How do I stay focused on myself and motivated when I think my husband is cheating on me?
hubbardcasey28
Posts: 30 Member
I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?
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To put into perspective.... If a family member dies, if you lose your home, if you get diagnosed with cancer, if there is war and your neighbors are dead, all of these things... Horrible things... Happen. But you still need to not over eat.
Unfortunately this thread will generate a lot of negativity towards your hubby, but he is not here to defend himself nor are you even sure if he is cheating. Couples fight...16 -
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Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine it must be hard. My advice is to keep focusing on YOU. This is for you. Your intuitions may be right but they could be wrong. Please use this as motivation to be where you want to be. Not for your marriage but again for YOU. Don't give up, keep moving forward..one day at a time, one meal at a time, one exercise at a time..you will get there in TIME. Best wishes to you and please feel free to add me if you need motivation and support!16
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You don't have to do everything all the time. What you are going through is super high on the stress index.
If I were in your shoes I'd work on getting through the next hours and days doing what I needed to do to be cared for.
That starts with getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals on time, enough alone time (maybe even getting out of the house), getting a massage, taking a slow hike on a beautiful trail.
Get that thing settled with your husband one way or another.
Then you can consider the gym again.
You won't be doing it for him. Be the best version of yourself for you.6 -
The gym is a place for me where the rest of the world doesn't exist. No problems matter when I am in the gym. But not everyone can have that attitude.9
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Shawshankcan wrote: »The gym is a place for me where the rest of the world doesn't exist. No problems matter when I am in the gym. But not everyone can have that attitude.
This! Make it your happy place.2 -
Love the last name first of all! I am also a Hubbard. Your husband may be cheating on you. He may not be cheating on you. Don't let that control the things you do or don't do.
If he is cheating, he shouldn't have that control over you. You shouldn't be wasting your emotions of foolish things like eating and bad habits. Waste your emotions on squats!
If he isn't cheating, he shouldn't have that control over you either. You shouldn't be jumping to conclusions without confronting facts. You should be jumping to the plyo boxes!
I'm sure you see the trend here. Make yourself the best version of yourself and if he is cheating, leave him. Make him wish he hadn't ever thought about another woman. Then constantly see him. Make sure when you see him, you've just come from the gym and you're as sweaty and disgustingly attractive as ever.
If he isn't cheating, make sure he understands he is valuable to you but completely replaceable so he doesn't feel like there is a need to look elsewhere.14 -
I know first hand what this is like and I never saw it coming. I was literally sick with grief. I couldn't keep food down and lost weight at a dangerous rate. I didn't know that one could actually die from a broken heart. My family had to intervene.
OP, in my opinion this is not a time to demand discipline of yourself, but rather to do some hard thinking, resolve the uncertainty and figure out how best to care for yourself and your interests.14 -
ashley_elaine0709 wrote: »Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine it must be hard. My advice is to keep focusing on YOU. This is for you. Your intuitions may be right but they could be wrong. Please use this as motivation to be where you want to be. Not for your marriage but again for YOU. Don't give up, keep moving forward..one day at a time, one meal at a time, one exercise at a time..you will get there in TIME. Best wishes to you and please feel free to add me if you need motivation and support!
This is great advice worth repeating daily.1 -
I found out My girlfriend of 7 years was having an affair with her ex.. I left that hoe and when I'm having troubles and not wanting to continue my workout I repeatedly say "f**k (her name)" and it helps me work out harder hahaha. I use her as motivation and have gone from working out never to working out 5 days a week to release my pent up anger. It helps a lot I find.11
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Sorry you are going through this. Its a terrible feeling to have. Make yourself the best you can be, regaurdless of the situation. It will be a better feeling for YOU no matter what the outcome is. Put your frustration out on the treadmill not into food. ❤ hang in there1
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That sucks. JUST had something similar happen, and it's absolutely the worst. Drove myself crazy obsessing over what I thought he was doing, and was, and ignored my health. His leaving is what motivates me in my weight loss. I started for me, and when I get depressed and reach for the wrong foods or don't want to exercise, I think about how I want to shove it in his face that he was stupid enough to want someone else. I am amazing, fat or thin, but when I see him once I look great and feel strong both emotionally and physically, it will be worth every chip I didn't eat.
I hope you don't go through what I did. But I try to remember I'm worth this, and anyone who doesn't see that I'm a gold medal now doesn't deserve me when I'm hot. Hang in there, YOU are what's important, no matter how hard it is to feel that way sometimes.3 -
Yes a lot. It was a stressful incident (a death) that led me down the track of getting things under control.
I've done really well the past 3 years until the last few months where again another death has me slipping again. So I'm employing the same tactics I did the first time...
I exercise (run or walk) to relieve stress and clear my head.
My biggest problem is over eating so in the past I have also used other people who tried to make me feel bad or did nasty things to me as a motivator to 'show them what I'm made of' or 'prove them wrong'. It built my confidence tremendously.
Good luck to you and your marriage troubles, I hope you're able to find a way to work through it and take care of yourself in the process.1 -
Can you find a therapist to help you (not the both of you -- just you)?
Otherwise, focus on your needs. Keep doing things that will help you now and in the future
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Can you not exercise together?
Me and my husband work out together. Running, cycling, hiking.3 -
Ditto! I would take all that frustration and make him desire what he lost (if you find he was cheating). But, I speak for myself bc, well, I'm a b***h! There is a book called "why men live bit**hes. You should pick it up. I swear it was written about my lifenicoleroxs182 wrote: »I found out My girlfriend of 7 years was having an affair with her ex.. I left that hoe and when I'm having troubles and not wanting to continue my workout I repeatedly say "f**k (her name)" and it helps me work out harder hahaha. I use her as motivation and have gone from working out never to working out 5 days a week to release my pent up anger. It helps a lot I find.1 -
This seems like a really odd place to call out your husband for possibly cheating. That seems like it should be a private discussion with him.11
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Been there, done that. It sucks. Don't let it turn you into one of those pitiful, sorrowful people that you'll regret being down the road. Use it as fuel to take even better care of yourself. Whether it's happening or not, you cannot control what others do.1
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All i have to say is if i thought my husband was cheating on me that would make me want to workout more just to show him...but like others have said don't let him have this kind of control over your emotions..one way or another you need to find out and make peace with yourself..all this stress isn't good for you1
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that is more reason to take care of yourself, you may have to show him how strong you are and how good you look and you don't need him!1
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Go to couples counseling I'm guessing you don't know for sure but whatever is happening you don't trust your husband and you can't carry on your relationship this way. Take care x2
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lthames0810 wrote: »I know first hand what this is like and I never saw it coming. I was literally sick with grief. I couldn't keep food down and lost weight at a dangerous rate. I didn't know that one could actually die from a broken heart. My family had to intervene.
OP, in my opinion this is not a time to demand discipline of yourself, but rather to do some hard thinking, resolve the uncertainty and figure out how best to care for yourself and your interests.
You were lucky to have a good family. I went thru this and my Mom and Dad had dinner with them, had them up for Christmas, told me I needed to find someone to make me happy like he has. He had been in love with her since he was little. They were very self centered and could care less about me. Mom is 90 years old and wants me to wait on her, it is hard, I do some trying to be a good person but she gets meaner and meaner. Dad died 2 years ago but he just went along with her. Terrible time in my life. Later I found a good husband. Life got better but it is terrible not having family support. Not everyone has it.
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Keep focused on your fitness goals and maybe go to the gym together and ask him for advice. Men love that. Also make more time for just you two.1
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If you think he is cheating confront him dont ignore it2
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hubbardcasey28 wrote: »I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?
Now is the perfect time to be focused on you....working out at the gym, or other exercise will help you burn off frustration, anxiety, and worry as well as calories....when I found out my first wife was cheating, I went from a couch potato slob to a marathon running...running kept me sane and focused and helped me deal better with the issues at hand, which was our son. Keeping your body in shape helps keep your mind in shape as well. Yes, be direct with him, confront him and find out what is going on....get counseling, or do whatever you need to do, but don't lose that focus on healthy body/healthy mind....0 -
hubbardcasey28 wrote: »I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?
You have to ask yourself if you could live with someone who has cheated on you and then you have to ask him if he is cheating. If so, you either work it out or you end it.
He could be insecure about the possibility of losing you and therefore getting into fit to bolster those insecurities. Are you fighting because you are accusing him of cheating?
I was shocked when my husband told me we drifted apart, I was so unaware but I knew I couldn't live with someone who cheated on me so it took overnight to ask him to leave. The weight dropped off at an alarming rate, I can't imagine that type of stress making me eat.
You truly need to find out for certain and if he says he is not cheating and you don't believe him then you have to question why you don't believe him. Trust issues are a sign of an unhealthy relationship too. Bless you.
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I found out my long time boyfriend (who I live with and have a child with) had an online affair. It was brutal! Yes it's painful. I used the hate, anger, lack of trust, sadness to fuel me. Now we chose to work things out, but the emotions that come with it are real. I took a long look at myself to try and see what he sees. It was awful. I used that to push myself to improve in many ways. Eating, weight loss and health were a huge part of that list.
I know how you feel. I know the pain. You can push through regardless and be the person you are meant to be!0 -
People cheat for a variety of reasons. You can stay or leave. You should only stay if you are both committed, and focused on being together.1
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Geocitiesuser wrote: »To put into perspective.... If a family member dies, if you lose your home, if you get diagnosed with cancer, if there is war and your neighbors are dead, all of these things... Horrible things... Happen. But you still need to not over eat.
Unfortunately this thread will generate a lot of negativity towards your hubby, but he is not here to defend himself nor are you even sure if he is cheating. Couples fight...
You're right couples do fight...I should know I've been with him for 21 yrs and have 2 teenage children0
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