you turn around and go back home to start over? Hopefully neither of these. Hopefully you just make a course correction and continue your trip. That's how life and weight loss is. I think people create way too much drama and angst when they talk about falling off or starting over. If you literally fall off a wagon, you stand up, brush off the dust, step up, and keep going, right? In weight loss, you just continue weighing and logging your food, regardless of what you eat. That act in and of itself is usually enough to help us change our habits.9
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A treat does not have to be a cheat. This is something I tell myself every time I want something. MFP isn't my first go-round. I've done three versions of Weight-Watchers, I've had a few sessions with a nutritionist (or maybe an RD; I don't know, I was in my teens and my mother set it up; I didn't check credentials). What's different this time is that I've accepted that I don't want to completely give up the foods I like. I want to have less of them, but I will never be happily munching on carrot sticks when everyone else if having cake.
What I try to do these days is plan. Before going into a situation where I know there will be food I can't weigh/measure, I think about what's likely to be there. If it's a restaurant and I can see the menu ahead of time, I find something I think I'll have, check the calories in the database, and log it in the tracker in advance.
I do something similar for social situations.
And there are times when the calorie count is just too high and I re-evaluate. (I had half a donut at a Hannukah party instead of a whole one, because I decided that 240 calories for one custard donut just wasn't worth it, but I could swing 120).
I find that if I log half a donut in the tracker, then when the time comes to eat it, I can stick with that half-donut. And I enjoy it more, because now I'm having half a donut without the side of guilt and negative self-talk that always comes with it when I decide I'm going to be "good" and stick with the healthy stuff.
Being "good" in that sense doesn't work for me; I'm a boredom eater, an emotional eater, and an introvert who doesn't do well in social situations. With those three factors working against me, sooner or later, I gravitate toward the chips or the pastries. And, like you, I fall off the wagon. Because my mind inflates that cookie or handful of chips I wasn't going to have but did... until I believe that they are higher in calories than everything I've eaten this week. Those pounds are flying back on! And since my diet is already blown, well, I might as well take more, right? The damage has been done! (Not yet, but with that mindset...) But when the treat is already in the tracker and I see it for what it is: 120 calories that I don't eat every day, that taste good, and that haven't put me over my daily goal... without all that guilt and negative self-talk, I can actually stick to that half-donut and go for the fruits and veggies for the rest.
And I make sure to get a good long walk or some time on the skiier in either before or after.
Hang in there. One off-day or one off-meal isn't going to do any lasting damage. You've got this.5 -
I envy those like Girl Scout cookie girl who thinks the whole "the trick is not denying yourself, just limit those foods" works on everyone.
We don't think it works on everyone. But we know there are a lot of people out there, just like us, for whom "cut out whatever" is just bad advice that will make their problems worse. That's who we are talking to.
And there's no point envying us. It's not easier for us. You're talking as if your way is easier and our way is harder and we choose it in order to show off our superpowers. No! I could not do what you do, I cannot cut out foods, it makes me burn out and binge. Your method is just as hard for me as it sounds like mine would be for you.
So maybe my advice would be bad advice for you. I can guarantee your advice would be bad advice for me. Which is good for OP? Only OP can find that out. All we can do is offer suggestions from our own experience, and reassure OP that she does not need to cut anything out. Because that's true, isn't it? You don't need to do anything. You have to figure out what works for you, not follow someone else's rules.7 -
VintageFeline wrote: »I also try to eat a little under (max 100 calories) each day so i have room for a bigger splurge at some point.
Wow thats actually a really good idea creates a win/win either you come into a lower deficit or you accomidate an binge moment, will definitely keep that trick in mind.0 -
Aw, I'm sad you are feeling depressed about it, OP. I know what you mean, though. I go off plan sometimes, and sometimes I get right back on plan, and sometimes it takes me a couple days to get back to normal.
Were you feeling depressed BEFORE going off plan? Speaking for myself, when I am feeling depressed I am more likely to go off plan AND it takes me longer to get back on track. It seems like I just care less.... about a lot of things, including taking care of myself. I appreciate all the questions about how your plan can be improved so you're less likely to deviate from it. The answer for you may lie there. If I have a low mood for a while, though, even a plan that is normally really satisfying and easy to stick to doesn't seem as appealing to me.
tl;dr: You might reconsider BOTH how your eating plan could be more sustainable AND the depressed feelings to answer "how to move past it" for you. Hope you feel better soon.
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Even the mentality of "falling off the wagon" is so dramatic and negative. You overate for a few days, no big deal. You don't need to wait til tomorrow, or Monday to "get back on your diet". Just make better choices, this meal then the next then the next. Really, you are making a sustainable lifestyle change - long term. Rather than "dieting" which indicates an end date when you can go back to how you were before. I've found lower carb, higher fat and a good amount of protein curbed my binging and put an end to a life time of "starting again Monday".1
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Look at your weekly calorie goal. I saw this in another thread. You might be over for a day or two but under or within for your weekly goal. This helped me a few days ago when I was over.4
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If I beat myself up over having a day when I'm over calories, I'm probably just going to lead to another day, because why the crankshaft not, I already screwed up once, right? Plus it makes me depressed. You got to let it go, and worry about what happens from here.
I'll chime in on the 'figure out why it happened', if it was a reason. Having a treat is rewarding with food, which is not far off from emotionally eating. IE I'm happy because I did good, I get a cookie. Make sure the cookie fits in your calorie deficit and eat it whenever you want, not as a treat. Go for a drive, go for a walk somewhere new, read a good book, watch a fun movie, but just keep working on doing the best you can.1 -
My old mo was being restrictive and then binging and this went on for 45 years. 21 days I have now been binge free but today at lunch I was getting chicken marsala which comes with a little bit of mushrooms, tasty rice and string beans. I knew I would take home my veggies for hubby. I figured I would not eat the rice because I would have the bread and butter. In the past when I did this I would have two small pieces. Today I hadn't thought about how much I would eat of it. I ate plenty. I was trying to decide afterwards if what I did was considered a binge. At first I thought no because I planned to have it and not have the rice. But I ate too many pieces and could not stop until the bread basket was empty. So I did binge. I was hoping to get to 30 days of no binge to get my OA chip. But you know what, no big deal. I had a lower calorie dinner. I do know that if there were tasty snacky foods in my house, I do feel I would have continued to binge. I cannot keep anything in the house because I am just not there yet, maybe never will be. This is all so knew to me, this new thinking. So move on, it's over and begin anew. Hugs0
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p.s. Reaverie, "...I would overeat anything that wasn't an enforced limit" So very true, I love it. Thanks!0
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As a data geek in general, I logged pretty accurately while losing, weighed myself every morning, and consequently developed a very clear understanding of my weight loss rate and weight fluctuations.
This let me treat losing like a big, fun science fair project for grown-ups.
If I ate "X" over goal, I could quickly estimate how many days that would delay my reaching ultimate goal (usually not many), and that helped me get back on my healthy track. I could typically predict with great accuracy when any water weight would drop off, and when I'd start to see true loss on the scale again.
For special occasions, I would even think in advance about whether indulging more in food/drink was worth those extra days (sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't). Thinking about it this way made me feel like it was an understandable process, and that I was in control of that process.
Drama, guilt, etc., don't burn any calories. At an extreme, the increased stress from that kind of thinking could even result in slower weight loss (that's a stretch - but it's no stretch to say stressing about it won't make it faster).
Food is not a sin that requires retribution when we overindulge. It's just food.4 -
I take it day by day. I may do bad one day, but I won't say oh, I already messed up yesterday so what does it matter if I mess up today too? Every day is a new start. And, if I know that I messed up for a reason (like, for instance, if I discover that I seem to have no control when it comes to a particular food), I'll make sure not to keep that food in the house. On the other hand, I keep a bit of chocolate hidden away. If I have a sweet tooth that just won't quit, I'll have a few pieces to satiate that craving. I never get an urge to polish off the bag, so I feel okay having it there for those moments.0
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Don't think of it as a wagon ride, think of it as a hike. You're not passively sitting there holding on to rigid rails for dear life, having no control over bumps in the road beyond attempting to hold on tighter (which isn't always successful) then falling off letting it pass you by where anxiously trying to catch up and hop back on is hard and stressful. Instead, you have general guideline on how to handle different situations on a hike, anticipating the terrain, changing your strategy accordingly when needed. The ups and downs are a part of the process, not a deviation. If you trip, it's not the end of the hike. You just get up and look to see what caused the issue, learn from it and move on.
To translate away from metaphor and into real life dieting:
Rules are good to have. They are helpful as a guideline for what works for you, but you need to learn to bend them when necessary to fit the situation. You also need to pick your own personalized rules based on your own experience that are not arbitrary or too rigid. For example, if eliminating certain foods genuinely makes dieting easier for you, that's a good rule of thumb to keep around, and if you happen to break it, you know it's just a temporary decision you made for a certain situation and that not following it every now and then does not make your rule any less helpful in the future. If you decide to eliminate something just because someone said you should, that's a bad rule and is completely unnecessary because it doesn't take you into account as an individual. Holding on to it feels like a struggle, and deviating from it feels like a failure because it's a rule without context.
Trying to have a perfect diet day every single day is a recipe for frustration. Not being perfect every now and then is just part of the process, not a deviation. Life is going to throw all kinds of situations at you, both situational and mental challenges. That's just how life works. Expecting life to be perfect all the time is gullible. I had many days where I decided I will be eating at maintenance or even slightly over for whatever reason. Thinking of it as something I decided with full control made it feel more like a part of the plan, not loss of control. Taking perfect steps forward should not be your goal, but taking more steps forward than backward would be a better goal to have.
Situational flexibility and future planning is also very important. Think about your previous challenges. When did you deviate? Was it a social event? Was it stress? Lack of sleep? Emotional eating? Boredom? Someone offering you food? After some trial and error you will know what works for you in most situations. For example, I tend to bend the rules and eat over calories on social situations, enjoying my time and not stressing too much about it because I know stress backfires for me. When I'm stressed or bored I play videogames because it keeps my hands busy until the feeling subsides. If someone offers me food I ask myself if I really want it and it's worth the calories, say no thank you if I don't, and it take it if I want it, adjusting my other meals accordingly...etc. You may not be successful at executing your plans every time, and that's alright. If you are successful at least sometimes, that's progress.
It all boils down to treating your diet as life, not as a special phase in a bubble, and not expecting to be so darn perfect all the time.5 -
I get the whole food guilt thing so much! But read more forums here and you'll learn so so much about calorie in /out from amazing people who have been journeying this path for a long time.
I'm losing weight! FINALLY! After YEARS. AND I eat treats. I ate KFC to day and I just do not care. Because I was still under my daily calorie allowance and it's really ok.
Important thing is you're back and ready to get going, not restarting, not getting back on the Wagon, but overcoming that slight bump in the road.
Good luck!!!!!2 -
We all do it... When I first started on a 20-30 carb diet, I did 50 carbs one day, and beat myself up over it ... until I read, "stressing will sabotage your diet goals". That was motivation enough for me. Pick yourself up, dust off and start over a.s.a.p. (bake yourself low carb deserts, they are usually also low cal). Good luck!0
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Get back on that wagon now or it's a life time yoyoing believe me I'm there 29 years yoyoing every year is much harder
You need to say this is for life so eat the foods in your allowance you actually like and do exercise you can actually stick with as if you do the all or nothing approach you'll end up fatter each year
I started in 1987 at 112lbs wanting to get back down to 105lbs that was a duet not a lifestyle change roll on to 2006 I was 244 lbs with years of yoyoing large chunks off and on
I'm now 47 still trying to get into my head if I'd stuck in my wagon I'd not be struggling to lose weight as yoyoing damages your body it becomes harder all round to lose weight your body simply knows and mentally it's frustrating
If I'd only stuck at this and exercise in 2012 the last 5 years I'd not list and gained the same 70 lbs over and over
USE ME AS WHAT COULD BE YOUR FUTURE0 -
My suggestion is to quit calling it a wagon. It's a journey. If you go on a trip and make a wrong turn, do you just sit there and stew and give up? Do you turn around and go back home to start over? Hopefully neither of these. Hopefully you just make a course correction and continue your trip. That's how life and weight loss is. I think people create way too much drama and angst when they talk about falling off or starting over. If you literally fall off a wagon, you stand up, brush off the dust, step up, and keep going, right? In weight loss, you just continue weighing and logging your food, regardless of what you eat. That act in and of itself is usually enough to help us change our habits.
This.
Additionally, if you continually "fall off the wagon", try to analyze why. Something might be wrong with your planned route or the wagon itself. Are you being too restrictive with either food choice or calories? Have your menus become boring or repetitive?
I've pulled myself out of these issues a few times simply by trying new recipes or a new running route/running music.
My biggest personal pitfalls are over restriction and boredom.
Discover what yours are by thinking about your habits/pattern before your overeating so you can implement strategies to combat them.
But... definitely don't beat yourself up over it. It's okay to have days where you're simply off your game too. I'm going through something pretty scary medically right now and I had 4 days where it was at its worst that I just DGAF about calories and pretty much stress ate my way through them. Looking back, it wasn't the best coping mechanism, but I did what I could to get through them.
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No journey is static. There will be obstacles, ebbs and flows. Times that are easier and moments where it's harder. When I get to those hard moments I remind myself where I started, how far I've come, and where I want to be. That motivates me to push forward. I don't beat myself up for going over my calories, I didn't make unreasonable changes in my diet or exercise habits. My goal has been to keep the food and activity level to a range that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I try to keep a positive perspective because being negative only makes a person feel worse about themselves and the situation.0
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