Partner wants you to lose weight.

Life is full of choices. You have to choose whether you care enough about yourself and her to make this change. If you choose not to take care of yourself, she will have to choose whether to stay and worry about your health declining. It is very hard to watch someone you love destroy their health through unhealthy habits.

Hopefully you love yourself enough to make at least small changes. Small changes in diet and activity can have a big impact. But if not, then your choice has been made and the choice becomes hers.

squatsanddeadlift wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

have you thought about why you cant make the changes to be healthy...? whats stopping you from making the necessary changes? fear of failure is very common, as is feeling like you don't deserve to be healthier and happier.

considering some of this might help make it all stick.

I wonder if it is the do not deserve thing. I have organised seeing a therapist through the doctor as I am coming to realise I did not handle the last year as I should have done.

Well now see, that is a positive change.

OP, your story sounds familiar to mine. I met my wife when I was close to my heaviest. (She had lost ~50 pounds before I met her, and has maintained her weight through 4 children and 20+ years of putting up with me.)

I also have bad family history: diabetes on one side and heart disease on the other. For obvious reasons, my wife also encouraged me to lose weight, but made it clear that it was for my own sake and the sake of the children. She met me, fell in love with me, and married me when I was fat, so it wasn't like my weight was a personal issue for her.

And she was right: I was miserable being fat. But I had a hard time starting. I'd go for a while on one ill-conceived plan or other, but I couldn't stick to it. It wasn't until a year after I had emergency gall bladder surgery that I discovered and understood calorie counting, and made up my mind to do it right this time.

To my mind, what "clicked" this time was that tracking calories fit well into my brain. It made sense and provided a framework of maximum freedom that I could work in, and that I knew I could continue to do in the future. Whereas before, I didn't really understand how to do it without wholesale cutting out foods that I loved.

Good luck!

There is a psychological condition known as Readiness for Change. There are different levels that indicate a person's readiness to make meaningful changes in their lives.

The fact is that, if you are not there emotionally and psychologically, all the prodding, nagging, helpful suggestions, ultimatums, etc, are likely going to be useless. I worked for 8 years in cardiac rehabilitation when I first started my professional career. Even a heart attack or bypass surgery wasn't enough to motivate people to mkae long-term changes if they weren't ready for it.

I agree with your decision to look into counseling. It's important to find that "switch" inside you that prevents you from moving forward to healthier changes.

I also recommend trying to start an exercise program. Doesn't have to be complicated or even particularly strenuous--just some structured activity that's just hard enough to effect some small fitness improvements. I usually make this suggestion first rather than focusing solely on calorie restriction or losing weight. Why? Because changing eating habits is a lot harder and often takes a lot longer to see meaningful results. It's usually easier to "force" yourself to do a little activity each day. It's a public demonstration to your SO that you are making an effort. And, IMO, small improvements in fitness can be a good motivation and "base" to make further positive lifestyle changes. When you feel more fit, you feel better about yourself, and when you feel better about yourself, you can become more motivated, inspired, etc, to make even more lifestyle changes -- ie. diet.

It's still an external motivator, but I have found that it can also be a pathway to internal motivation, which is the key to making permanent changes.

In the meantime, don't beat yourself up if you are finding it hard to start the process. Don't get caught up in the "I just have to be strong and do it" self-criticizing trap. The emotional forces involved can be strong. Set yourself up for success by taking small, achievable steps. Good luck.