How would you take it!?

godroxmysox
godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
edited September 30 in Motivation and Support
I walked to a coworkers desk to let him know I was leaving for lunch and he said, "I'm glad to hear you're still eating".

I just kind of looked at him and said, "Gee, thanks" (sarcastically, of course).

Without skipping a beat, he got a look of concern and assured me he meant it in a good way because I've lost so much.

He's a really nice guy, so I'm sure he did not mean to offend me, but it got me thinking....How many other people think I've stopped eating? Do I look anorexic? Am I taking it too far counting & measuring EVERYTHING?

I've always struggled with confidence/self-image/etc....Am I overreacting or should I take what he said into consideration? I've been working on toning and I don't think I look too thin. I am wondering if this is an obvious compliment and I'm just really bad at taking them.

I would love to know your thoughts/opinions...
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Replies

  • mazzmoo
    mazzmoo Posts: 70 Member
    I get that but I think its because the person who says this snacks A LOTand keeps offering me food and so I do my best to turn it down :/
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    It probably came out of his mouth wrong and he didn't realize it until he saw your face. As long as he seemed sincere afterwards, I wouldn't take it ias a compliment or a rude remark, just something kinda stupid that came out of his mouth.
  • jujubean1992
    jujubean1992 Posts: 462 Member
    my granny asks me if i'm eating still every time she sees me. and i've only lost 11 pounds.
  • purpleprose
    purpleprose Posts: 650
    I think it was well-intentioned, but people don't understand how even the most innocuous of comments can hurt people with low self-esteem or who have struggled with weight.

    From the pictures on your profile and in your ticker (I sound creepy and stalkerish, but I'm not, I promise!) you look quite healthy and NOT anorexic or ill. My grandma is constantly saying things when I mention my goal weight like "oh, that's too thin for you" or "are you being healthy??!?!?!" which I know is meant out of love but still makes me feel paranoid and patronized.

    Bottom line - brush it off. You look amazing, it sounds like it was meant out of concern and not out of being a *kitten*, and you ARE healthy and taking care of yourself. So ignore it and move on.
  • robinmachorro
    robinmachorro Posts: 15
    im sure he meant it as a compliment ! :) dont worry just make sure you dont lose to much weight :)
  • Cdcaldwe
    Cdcaldwe Posts: 189 Member
    Tell him next time you have a rare uncurrable disease. Then just spin around and walk off. Make him feel like do do for awhile...:)
  • anna_lisa
    anna_lisa Posts: 486 Member
    When you look around and see that MOST of america is considered overweight and it is getting worse. I don't come across tons of people that are overweight and have success and stick to a plan and achieve weightloss goals. He is probably looking at you through this lense. How many times have you heard "You look great, how did you do it?" When we all know the simple answer. He just probably is making an assumption. I think as many people that want to lose weight they don't don' how or seem so overwhelmed and really to lose a significant amount of weight is a HUGE accomplishment that not many are able to acheive (which is sad :-( )
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I think he just wanted to comment on your weight loss and not have it be sexual. Men in workplaces (well, at least some of them) actually do worry that any comment on your appearance could land them in the hotseat with HR. I doubt he meant any harm--guys think they're being funny when they say things like that.

    Now if he took your hand first, looked like his puppy died while gazing into your eyes and THEN said he was glad you 're still eating, then he really was worried. ;)
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
    LOL. I wouldn't worry about that. HE IS A MAN! He probably thought it was a compliment. They're dummies but we love them anyways
  • taso42_DELETED
    taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
    I think many people, including myself, had no clue about how all this weight loss stuff works before they start doing it themselves. I don't think the comments are necessarily out of malice; but rather just ignorance/naivety.
  • Trixtabella
    Trixtabella Posts: 471 Member
    I am sure he just meant it as a bit of a joke if anything. As long as you are happy with what you are doing why care what they think :)
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I'm HIGHLY overly sensitive, so it probably would have hurtme, but then I don't know the guy. You said he is really nice, so he probably was trying to compliment you in his own way. :bigsmile:
  • sblair77
    sblair77 Posts: 355 Member
    I wouldn't worry about it!

    Our receptionist says a similar statement as a sarcastic style joke.

    Sometimes I and others to me say things without thinking. When we actually hear how bad it sounds or how what we meant to be a pointless joke sounds not so jokingly in this circumstance with this person we want to die.

    I think it was just a joke/comment said without thinking. I wouldn't take it personally.
  • velix
    velix Posts: 437 Member
    Without knowing the details of your weight loss and maintenance program - I have read on these boards people who struggle once they hit their goal weight, and do take it further than they ever intended. While it is not my place to assume or to judge, I - personally - would take his words in light consideration. Perhaps he really did mean it as a lighthearted joke in that you are "melting away" but just the fact that you entertained the thought that perhaps there may be reason for his comments to be a bit more than a joke, I would (again, this is what I would do knowing myself) take a bit of time by myself - and think about where I am at in my journey - and maybe re-evaluate - if need be - my maintenance goals.

    On the other hand - if you still look healthy and fall within a healthy BMI and measurement range - then I would just chalk it up to lighthearted banter.

    Good luck !!
  • xxojessica
    xxojessica Posts: 14
    I think you should do what you gotta do! Counting calories obviously works for you and I don't think you should change your routine.

    It really sounds like he literally just meant that you've lost weight. That was a weird way for him to say it, tho, that's for sure.

    You're doing just fine, girly. : )
  • SquishyVicki
    SquishyVicki Posts: 280 Member
    I don't think its a compliment or a rude remark but one of those flippant things that he probably would never had said if he'd have thought about it first....you're looking great and no where near ill so don't let it get you down..... Vxx

    Ps - well done on the loss!!
  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    I'm sure it wasn't a bad thing. as long as you know you're doing good things for yourself, thats what counts. he may just be concerned b/c you stopped snacking and reject bad foods so he sees you eat much less?
  • SDH15
    SDH15 Posts: 35
    Nah, you look great.


    Most guys don't think before they speak. He probably meant it as something harmless and you definitely shouldn't overanalyze it. Whenever anybody sheds a lot of weight people wonder if they went through proper avenues (fitness and nutrition). But there is a huge distinction between being anorexic thin and being healthy lean, and you definitely look the latter.

    Stop worrying about what other people think, if you are happy with the way you look thats all that matters! Congrats for all the hard work you've put in, it really shows!!
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    Most people mean well. Try to remember that.
  • mirna_ayala0428
    mirna_ayala0428 Posts: 406 Member
    I wouldn't take it the wrong way. In the past I took the appetite suppressants and while I lost a lot of weight I was not really eating so my mom was right to be concerned. Now they see that I'm losing the weight but it's not due to pills or fad diets, it's hard work and watching what I eat.
  • WolffEarl
    WolffEarl Posts: 379 Member
    My outsider guy perspective: I am assuming you are eating well, not starving yourself, maybe even doing some exercising to tone up. So that is awesome. You also state that this coworker is a nice guy and meant to be complimentary. Therefore you probably misinterpreted the comment. Someone much wiser than me once said; "More harm is done in this world through miscommunication and laziness than evil intent". WE often miscommunicate and then are too lazy to find out what was really meant.. so we walk away mad or upset. (been there, done that, trying to do that less:)
    Also, in life we tend to have two choices, see things in a positive light or in a negative light. Clearly the choice is yours but I would pick the positive choice (as in: Wow, look at you, being all slim and trim,and yet still eating..how great is that).
    And lastly, sometimes we worry too much about what others say or think when really we are the only ones who probably have the most insight into ourselves. Be well. LIfe is good.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    He does tend to be quite the jokester...I'm probably overreacting.
  • comet1971
    comet1971 Posts: 1
    My thought is if he had a look of concern that you could see, he means well. People can get so used to seeing one "view" of you that when you change it, they don't know how to explain it so they fill in the blanks (are they sick, did they stop eating). It's human nature to come up with answers (allbeit not correct ones usually).

    Now, if you've lost a TON of weight REALLY fast, then you may want to look at what you are doing just to be sure you are doing it in a healthy way so you can keep it off. It's very easy to get caught in the black and white of things - measuring, etc. If you are eating what you should be for your height/weight/health, then take it as a compliment and move on. If you are eating less than what is recommended, and/or exercising more than recommended, then you need to take a look at your habits and adjust.

    If this co-worker is a friend, you may want to discuss it with him and assure him that you are eating still just in a more healthy way.

    Good luck and continued success to a healthy and happy life!
    Hayley
    (comet1971):happy:

    P.S. your current pic in the question looks great!!! Keep going!!!
  • seriousaboutlife
    seriousaboutlife Posts: 177 Member
    Whenever someone says something that gets me thinking, I try to look at the person as a whole. Is this a nice person that just happened to say something that came out wrong? Probably.

    I personally think that we are overthinkers. How does that saying go again... when you're 20 you care what people think about you... when you're 40 you no longer care what people think about you... and when you're 60 you realize that nobody was thinking about you in the first place. lol

    I think that this guy wanted you to know that he noticed your loss. In an office setting, I don't know that there are really many appropriate ways to say it. lol
  • Buddhaboy
    Buddhaboy Posts: 60 Member
    It's funny how many people come up to me and ask if I've been sick, or dying or something
    The kicker is I'm only a little more then half way to my goal
    (Started at 289 lbs...want to be 189 lbs)

    I'm thinking a 6' 189 lb guy...is still a big guy...heck even if I top out in the mid 190's I'll be happy
    BUT
    I got people coming up to me now (including my wife) sounding concerned that I might be taking the diet too far
    and right now at 234 lbs...I should stop, because I'm looking too thin

    I've been careful, trying not to lose any more the 2 pounds a week
    BUT...I think people get concerned when ever they see dramatic changes in people they know
  • blueillusion3
    blueillusion3 Posts: 151 Member
    i think you look great! and he was probably just used to seeing you at your previous weight yet trying to make a joke but didn't mean the words to come out how they did.
  • MistyDC29
    MistyDC29 Posts: 99 Member
    Most people think to lose weight, you have to "diet" and starve yourself. So, to see someone doing it healthily would be different. I think he meant to compliment you, nothing else.
  • kdet07
    kdet07 Posts: 117
    It probably came out of his mouth wrong and he didn't realize it until he saw your face. As long as he seemed sincere afterwards, I wouldn't take it ias a compliment or a rude remark, just something kinda stupid that came out of his mouth.

    what she said. If you're consuming good calories, exercising and drinking plenty of water, don't be worried unless your MD says something at your next checkup. if other people keep making comments, go see your doc and ask if your plan is good! they're the brutally honest ones, especially if you're honest with them. :)
  • meggers123
    meggers123 Posts: 711 Member
    Tell him next time you have a rare uncurrable disease. Then just spin around and walk off. Make him feel like do do for awhile...:)

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • getyupcowgirl
    getyupcowgirl Posts: 70 Member
    You are doing great! I know you eat because I look at your diary all the time! It was probably his way of giving you a compliment in a joking way. Keep up the good work!
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