Too fat to EVER get pregnant?
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Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Ease up. She's being self-deprecating.
Though, I do think people who plan to have kids should have some counseling. It would make anyone a better parent.4 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Well that was a bit of a stretch...
Going from the (taken out of context) me not being able to practice portion-control or limit my calorie intake without the help of an external aid (i.e. counting calories on MFP) ALL THE WAY TO me being mentally unfit to be a mother.
I'm here to better myself, and build a better relationship with food, before taking on the responsibility of another human's eating habits.
And if you look around these forums or at the number of members that MFP has, I'm not a one-off case of emotional over-eater. Don't see why you're so surprised that people like me exist... or is it the thought of one of us reproducing that's upsetting you? I doubt every parent goes into parenthood with a clean slate and zero emotional baggage to work with.
Thankfully I'm not here to get approved for a motherhood permit... just taking the self-imposed healing route out of being unfit physically to be a mother.
And I agree... counseling on the topic of my dysfunctional relationship with food will come into play at one point during this journey.13 -
SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
But you feel qualified to be a parent and to take responsibility for teaching another human being to have self control, not to mention healthy eating and exercise habits?
You CAN'T? Really?
Maybe you should consider some general counseling before TTC. You really don't sound ready to have children mentally or physically.
Ease up. She's being self-deprecating.
Though, I do think people who plan to have kids should have some counseling. It would make anyone a better parent.
I agree. Getting help to learn how to deal with emotions without turning to food for comfort is a must.1 -
You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
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You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
Bless you hunni, im sorry for your loss i know how devastating it is
I had a mmc at 13 weeks and needed surgical intervention as my body wasnt letting go and i was bleeding out.
I had another miscarriage 9 months later at 5 weeks. I was lucky, it started on a run and they were able to remove things from my cervix eventually realising it had been twins and after alot of intervention i made it to 25 weeks
Please dont give up hope2 -
Concentrate on getting the weight off for your own benefit and that of your future child. Apart from the risks to both of you during pregnancy, its hard enough work looking after a baby without having to carry loads of extra lbs! I do know a friend of mine was told she would not be considered for IVF until she had lost a lot of weight - she was very big - and she did manage it.1
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You need a new dr! That is disgusting for him to talk like that. Go to pcp and ask for a referral to re. Sounds like pcos as well. Weight does make things harder or it can. Im in the same boat. I got pregnant and had a mmc at 12 weeks. Got depressed and lazy. Only gained maybe 15 pounds but muscle tuened to fat and im just gross. Now i had a mc yet again and now not conceiving at all. Hang in there and just relax and get healthy. There are drs that should be happyvto work with you. Dont let that creep bring you down!
Thank you for sharing such a personal struggle.
Won't let anything derail me, not myself, not that dr., nothing!
Best wishes!0 -
Sorry if I repeat anything that's been said, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
First of all OP, I sincerely hope you changed doctors.
Second, are you on birth control pills?
Third, have you had a complete blood work up and discussed/ been diagnosed with PCOS?
I am 37 years old, and I'm just now being diagnosed with PCOS, which explains why I got pregnant on 3 separate occasions while on birth control pills.
Google the symptoms, and if you feel like you have them, discuss it with your (hopefully new) doctor.0 -
witchywoman167 wrote: »Sorry if I repeat anything that's been said, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
First of all OP, I sincerely hope you changed doctors.
Second, are you on birth control pills?
Third, have you had a complete blood work up and discussed/ been diagnosed with PCOS?
I am 37 years old, and I'm just now being diagnosed with PCOS, which explains why I got pregnant on 3 separate occasions while on birth control pills.
Google the symptoms, and if you feel like you have them, discuss it with your (hopefully new) doctor.
Hello,
1. Going to find a new doctor.
2. I've never taken birth control pills.
3. I've done quite a bit of research on PCOS, but I haven't been diagnosed (or tested - on the count of being "too fat to consider other ailments").
I plan on getting my weight down, and go back to a dr.'s office being considerably lighter, in order to avoid this type of experience again.0 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Of course it is possible for obese women to become pregnant and deliver a healthy full-term baby. It is then highly probable the child will grow up first chubby, then fat, then obese, and have a lifetime struggle with obesity.
I know you want to have a child. Please get into 'momma bear' mode and fight for the wellbeing of your future child by doing the things necessary to attain a healthy weight before initiating your pregnancy.
I am not credentialed to give medical advice, nor did I sleep at a Holiday Inn Express or any other place last night. But I want to point out that losing weight with bariatric surgery is accomplished by forcing yourself to maintain a calorie deficit for tens of thousands of dollars while losing weight without bariatric surgery is accomplished by forcing yourself to maintain a calorie deficit for free.
This is what I needed to hear, a-thank-you!
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When you lost 100 pounds before, how long did that take you?0
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I"m confused about "too fat to consider other ailments" including testing for PCOS, because PCOS is a major primary cause of obesity.4
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That Dr should be ashamed of himself! Comments like that just cause damage.
I would report him and then request a new Dr.
You need someone who will support you and help to keep you on the right track regarding health and weightloss.
Stay strong and I wish you all the best in your journey.
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That doctor is a jerk. However, I suspect he was trying the "scared straight" approach. Statistically, being obese pre-pregnancy is not good:
- Severely obese women are 43% less likely to achieve pregnancy (a 5'6" woman is obese at 186 lbs) http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20071211/obesity-linked-to-infertility-in-women#1
- Obesity increases your risk of Gestational Diabetes (which raises the diabetes risk in your children), PreEclampasia (a serious disease that can lead to stroke and premature delivery), and sleep Apnea http://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Obesity-and-Pregnancy
- Being obese during pregnancy increases your risk of miscarriage, congentital heart defects, neural defects, preterm birth, and stillbirth http://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Obesity-and-Pregnancy
- Being obese significantly raises the risk of infant death. 32% in the Obese I category and 75% in the Obese II category http://www.bu.edu/sph/2016/01/19/strong-link-between-pre-pregnancy-obesity-and-infant-deaths/
Can you have a healthy pregnancy and be obese? Absolutely. However (and I am truly not trying to be cruel here), you need to understand that you weren't being fat shamed. Your doctor gave you a medical opinion (in a really insensitive manner), based on the above statistics. It's going to be harder for you than most people. The great thing is that you have the power to change that. Your future is not written in stone.
You can do this. You want the baby badly enough, you can lose the weight again and you can keep it off because you'll want to be as mobile as possible for that little chunk when he/she does arrive. Just take it one step at at time.1 -
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Lots of good advice here. My only comment (since I'm not knowledgeable about weight and fertility): go get a new doctor as soon as possible. He/she is a jerk and suggesting surgery isn't helpful when you're willing to try much healthier methods.2
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First of all, you need a new doctor. Preferably one with a little bedside manner. I understand not wanting to sugarcoat things, but damn. Have a little compassion.
Secondly, I know that conceiving while obese does come with certain risks, but it is not impossible. Both of my sisters are obese (~250-280lbs) and they have 6 healthy children between them. So it's not impossible, but it can make it more difficult.
Keep your head up and keep plowing forward!1 -
I plan on getting my weight down, and go back to a dr.'s office being considerably lighter, in order to avoid this type of experience again.
Excellent plan! Like you, I have previously lost close to 100lb in the past, and I am doing it again (after two kids and life throwing me curve balls!). You can lose the weight again, you have the experience.
At my heaviest, my periods disappeared. As I was losing the weight, my periods came back and are regular as clockwork. At maintenance, I conceived the first month we tried.
Suggesting surgery is, imho, lazy. When you feel more comfortable about conducting investigations into potential infertility issues, suss out the doctor. Last thing you want is a lazy SoB being your Obgyn during pregnancy.
Good luck!
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