Afraid to fail
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Small goals are the key to big successes.
set yourself goals and review them at least twice a month.
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Keep these smart*, share them with someone that is also working towards goals and motivate one another.
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Specific to you
Measurable, How much?
Achievable, Can it be done? Is it realistic for you?
Relevant, Why is this your goal?
Time Bound, By when?
^^I will be using the above myself. Thank you for sharing that!!2 -
My all time high weight was 251 pounds. I am now down to 155. I am 60 years old. What I found I had been doing wrong all my life was trying to change too much too fast. This time I started out with an agressive 2 pounds a week goal but I decided to eat smaller versions of things I liked instead of cutting out all my favorite foods. I had to slowly improve nutrition. Sugar had to go in the beginning because I couldn't control it but other than that I ate alot of the same things just much smaller servings. As the weight came off I was more motivated to eat better quality food. I did the same thing with exercise. I started off just monitoring my steps then got a Vivofit2 and set my first goal at 4000 steps a day. I knew everyone else was trying for 10,000 but I was old, fat and out of shape, lol. Now I do 8000 to 10,000 a day. I still eat a little sour cream on my small baked potato and butter on my vegetables but I can live with this for the rest of my life. I've lost 95 pounds from my high point (pre MFP). I have 20 to go but I know I will never go back. You can do it just don't set unmaintainable limits on yourself. Slow and steady wins the race. At your current weight 2 pounds a week is reasonable but eventually that may slow down. Don't get discouraged. You can and will continue to lose.7
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Don't think of this in terms of losing weight, but look deeper to the habits you formed that led to where you are now.
Write down 5 bad habits you want to change. Scratch off 4 and focus on the one you believe will add the most value. Replace that one bad habit with one positive habit. Once this become habitual - reinforced through routine and repetition - rinse and repeat this exercise. Write down 5, scratch off 4 and keep going.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.7 -
The best advice I can give is don't set your goal too big and stop with all or nothing.
Realize when you over eat at dinner, it's not the end of what you were trying to accomplish. Do better tomorrow, don't become defeated and continue to overeat.
Don't starve yourself. Slowly decrease your intake of calories so the transition will be easier and you won't rebound.2 -
Your primary problem is in the kitchen, not the gym. Work on your meal planning skills and religiously weigh/track everything you eat.
I've lost over 40lbs since Jan by focusing on my diet. Not saying exercise is bad, but hard workouts are more likely to cause over eating than weight loss if you aren't already in a good rhythm on your meal planning.4 -
You have a total of 130 pounds that you'd like to lose. That's a decent amount, but it's not insurmountable. People here have lost more and kept it off. If you lose at an average rate of 2 pounds per week, which is actually really aggressive if we think about it across your entire goal (the rate of loss will slow down as you get closer to your goal weight), it's going to take you 65 weeks, or 16 months to get there.
So let's be a little more realistic and say that, like everyone else, you have some ups and downs. Some weeks where your loss slows, and when you get closer to your target weight, your rate of loss slows appropriately. It's going to take you 20 months to get to your goal. You'll be there by next Christmas. We really are talking about a marathon and not a sprint, and if you start out sprinting it might make it harder for you to finish the marathon.
Are you engaging in any behaviors that you can't sustain for the next 20 months? Are you drastically cutting calories, over-exercising, or only eating "diet" foods? Take a good look at what you're doing (and what you've done in the past), and try to identify any "sprint" behaviors that are going to burn you out early.
Those 20 months are going to pass anyway. There's nothing you can do about how long it takes to lose weight. At the end of those 20 months, you can be smaller than you are now, larger than you are now, or the same as you are now. Weight loss, more than anything else, is an endurance game. It's about making small changes and sticking with them over a long period of time.7 -
God did not give you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind! That's the Word! It's not trying and failing that makes a failure it's giving up all together! You've got this! You look in the mirror and tell yourself..."I was given power and a sound mind! I choose to succeed! I will do this!" The enemy would love for you to stay defeated...but YOU DESERVE MORE!!2
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Commit. Just commit. Don't look back. Don't let your past predict your future. There's no magic saying or formula other than telling you to own it. Take a daily selfie. Reference your progress. Reference it often.2
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When I first began with my healthy habits I couldn't even really say that my goal was to lose weight, simply because the task seemed so daunting and I was afraid of failing. I was 289 pounds at the time. Instead I ate right because it was healthy for me and it made me feel better throughout the day. I made sure to get in activity and did things that I enjoyed. Yoga always relaxed me and made me feel more limber. Going for long walks in the woods made me happy and helped me calm my mind.
Of course losing weight came naturally with those healthy habits, which just rewarded and reinforced the changes I was making. I've lost over 100 pounds. I can't even say it was difficult, because it wasn't. It did mean making lifestyle changes but those were changes that I like. I eat out less and tend to cook my own meals. I enjoy finding new recipes. I hike and backpack. I run novelty races for fun. I completed my first marathon last year. All these things would have been out of my reach 5 years ago.
ETA: You can absolutely succeed. Stick to your calorie/macro goals. Find foods you like that fit into your goals so that your eating habits are sustainable, which will help you stick to it. Do physical activities that you enjoy. Set small goals and celebrate them. Recognize your own hard work as you go along. You can do this
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Don't be afraid to fail. If you are, you won't try anything new or take risks. Look at failure as a learning experience. And then succeed!1
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Realistically you are going to have your ups and downs during this process, but there are ways you can set yourself up to push through the tough times a little easier.
Consistency - have little ways to monitor your progress that you are 100% committed to, even when you are not happy with the results. For me, this means that I weigh and track my weight every day, and I accurately log my food intake here even if I've gone over. I try not to attach value judgements to these things and instead use them as data so I can track my progress over time. Even if you only take measurements once a month, having that little ritual helps you keep your focus on your ultimate goal. It's going to be different for everyone, but being consistent is the key.
Accountability - I have multiple ways I keep myself accountable, with friends, here, and with periodic fitness goals and competitions. I know that if I miss a day logging here someone will notice and comment, and if I skip the gym without a good excuse my friends there will notice. Some days you are going to struggle and sometimes it's the thought of not wanting to let those people down that gives me a little push to stay on track.
Focus - You really have to narrow down your reasons for wanting to do this. I've lost weight before, but I've only really been successful at it when it's coming from a place of self-care and love, not criticism. This is a personal thing for everyone. Some people just really like to eat, and some people have an emotional connection to food, but until you figure out what brought you to your highest weight and find ways to refocus that energy it's going to be a bit scary. I replaced most of my bad habits with good ones, but sometimes old behaviors start creeping back in and that's when I need to be really honest with myself and remember my goals and why I have them.
And finally, surrounding yourself with people who have had success at this is always a good idea, which is why I lurk here all the time. Fear is a totally normal thing and I think most people here are probably a bit scared of regaining. You just have to push past the fear and give it your best shot anyway.
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All of the above. For me, its also about reflecting on those times when you do something that compromises your goal, and understanding why (without beating yourself up about it). Surprisingly, if you give a name to that reason - 'loneliness', 'stress', 'fear', it reduces it's impact.2
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Small goals are the key to big successes.
set yourself goals and review them at least twice a month.
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Keep these smart*, share them with someone that is also working towards goals and motivate one another.
*
Specific to you
Measurable, How much?
Achievable, Can it be done? Is it realistic for you?
Relevant, Why is this your goal?
Time Bound, By when?
I like this, (and I confess I have not read the entire thread before starting this), but I would recommend being careful not to use the scale as a part of #1 and even really #2. Weight fluctuations, which are normal, can derail you if you feel like you failed because you didn't lose weight in a week (or enough) in 4 weeks. You could be right on track and not realize it because the scale can fool you.
I would also recommend goals that include being able to do things you haven't been able to do before. Exercise works wonders in that area. Just doing it regularly you can't help but get better, even if it's slow. You can do this.1 -
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senor_jeff wrote: »You said, your friend made you run, but then you stopped.. how come? I know for me, I love running now as all those extra calories I burn running allows me to enjoy things like chocolate etc
Running was enjoyable the more that I did it, but it did strain my body/knees a bit. It may be something that I try to get back into again as I get lighter0 -
terr91payette14 wrote: »I've honestly lost count of how many times ive come back to myfitnesspal. I really think you have to your mind set for this to succeed. I've never been able to log everything as long as I have this go around. And I truly believe it's because my outlook is different now. I'm only about a month in but that's longer than any other time I've attempted this. And I look at what I'm doing so different. Instead of all or nothing I'm making small changes. The first week or so I didn't try staying under cals, instead I tried seeing how many I currently eat. That was such an eye opener for me. And I have a looong way to go but I'm already feeling successful because I know I will be. One day at a time.
Good point! I've got to learn to take the small steps. I can get so bullish at times and I have to remember it's a lifetime process!0 -
Yes, I feel this exact way at least once a month. During those times, I try to think along these lines:
1. NOT trying is automatic failure. At least trying means I MIGHT get there.
2. I go back to my "why" list and read it. Has anything changed? (it helps keep me motivated!) If it's changed, I alter the reasons, to keep me going.
3. why am I not afraid of staying heavy or heavier MORE than I'm afraid of trying and maybe failing?
4. Am I focusing on a number on the scale or my overall health? i find that too often I get focused on that darn number, but forget that I actually want to be healthier! Yes, it includes weight loss, and I think as long as I keep trying, I can get there. It just might take a while longer than I want it to.
5. HOW can I help myself succeed? Knowing my weaknesses helps me to set up plans to combat them, thus empowering myself to achieve my goal.
6. Realizing that my motivation needs to come from me, and not rely on anyone else was a big eye opener. I thought I needed a support system, aka close friends or friends who would keep me accountable. They failed. After 2-3 months of going to the gym, neither "accountability friend" has asked even once how I am doing. Screw them, I'm doing this despite them!
7. and the biggest ... it's a mind game. You're going to have to learn to not chase that "fear" rabbit and go for the gold. Don't focus on the negative, focus on what you really want and why you want it. Focus on what can help you reach your goals. Don't get distracted. Don't get discouraged when your scale can't tell you when you have retained a little water, and not gained fat. Don't get frustrated when your scale wont budge because you're burning fat while toning muscle.
So ask yourself.. are you going to do it or not? Do saying I'm afraid.. be more afraid of what happens if you DON'T do it. Look forward to getting into smaller sized clothes or being able to participate more with family members. Be proud that you're taking control of your body, rather than letting your body discourage you from what you want.1 -
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Don't think of this in terms of losing weight, but look deeper to the habits you formed that led to where you are now.
Write down 5 bad habits you want to change. Scratch off 4 and focus on the one you believe will add the most value. Replace that one bad habit with one positive habit. Once this become habitual - reinforced through routine and repetition - rinse and repeat this exercise. Write down 5, scratch off 4 and keep going.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
This sounds like a great practice! I can't wait to use this.0
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