Embarrassed to ask for a spot while benching
deluxmary2000
Posts: 981 Member
Just a vent - I know I need to just get over it.
I think I can up my weight a bit on my bench, but I'm worried to try because I think I need someone to spot me in case I fail. And I'm usually the only chick in the free weight area with a bunch of guys, and it just feels SUPER embarrassing to ask someone for a spot on an 85-lb bench. They’re not going to laugh at me, right?
I think I can up my weight a bit on my bench, but I'm worried to try because I think I need someone to spot me in case I fail. And I'm usually the only chick in the free weight area with a bunch of guys, and it just feels SUPER embarrassing to ask someone for a spot on an 85-lb bench. They’re not going to laugh at me, right?
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No one will laugh.
Don't be surprised if they go bro-mode and start telling you to push/keep going/other things bros say. They get really into it. It's not so bad, sometimes I kind of enjoy it lol.
Better to be safe than sorry though. (Otherwise you have to yell and they run from across the room to save you and THAT is awkward.) I was doing singles with 20-25 lbs less than my max the other day, should've been easy stuff but I misgrooved one, so yeah. Luckily I had someone there already so it wasn't a big deal.5 -
i am scared to ask strangers for a bench spot, too. but the couple times i mustered up the courage, they were super nice and i got some heavier lifts in. i totally know feeling that they will laugh or get irritated that you are interrupting them. But really they don't laugh or act like they are irritated.5
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I've asked. I've gotten the spot, plus encouragement. And made new gym friends.
No one has ever laughed or said no. And it's WAY less embarrassing and painful than dropping the fricking bar on your chest and having to do the roll of shame.8 -
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Honestly I was afraid to ask at first. When I go, there are usually people there who are a lot stronger than me, but they are more than willing to give a spot if I need one. A trick I learned too is if your benching alone, don't clip the weights down that way if you have to Fail/bail you can move the bar to drop the weights off the ends.6
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Not at all. Make sure you tell them exactly what you want. If you want help with liftoff, tell them. If not, them you don't. If you want them to not touch the bar at all - unless you ask or it comes back down - tell them. Tell them how many you're expecting to do. If whomever spots you really knows what he's doing, he'll ask for details, if you don't mention them.8
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^^^^ ditto on the non clipping of the weights. Or if you have a Smith Machine do your heaviest lifts on it; as you increase the weights on the Smith Machine you can correspondingly increase the weights on the bench.
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Awolturtle wrote: »Honestly I was afraid to ask at first. When I go, there are usually people there who are a lot stronger than me, but they are more than willing to give a spot if I need one. A trick I learned too is if your benching alone, don't clip the weights down that way if you have to Fail/bail you can move the bar to drop the weights off the ends.
I usually do this with one end - I just have to remember which end that I did it on when/if I fail! lol
I am benching about the same amount as you and I've asked for spots no problem, if someone is around. Sometimes nobody is around and I've done the don't clip one end part.
As said above, you can make new friends/acquaintances this way too. People can be really nice once you get to know them.
One time I was just practicing form and benching 50 lbs when one of the guys at my gym came up and jokingly pretended to add twenty pounds to the bar. I said 'sure, I'll try'. He then proceeded to spot me and I got three reps so you might surprise yourself with the strength you have!
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Nah. I don't like asking for a spot either, although I never mind when someone asks me for one. When it comes to the weight, you're at where you're at. It's really not that bad for a girl anyways. I could see how if you were struggling with the bar it might be a little funny, but so what? It's fun to laugh. Most people would try their hardest not to though lol. Imagine that, your spotter getting all red in the face from trying not to laugh and passing out on top you. How ironic would that be? lol0
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Asking for a spot is far less embarrassing than squishing yourself and having to do the roll of shame- or dropping weights off the bar.
Just ask- no one will laugh.6 -
I feel the same way. Plus, being on a military post it's ALWAYS busy, and I am always the lowest weight lifter in the room... *sigh*... mostly I just hide away in a corner and wait for a break for the bench, but because it's so busy and I usually have to take about 125 lbs off just so I can lift it myself... I tend to just procrastinate and do my own little thing.
So I'm starting at home, trying to get to a weight where I can go in and just step up and feel confident about slipping in a set between someone else's. A way to go though, for me.0 -
mgalovic01 wrote: »Nah. I don't like asking for a spot either, although I never mind when someone asks me for one. When it comes to the weight, you're at where you're at. It's really not that bad for a girl anyways. I could see how if you were struggling with the bar it might be a little funny, but so what? It's fun to laugh. Most people would try their hardest not to though lol. Imagine that, your spotter getting all red in the face from trying not to laugh and passing out on top you. How ironic would that be? lol
When I first started out I DID struggle with just the bar and I had my brother with me and we both laughed! It was fine. It was just one of those "okay good thing I'm finally doing something about this" moments and I think and hope there is that kind of respect in most gyms. I know I respect every single person in mine, no matter where they're at or where they started out, just for showing up and doing their damn best.
When I go with my brother he's asked now and again to spot (I guess he looks nice and approachable because he's super nice to me when he's showing me new things) and he's always super happy to do it. If anyone laughs at you for asking they're the idiot, not you.
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You can ask the gym staff to spot; usually in the mornings at my gym, they are bored and want to help. You can also put a bench in the power rack (if the gym has one) and use the safety catches as safety catches. Eta: that's probably more for pin presses.
I bench when my husband is at the gym. I'm sure any guy would spot, but I don't want to make new friends.1 -
Totally do it. When I switched to benching with guards, my working weight immediately went up. I had no idea how much I was holding back on trying late reps for fear of failing. Mentally I know I can do the roll of shame and be fine, but somehow I can't bench heavy without a spot or safety bars.1
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I have a never ask for spotting policy.
If he drops the barbell or it slips.... it lands on your chest or worse, your larynx and it won't be a good life after that. Many spotters don't know how to do it, unless he/she is a skilled gripper.
Why would you want to put yourself in that position?
For the same reasons, if someone asks me to be the spotter, I decline. That's a potential lawsuit there.
25 years in and around gyms & you are the 1st person I have ever seen take that stance.0 -
Not at all. Make sure you tell them exactly what you want. If you want help with liftoff, tell them. If not, them you don't. If you want them to not touch the bar at all - unless you ask or it comes back down - tell them. Tell them how many you're expecting to do. If whomever spots you really knows what he's doing, he'll ask for details, if you don't mention them.
This. Exactly.
Find the person who has caluses hands & scraped shins. Those are the ones that will generally be good spotters. The ones with gloves and taking selfies, better to walk past.5 -
What is to be embarrassed about? Screw it. You're there to better yourself. If having a spot is going to help you progress, you better do it or you're wasting your time.0
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i lift in a public rec centre with some really serious, really bro regulars. and they're young too, so y'know. so fwiw, after three years being around them i've noticed that 99% of them only diss and neg within their own group, among their own bros. it's a guy thing or something, i guess
point being, don't let that kind of thing put you off. they might get a warm fuzzy feeling out of being absolute jerks towards one another, but every one of the ones that i've watched seem to respect anybody who's working 'hard'. they pissing-match with each other a lot, but when it comes to the public in general it's not the weight being moved that they respect. it's the work.0 -
I asked for a spot for a 55lb bench so don't feel embarrassed! I had to, because I got really tired on my fourth set, only got 4/5 reps in, and I didn't want to drop the weight on my face during my final set. When I asked the guy he was super nice about it... and the weight felt way lighter. If you're socially anxious like me the adrenaline from talking to strangers can give you that little extra boost (that is my totally scientific explanation for why that set felt so light
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Back when I lifted at a commercial gym, I'd just ask the staff for spots when needed.
These days, I usually only ask for a spot when I'm doing something like negatives because I bench in a competition rack with the safeties set properly. I just make sure to spread the love around because I'm basically asking my spotter to upright row the weight.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I have a never ask for spotting policy.
If he drops the barbell or it slips.... it lands on your chest or worse, your larynx and it won't be a good life after that. Many spotters don't know how to do it, unless he/she is a skilled gripper.
Why would you want to put yourself in that position?
For the same reasons, if someone asks me to be the spotter, I decline. That's a potential lawsuit there.
So you are saying if a girl at the gym asked you to spot her with an 85 lb bar, you'd tell her no because you are afraid you'd drop it?
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Don't be embarrassed at all. We all started somewhere. And besides anytime a woman asks me to spot her. It comes off as compliment, usually tells me that they think I know what I'm doing.0
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You should never be embarrassed to ask for a spot. Here are a couple of items to keep in mind:
- Be sure to tell your spotter whether you need help getting the weight off the rack and into position.
- Tell them whether you want your last set to be a "forced rep" (the spotter helps just enough so that the bar keeps moving upward) or if you want them to lift the bar into the rack at failure.0 -
Asking for a spot is just saying "I'm attempting a Personal Best and might need help in the effort". Everyone has been there, no one would refuse or judge you poorly, we all would, probably, applaud the attempt.0
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Know what's more embarrassing than asking for a spot? Getting stuck under the weight and having to shout for help to be set free. LoL. I've seen it happen, it aint pretty. I actually get nervous and concerned when I see ppl pushing themselves and not asking for a spot. Think of it this way, you may be relieving the stress of your fellow gym mates by asking.0
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Asking for a spot can also be inconvenient as there is no one around to spot you. And if you are just picking random people you run the risk of the person being a dufus and not spotting you properly.
So, one tip that I would have is using the power rack for safety - lowering the sidebars so you always hit the proper depth.
Here's a good link
https://stronglifts.com/bench-press/safety/
Good luck!0
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