Afraid to fail
aamerine08
Posts: 45 Member
Hi Guys,
I'm currently 266 pounds with a goal to get down to 140 pounds. Unfortunately, this isn't my first rodeo losing weight.
In 2015, I weighed 256 and I had a friend who stayed with me for about 2 months. During that time, she convinced me to try going vegan and start running. I did it, and I lost 14 pounds in two months. However, after she left I gained back about 20 pounds back.
In 2016, I reaches a peak weight of 270 pounds. I was disgusted with myself and started using My fitness pal. I was so focused and I lost about 10 pounds, but life events happened that threw me into a major funk. I dropped my efforts and couldn't get back into a groove. On top of that, the holidays rolled around and I went right back up to 270.
Now here I am again, 2017, trying to lose weight. I've lost 6 pounds in two weeks, but I'm not even excited because I've been here so many times before. I hired a personal trainer because I feel like I need someone to coach me through this transformation. I enjoy the workouts, and I'm learning a lot. Problem is: I know it sounds silly, but I'm just so scared that I'm going to let myself down again. Has anyone ever felt afraid that they would fail themselves? I'm needing some support and motivation.
I'm currently 266 pounds with a goal to get down to 140 pounds. Unfortunately, this isn't my first rodeo losing weight.
In 2015, I weighed 256 and I had a friend who stayed with me for about 2 months. During that time, she convinced me to try going vegan and start running. I did it, and I lost 14 pounds in two months. However, after she left I gained back about 20 pounds back.
In 2016, I reaches a peak weight of 270 pounds. I was disgusted with myself and started using My fitness pal. I was so focused and I lost about 10 pounds, but life events happened that threw me into a major funk. I dropped my efforts and couldn't get back into a groove. On top of that, the holidays rolled around and I went right back up to 270.
Now here I am again, 2017, trying to lose weight. I've lost 6 pounds in two weeks, but I'm not even excited because I've been here so many times before. I hired a personal trainer because I feel like I need someone to coach me through this transformation. I enjoy the workouts, and I'm learning a lot. Problem is: I know it sounds silly, but I'm just so scared that I'm going to let myself down again. Has anyone ever felt afraid that they would fail themselves? I'm needing some support and motivation.
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Replies
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By the sounds of it, you are going in with an all or nothing attitude. A lot of us started there, but realized that we would be caught in that cycle until we worked on that small, yet important, tidbit.
Start with small changes that add up gradually over time rather than jumping all in.30 -
That's good feedback. I never thought of it like that4
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@vespiquenn is absolutely right. Small changes, small goals--> Lasting weight loss. That's what worked for me and countless others on these forums.5
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Yes. And it's totally normal. Rather than commit to losing weight (which will happen as a peripheral benefit). Commit to learning HOW to lose weight. I did Atkins lost a pile gained a pile. Weight watchers lost a pile gained a pile (a few other fads with similar results). The only thing that worked for me was learning the mechanics of weight loss and how and why it occurred. It's one of those things that once you know you can't UN KNOW and you will do it. Good luck18
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Sometimes the only changes one needs to make is just to eat within their calorie goal and move a bit more.
Changes takes time and the changes need not be huge but it's all trial and error.
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I think it's safe to say we were all afraid of failing at one time or another. Thing is, so long as you keep trying, you're never failing. That said, I agree with vespiquenn. Make small changes, but also celebrate small victories. Set attainable goals. Yes, 140 is your ultimate goal, but how about increments? Or fitness goals - walk 20 minutes or do 10 situps. Or even food goals - three servings of fruits and veggies or only one glass of wine. Little changes and small goals can equal big victories.6
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Yes. And it's totally normal. Rather than commit to losing weight (which will happen as a peripheral benefit). Commit to learning HOW to lose weight. I did Atkins lost a pile gained a pile. Weight watchers lost a pile gained a pile (a few other fads with similar results). The only thing that worked for me was learning the mechanics of weight loss and how and why it occurred. It's one of those things that once you know you can't UN KNOW and you will do it. Good luck
Great point!0 -
Think about it this way, too:
You didn't fail. You just made an unplanned pitstop. But now you're back in the race.9 -
I honestly lost count of the times in my life I have lost weight and gained it all back again, I have done it all: meal replacement similar to slim fast, WW, herbalife shakes, VLCD, montiac diet, low GI diet you name it I lost and gained it all back.
Looking back I could say I failed on all those attempts or I can tell myself that I just hadn't found what worked for me.
Having been told about mfp was the best thing ever, I was already calorie counting before I started using this app on paper using labels and a book I had that contained calories for most fruit and veg. Mfp just made it even easier, sure I have regained weight even on mfp, life gets in the way, a death in the family, surgery, having a baby, taking a break from counting and going a bit mad with the calorie dense tasty stuff, such things will have an impact on weight.
I have had most of the above happen since starting on mfp the only thing they have done is delayed me reaching my goal. I don't see failure there I see life events that make watching my weight less important. I had a years break last year because I was fed up with being careful and couldn't get the motivation to start again (original plan was a months break), could look at this as failure but actually I look at it as being able to maintain my weight within a couple of kg of my lowest and it gave me the confidence to not worry too much about the maintenance phase.
My advice would be, don't set your deficit so high you find it hard to stick to. Small changes over time are easier. Life gets in the way? Just pick back up where you left off when you are ready.5 -
You said, your friend made you run, but then you stopped.. how come? I know for me, I love running now as all those extra calories I burn running allows me to enjoy things like chocolate etc2
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I've honestly lost count of how many times ive come back to myfitnesspal. I really think you have to your mind set for this to succeed. I've never been able to log everything as long as I have this go around. And I truly believe it's because my outlook is different now. I'm only about a month in but that's longer than any other time I've attempted this. And I look at what I'm doing so different. Instead of all or nothing I'm making small changes. The first week or so I didn't try staying under cals, instead I tried seeing how many I currently eat. That was such an eye opener for me. And I have a looong way to go but I'm already feeling successful because I know I will be. One day at a time.6
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Small goals are the key to big successes.
set yourself goals and review them at least twice a month.
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Keep these smart*, share them with someone that is also working towards goals and motivate one another.
*
Specific to you
Measurable, How much?
Achievable, Can it be done? Is it realistic for you?
Relevant, Why is this your goal?
Time Bound, By when?11 -
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Love this idea of different range goals!0 -
Also another recommendation - Find out what your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is and reduce your calorie allowance to 100 below this.
Chuck in a bit of exercise, I recommend doing something you enjoy for at least 15-30 minutes a day.
I'd recommend doing interval jogging (not running or sprinting yet!) before breakfast or before dinner...
Jog 45 seconds, walk 15 seconds. Repeat that 15 times, then have a healthy breakfast/dinner with plenty of protein and loads of water.
The next day, before breakfast or before dinner go on a 30 minute walk then a well balanced breakfast/dinner with lots of protein.
On both of these days you should target a minimum of 2.5 litres of water a day.
Just rotate between these 2 days every day and slowly build up your time jogging or increase your pace on the running section and you'll find that coupled with your calorie goal the weight just melts away.
Remember this... It is literally 80% nutrition and 20% exercise and nothing tastes as good as being fitter feels.
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I can't emphasize enough how important shifting focus to the process itself is. Learning about yourself, your weight, and all the things that work for you, how can you tweak behaviors? How will this change/idea/strategy pan out long term? Do you see yourself benefiting from it during maintenance? The number on the scale is there to gauge how well something works/doesn't work for you, and whichever direction it moves is beneficial to the process because it teaches you something to do/avoid/look into. Every time you learn something that helps your process is a success.
The ultimate goal is to find ways to make weight loss/maintenance as easy as possible for you in ways that fit your life and personality, and not to just white knuckle it through a bunch of big rigid changes just because you think you should be doing them or you read something about them somewhere. In the end, a couple of years or more spent losing 100 lbs and learning what works for you then successfully using what you learned to maintain the loss (or catch regains successfully) is a bigger net change than 10 lbs lost within a month or less then regained with nothing new learned.7 -
We're all here with you on this journey. I forgot how many times I've started again with MFP then I looked at my history. Quite a few times it seems! But I've never given up hope that I'll finally learn consistency rather than all or nothing mentaliry. Fear of failure lurks in the back of my mind but I don't let it stop me trying.1
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Add me!1
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I came on here in Jan 13 having lost weight before and piled it back on. For me, tracking is what got the weight off and keeps it off - bar the odd holiday hiccup!. (When I came back from my holiday last year I was a bit heavier than I liked, so I just reduced my daily calorie allowance until I was back down to maintenance weight. But even on holiday I still logged everything - even if I was 1000 calories a day over! But by logging I know what I have eaten, and I think about whether I want to eat it.)
The other side to the logging is, if I really want it (chocolate, cake, wine), do I want it enough to do some exercise to burn it off? When I started the only exercise I took was walking - built up gradually to longer time and further distance. But what made the biggest difference was discovering exercise I actually like - Zumba! And as I lost weight and had extra energy, out came the aerobics DVDs so I could do a little bit here and there, especially as the calorie allowance decreased with the weight so if I wanted to eat a treat I needed some exercise calories to "spend".
So now I do a short (20-25 min) workout most mornings, maybe another 20-25 when I get home most evenings, One Zumba and two clubbercise classes a week and a longer workout either Saturday or Sunday morning (might be a walk, or a DVD if wet). I would never have believed I would do so much exercise, but then I would never have expected to maintain my lower/goal weight for 3 1/2 years!
Only you can make it work, but only you can find what makes it work for YOU! As others have said, maybe go with a slower weight loss that is easier to sustain.3 -
I look at this as not a "diet" per se with a beginning and an ending, but more of an incremental lifestyle change. That way, it's a journey and I can't fail unless I get off the road and park my butt someplace and don't move.
(Picture one of those cute camping trailers with a beach umbrella, a lawn chair, a cocktail table with a margarita on it, and a cutesy lawn ornament flamingo. If I am going to go off the trail, I am going to do it in style.)
For me, deprivation doesn't work.
So, my goal for this lifestyle change (eating plan) was to pick an eating plan that offered me the best results without the pain of deprivation.
One of the things I did was to consciously make the switch from how I was eating to a new way of eating. Because while I know that it's Calories In / Calories Out (CICO), I don't like being hungry / starving because it makes me cranky and I then obsess about all of the food out there that I am now not allowing myself to have.- I knew going in that based on CICO, that I burn calories just by being alive.
- If I eat as many as I burn I would be in stasis (and not lose).
- If I eat more than I burn I will gain weight.
- If I eat less than I burn I will lose weight except if I am in an extreme calorie deficit. Then my body goes into preservation mode and my metabolism might slow down and hold onto what I have b/c it thinks I am starving.
I knew from my own past experience that carbs and sugar are the devil. If I eat one sweet thing, then, I can't stop. I know that if I eat simple carbs (like bagels / white potatoes) my heart will race. If I eat complex carbs (like canned white beans) then I feel okay, but I don't really lose weight. I have restricted sugar and carbs before and knew that by restricting them, I am not craving them and I feel better.
The eating plan that does this for me is Paleo / Keto (low, low sugar/carbs and high protein/fat/fiber); my ratios are: (45% protein, 40% fat and 15% carbs/sugar).
See this website for a list of paleo websites: http://paleoiq.com/best-paleo-diet-blogs/
I started by making incremental changes last November (one meal at a time), with the end goal being that I would hover around 1400 calories because as an older woman my skin doesn't bounce back as it did when I was younger. By losing the weight slowly, I have minimized the sagging skin.
It took several months of tweaking before I finally found my "sweet spot" in terms of balance between carbs and protein and (since January I have lost about 23 pounds). And... I am only complaint calorie wise about 75% - 80% of the time. I have some health issues and can't really exercise. Despite this and being tied to a desk all day, I have lost and continue to lose weight.
For me, eating low carb and low sugar all of the time some amazing things happened:- I don't crave sugar (I have an entire box of Charms Wild Berry Blow Pops in my file drawer that I haven't touched since November because I don't crave sugar; I once measured my stress level by how many of them i consumed in one day);
- My moods are more even and I don't have blood sugar spikes and crashes;
- By consuming more healthy fats my joints don't hurt as much and I am more or less satiated on 1400 calories.
I used Paleo Leap and Paleo Tribe for the recipe ideas (they have some great low calorie recipe options) but this isn't necessary. I do think preparing and eating food that I make as opposed to boxes or eating out has helped me a lot. Boxes say they are low carb (but they have lots of other additives in them to make them taste good.)
I also take 7-keto DHEA (fat burner), desiccated adrenal (80 mgs -- I started and maintain a very low dose) and desiccated adrenal cortex (250 mgs). I have more energy and they have helped my allergies and my hormones.
See this website: https://www.yourhormones.com/adrenal-glands/
Most women suffer from advanced adrenal fatigue and adaptogenic herbs don't work. To rebuild your adrenals desiccated adrenal extracts are very helpful. (I was on prednisone, but was able to stop taking it.)
See these websites:
http://www.drnorthrup.com/adrenal-exhaustion/
https://www.yourhormones.com/adrenal-fatigue/
IMO in the beginning, you shouldn't "train hard" you should balance gentle cardio (like brisk walking) with strength training. With keto you burn stored fat because that's what you burn for energy.) Look at reducing unnecessary drama that makes you crazy.
Also, explore the term "estrogen dominance". Body fat makes you hold on to excess estrogen.
See these websites:
http://www.drnorthrup.com/estrogen-dominance/
https://www.womentowomen.com/hormonal-health/estrogen-dominance/
https://www.drlam.com/blog/estrogen-dominance-part-1/1704/
I got rid of all of the chemicals in my home. Everything is fragrance / dye free or natural cleaners. Frebreeze and similar products are endocrine disruptors and can actually make it difficult for people to lose weight. I also gave up scented lotions and perfume.
I am also taking a boatload of natural progesterone (prometrium 200 mgs.) Discuss this with your doctor. Based on your family history of breast cancer, it may well save your life or not be right for you.)
I would love to be friends and share recipes!
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I totally agree with the set small goals! I have around 130lbs to lose, but my goal is increments of 20 lbs at a time so it doesn't seem so bad. I'm a month in so far, and this is the longest I've been at it. I had to go to an obesity management doctor to really understand what I needed to do. She set me up with how many calories I should be eating and how much/ how often to exercise. And I pay out of pocket, insurance doesn't cover the visits. That's how I KNOW I want to do this. I'm too invested to fail. I have 2 young daughters and I couldn't imagine having to leave this earth early and not watch them grow up. Or have them grow up hating their bodies like I did mine. Its a dark road to go down, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Good luck! I know you can do it.4
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Small goals are the key to big successes.
set yourself goals and review them at least twice a month.
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Keep these smart*, share them with someone that is also working towards goals and motivate one another.
*
Specific to you
Measurable, How much?
Achievable, Can it be done? Is it realistic for you?
Relevant, Why is this your goal?
Time Bound, By when?
^^I will be using the above myself. Thank you for sharing that!!2 -
My all time high weight was 251 pounds. I am now down to 155. I am 60 years old. What I found I had been doing wrong all my life was trying to change too much too fast. This time I started out with an agressive 2 pounds a week goal but I decided to eat smaller versions of things I liked instead of cutting out all my favorite foods. I had to slowly improve nutrition. Sugar had to go in the beginning because I couldn't control it but other than that I ate alot of the same things just much smaller servings. As the weight came off I was more motivated to eat better quality food. I did the same thing with exercise. I started off just monitoring my steps then got a Vivofit2 and set my first goal at 4000 steps a day. I knew everyone else was trying for 10,000 but I was old, fat and out of shape, lol. Now I do 8000 to 10,000 a day. I still eat a little sour cream on my small baked potato and butter on my vegetables but I can live with this for the rest of my life. I've lost 95 pounds from my high point (pre MFP). I have 20 to go but I know I will never go back. You can do it just don't set unmaintainable limits on yourself. Slow and steady wins the race. At your current weight 2 pounds a week is reasonable but eventually that may slow down. Don't get discouraged. You can and will continue to lose.7
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Don't think of this in terms of losing weight, but look deeper to the habits you formed that led to where you are now.
Write down 5 bad habits you want to change. Scratch off 4 and focus on the one you believe will add the most value. Replace that one bad habit with one positive habit. Once this become habitual - reinforced through routine and repetition - rinse and repeat this exercise. Write down 5, scratch off 4 and keep going.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.7 -
The best advice I can give is don't set your goal too big and stop with all or nothing.
Realize when you over eat at dinner, it's not the end of what you were trying to accomplish. Do better tomorrow, don't become defeated and continue to overeat.
Don't starve yourself. Slowly decrease your intake of calories so the transition will be easier and you won't rebound.2 -
Your primary problem is in the kitchen, not the gym. Work on your meal planning skills and religiously weigh/track everything you eat.
I've lost over 40lbs since Jan by focusing on my diet. Not saying exercise is bad, but hard workouts are more likely to cause over eating than weight loss if you aren't already in a good rhythm on your meal planning.4 -
You have a total of 130 pounds that you'd like to lose. That's a decent amount, but it's not insurmountable. People here have lost more and kept it off. If you lose at an average rate of 2 pounds per week, which is actually really aggressive if we think about it across your entire goal (the rate of loss will slow down as you get closer to your goal weight), it's going to take you 65 weeks, or 16 months to get there.
So let's be a little more realistic and say that, like everyone else, you have some ups and downs. Some weeks where your loss slows, and when you get closer to your target weight, your rate of loss slows appropriately. It's going to take you 20 months to get to your goal. You'll be there by next Christmas. We really are talking about a marathon and not a sprint, and if you start out sprinting it might make it harder for you to finish the marathon.
Are you engaging in any behaviors that you can't sustain for the next 20 months? Are you drastically cutting calories, over-exercising, or only eating "diet" foods? Take a good look at what you're doing (and what you've done in the past), and try to identify any "sprint" behaviors that are going to burn you out early.
Those 20 months are going to pass anyway. There's nothing you can do about how long it takes to lose weight. At the end of those 20 months, you can be smaller than you are now, larger than you are now, or the same as you are now. Weight loss, more than anything else, is an endurance game. It's about making small changes and sticking with them over a long period of time.7 -
God did not give you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind! That's the Word! It's not trying and failing that makes a failure it's giving up all together! You've got this! You look in the mirror and tell yourself..."I was given power and a sound mind! I choose to succeed! I will do this!" The enemy would love for you to stay defeated...but YOU DESERVE MORE!!2
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Commit. Just commit. Don't look back. Don't let your past predict your future. There's no magic saying or formula other than telling you to own it. Take a daily selfie. Reference your progress. Reference it often.2
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When I first began with my healthy habits I couldn't even really say that my goal was to lose weight, simply because the task seemed so daunting and I was afraid of failing. I was 289 pounds at the time. Instead I ate right because it was healthy for me and it made me feel better throughout the day. I made sure to get in activity and did things that I enjoyed. Yoga always relaxed me and made me feel more limber. Going for long walks in the woods made me happy and helped me calm my mind.
Of course losing weight came naturally with those healthy habits, which just rewarded and reinforced the changes I was making. I've lost over 100 pounds. I can't even say it was difficult, because it wasn't. It did mean making lifestyle changes but those were changes that I like. I eat out less and tend to cook my own meals. I enjoy finding new recipes. I hike and backpack. I run novelty races for fun. I completed my first marathon last year. All these things would have been out of my reach 5 years ago.
ETA: You can absolutely succeed. Stick to your calorie/macro goals. Find foods you like that fit into your goals so that your eating habits are sustainable, which will help you stick to it. Do physical activities that you enjoy. Set small goals and celebrate them. Recognize your own hard work as you go along. You can do this
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Don't be afraid to fail. If you are, you won't try anything new or take risks. Look at failure as a learning experience. And then succeed!1
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