Fell off the wagon..how to stop being mad
Morty90210
Posts: 37 Member
So I fell off the wagon for like the last week and am depressed about it which is making it harder to get back on. I normally don't do this so I don't feel like myself! How do you pick yourself up and just forget about it? I have a hard time with that
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Replies
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Also how do you keep yourself from falling off ...add a weekly treat??0
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i generally have a daily treat. I eat in a way that I will forever, just a little less of it. If I have a "bad" day, I log it and start again tomorrow. Beating myself up because I ate something one day is a pointless exercise that will only serve to derail progress. So I try not to.
I also try to eat a little under (max 100 calories) each day so i have room for a bigger splurge at some point.6 -
I have changed my perspective on "falling off the wagon". I lost 90 lbs and have been in maintenance for a while so there were tons and tons of times where I was eating above maintenance for a day or several days. But I didn't view it as failure. I told myself that it was not a big deal but unless I wanted to gain 90 lbs back I should get back to my usual healthy habits again. I honestly have felt like sometimes it has been good for my mental health to take a day or a few days off logging. I don't experience the guilt anymore like I used to. I think just looking at things differently helps me get "back on the wagon" more easily.5
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Find out what it is with the wagon that made you fall off and not want to get on again. And change that. Go first class, don't travel with the luggage.10
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I have found no magic cure. I feel better though if I know it wasn't enough of a fall for the week to gain. I have my stats set to lose 1 lb a week. For me that is 1730cal a day. But I also know what it would be if set to lose .5lbs a week and just to maintain. If I am under my maintenance calories I feel better. So I average out the week rather than the day.
I start my week on Sunday and end on Saturday.
Sunday I ate 1600 calories.. Good day.
Monday I had 2800 calories! OUCH! WAY over maintenance!
Yesterday I had 2300 calories! It's way over my 1730 a day I wanted but it's 100 under maintenance so still a win.
Between the three days so far I am at 2233 a day on average. Today I will try to lower that average further. But so far I am 167 a day UNDER maintenance. For me this isn't a loss. It isn't a major victory but I haven't lost the fight. I'm barely ahead on the winning end.
Next week, I try to beat that, even if it's only by a calorie or two. That's how I don't give up. I look at a bigger picture.4 -
Picking up and getting on with it basically comes down to making a decision, you can keep messing up, or dwell on a slip and let it get you down or you can get up in the morning and say today will be different, it just has to be a choice you make.
As for how to keep yourself from falling, I'll let you know when I figure it out...
Don't worry too much about the occasional slip, if you are on the right track 90% of the time then you will lose weight albeit slightly slower than planned.
Some people make the decision to follow their calories religiously and manage it from start to finish, for others it's a constant fight with that part of us that wants to eat more than our calorie allowance permits. For me I manage a good stretch, including daily treats, but eventually I want something I just don't have the budget for and pretty soon I crack, it sets me back, it's disappointing, but ultimately I get back at it, it's a bump in the road rather than a total derailment, and yes if I was perfect I'd be a lot closer to goal right now, or I might have gone mad and stopped completely, and I know which is more likely, so I have to be happy with slow progress!3 -
You're human. We make mistakes. Close that door and look forward. You're worth it to be working hard to be the best you. Go to success stories on my fitness pal and you'll quickly jump back on the bandwagon.1
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Morty90210 wrote: »Also how do you keep yourself from falling off ...add a weekly treat??
This is the important question IMO. Why did you fall off the wagon? Were you so restrictive with your diet that you simply couldn't take not having your favorite foods and went crazy with them? Is your calorie deficit too high and you are eating so little that hunger drove you to it? Do you have PMS?
Recognizing the cause is the first step to correcting the problem.4 -
There is no wagon. There is you, and the food you eat. Get away from the on/off mindset.9
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We are all going to have days where we "go over," both now and when we are at maintenance. Life happens! Just log it and refocus.
Many of us ended up on this journey after letting these days happen with little-to-no thought regarding the consequences. The key is to make these types of days the exception, and not the rule.3 -
Not every day is perfect. There are days that I have a little treats, but I work it into my calories. Last night I had a Girl Scout cookie, but I just had one instead of the whole box which made me feel better. The key is not to deny yourself things, but have the right amount of things. No food is off-limits, just be smart about the portion size. And don't beat yourself up, even if you go crazy. We all do.. this is a process and it something we can learn from. Never give up, though! One bad day does not mean that it's all over.1
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I'm not sure if this is good advice or not. When I first started I had a cheat (or treat or bonus) meal every two or three weeks. It gave me something to look forward to. I quit doing it when my losses started adding up and I became more motivated to work harder but there was something to say for that guilt free meal once in a while. I still logged it every time and did not do a whole day just one meal. I also didn't go crazy. I have lost 72 pounds so it worked for me but if you find you can't contain yourself to one meal every 14 to 21 days don't do it. I also agree with those that are saying if you can't stay on your program maybe you are trying to lose too much too quickly. The key to being successful at this is finding a way of eating you can live with. Maintenance is not going back to the way you used to eat but just increasing what you have been eating up to the point where your weight levels off. Hang in there we all stumble. Just dust yourself off and go forward.5
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Guilt and depression around food literally stopped the day I realized foods are not good nor bad. Some fuel me longer some fuel me a short time but are tasty.
Falling off the wagon also became an obsolete expression for me when I learned about CICO/TDEE. I have some days I eat at maintenance I know I won't gain I will just slow my loss a day or two.
I'm basically on the anti diet and it empowering.
Just knowing how many calories I need to eat to lose and how many I need to eat to maintain has created a much healthier environment re food for me.
ETA - hope this helps in some way.17 -
I don't have a wagon. I eat food I like all day every day. It is just smaller portions and more planning than I used to do.
If I eat too many calories one day/week I just go back to eating normally the next. I'm not trying to win perfect dieter award or meet some deadline. My life now is eating fewer calories than I used to... walking more, sitting less.
Are you setting yourself up by trying to do something that isn't very sustainable for you and your lifestyle?4 -
Morty90210 wrote: »Also how do you keep yourself from falling off ...add a weekly treat??
- I have a little chocolate every day.
- I don't have an aggressive weekly weight loss goal.
- I now seek happy hormones from exercise rather than food.
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Morty90210 wrote: »So I fell off the wagon for like the last week and am depressed about it which is making it harder to get back on. I normally don't do this so I don't feel like myself! How do you pick yourself up and just forget about it? I have a hard time with that
As do I. I don't know if I ever just "get over being mad" at myself. I just have to make myself get back to it. I think each I screw up, the more determined I get.
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Guilt, anger and depression exist for a reason. There are there to guide your actions. The problem is they don't stay around long enough for you to make a difference, ie cement a new habit. They are all forgotten when you are faced with the pleasure of eating.
If everybody could truly recall their worst feelings when food is placed in front of them, no diet plan, effort, etc would be necessary.
Anyway we all have different strategies. Mine is simple. I spend all my effort in controlling my appetite. That effort is much less than dealing with emotions, counting things, watching out for anything.0 -
I envy those like Girl Scout cookie girl who thinks the whole "the trick is not denying yourself, just limit those foods" works on everyone. I tried that route but for me it's the number one culprit of my weight problems. I TRY to stop but once I have ONE of what I crave, the rest soon follow. Take just an hour ago. My daughter didn't think to have breakfast this morning so the little cry baby moaned about being sick to her stomach. We won't be home for awhile so I got her some chicken nuggets. I told myself "I will just have 2.." PFFT! Try 6 and I would have had more had she not eaten the rest!
Once I taste it, that's it. I can handle seeing others eat, but I can't handle if there is enough for me to have some as well, cause I WILL eat.. I take it to the binging levels. The ONLY thing that works for me is strict restrictions. Even when I was a perfect 128, I would over eat anything there wasn't an enforced limit too.
So while it works fine for some to not have to deny themselves, it doesn't work for everyone.
Think "Vampire Diaries".. I'm Stephan. Cookie girl is Damon.2 -
Reaverie, you're not alone. I and lots of others are like that. Pass a certain point of closeness to food, it becomes impossible to stop ourselves. I can well stop my eating 10s of minutes before the food reaches my lips. It becomes much much harder when the food gets on the plate in front of me. Then, it is impossible to stop myself (spitting out the food?) when I start chewing!!!
The point I want to make here is we need to identify the point of closeness where it becomes a danger and take care of it before it's too late. For you, don't start eating the first cookie (if you need to skip getting more calories).1 -
I've had a profound change in the way I think about wt loss and food. At my heaviest, I would set up strict diet/activity plans for myself only to have them fail. (Of course!) Then I would let the guilt and self deprecation take over. "You might as well not even try. You're fat and you'll always be fat." I don't think like that anymore. If I have one high calorie day... big deal. I'll be back to my usual routine the next day. In fact, today I took my son out to lunch at Pizza Hut. That wasn't in my intended meal plan today, but so what! Tomorrow is a new day.
You need to accept that you will never have a 100% success rate at anything you do. Chin up
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I cant answer for you, only for me. Like someone above said, I don't assign moral labels to food, there is no good nor bad food, only food. There is calorie dense food, there is nutrient dense food and so on, but it is just food. That was liberating for me. Also, I look at calories somewhat like a bank account, I get (x) per week (or month) and I can spend it however I want. Some days I spend little, some days I spend quite a bit, but in the end I have this much to spend. I think people fall into the XXXX per day trap and try to nail that number every day. I am more liberal, I shoot for somewhere around 2000 per day. I maintain at @ 2600 not including exercise. Some days I eat 1800, some days 3000, but it balances out. Every once in a while I might eat 3000 in one meal, big deal, It is just what my life is. I refuse to let food hold me hostage, on either side of the equation.2
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My suggestion is to quit calling it a wagon. It's a journey. If you go on a trip and make a wrong turn, do you just sit there and stew and give up? Do you turn around and go back home to start over? Hopefully neither of these. Hopefully you just make a course correction and continue your trip. That's how life and weight loss is. I think people create way too much drama and angst when they talk about falling off or starting over. If you literally fall off a wagon, you stand up, brush off the dust, step up, and keep going, right? In weight loss, you just continue weighing and logging your food, regardless of what you eat. That act in and of itself is usually enough to help us change our habits.9
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A treat does not have to be a cheat. This is something I tell myself every time I want something. MFP isn't my first go-round. I've done three versions of Weight-Watchers, I've had a few sessions with a nutritionist (or maybe an RD; I don't know, I was in my teens and my mother set it up; I didn't check credentials). What's different this time is that I've accepted that I don't want to completely give up the foods I like. I want to have less of them, but I will never be happily munching on carrot sticks when everyone else if having cake.
What I try to do these days is plan. Before going into a situation where I know there will be food I can't weigh/measure, I think about what's likely to be there. If it's a restaurant and I can see the menu ahead of time, I find something I think I'll have, check the calories in the database, and log it in the tracker in advance.
I do something similar for social situations.
And there are times when the calorie count is just too high and I re-evaluate. (I had half a donut at a Hannukah party instead of a whole one, because I decided that 240 calories for one custard donut just wasn't worth it, but I could swing 120).
I find that if I log half a donut in the tracker, then when the time comes to eat it, I can stick with that half-donut. And I enjoy it more, because now I'm having half a donut without the side of guilt and negative self-talk that always comes with it when I decide I'm going to be "good" and stick with the healthy stuff.
Being "good" in that sense doesn't work for me; I'm a boredom eater, an emotional eater, and an introvert who doesn't do well in social situations. With those three factors working against me, sooner or later, I gravitate toward the chips or the pastries. And, like you, I fall off the wagon. Because my mind inflates that cookie or handful of chips I wasn't going to have but did... until I believe that they are higher in calories than everything I've eaten this week. Those pounds are flying back on! And since my diet is already blown, well, I might as well take more, right? The damage has been done! (Not yet, but with that mindset...) But when the treat is already in the tracker and I see it for what it is: 120 calories that I don't eat every day, that taste good, and that haven't put me over my daily goal... without all that guilt and negative self-talk, I can actually stick to that half-donut and go for the fruits and veggies for the rest.
And I make sure to get a good long walk or some time on the skiier in either before or after.
Hang in there. One off-day or one off-meal isn't going to do any lasting damage. You've got this.5 -
I envy those like Girl Scout cookie girl who thinks the whole "the trick is not denying yourself, just limit those foods" works on everyone.
We don't think it works on everyone. But we know there are a lot of people out there, just like us, for whom "cut out whatever" is just bad advice that will make their problems worse. That's who we are talking to.
And there's no point envying us. It's not easier for us. You're talking as if your way is easier and our way is harder and we choose it in order to show off our superpowers. No! I could not do what you do, I cannot cut out foods, it makes me burn out and binge. Your method is just as hard for me as it sounds like mine would be for you.
So maybe my advice would be bad advice for you. I can guarantee your advice would be bad advice for me. Which is good for OP? Only OP can find that out. All we can do is offer suggestions from our own experience, and reassure OP that she does not need to cut anything out. Because that's true, isn't it? You don't need to do anything. You have to figure out what works for you, not follow someone else's rules.7 -
VintageFeline wrote: »I also try to eat a little under (max 100 calories) each day so i have room for a bigger splurge at some point.
Wow thats actually a really good idea creates a win/win either you come into a lower deficit or you accomidate an binge moment, will definitely keep that trick in mind.0 -
Aw, I'm sad you are feeling depressed about it, OP. I know what you mean, though. I go off plan sometimes, and sometimes I get right back on plan, and sometimes it takes me a couple days to get back to normal.
Were you feeling depressed BEFORE going off plan? Speaking for myself, when I am feeling depressed I am more likely to go off plan AND it takes me longer to get back on track. It seems like I just care less.... about a lot of things, including taking care of myself. I appreciate all the questions about how your plan can be improved so you're less likely to deviate from it. The answer for you may lie there. If I have a low mood for a while, though, even a plan that is normally really satisfying and easy to stick to doesn't seem as appealing to me.
tl;dr: You might reconsider BOTH how your eating plan could be more sustainable AND the depressed feelings to answer "how to move past it" for you. Hope you feel better soon. 1 -
Even the mentality of "falling off the wagon" is so dramatic and negative. You overate for a few days, no big deal. You don't need to wait til tomorrow, or Monday to "get back on your diet". Just make better choices, this meal then the next then the next. Really, you are making a sustainable lifestyle change - long term. Rather than "dieting" which indicates an end date when you can go back to how you were before. I've found lower carb, higher fat and a good amount of protein curbed my binging and put an end to a life time of "starting again Monday".1
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Look at your weekly calorie goal. I saw this in another thread. You might be over for a day or two but under or within for your weekly goal. This helped me a few days ago when I was over.4
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If I beat myself up over having a day when I'm over calories, I'm probably just going to lead to another day, because why the crankshaft not, I already screwed up once, right? Plus it makes me depressed. You got to let it go, and worry about what happens from here.
I'll chime in on the 'figure out why it happened', if it was a reason. Having a treat is rewarding with food, which is not far off from emotionally eating. IE I'm happy because I did good, I get a cookie. Make sure the cookie fits in your calorie deficit and eat it whenever you want, not as a treat. Go for a drive, go for a walk somewhere new, read a good book, watch a fun movie, but just keep working on doing the best you can.1 -
My old mo was being restrictive and then binging and this went on for 45 years. 21 days I have now been binge free but today at lunch I was getting chicken marsala which comes with a little bit of mushrooms, tasty rice and string beans. I knew I would take home my veggies for hubby. I figured I would not eat the rice because I would have the bread and butter. In the past when I did this I would have two small pieces. Today I hadn't thought about how much I would eat of it. I ate plenty. I was trying to decide afterwards if what I did was considered a binge. At first I thought no because I planned to have it and not have the rice. But I ate too many pieces and could not stop until the bread basket was empty. So I did binge. I was hoping to get to 30 days of no binge to get my OA chip. But you know what, no big deal. I had a lower calorie dinner. I do know that if there were tasty snacky foods in my house, I do feel I would have continued to binge. I cannot keep anything in the house because I am just not there yet, maybe never will be. This is all so knew to me, this new thinking. So move on, it's over and begin anew. Hugs0
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