I guess this is my low
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Mean personalities are so much harder to fix than weight problems ... when you lose the weight they'll still be stuck in their small petty worlds.
You've got this. I think focusing on being healthy, active, and happy works so much better long term than saying "I want to lose XX lbs" because it can be discouraging if you hit a period where you're not seeing the scale move, when you think about how much more you have to go, etc. But if you make it about being a healthier version of yourself so you can enjoy doing the things you love, it sticks better and becomes a lifestyle.
Try to identify what made you gain weight/overeat. Are you a stress eater? Are there certain "can't stop" foods? Is it a struggle to find time to plan meals and cook? Once you figure out those things, it becomes much easier to figure out a plan and goals that will suit you best. Good luck to you!2 -
You have 4 daughters. I would suggest finding a good therapist to figure out why you don't love yourself and why you don't feel like you are a good person. Self loathing is terrible for you and your family. You CAN do this. You CAN change. You just need to feel that you are worth it. Good luck!
Actually I'm up to 5 daughters now I was actually thinking I should go see someone.. thank you for being positive! 3 -
Don't make this harder by calling it a "diet" or thinking that you need to starve yourself. Break it down into its simplest form, its a lifestyle change. If you log accurately and maintain a slight deficit you will lose weight, its that simple. It will take time and any binge eating will set you back. Once I realized how badly I was overeating it became easy for me to consistently lose weight. I have put some back on only because of my love for beer and wine so I plan on backing off the booze and doing more running to drop my added back pounds. MFP has giving me the tools to lose weight any time I need to. Dedicate yourself to this and you will feel better both inside and out. You will also gain many health benefits for years to come. Once you start losing it will hit you "I got this". Not required but I have found that exercise and lots of veggies with a small amount of lean meat or fish helps. Avoid the calorie dense breads pasta and potatoes. If you are drinking anything with sugar in it you will see faster results if you eliminate them. Good luck! BTW my moment was when my son poked my huge beer gut and asked "when is it due". That is when I started and lost 50 pounds (and my beer gut).0
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Stella3838 wrote: »I saw your profile and one good thing about you I can tell right away is you seem like a proud mama to 4 little ones. That's something good (great even!) that you've done. You made them! That's an awesome thing. And while I don't know specifics, loving yourself is so important. Is there anyone on a more professional level that you could speak to? They might be able to help where we can't. And maybe it's just me, but I think generally people are good and I have to believe you are too. Just need to find a way to help you see it.
I'm up to 5 daughters now! I'm totally proud of my ladies, we have one hell of a year. It's been hard on all of us, I think getting some outside help would be beneficial, it's also a hard step to take...3 -
I'm sorry you had to experience such hateful behavior. This has happened to me as well and it definitely feels horrible. Just remember, their opinion of you does not matter. You need to love yourself. Once you do that, the rest will fall in place. Each day just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Small, consistent changes add up faster than you realize. You've got this!!
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I'm up to 5 daughters now! I'm totally proud of my ladies, we have one hell of a year. It's been hard on all of us, I think getting some outside help would be beneficial, it's also a hard step to take...
Oh my!! I grew up with a family of brothers, but no sisters. That must keep you busy!!
And that's something to keep in mind. FIVE girls!! That's a lot going on. But you also need time for you. And it sounds like you need to "find" you again. That first step is hard, but you're here talking about it, so maybe that's your first step. Now, go take another and see if you can get some help to start working through the things you have going on. Then take another. And another. And before you know it, you're on your way to "you" again. You got this.2 -
People are so cruel unbelievable. You can turn that comment into a positive one just by joining MFP you are taking the right step into becoming healthy fit. Take small steps to you will get there1
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How devastating... No one deserves to go through that. You've taken a good first step, reaching out here for help. I hope you're able to reach your goals with the support you deserve, good luck on your journey!0
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First off, I'm sorry that people made you feel this way. People can be mean, but remember it's usually a reflection of how they feel about themselves. You have 5 kids, *kitten* (weight) happens...
Try to cut out the unnecessary things such as soda and white carbs. Replace them at first with whole grain options. These small things will help immensely.
My Brother in law lost about 30 lbs in 2 months after he read the book Zero Belly Diet. It deals with diet and your relationship with food. Maybe try reading it... I'm actually thinking of doing the same...
But first and foremost... DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!
Baby steps are the best way to start. Curb the bad things from your diet...go for walks...then keep changing the diet and adding more exercise... but working on how you FEEL about yourself is huge is as well.
Hugs!0 -
One thing to keep in mind: the closer your weight-loss eating is to the way you'll be eating when you reach your goal, the likelier you are to keep going and keep the weight off.
Personally, I'm trying to develop my own healthier relationship with eating. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be 'real'. So, it's stuff like recognizing that I'm an introvert who isn't usually good at making small talk at parties and tends to gravitate to the food. And when I'm at a birthday party, yes I want cake and I will not be happy no matter how many pieces of canteloupe or celery sticks I pile on my plate. So, it's learning to realize that the cake isn't inherently 'bad'. What's problematic is having the cake, having seconds, and then going for the ice cream, the chips, the jelly beans, etc—partly because I'm already feeling guilty about the cake when I 'promised' myself I was going to stick to the melon and veggies. What works? Fitting a piece of cake into my daily calories, logging it, and moving on. It's like giving myself permission to have the indulgence, seeing it in the tracker and realizing that it wasn't a 'cheat', but a choice 1) eliminates the guilt and negative self-talk (There you go, off the rails again. Blew the diet. May as well just live it up now cuz today is shot.) 2) Makes it that much easier to stop at the cake. 3) I've found that even if I end up eating a bit more than I thought I would, it's way less than I would have in the past.
There are no foods that are inherently 'good' or 'bad'. Well, okay, I still haven't found a way to love brussels sprouts, but I'm working on it! Unless you are planning to NEVER eat [insert name of food here] again as long as you live, eliminating it entirely may be counterproductive in the long run. Because if what's gong through your head is "once the weight comes off, I'm going to have that pie; I'm going to have a double-scoop sundae..." that's going to make this feel like a temporary punishment, not a lifestyle change. Find out the calories of the foods you love and figure out how to fit them into your weight-loss plan*. I know there are people on MFP who set aside 1-200 calories a day for treats. Or eat a hundred or so calories below goal 6 days a week and then use those 'banked' calories for a weekly indulgence. And it works.
You can do this.
*Note: Most people do have a few foods that are hard to moderate. You might want to refrain from having them temporarily or not keeping them in the house, except for what you can consume at one sitting. Jellybeans are one of mine. If I want to indulge, I buy a small packet; I don't get a large bag.1 -
You've been on here to some degree since 2011 so I suspect you know the drill. While I have "just" 25 pounds to lose for the third time, I know how hard it can be to restart- again. I had a moment when I was on the verge of needing to go up a Jean size for the second time in 4 months, and knew that if I didn't get serious, this might happen to me 2 or 3 or many more times. You don't want to come on here in a few years with 250 pounds to lose right?
Just get started. And live on the maintenance boards, because you never want to be starting over again. Make this your last time. You know you can do it, but not if you don't make some changes. I haven't cut out anything, but am really working on portion control. You CAN do this. One day at a time. And I come on the community site daily and now know that, for me, I can't stop logging.0 -
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/119417-twitter-gets-fitter we have a motivation group here if you or anyone needs help1
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singletrackmtbr wrote: »I won't pile on as it is all good advice, but I will add a different approach.
People who want to change due to approval/disapproval of others often aren't able to sustain the changes. Why? Because if you determine your value and direction using external factors, it can often mean you don't value yourself the way you should. Also, using external approval/disapproval as motivation can lead to unpredictability as everyone around you is different, and individuals can be different from one moment to the next. There is simply too much variability.
Do you love yourself? Forget about your physical appearance for a minute and ask yourself this one question. If the answer is "no," I suggest surrounding yourself with people that do, and who will help you realize and remember all the reasons you should. It isn't unreasonable for some people to seek out a professional to help them get to this place.
If the answer is "yes," then realize you deserve the best for yourself and make changes aimed in that direction. Make attainable goals, and find ways to achieve them that you enjoy. Embrace the process and be proud of your changes, rather than only thinking about goals.
There are many studies out there that show most people who lose a significant amount of weight regain it back (and more) within a year. The most reasonable explanation is they couldn't sustain whatever method of suffering (physical or emotional) they put themselves through. Another possibility is they did it for someone else, or to achieve a short-sighted goal (a wedding or event, beach season, etc) and didn't know what to do when that moment passed by.
I hope you make some lifestyle changes you enjoy and can be proud of, as those will be the ones that stick. Good luck in your journey!
No I don't love myself, I haven't in years.. it's hard to see anything good... not to sure how much detail I should go into, but, I guess I just don't feel like I'm a good person
For me this is the crux of this discussion. You can love or hate your body but it isn't really who you are, despite what some might think.
If you feel this strongly, you might be dismayed to find that losing 100 pounds won't change it. I hope you seek out support and eliminate negative people from your circle. When you do it for you, you will succeed, and it will feel really good!
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Wth? Your husband caught these people making fun of you, and he didn't call them out on their behavior? And what was the point of him telling you? I would find that very hurtful if it were me.
Oh yes ,they were called out, and the only reason I heard it was because he was whispering to his sister what the problem was, I just happen to read his lips.. he was trying to keep it from me, but we could all tell he was able to explode..
Thanks for clarifying. I am very relieved to hear that!1 -
singletrackmtbr wrote: »singletrackmtbr wrote: »I won't pile on as it is all good advice, but I will add a different approach.
People who want to change due to approval/disapproval of others often aren't able to sustain the changes. Why? Because if you determine your value and direction using external factors, it can often mean you don't value yourself the way you should. Also, using external approval/disapproval as motivation can lead to unpredictability as everyone around you is different, and individuals can be different from one moment to the next. There is simply too much variability.
Do you love yourself? Forget about your physical appearance for a minute and ask yourself this one question. If the answer is "no," I suggest surrounding yourself with people that do, and who will help you realize and remember all the reasons you should. It isn't unreasonable for some people to seek out a professional to help them get to this place.
If the answer is "yes," then realize you deserve the best for yourself and make changes aimed in that direction. Make attainable goals, and find ways to achieve them that you enjoy. Embrace the process and be proud of your changes, rather than only thinking about goals.
There are many studies out there that show most people who lose a significant amount of weight regain it back (and more) within a year. The most reasonable explanation is they couldn't sustain whatever method of suffering (physical or emotional) they put themselves through. Another possibility is they did it for someone else, or to achieve a short-sighted goal (a wedding or event, beach season, etc) and didn't know what to do when that moment passed by.
I hope you make some lifestyle changes you enjoy and can be proud of, as those will be the ones that stick. Good luck in your journey!
No I don't love myself, I haven't in years.. it's hard to see anything good... not to sure how much detail I should go into, but, I guess I just don't feel like I'm a good person
For me this is the crux of this discussion. You can love or hate your body but it isn't really who you are, despite what some might think.
If you feel this strongly, you might be dismayed to find that losing 100 pounds won't change it. I hope you seek out support and eliminate negative people from your circle. When you do it for you, you will succeed, and it will feel really good!
Thank you!
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fiddletime wrote: »You've been on here to some degree since 2011 so I suspect you know the drill. While I have "just" 25 pounds to lose for the third time, I know how hard it can be to restart- again. I had a moment when I was on the verge of needing to go up a Jean size for the second time in 4 months, and knew that if I didn't get serious, this might happen to me 2 or 3 or many more times. You don't want to come on here in a few years with 250 pounds to lose right?
Just get started. And live on the maintenance boards, because you never want to be starting over again. Make this your last time. You know you can do it, but not if you don't make some changes. I haven't cut out anything, but am really working on portion control. You CAN do this. One day at a time. And I come on the community site daily and now know that, for me, I can't stop logging.
I definitely have been on here for a while, everything is always short term and I can never stick with anything.. but, I guess, something is better then nothing0 -
estherdragonbat wrote: »One thing to keep in mind: the closer your weight-loss eating is to the way you'll be eating when you reach your goal, the likelier you are to keep going and keep the weight off.
Personally, I'm trying to develop my own healthier relationship with eating. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be 'real'. So, it's stuff like recognizing that I'm an introvert who isn't usually good at making small talk at parties and tends to gravitate to the food. And when I'm at a birthday party, yes I want cake and I will not be happy no matter how many pieces of canteloupe or celery sticks I pile on my plate. So, it's learning to realize that the cake isn't inherently 'bad'. What's problematic is having the cake, having seconds, and then going for the ice cream, the chips, the jelly beans, etc—partly because I'm already feeling guilty about the cake when I 'promised' myself I was going to stick to the melon and veggies. What works? Fitting a piece of cake into my daily calories, logging it, and moving on. It's like giving myself permission to have the indulgence, seeing it in the tracker and realizing that it wasn't a 'cheat', but a choice 1) eliminates the guilt and negative self-talk (There you go, off the rails again. Blew the diet. May as well just live it up now cuz today is shot.) 2) Makes it that much easier to stop at the cake. 3) I've found that even if I end up eating a bit more than I thought I would, it's way less than I would have in the past.
There are no foods that are inherently 'good' or 'bad'. Well, okay, I still haven't found a way to love brussels sprouts, but I'm working on it! Unless you are planning to NEVER eat [insert name of food here] again as long as you live, eliminating it entirely may be counterproductive in the long run. Because if what's gong through your head is "once the weight comes off, I'm going to have that pie; I'm going to have a double-scoop sundae..." that's going to make this feel like a temporary punishment, not a lifestyle change. Find out the calories of the foods you love and figure out how to fit them into your weight-loss plan*. I know there are people on MFP who set aside 1-200 calories a day for treats. Or eat a hundred or so calories below goal 6 days a week and then use those 'banked' calories for a weekly indulgence. And it works.
You can do this.
*Note: Most people do have a few foods that are hard to moderate. You might want to refrain from having them temporarily or not keeping them in the house, except for what you can consume at one sitting. Jellybeans are one of mine. If I want to indulge, I buy a small packet; I don't get a large bag.
Thank you, I think that why I fail so often.. I think, don't eat bread. Then I do, then I feel guilty then it's a down slope from there.. perhaps I need to just plan things better0 -
To the OP, Your story is a strong example as to why I prefer dogs over people. I am sorry you had to go through that experience.0
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tealtortoise wrote: »To the OP, Your story is a strong example as to why I prefer dogs over people. I am sorry you had to go through that experience.
No kidding!! And thank you!0
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