I don't like my bf's XBox Live friend
theVintageWhorde
Posts: 43 Member
I've been with my boyfriend and I have been together going on 4 years. He plays the Xbox quite a bit and it doesn't really bother me as I myself am a gamer. Most of the time, he's playing with his real life best friends as they are all spread across the country and world (some of them are in the military). There's one thing that does bother me: there's a female that he plays Destiny with that irks the hell out of me. Lately, he's been playing Destiny again as there's new content. Of his RL friends only two of them have the game and then there's her. Some nights, they'll be on a raid for a long *kitten* time. Granted, my boyfriend's best friend is a female and she and I hang out more than they do, but it's this faceless, random person that causes me a lot of unnecessary anxiety when her gamer tag pops up. I don't know why I feel like this, but I want to get to the root of the problem because I don't like feeling this way.
I've talked to my bf about it and the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys. We play games together and that's our thing. He told me that I have nothing to worry about; that she's just part of a random 6 person team for raids on Destiny and that they don't know anything about one another aside from gamer tags. He told me it's no different than him playing the game with random people on Call of Duty. There's things she does that he's oblivious to (she's always addressing him more than the rest of the group), but as always with guys, he doesn't see it and I'm just being irrational. Am I being irrational in the way I feel?
I've talked to my bf about it and the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys. We play games together and that's our thing. He told me that I have nothing to worry about; that she's just part of a random 6 person team for raids on Destiny and that they don't know anything about one another aside from gamer tags. He told me it's no different than him playing the game with random people on Call of Duty. There's things she does that he's oblivious to (she's always addressing him more than the rest of the group), but as always with guys, he doesn't see it and I'm just being irrational. Am I being irrational in the way I feel?
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things never change. my wife gets upset when i play bridge with a group of old ladies in the neighborhood.4 -
Kepplekakes wrote: »Yep, irrational. Totally irrational.
How so? I'm curious.0 -
Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.3
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You: "the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys." You don't want your boyfriend enjoying gaming with other women? That doesn't seen rational. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? No-leave the man alone for goodness sake. Yes-why are you still there?4
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This reminds me of The Big Bang Theory episode when Howard got cyber-freaky with a troll on a game and Bernadette got mad.7
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indigoblue9572 wrote: »Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.
That's the thing. He's not doing anything wrong not has he ever given me a reason to not trust him.0 -
caroldavison332 wrote: »You: "the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys." You don't want your boyfriend enjoying gaming with other women? That doesn't seen rational. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? No-leave the man alone for goodness sake. Yes-why are you still there?
He's never given me a reason to not trust him. I'm trying to figure out on my end why does this bother me so much0 -
You're being irrational. And yeah she addresses him more than anyone else on her team. They're friends and he probably doesn't yell misogynistic things at her.5
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BedsideTableKangaroo wrote: »things never change. my wife gets upset when i play bridge with a group of old ladies in the neighborhood.
I am sure it's because she thinks they serve you better pie than she does.3 -
Why don't you raid with him too? I can understand the concern (I met my boyfriend on Destiny), BUT if he tells you there's nothing to worry about, then don't worry. If he's going to do something shady and cheat on you with no-face girl from Destiny, he's going to do it whether you worry or not. But if he is being honest, your concerns and accusations is just going to push him away.3
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Why don't you raid with him too? I can understand the concern (I met my boyfriend on Destiny), BUT if he tells you there's nothing to worry about, then don't worry. If he's going to do something shady and cheat on you with no-face girl from Destiny, he's going to do it whether you worry or not. But if he is being honest, your concerns and accusations is just going to push him away.
I'm not good at playing Destiny and I'm waaay far behind everyone in the group (think below novice level). I've tried, but I get frustrated at how long it'll take me to catch up to everyone. When he and I play games together, it's usually things like Lego Batman, Injustice, or other fighter/two player games. The last thing I want is to push him away so I stopped bringing it up and let him play his game.0 -
theVintageWhorde wrote: »indigoblue9572 wrote: »Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.
That's the thing. He's not doing anything wrong not has he ever given me a reason to not trust him.
hence, irrational ...
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It sounds like she's into him, but he doesn't realize or care. You're doing the right thing by not bringing it up and just letting him play because this is definitely a you thing. As for figuring out why it bothers you, you can always just follow your train of thought to the worst case scenario to see what you're thinking deep down? Do you think that her being persistent is going to make your boyfriend like her, break up with you, and replace you and she'll be the one playing Lego Batman with him?
Another thing might just be that your boyfriend is just the most approachable of the guys in the group. Maybe there's something about the other guys that makes her slightly uncomfortable and that's why she talks to him more during raids. That's something I've done before.1 -
My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Im not normally jealous, he is an awesome loving man who has never given me any reason as well. He was buying jewellery for my birthday a few years ago and the sales clerk REALLY came onto him. He is a bit of a "frequent" shopper for me in that store. When he told me about it (as we tell each other everything) for some reason I had the overwhelming urge to drive down there and punch that woman in the face! Im not like that, have never hit anyone in my life in fact, but something irrational came over me and it really bothered me.
I finally had to just realise that is was MY issue, not his, and swallow my pride. I get hit on all the time and it makes my husband puff up like a peacock so I just tried to accept it as graciously as he always does. He is a great person so I like to always consider how he would handle a situation as he seems to be able to always handle things very well, better than I, ha ha.1 -
Since the AOT stuff just came out, he's going to be drowning himself in old raids until Destiny 2 is released at the end of the year, so it might be worth it just to set up a TV and Xbox next to his and grind like heck on your own while you sit next to him on the couch and he can raid with his higher level buddies until you level up enough to raid too. Hopefully he has cool friends that are patient while he teaches you how to do the raids when you get to that level. I bet he would love for you to play it with him:)
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i'm gonna go against the flow here and tell you to trust your instincts. i've been right every time i got a bad feeling about a girl with regards to a boyfriend. that doesn't mean that your boyfriend is going to act on it and so her thirst may just be something you have to deal with. it's a tough position and i feel for your predicament.0
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You have a couple of different options at this point. Take him at his word that this is a non-issue and get on with it. Don't take him at his word and drive yourself crazy with jealousy. Or possibly figure out some way to get more involved with his online gaming and prove to yourself one way or the other whether your feelings are in any way, shape, or fashion justified.2
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There is something to be said about vibes and a women’s intuition. I can’t explain it but the majority of the time those vibes are spot on, no evidence needed. I’m not saying your boyfriend is doing anything wrong but I wouldn’t "sleep on" that chick for a second. There are lots of thirsty women out there who have zero respect and some men are about as faithful as their opportunities. My 2 cents.1
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yellingkimber wrote: »It sounds like she's into him, but he doesn't realize or care. You're doing the right thing by not bringing it up and just letting him play because this is definitely a you thing. As for figuring out why it bothers you, you can always just follow your train of thought to the worst case scenario to see what you're thinking deep down? Do you think that her being persistent is going to make your boyfriend like her, break up with you, and replace you and she'll be the one playing Lego Batman with him?
Another thing might just be that your boyfriend is just the most approachable of the guys in the group. Maybe there's something about the other guys that makes her slightly uncomfortable and that's why she talks to him more during raids. That's something I've done before.
In the past, I had a bf who was always online and it didn't bother me... until I found out he cheated with several girls. His reason: because he could, girls were flirty/approaching him, and it had nothing to do with me (his words not mine). I think that's why I'm feeling the way I am about this girl because she can be persistent at times.0 -
Since the AOT stuff just came out, he's going to be drowning himself in old raids until Destiny 2 is released at the end of the year, so it might be worth it just to set up a TV and Xbox next to his and grind like heck on your own while you sit next to him on the couch and he can raid with his higher level buddies until you level up enough to raid too. Hopefully he has cool friends that are patient while he teaches you how to do the raids when you get to that level. I bet he would love for you to play it with him:)
I'm going to give that a try again and see where it goes from there.0 -
jessiferrrb wrote: »i'm gonna go against the flow here and tell you to trust your instincts. i've been right every time i got a bad feeling about a girl with regards to a boyfriend. that doesn't mean that your boyfriend is going to act on it and so her thirst may just be something you have to deal with. it's a tough position and i feel for your predicament.My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Im not normally jealous, he is an awesome loving man who has never given me any reason as well. He was buying jewellery for my birthday a few years ago and the sales clerk REALLY came onto him. He is a bit of a "frequent" shopper for me in that store. When he told me about it (as we tell each other everything) for some reason I had the overwhelming urge to drive down there and punch that woman in the face! Im not like that, have never hit anyone in my life in fact, but something irrational came over me and it really bothered me.
I finally had to just realise that is was MY issue, not his, and swallow my pride. I get hit on all the time and it makes my husband puff up like a peacock so I just tried to accept it as graciously as he always does. He is a great person so I like to always consider how he would handle a situation as he seems to be able to always handle things very well, better than I, ha ha.
I don't like the persistence. I'm not jealous by no means. She knows I exist. She knows he's in relationship. Why do that? In a way, I feel a little disrespected. He's not giving in to her flirtations so she should give up already.0 -
There is something to be said about vibes and a women’s intuition. I can’t explain it but the majority of the time those vibes are spot on, no evidence needed. I’m not saying your boyfriend is doing anything wrong but I wouldn’t "sleep on" that chick for a second. There are lots of thirsty women out there who have zero respect and some men are about as faithful as their opportunities. My 2 cents.
And that's the point I'm trying to make. I trust him wholeheartedly. It's her intentions I don't trust.0 -
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RunHardBeStrong wrote: »BedsideTableKangaroo wrote: »things never change. my wife gets upset when i play bridge with a group of old ladies in the neighborhood.
I am sure it's because she thinks they serve you better pie than she does.
huh? there is pie? i knew these old ladies were holding out on me.0 -
Kepplekakes wrote: »
That's the thing. He's not doing anything wrong not has he ever given me a reason to not trust him.[/quote]
This is why its irrational[/quote]
This.0 -
I wish I had good enough internet to be able to annoy my wife while online gaming...I can pee off my porch in broad daylight though #whitetrashprivelage0
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You can't force yourself to trust something you don't. So, what can you do about it?
Since your boyfriend's other female friends aren't a problem for you, I say trust your intuition and be honest with your boyfriend about how much this bothers you... Not sure where you go from there or how serious your relationship is, but it's not going to go well if you're feeling jealous and insecure. Better to take a step back than to let this drive you crazy.0 -
theVintageWhorde wrote: »Since the AOT stuff just came out, he's going to be drowning himself in old raids until Destiny 2 is released at the end of the year, so it might be worth it just to set up a TV and Xbox next to his and grind like heck on your own while you sit next to him on the couch and he can raid with his higher level buddies until you level up enough to raid too. Hopefully he has cool friends that are patient while he teaches you how to do the raids when you get to that level. I bet he would love for you to play it with him:)
I'm going to give that a try again and see where it goes from there.
It sounds like you're going to take up playing Destiny so that you can monitor your boyfriend online.
That's red flag level stuff for a lot of guys.0 -
theVintageWhorde wrote: »And that's the point I'm trying to make. I trust him wholeheartedly. It's her intentions I don't trust.
If you don't trust him to "fight off her intentions", you don't trust him.1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQnIJ-ljctk
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