Too fat to EVER get pregnant?
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Sweetiepiestef wrote: »*lol at Asparagus for A - hole .
So it's not all *kitten* lol. I had no idea they had different words. Makes me want to try out others to see what pops
*kitten* started April Fool's Day 2016. *asparagus* started April Fool's Day 2017.2 -
The best piece of advice I can provide is that you need to be your own best advocate in terms of your medical care. If you feel that something is off with your body, then you need to find a provider who listens to you and I mean, really listens. Who knows what is going on internally? Who knows if the weight gain is not associated with something going on internally? I refuse to allow medical professionals to bulldoze me if I feel something is off with my body. I also refuse to allow them to dismiss me and my concerns. Can being overweight harm a pregnancy? Sure. Can being underweight? Absolutely. Can being stressed out harm a pregnancy? Yep! Can eating boatloads of sugar and junk? Right-o. There are so many intricate factors that go into becoming pregnant, carrying a baby to term, and then giving birth. You need to have a health care professional to support you in this journey, which seems to include weight loss, as you have indicated. But, it is a relationship between you and the provider, not simply allowing someone to direct you to surgery. For example, I wanted a VBAC with my second child. I went to at least 6 providers who shut me down and told me how dangerous it was and how the hospitals would not allow it. I was not going to settle for that kind of top-down discussion. I finally found a provider who supported my VBAC and supported me. He didn't roll over, rather we had discussions about what I could do to best get to where I wanted to be. You need to have the same relationship. Find someone who can help you get to where you need to be...help get your body where it needs to be...help ensure that everything is how it should be to welcome a baby. Be your own best, confident advocate. Obviously, a blunt and caustic medical professional works for some people, but it does not seem to work for you. If it doesn't, then find someone who you can have a good relationship with and who you feel comfortable with. And, as an aside, yes, overweight and obese women can and do get pregnant all of the time. In fact, the only women that I know IRL who struggle with infertility and/or problem pregnancies are women who are thin and/or outwardly healthy. That is not to say it cannot and does not happen to obese women, but by and large, this is what I have experienced among friends and acquaintances. Best of luck to you.2
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I feel for you so much! This really touched me. I would get another doctor!!
Is there a hurry to get pregnant? How old are you? If you're under 30, then I wouldn't worry.
I started my fitness journey at 280 and one of my goals is to be fitter so as to someday have a healthy family.
If I were you I would lose a substantial amount of weight, maintain for a few months, and then try for a baby. Depending on your height, I would think 200 would be an okay weight to be pregnant. (Though, I suppose the healthier the better.) You've lost 100 pounds before, you can do it again.
I suggest losing and then maintaining for a bit because of the nutrients lost during weight loss. It's inevitable. I'm sure you lost some hair volume the last time you lost weight. Best to have a good store before getting pregnant. (When your hair starts filling out again would be a good tell that you're all set.)
I have a book for you to read! Brain Rules for Baby: http://brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby
Very informative and interesting.1 -
To address your ultimate question OP, obviously given how many obese women have children it is not impossible. I conceived all three of my daughters in the span of three years and was morbidly obese, so I could get pregnant fine. But I did have complications in all three pregnancies that I do believe were linked to my weight.
Personally, even though it is possible, I would work on getting out of the obese category at the very least before pursuing getting pregnant if it were me knowing what I know now. As suggested in previous replies it only gets harder when you have a baby to contend with and breastfeeding calorie drama to consider. Better to go into your first pregnancy at a good weight, reduce your risks for complications like GD and pre-e and have less weight to contend with postpartum.
I think your doctor is an idiot though and your thought to consult an endo (given your funky cycles) is a good one. Much luck to you on your journey to weight loss and mothering OP!3 -
Hey
Happy to read all the comments coming from all sorts of POVs!
Wanted to add a few reactions to some comments:
On the doctor bluntness - I absolutely appreciate a straight-forward approach from every medical professional. Him telling me that the weight is the one and only problem wasn't like he discovered some secret issue.
I'm not in denial about being obese.
The problem was that he wasn't capable of using his medical expertise to guide me towards getting some help in the right direction (losing weight under medical supervision, so one can monitor any underlying infertility-causing conditions), but sending me directly under the knife, with zero consideration of my mental state, or even considering my troubled relationship with food.
For an "opinion" that's similarly helpful and knowledgeable as his, I could have asked any average Joe.
As I was seeking medical advice, I was already fully aware that MFP will become my biggest and safest ally in getting at a healthy weight, and then staying there. All his bluntness managed to do is make me go into a dark corner of my mind for one night. Glad to have had my family's support after my appointment.
On my inability to practice self control - I may have worded that wrong I was referring to not being able to control my calorie intake without logging it into a calorie counter. The only time in my adult life that I've ever been close to a healthy weight was while using MFP.
Again, thank you all for taking the time to have an impact on a stranger's life
You cannot teach your dr manners, plus I suspect there might be something in for him for sending you to a specific dr for surgery.
Keep the part that is useful: your infertility and other health issues are most likely related to your weight.
And the good thing is that weight is something you CAN change, as you have done in the past.
Talk to a dietitian if you think this would help, log your calories, be positive about it, and give yourself some time.1 -
I am not a DR. I have a friend who was quite skinny and was told by her ObGyn that she can't get pregnant bcs if some hormonal disbalance. She then thought she will not use any contraception if this is the case and got pregnant in a couple of months. She did develop gestational diabetes and many other problems through her pregnancy. But the baby was full term and she had a natural birth. I got pregnant right away, was healthy weight, problem free pregnancy, also a full term baby but a c section (there were no medical indications for it, it was my decision). So my point is, everything is possible, but it is advisable that you reduce your weight to enjoy pregnancy and then have enough energy to care for the baby once she is there. And it is a little alarming to re-gain more than 100 lbs of weight, it probably is a deeper issue you might want to look into. Best of luck!2
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Went to a gynecologist after a 10 day TOM, after not having my period for months. This has been a problem for 2 years now, and we’ve been trying to conceive in the meantime.
If you've not been having regular periods then being overweight could be affecting your hormones and therefore your ovulation & periods, or it may be something else. Unfortunately as this is the most likely reason people with BMI>35 have trouble conceiving I think that doctors immediately leap to that conclusion without considering other possibilities as they would if you were a lower weight. If you do need IVF for other reasons they won't generally do than unless you are <35BMI and ideally <30BMI.
If you are not having regular periods then the chances of conceiving are pretty limited. I recommend educating yourself on your monthly cycle on a site such as https://fertilityfriend.com whilst continuing to get yourself to a healthy weight.
Good luck.
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I'm late to this thread and I haven't read past your initial post...so forgive me if I say things everyone else has said.
#1. FIND ANOTHER OBGYN. This one is a *kitten*. That was a totally unprofessional attitude and to counsel surgery? To tell you you're GOING to gain weight to the point you can't even bathe? I'm horrified that he would even suggest such a thing! Fine...suggest weight loss, encourage it, suggest surgery if he truly believes it necessary. But he is NOT that kind of doctor. His job is to make sure your lady parts are healthy. He should be running hormone tests and other such things. It sounds like he simply blamed your weight without considering what else might be wrong. Did he do an exam? Did he run tests? I don't care if you're 500 lbs...you should have had an exam.
I had no periods for quite a long time. Took a dozen pregnancy tests. It wasn't my weight. I have a pituitary tumor. Now, I didn't want to be pregnant at that time particularly...but if I had, I wouldn't have been able because of my tumor and the hormones it messed up. Did he even consider medical causes OTHER than your weight?
The man was not just blunt, he was cruel, and he was wrong to suggest you could never get pregnant simply because you are obese.
#2. Yes, you CAN get pregnant while obese. Do you think all those fat women with little kids got that way after giving birth? I was probably 260 or so when I got pregnant with my son (I am 5'10"). I gained only 15 lbs with my pregnancy and had a perfectly healthy baby. I was classed as high risk, not because of my weight, but because I was on blood pressure meds, had had a blood clot in the past, and was over 30. This was, of course, prior to the pituitary problem.
Find a new doctor. Stick with your weight loss program - because healthy is better for you and your baby. I've weighed from 200 to 328 over the years and down and up again. Healthy is always better, believe me. Best of luck.1 -
OP, it sounds like you are using this experience to get yourself on track--bravo. Obviously losing weight will only help you to have a healthier pregnancy.
My measly 2 cents are to harness your logging power with mfp to do the same thing with your cycles. I track mine with an app called Kindara. I put in my basal body temp every morning, my most fertile mucus sign, and I use the clear blue easy fertility monitor to track my estrogen rise and lh surge. Tracking these signs can give you and your doctor loads of useful info about your hormones--and you can track how (or if) your cycle changes as you lose weight. You can determine when (or if) you ovulate--you mentioned not having a period for two months, then a long one. You may or may not have even ovulated that third month--could have been an anovulatory cycle with breakthrough bleeding.
Find an ob that can read these signs with you. After you lose some weight, going in with hard data will help the doctor see through the remaining extra weight to any hormonal issues Looking for such a dr through the Creighton University website (NaPro technology) might help find someone in your area that can read your fertility signs to diagnose any condition you might have and who will be able to do a full hormone and thyroid work up when the time is right.
I've had overweight, obese, and healthy weight friends with fertility issues see our loca NaPro doc, get worked up, and supplemented appropriately and get pregnant fairly quickly, so there is definitely hope, even if the issue doesn't resolve with weight loss alone!2 -
First off, Excuse my foul language but your doctor can eat a d!(k.. I have known women bigger than you that have had children. You probably do have other concerns going on, but one of the most common issues that people have is STRESS and ANXIETY. Get a journal or find someone to talk to and get it out. Secondly try to eliminate processed foods and sugars. That will help tremendously. I hope you find some happiness in your situation. Also please do us a favor and write a review on this doctor somewhere. And get rid of his disgusting *kitten*. You need help not hindrance.3
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You can get pregnant at any weight, but it does carry additional risks such as preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, increased risk of needing a c-section, and some other things. Of course those things can happen to any woman, but you would be at a higher risk for them being obese.
In addition to the health risks for yourself, giving birth while obese also passes on increased health risks to the baby.
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Hey there
Advice and helpful info are still coming in; and I appreciate it a lot!
Here to add a few things, for anyone that happens to stop by this post again
I'm 5'5 and currently 295 lbs, with an ultimate goal of 160 lbs.
If my period doesn't fall in a healthy pattern after 1 year (hoping to get to 220lbs in the meantime), I will start looking into other causes for my fertility-related concerns.
I'm not in a rush to get pregnant; I want to create the best circumstances for a healthy pregnancy and baby
As a response to later replies:
I'm keeping a journal to keep an eye on both my cycle pattern (as I lose weight) and to keep my emotions in check.
Once I get my period more frequently, I'll start using ovulation kits, to pinpoint if and when I ovulate.
Trying to end up with substantial & relevant data to go back with to an OBGYN (not going back for seconds to the antagonist of my story
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Our sister in law is at a fairly high weight (at least 300) and got pregnant. It can happen, but the loss of periods does seem to indicate a potential complication. Work hard to lose as much as you can and see if they come back? All the best. It took me 3 years to conceive my son, and we haven't had another one yet
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I recently just had a baby (25 days ago). I was obese when I got pregnant (245lbs). I would not trade my daughter for the world, but if I had known what complications I would have, and that a good percentage of them were likely caused by my weight, I would have waited until I was a healthier weight to get pregnant.
I almost died giving during an emergency c-section with my daughter. I had such severe pre-eclampsia that I was on anti seizure and antihypertension medication. I was lucky. I actually had gone to the hospital to be induced (something we had planned a week before hand). When I got there, my pressure was high so they had to give medication. They had to give medication for the B/p every 20 minutes to see if it would Come down enough to begin the induction. During that, they tried to get an epidural but couldn't. My pressure kept rising too much and my doctor had me transferred to a different hospital that had NICU and maternity ICU services.
At the second hospital, they were finally able to get an epidural. As soon as it kicked in, they pretty much told me my daughter was no longer moving. That is the last thing I remember. They had to ask my Fiance to override my medical decisions since I was so out of it.
Thankfully I was born with a healthy baby girl. However, 10 days later my incision reopened and I've been having to deal with constant packing and unpacking of the wound. My OB pretty much told me all the complications I had were weight based. Did it sting to hear her say that? Yes, but she was right. She also told me that getting pregnant again would likely kill me. Sure it hurt to hear that too, but she was just being honest.13 -
Your doctor is rude.
I wasn't overweight when I got pregnant with my first child. I did have very irregular periods, and it took longer than expected. After having my 1st, I had my Vitamin D level tested, and it was so low that it was 1 point above the level that children are diagnosed with rickets.
Vitamin D is a precursor to horomones. I took a mega dose, got level to a normal range, regulated my period, and had a much faster, easier time getting pregnant with 2nd child.
Obesity does effect your hormones, and your hormones can contribute to obesity. This cycle can lead to fertility problems. Losing weight is likely to help normalize your hormonal levels.1 -
So I got pregnant with my son at 280+. I had a no problems pregnancy and trust me they were looking for problems. He is now 8. I have a friend who was 110 and a gym rat and had problems left and right. Pregnancy is the luck of the draw. Here's my 2 cents: Relax. Go to a new OB ASAP. Have them check you for PCOS. Even with PCOS you can still get pregnant. But at least you will have more information to work with. ((hugs))1
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Possible is not the question...you should be worried about how dangerous it is for the baby and how many risks you would be increasing for your child, not just during the pregnancy, but throughout that person's life. Getting pregnant while at that degree of obesity is not responsible AT ALL.
During an obese pregnancy, the risks of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia increase quite a bit. It also causes difficult deliveries and there is a much higher risk of needing a C-section.
You could be setting your baby up for childhood obesity and developmental disabilities or delays. If you get pregnant while obese, your child has an increased risk of diabetes, epilepsy and a host of other things. The research in this area is new and evolving, but it clearly shows that an obese pregnancy is a very bad idea.
You've lost the weight before, you can do it again without surgery...but don't get pregnant until you do.
Gaining 100 pounds because you are happy in a new relationship is not normal. Ten or 20 pounds, maybe, but 100?
Your doctor may have been rude, but you are in need of a serious wake-up call.10 -
I haven't read past your initial post, but I wanted to share because your story is very similar to mine. (Losing a lot of weight, then gaining it back after you get into a relationship - and also wanting to get pregnant)
I've always had irregular periods and was always told it was because of my weight. When I went on birth control, it made them regular, but once I was off, I wouldn't get one for 2-3 months, and then when I did it'd last a few weeks.
I was also always told that I couldn't get pregnant because of how overweight I was and the irregular period.
Yeah, they were wrong.
I was about 325 pounds (at 5'9") when I became pregnant with my son. We weren't really "trying" but we also weren't using any sort of protection.
By the time I gave birth to my son, I weighed about 340 pounds, which wasn't terrible considering it was only a 15 pound weight gain overall.
My pregnancy was "boring" (my dr's description). No morning sickness. No gestational diabetes. No high blood pressure. I was a picture of health (minus the weight), and my baby was healthy as well.
But here's the thing. I don't recommend it. Even though my pregnancy was very easy, and in no way do I regret having my son, it was too scary. There were so many things that could go wrong because of my weight that I wasn't able to enjoy my pregnancy. I also didn't "show", which I feel like I missed out on (no maternity pictures of me, at all).
Also - believe me, you'll want to be in much better shape once you do have a child. My son is 10 months old and already walking and I wish I had started losing this weight earlier.
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Sounds like he's been watching my 600 lb life. Nobody is "too fat" to get pregnant, their bodies aren't at a healthy place to have a child. Don't take it as an appearance dig, look at it as a call to say "hey I can change my life style again and get back." You've already lost 100 lbs, if you really feel that you want a child or you simply want to become healthier you're not "too fat to ever have a child" that's unfair. Good luck!2
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Bedside manner is sadly underappreciated. The doctor may have had a good message and intention, but he blew it with bad delivery.
Some years ago Mrs Jruzer was dealing with a difficult, potentially fatal, medical condition. Her first endo was intelligent and competent, but she was so cold and clinical that it left my poor wife feeling neglected and hurt in what was a very vulnerable time for our family. She felt like nothing more than a number or a case study. And that's saying something, because the Mrs is very no-nonsense individual.3 -
Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Ease up. She's being self-deprecating.
Though, I do think people who plan to have kids should have some counseling. It would make anyone a better parent.4 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Well that was a bit of a stretch...
Going from the (taken out of context) me not being able to practice portion-control or limit my calorie intake without the help of an external aid (i.e. counting calories on MFP) ALL THE WAY TO me being mentally unfit to be a mother.
I'm here to better myself, and build a better relationship with food, before taking on the responsibility of another human's eating habits.
And if you look around these forums or at the number of members that MFP has, I'm not a one-off case of emotional over-eater. Don't see why you're so surprised that people like me exist... or is it the thought of one of us reproducing that's upsetting you? I doubt every parent goes into parenthood with a clean slate and zero emotional baggage to work with.
Thankfully I'm not here to get approved for a motherhood permit... just taking the self-imposed healing route out of being unfit physically to be a mother.
And I agree... counseling on the topic of my dysfunctional relationship with food will come into play at one point during this journey.13 -
SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Ease up. She's being self-deprecating.
Though, I do think people who plan to have kids should have some counseling. It would make anyone a better parent.
I agree. Getting help to learn how to deal with emotions without turning to food for comfort is a must.1 -
You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
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You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
Bless you hunni, im sorry for your loss i know how devastating it is
I had a mmc at 13 weeks and needed surgical intervention as my body wasnt letting go and i was bleeding out.
I had another miscarriage 9 months later at 5 weeks. I was lucky, it started on a run and they were able to remove things from my cervix eventually realising it had been twins and after alot of intervention i made it to 25 weeks
Please dont give up hope2 -
Concentrate on getting the weight off for your own benefit and that of your future child. Apart from the risks to both of you during pregnancy, its hard enough work looking after a baby without having to carry loads of extra lbs! I do know a friend of mine was told she would not be considered for IVF until she had lost a lot of weight - she was very big - and she did manage it.1
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You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
Thank you for sharing such a personal struggle.
Won't let anything derail me, not myself, not that dr., nothing!
Best wishes!0 -
Sorry if I repeat anything that's been said, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
First of all OP, I sincerely hope you changed doctors.
Second, are you on birth control pills?
Third, have you had a complete blood work up and discussed/ been diagnosed with PCOS?
I am 37 years old, and I'm just now being diagnosed with PCOS, which explains why I got pregnant on 3 separate occasions while on birth control pills.
Google the symptoms, and if you feel like you have them, discuss it with your (hopefully new) doctor.0 -
witchywoman167 wrote: »Sorry if I repeat anything that's been said, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
First of all OP, I sincerely hope you changed doctors.
Second, are you on birth control pills?
Third, have you had a complete blood work up and discussed/ been diagnosed with PCOS?
I am 37 years old, and I'm just now being diagnosed with PCOS, which explains why I got pregnant on 3 separate occasions while on birth control pills.
Google the symptoms, and if you feel like you have them, discuss it with your (hopefully new) doctor.
Hello,
1. Going to find a new doctor.
2. I've never taken birth control pills.
3. I've done quite a bit of research on PCOS, but I haven't been diagnosed (or tested - on the count of being "too fat to consider other ailments").
I plan on getting my weight down, and go back to a dr.'s office being considerably lighter, in order to avoid this type of experience again.0
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