How do I stay focused on myself and motivated when I think my husband is cheating on me?

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Replies

  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
    competecompetecompete wrote: »
    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    To put into perspective.... If a family member dies, if you lose your home, if you get diagnosed with cancer, if there is war and your neighbors are dead, all of these things... Horrible things... Happen. But you still need to not over eat.

    Unfortunately this thread will generate a lot of negativity towards your hubby, but he is not here to defend himself nor are you even sure if he is cheating. Couples fight...

    Women have this thing called "a woman's intuition". Usually it's right on

  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
    You are spot on and I was, but still wasn't searching for negativity towards my husband but while a woman's intuition can be spot on...it's all consuming and that's what got me...I was my own worst enemy because of the frame of mind I was in
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
    cyranda63 wrote: »
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?

    You have to ask yourself if you could live with someone who has cheated on you and then you have to ask him if he is cheating. If so, you either work it out or you end it.
    He could be insecure about the possibility of losing you and therefore getting into fit to bolster those insecurities. Are you fighting because you are accusing him of cheating?
    I was shocked when my husband told me we drifted apart, I was so unaware but I knew I couldn't live with someone who cheated on me so it took overnight to ask him to leave. The weight dropped off at an alarming rate, I can't imagine that type of stress making me eat.
    You truly need to find out for certain and if he says he is not cheating and you don't believe him then you have to question why you don't believe him. Trust issues are a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    You are spot on and I was, but still wasn't searching for negativity towards my husband but while a woman's intuition can be spot on...it's all consuming and that's what got me...I was my own worst enemy because of the frame of mind I was in

    See a therapist. Doesn't need to be with him. Go on your own. Whether or not he's cheating, sounds like you have some soul searching to do and someone to help you sort through your feelings will be invaluable. Good luck.
  • daneejela
    daneejela Posts: 461 Member
    Gut feelings could be right and wrong...but in any case, the harder situation you are going through - the harder you should take care of yourself!
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off

    You Deserve Better Than This! This reminds me when I was young and my husband stayed out nights and drank and I was crazy enough over him to live like this. He died a few weeks ago and he drank off and on with his wife and thank goodness I didn't have to put up with it. He didn't change. Glad I got out. I found someone who I am with now 25 years later and it was a good choice.
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
    Any updates? Did you find out if he was cheating on you?
  • Katiebear_81
    Katiebear_81 Posts: 719 Member
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off

    Here's your truth for the day: He chose to cheat. It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault.

    I understand a lot of what you're thinking/going through, although not the full extent of it (while my other half has issues with drinking, etc. he hasn't stepped out on me that I know of). My advice is thus: You can only control yourself, your actions and reactions. Please see someone for therapy. Decide for yourself that you're going to eat healthy meals, and set the timer on your phone/watch if you need the reminder. Get some exercise away from the house - a walk, a bike ride, or go to the gym if you're able. Meet your friends for dinner or drinks. Take a class, if there's something you're interested in. Don't allow yourself to die in your hole of grief, regardless of whether you split up or stay together. Choose to step out of the hole and move forward. ::hugs::
  • belgerian
    belgerian Posts: 1,059 Member
    edited April 2017
    Close to the same thing happened to my wife and I. I took to my workouts as my only stress reliever there was, and of course like someone else has said I am also a stress non-eater so I lost the weight by non-healthy means. We have worked things out and are still together and still working out. Hope nothing but the best for you. Do not give up on yourself.
  • shellyld2016
    shellyld2016 Posts: 288 Member
    cahubbard6421 wrote: »
    Love the last name first of all! I am also a Hubbard. Your husband may be cheating on you. He may not be cheating on you. Don't let that control the things you do or don't do.

    If he is cheating, he shouldn't have that control over you. You shouldn't be wasting your emotions of foolish things like eating and bad habits. Waste your emotions on squats!

    If he isn't cheating, he shouldn't have that control over you either. You shouldn't be jumping to conclusions without confronting facts. You should be jumping to the plyo boxes!

    I'm sure you see the trend here. Make yourself the best version of yourself and if he is cheating, leave him. Make him wish he hadn't ever thought about another woman. Then constantly see him. Make sure when you see him, you've just come from the gym and you're as sweaty and disgustingly attractive as ever.

    If he isn't cheating, make sure he understands he is valuable to you but completely replaceable so he doesn't feel like there is a need to look elsewhere.

    This, don't jump to conclusions, but try to settle it. Get fit for you. Whether he is or isn't shouldn't determine that.
  • strebor337
    strebor337 Posts: 168 Member
    I can't really speak one way or the other as to speculating whether or not he's actually having an affair, but I think you need to figure out how you're going to be happy whether he is or not. You can't wait for him or anyone else to make you happy. You have to own that and decide that you're going to do whatever you have to go be happy. If he is having an affair, that's the best revenge. If he's not, you bringing your happiness to the relationship can only help to heal it.
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
    I thought I've already replied to a few people but we did have another discussion after this post and he did cheat on me.....but I knew it all along and it's not about him...it's about me and getting my mind right. Whether I'm with him right now or not...I'm in a bad place and would like to be a better me I can't let my body suffer for this
    benjaminhk wrote: »
    This seems like a really odd place to call out your husband for possibly cheating. That seems like it should be a private discussion with him.

  • JeanieWww
    JeanieWww Posts: 4,037 Member
    Do it for YOU. Focus on you. If you have no proof, you're only speculating, which stresses you and he beyond what either of you need. Get fit for you. Use that anger to work out with, if you have to.
  • strebor337
    strebor337 Posts: 168 Member
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I thought I've already replied to a few people but we did have another discussion after this post and he did cheat on me.....but I knew it all along and it's not about him...it's about me and getting my mind right. Whether I'm with him right now or not...I'm in a bad place and would like to be a better me I can't let my body suffer for this

    I'm really sorry to hear that your suspicions have been confirmed. I can only imagine how heartbreaking that is. It's good that you recognize your own power to determine how you will be affected by it though. Certainly there will be grief, and anger, and a host of other emotions, but trying to keep yourself healthy will help you find a new normal and balance those emotions more quickly. Most of all, remember that you have lots of friends who care about you and want to help you through this.
  • abs1970
    abs1970 Posts: 235 Member
    You do it for YOU. Make yourself the best version of you ever. I know from experience. 29 yrs together, 19 yrs married, two teenage kids and it was the best thing I ever did! Sending you hugs.
  • DJ_Skywalker
    DJ_Skywalker Posts: 420 Member
    HoldTheDoor13 wrote: »
    I can't offer much help, but if it turns out he is cheating- punching him repeatedly right in the penis probably counts as cardio

    <3

    I hope enough calories to work off all the rum I'm gonna drink
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    Have you considered marriage counseling? It could help with all the concerns you mention.
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