I don't like my bf's XBox Live friend

Options
theVintageWhorde
theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've been with my boyfriend and I have been together going on 4 years. He plays the Xbox quite a bit and it doesn't really bother me as I myself am a gamer. Most of the time, he's playing with his real life best friends as they are all spread across the country and world (some of them are in the military). There's one thing that does bother me: there's a female that he plays Destiny with that irks the hell out of me. Lately, he's been playing Destiny again as there's new content. Of his RL friends only two of them have the game and then there's her. Some nights, they'll be on a raid for a long *kitten* time. Granted, my boyfriend's best friend is a female and she and I hang out more than they do, but it's this faceless, random person that causes me a lot of unnecessary anxiety when her gamer tag pops up. I don't know why I feel like this, but I want to get to the root of the problem because I don't like feeling this way.

I've talked to my bf about it and the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys. We play games together and that's our thing. He told me that I have nothing to worry about; that she's just part of a random 6 person team for raids on Destiny and that they don't know anything about one another aside from gamer tags. He told me it's no different than him playing the game with random people on Call of Duty. There's things she does that he's oblivious to (she's always addressing him more than the rest of the group), but as always with guys, he doesn't see it and I'm just being irrational. Am I being irrational in the way I feel?
«1

Replies

  • BedsideTableKangaroo
    BedsideTableKangaroo Posts: 736 Member
    Options

    things never change. my wife gets upset when i play bridge with a group of old ladies in the neighborhood.
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    Kepplekakes wrote: »
    Yep, irrational. Totally irrational.

    How so? I'm curious.
  • PrincessMel72
    PrincessMel72 Posts: 1,094 Member
    Options
    Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    tjiddy wrote: »
    Xbox games are dating sites? Why am I wasting my time here then?

    You'd be amazed at the stuff that goes on. One of my friends met a girl on there and the next thing I knew, she was moving to the city where we lived.
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
    Options
    You: "the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys." You don't want your boyfriend enjoying gaming with other women? That doesn't seen rational. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? No-leave the man alone for goodness sake. Yes-why are you still there?
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    indigoblue9572 wrote: »
    Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.

    That's the thing. He's not doing anything wrong not has he ever given me a reason to not trust him.
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    caroldavison332 wrote: »
    You: "the reason it bothers me is she's doing something with him that he enjoys." You don't want your boyfriend enjoying gaming with other women? That doesn't seen rational. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? No-leave the man alone for goodness sake. Yes-why are you still there?

    He's never given me a reason to not trust him. I'm trying to figure out on my end why does this bother me so much
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    Options
    BedsideTableKangaroo wrote: »
    things never change. my wife gets upset when i play bridge with a group of old ladies in the neighborhood.

    I am sure it's because she thinks they serve you better pie than she does.
  • toiletski
    toiletski Posts: 126 Member
    Options
    Why don't you raid with him too? I can understand the concern (I met my boyfriend on Destiny), BUT if he tells you there's nothing to worry about, then don't worry. If he's going to do something shady and cheat on you with no-face girl from Destiny, he's going to do it whether you worry or not. But if he is being honest, your concerns and accusations is just going to push him away.
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    toiletski wrote: »
    Why don't you raid with him too? I can understand the concern (I met my boyfriend on Destiny), BUT if he tells you there's nothing to worry about, then don't worry. If he's going to do something shady and cheat on you with no-face girl from Destiny, he's going to do it whether you worry or not. But if he is being honest, your concerns and accusations is just going to push him away.

    I'm not good at playing Destiny and I'm waaay far behind everyone in the group (think below novice level). I've tried, but I get frustrated at how long it'll take me to catch up to everyone. When he and I play games together, it's usually things like Lego Batman, Injustice, or other fighter/two player games. The last thing I want is to push him away so I stopped bringing it up and let him play his game.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    theVintageWhorde wrote: »
    indigoblue9572 wrote: »
    Feelings are feelings and only you can determine if it's irrational or not. I think that there's some reason this woman is bothering you, but that's not your BF's problem, it's yours. How you deal with it will be the hard part. Is HE doing anything wrong? If the answer is no, you'll have to find a way to make this feeling of yours go away since it cannot be validated.

    That's the thing. He's not doing anything wrong not has he ever given me a reason to not trust him.

    hence, irrational ...

  • yellingkimber
    yellingkimber Posts: 229 Member
    Options
    It sounds like she's into him, but he doesn't realize or care. You're doing the right thing by not bringing it up and just letting him play because this is definitely a you thing. As for figuring out why it bothers you, you can always just follow your train of thought to the worst case scenario to see what you're thinking deep down? Do you think that her being persistent is going to make your boyfriend like her, break up with you, and replace you and she'll be the one playing Lego Batman with him?

    Another thing might just be that your boyfriend is just the most approachable of the guys in the group. Maybe there's something about the other guys that makes her slightly uncomfortable and that's why she talks to him more during raids. That's something I've done before.
  • lutzsher
    lutzsher Posts: 1,153 Member
    Options
    My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Im not normally jealous, he is an awesome loving man who has never given me any reason as well. He was buying jewellery for my birthday a few years ago and the sales clerk REALLY came onto him. He is a bit of a "frequent" shopper for me in that store. When he told me about it (as we tell each other everything) for some reason I had the overwhelming urge to drive down there and punch that woman in the face! Im not like that, have never hit anyone in my life in fact, but something irrational came over me and it really bothered me.
    I finally had to just realise that is was MY issue, not his, and swallow my pride. I get hit on all the time and it makes my husband puff up like a peacock so I just tried to accept it as graciously as he always does. He is a great person so I like to always consider how he would handle a situation as he seems to be able to always handle things very well, better than I, ha ha.
  • toiletski
    toiletski Posts: 126 Member
    Options
    Since the AOT stuff just came out, he's going to be drowning himself in old raids until Destiny 2 is released at the end of the year, so it might be worth it just to set up a TV and Xbox next to his and grind like heck on your own while you sit next to him on the couch and he can raid with his higher level buddies until you level up enough to raid too. Hopefully he has cool friends that are patient while he teaches you how to do the raids when you get to that level. I bet he would love for you to play it with him:)
  • jessiferrrb
    jessiferrrb Posts: 1,758 Member
    Options
    i'm gonna go against the flow here and tell you to trust your instincts. i've been right every time i got a bad feeling about a girl with regards to a boyfriend. that doesn't mean that your boyfriend is going to act on it and so her thirst may just be something you have to deal with. it's a tough position and i feel for your predicament.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
    Options
    You have a couple of different options at this point. Take him at his word that this is a non-issue and get on with it. Don't take him at his word and drive yourself crazy with jealousy. Or possibly figure out some way to get more involved with his online gaming and prove to yourself one way or the other whether your feelings are in any way, shape, or fashion justified.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    edited March 2017
    Options
    There is something to be said about vibes and a women’s intuition. I can’t explain it but the majority of the time those vibes are spot on, no evidence needed. I’m not saying your boyfriend is doing anything wrong but I wouldn’t "sleep on" that chick for a second. There are lots of thirsty women out there who have zero respect and some men are about as faithful as their opportunities. My 2 cents.
  • theVintageWhorde
    theVintageWhorde Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    yellingkimber wrote: »
    It sounds like she's into him, but he doesn't realize or care. You're doing the right thing by not bringing it up and just letting him play because this is definitely a you thing. As for figuring out why it bothers you, you can always just follow your train of thought to the worst case scenario to see what you're thinking deep down? Do you think that her being persistent is going to make your boyfriend like her, break up with you, and replace you and she'll be the one playing Lego Batman with him?

    Another thing might just be that your boyfriend is just the most approachable of the guys in the group. Maybe there's something about the other guys that makes her slightly uncomfortable and that's why she talks to him more during raids. That's something I've done before.

    In the past, I had a bf who was always online and it didn't bother me... until I found out he cheated with several girls. His reason: because he could, girls were flirty/approaching him, and it had nothing to do with me (his words not mine). I think that's why I'm feeling the way I am about this girl because she can be persistent at times.

Categories