Friends suddenly unsupportive after losing a lot of weight?
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Ignore it if you can. Some people can't adjust to change, others are out of touch with what a healthy weight person looks like.
My relatives used to do interventions on me to try to stop me from losing more weight. When I told them this was about health they backed off and admitted they weren't used to seeing me smaller.3 -
I just ignore them. I agree with AnvilHead. I used to think "skinny" women were too skinny. Now that I'm more slender (not skinny) I realize my perceptions were skewed.9
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Adventuretown wrote: »I am at a loss and figured I'd turn to you guys to see if you've dealt with anything similar..
I started trying to lose weight in February 2016, where my starting weight was 234lbs (on a 5'3" frame..I was pretty big). In seven months, I lost 60lbs through cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. Nothing drastic, nothing "fad-like".. Literally just hard work. I maintained my weight for 5ish months, giving my mind/body a break from such hard work, and I'm now back on track and losing weight again to lean out a bit more. I want to see the muscle definition in the muscles I've worked so hard build.
Admittedly, how I look has changed A LOT. I went from a size 20 jeans to a size 8. My face is a heck of a lot slimmer now, too. But I've worked with a dietitian and my family doctor this whole time, and I'm healthy. I am the fittest I've been in my entire 32 years of life. I climb mountains, do every single sport I ever wanted to try / participate in (easily!), and I seriously love my life. Yes, I like being smaller and like how I look more now, but it's become soooo much more than the scale.
ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.
How the heck do I even begin to deal with this type of criticism? Or the day-to-day coworker comments about "Oh, careful, you're getting too skinny".. I feel like telling everyone in my life that if they didn't intervene when I was obese and veryyyy unhealthy before I started weight loss, they have no right to say anything about my size now.. But there's got to be a better, less confrontational way.
I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of "thin shaming".. that's for sure!
You're fine, and doing very well. He's just having difficulty with the change. If he's truly your friend, he'll come around.chunkymomma75 wrote: »In 2009 I lost 130 lbs. Coworkers felt they had the right to comment on my body just because I lost weight. Things like Don't gain it back! Constantly one told me as I was bent over the copier wow your rolls are almost gone! Or you lost all that weight you need a better bra! One even touched my stomach and told me she hated the brown pants I used to wear because of my belly. Truth is your not part of a freak show and people are so wrong to comment on your weight-loss. It's OK for a close friend to ask in private if you are okay but none of the assuming is right at all and I'd nicely set them straight.
I hope you reported this workplace harassment. Those type of comments are 100% inappropriate at any time, especially in the workplace.19 -
I lost ard 45 pounds and people at work commented it must be because I was having issues at home (some even went to the extent of asking whether things are ok between my husband and me). Just because I lost weight and started being able to wear nicer clothes, some commented that I was having an affair. Turns out you really can't shut these gossipmongers' mouths.8
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I have had this happen to me. I think that it comes from jealousy. A true friend would be happy for your loss and your hard work.7
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I have noticed that those commenting that I have lost too much weight are people that are actually obese. I put it down to the fact that they have no idea of what healthy looks like. For the most part those that are most supportive and encouraging are those that are within a healthy weight range.12
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Fat people tell me all the time that I am getting to skinny (BMI 22, yeah right!) and look sick. I usually tell them: And you are fat and look sick!
Funny, skinny people never say that, must be that fat people are jealous!13 -
Lillymoo01 wrote: »I have noticed that those commenting that I have lost too much weight are people that are actually obese. I put it down to the fact that they have no idea of what healthy looks like. For the most part those that are most supportive and encouraging are those that are within a healthy weight range.
Those are the crabs that don't want you leaving the bucket. If you leave (by getting to and maintaining a healthy weight), it's evidence that they're fat because of their choices, not because of some externality they can't control. It makes them defensive and angry and they start attacking.
People who are a healthy weight have no need to worry about their bubble of denial bursting and no reason to be angry at someone who lost weight.20 -
I haven't had that kind of negativity, but I have had to tell someone, "I'm not even at the top of a healthy weight range yet." I think it's harder to argue with health than with aesthetics.3
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Quite amazing that strangers (co-workers, etc.) feel that they have the right to make these types of comments. Close friends and relatives have a bit more latitude in my mind, but there seems to be an underlying 'meanness' to many of the comments. Whatever happened to boundaries?
I feel no need to justify my choices. A simple - "I'm good" is all they're getting. Sorry, no explanation that I am healthy, doctor's approval, blah, blah, blah.......11 -
My grandma accused one of my friends of an eating disorder. So embarrassing :-(1
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Tell them all to back off and shut up! Gosh people make me angry. You're doing this for no one but yourself and that's all that matters. And well done!!!! Inspires me to keep going with my weight lose so I can participate in life like you!4
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Well, 1) those people obviously aren't your friends (so no loss there), and 2) they'd have nothing to say, if you hadn't made such an incredible transformation (thereby threatening them (forgive me for assuming the individuals in question are unfit)).
IMO, how you respond to them doesn't really matter. Cut them loose, and let them go back to the fantasy that they are powerless. Find supportive friends.2 -
I don't think a male friend that messages you to tell you that you "look like an effing skeleton" is a friend; he isnt truly concerned that you have an eating disorder. I suspect there's more to that on his end.
People don't always like when other people lose weight...sometimes it makes them assess their own weight.11 -
Keep in mind that most people are overweight and a large percentage are obese. People generally have no concept of what a healthy weight looks like. Once people get used to seeing you at a lower weight, their concerns and comments will go away.8
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It boils down to if you're happy with how you look then who cares. I get it sometimes, but weigh it carefully to if it is a compliment or a put down. If I think it was an intended put down I take it as a jealous statement because they want or can't do what I've accomplished. Make yourself happy and keep up the good work:)2
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If someone had said that to me on Facebook I would 1) report it as it's abuse and 2) cut them of my friend list so fast they wouldn't know what hit them, that's no friend.
As to coworkers just say thanks or shrug and move on, weightloss it's nobody's business but yours. Just ignore it.
I do think there is a skewed view on what a healthy weight looks like though as especially the western world is so used to seeing overweight and obese people. It's bound to happen that people around you will say you are looking too skinny, they will get used to it.
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My mom (my inspiration) has dropped 60 lbs with 10 to go and many, many people are telling her that she's too skinny and seem to go nuts when she says she's losing more. She just ignores and deflects. I've only lost 9 lbs but when I tell people that my goal is 125 (5'1") they tell me that I'm going to look like a skeleton. These are the same people who just gave up a crash diet the week before. SMH2
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I'd lie and say "You know what, you are absolutely right. I will stop immediately."
Then continue on doing exactly what you want and when they see you looking even better than you do today and ask why blink and say "aliens."40
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