Sometimes I don't know why I'm pushing so hard. Losing 130+lbs solved nothing.
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Geocitiesuser
Posts: 1,429 Member
Surely if I dress nicely, I won't be invisible?
Surely if I had a great job, I won't be invisible?
Surely if I was financially savvy, I won't be invisible?
Surely if I had interesting hobbies, I won't be invisible?
Surely if I was statistically in better shape than over 60% of the population, I won't be invisible?
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I read these story by guys how they lost weight and how suddenly they are james freakin bond. And I'm just like.... I might as well live in a bell tower. I've worked my *kitten* off at everything I've ever done in life, and almost always to great success because winning means not quitting and putting in the work.
I tell myself, "Well, I really want to improve my fighting in tae kwon do". That's nice, but if that was true I'd already be aiming for maintenance calories right now and not worried about the last 15lbs, I'd be more interested in performance.
I tell myself, "Well, it's personal responsibility to stay healthy". That's nice, but if I live an extra 10 years, I don't look forward to living them alone.
I tell myself, "Well, happiness comes from within, find enjoyment in your accomplishments". That's nice, but how much fun do you REALLY have going to a theme park by yourself? Travelling to a tourist spot yourself? Going out to dinner by yourself?
It seems I am constantly shamed and told I'm pathetic because, for many years now, all I really want is someone to spend the occasional fun times with. I have more platonic friends than I want. I'm not going to hold hands with my married buddy or have kids with them. I don't believe I've been socially programmed to want "the american dream" of a family, I believe it is instinctual. Especially at my age there are paternal instincts where I actually like hanging out with my friends' kids.
So, I sort of wince at all the hours I've spent on the elliptical. I shirk at how low my calories are some days.
I'm okay most of the time. Some of the time though, it feels like it's all crashing down.
Maybe I'm too old now. Maybe it's not meant to be. I don't know why I push so hard sometimes. I just do. This isn't the first time I've lost a lot of weight. I feel like my last chance at any sort of a chance at companionship means getting to single digit body fat and working on my body until it's nice enough that someone will actually look past whatever it is that makes me so repulsive. But more and more I see that's probably not going to work either.
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Surely if I rant on this forum, I won't be invisible?
Surely if I just keep working at it, I won't be invisible?
I'm just frustrated and miserable beyond belief. A broken shell. So much potential lost on the vain attempts to find approval from people who are uninterested.
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Replies
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Maybe that, then, is the problem - stop looking for approval.
Do it for yourself. 
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Cute puppy gif to help with the feelz?
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Cute puppy gif to help with the feelz?
Unless OP interprets that as how he is getting on in life... stuck.... rolling around going nowhere....
I hope not though!3 -
Ah, the darkness, I have dwelled in that realm, and know well its allure and horrors.3
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Cute puppy gif to help with the feelz?
I see your puppy, and raise you a shaman cat.
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I hear you. I was single until I was 31 and got married for the first time when i was 35. It did feel lonely. I decided to give up and just be alone and work on myself and that's when i list 55 pounds and was pretty happy. But, still alone. I get it. But, it will come along. I just try to tell myself all those years of waiting i was gearing up for THE ONE.... And he was so worth the wait. I got a good one! That's going to happen for you too. Being in shape, working hard at things, and having a great job is going to make some lady swoon one of these days! 9
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That was a dark, thought-out post, @Geocitiesuser , and it deserves a thought-out response. I'll message you in a day or so--it takes time for me to muster a good existential train of thought these days... it's mostly, "Rock big, tree pretty..."9
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I don't if this thread was created in jest or not.
Why do I ask this? Because you're asking if losing 130lbs was worth it? Are you f'ing kidding me?
Just for the health benefits alone, it's worth its weight in gold. You must be feeling better physically.
Now if you're feeling down and frustrated because you feel that you're not receiving the type of attention from the opposite sex, then trust me, it's in your head. However, if you're still feeling depressed and negative, then that vibe will definitely put people off. You need to find what (or who) is getting you down and flush it down the toilet.
Focus on positive people and positive activities and stuff in general that makes you happy. That will positively affect your personality and people in general will react to that.
Now, I just of another possibility. Maybe you're getting negative feedback from someone who is close to you, maybe family or friends. This isn't uncommon (I'm weren't through it). People sometimes resent it when someone puts forth the effort and dedication to better themselves. Maybe it's jealous or envy. Could be it reminds them that they continue to make bad choices in food and don't exercise.
Either way man. Let's just say, YES, it's definitely worth it.25 -
Happiness doesn't come with weightloss. Happiness comes from you, and no one can make you happy. You want a partner--there are alot of women that want that too. Perhaps you aren't looking in the right places, perhaps your biggest opportunity is right under your nose trying to get YOUR attention. Start to take a good look around you and see who's really there. Stop worrying about your inferiority complex. Try some new activities.6
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I'm 35 and single, have always been for the most part. 99.9% of the time I couldn't care less. I'm happy with me, both when I was obese and now I'm not. I like myself for the most part aware of the not so great bits.
People aren't attracted to people who don't like themselves.
In the words of the great philosopher Ru Paul - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here.44 -
It solved the problem of you being 130+ pounds overweight. 2
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You know it is like the many of the fables I have read, for example winning the lottery is it a blessing or curse? The answer is Maybe just like is being invisible or seaking perfection - a blessing or a curse? The answer maybe? I should not have to tell you why for it depends in many factors and new challenges that imerge once things are obtained.
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VintageFeline wrote: »I'm 35 and single, have always been for the most part. 99.9% of the time I couldn't care less. I'm happy with me, both when I was obese and now I'm not. I like myself for the most part aware of the not so great bits.
People aren't attracted to people who don't like themselves.
In the words of the great philosopher Ru Paul - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here.
I have always loved myself. Regardless of weight or situation. Just because you want to have a partner or had dreams of having a family, does not mean you do not love yourself. If my frustration is weakness, so be it, but not a day has ever gone by where I did not love myself. It's the unchangable situation I do not like. I do not have control over other people.1 -
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Geocitiesuser wrote: »So much potential lost on the vain attempts to find approval from people who are uninterested.
I know the feeling, man -- like you're in a party surrounded by people, and yet overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and cravings for donuts and Chik Fil-a sauce. At least, that's how my story goes.
Still ... what's awesome is that, you, along with the many others here, have achieved goals that many only dream about. For that, I think you're pretty awesome, @Geocitiesuser.
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pattytracking wrote: »It solved the problem of you being 130+ pounds overweight.
The silver lining. I'm much more nimble, much better stamina. I can jump, and kick, and jump kick, and I'm no longer in a heavyweight fighting class.
Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes there are things I wanted in life that it seems I will never have. Life could have turned out worse, and I appreciate what I do have. But the cherry on top would have been.... really nice.2 -
I'm trying my best to keep up with replies, but know you're all awesome, even if I don't reply directly.
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Welcome to life! Not sure how you expected this to be any different?Geocitiesuser wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »I'm 35 and single, have always been for the most part. 99.9% of the time I couldn't care less. I'm happy with me, both when I was obese and now I'm not. I like myself for the most part aware of the not so great bits.
People aren't attracted to people who don't like themselves.
In the words of the great philosopher Ru Paul - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here.
I have always loved myself. Regardless of weight or situation. Just because you want to have a partner or had dreams of having a family, does not mean you do not love yourself. If my frustration is weakness, so be it, but not a day has ever gone by where I did not love myself. It's the unchangable situation I do not like. I do not have control over other people.
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The best advice I've ever heard on this topic is from Dan Savage.
"“I think the best thing for you to do is just live your life. Live a life that’s worth living, one where you do what you want to do, pursue your passions. That way, if you meet someone, they’ll be joining a life that’s already really good. And if you don’t meet anyone, you can still look back at the end and say, ‘You know what: I lived a really great life.’”
Also try your very best to avoid being bitter and growing toxic in resentment. We don't all get a partner in this life, even though we're told growing up that we will. We don't. And it can be sad, but it can also be wonderful. You get to choose which and how much of each.16
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