feeling ganged up on
boopsiegrl
Posts: 105 Member
it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough
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Replies
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Well, it's really up to you to develop strategies to deal with food. It's always going to be there, and if you need to lose weight, you'll have to come up with things to say to people.
"No, thanks," is sufficient.
Plan ahead, have your set meal times and don't snack outside those meal times. It's up to you and you alone what you put in your body, right?
As far as holidays, I have days where I eat way over my goal. Not secretaries day or my neighbor's anniversary, though. I do it on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday. . .and sometimes at a party or whatever. Sometimes. I had to learn to eat at mealtime, and learn what to eat. It's a process, it takes a while to learn. Try not to beat yourself up, and don't let one day define the rest of the week.11 -
I completely understand ... it's always someone's birthday or some other lovely event but the challenge is still real. When left to my own defenses, I am on program ... everything is measured and I feel in control. It's when people want to go out to eat or there is an event. I know it may sound bad but if I can't control the situation, I regretfully decline ... but if I can control it there's no problem. I always say I'm very picky (and I am a vegetarian) so why don't we go here - usually that works! This way I have already gone on their website and selected a 'safe' option for me and I can plan my day around it!! Best of luck ... feel free to friend me!4
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Saying no is a skill you will need to learn.11
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Suck it up, Buttercup. Tracking and saying 'no' is hard for everyone.
If you are just starting, maybe goal maintenance or a slight deficit while you get into a rhythm of eating to plan. Then you'll have some cushion to say yes.10 -
I work in a place that has free candy and snacks.
I observed that some of the employees do not eat them. I learned to not eat them. It's possible to not eat them.
Nobody can make you eat them. You just have to learn who is in charge of this relationship.17 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I work in a place that has free candy and snacks.
I observed that some of the employees do not eat them. I learned to not eat them. It's possible to not eat them.
Nobody can make you eat them. You just have to learn who is in charge of this relationship.
This. We are in control of what we choose to eat or not eat. I have children and get in situations where there is a lot of food sometimes but I just have to eat within my limits.
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I'm not sure why you feel beat up or ganged up upon given what I understand you have described your situation to be: that you find yourself presented with opportunities to indulge in overeating.
And who doesn't?
I think the way you are framing your problem (I.e. that you are a victim of or a passive participant in a world that is 'happening to you') may be part of the problem.
If you want to indulge you don't have to overeat. You can also do things like eat a light lunch or even skip a meal in preparation for holidays and such. You don't necessarily have to say no to anyone if you find that difficult, but you can plan to have "some" indulgences without using the fact that you had "some" as an excuse to greenlight yourself to then eat way more than you need to.
Good luck, and please do think about how you frame your problems and how or if it benefits you.13 -
I get it! At this point I'm really focusing on progress not perfection.
I have a lot of eating behaviors and tweaks in my diet I need to make so I've decided as long as I'm moving in the right direction as a whole I'm going to be proud of the changes. I'm not a believer in over deprivation. Also really thinking about what is worth it and whats not and learning to say no to whats not. We are adults and really nobody else needs to be getting emotional over what I put in my mouth...ie don't worry about hurting the host/hostesses feelings if you don't want to try their apple pie.3 -
I work in an office of 130 people. It's always someone's birthday. There's always left over food in the kitchen. There's always a charity box full of chocolates. There's always someone wanting to go out for lunch for someone's goodbye. Then on the weekends there's my MIL who caters for 30 every time you pop in for a coffee. So yeah, life happens. I've lost 90lbs. Other people's food is not my problem. Participate in the social without stuffing food in your face. I generally nurse a coffee and make conversation.16
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I get it. There are always reasons to overdo it. Even in my own kitchen, there are temptations in the freezer or the refrigerator or the cupboards.
When it's a holiday or a social gathering at work, or even when going out to eat, it's all about choices. Do I want to enjoy myself? Yes. Does my enjoyment solely hinge on that food? No. Will eating a little extra today ruin me for the week? No - not if I'm not stuffing myself silly. My friends and coworkers all know that I'm working hard to lose weight, so when we're sitting around the table and I pass on a dish or skip dessert, they understand. And they also understand if I decide that I am going to go back for a second piece of cake, or order another sushi roll.
I also carry a 32-oz water bottle around with me most of the time. That way, if I'm starting to feel hungry, I take a couple swallows and wait a few minutes. If it turns out I'm ACTUALLY hungry, then I'll grab a snack or something... but it also allows me to be in control of the situations around me, even when there are cookies or chips or whatever in our break room.
I've never felt judged for my eating decisions. If someone has an issue with me taking my health back into my own hands, that's their problem, not mine.3 -
thank you all for sharing with me I will have to learn from each of you how to work things in, or say No I just don't want everyone knowing I am trying to lose weight I have tried so many times before and I don't want food police telling me what to eat
again thanks and I will keep on plugging along4 -
I work in an office of 130 people. It's always someone's birthday.
Lmao food everywhere all the time!
Yea OP I feel ya. I have a big family and we prepare a feast fit for kings. I had to train myself to eat less.
When I started eating less my stomach shrunk. Now I feel fuller way faster. Eat less for a few weeks your body will adjust.
Buddy of mine was always struggling with weight. When we ate out he was done his plate in less than 5 mins then he tells me I take long. He didnt realize he totally bypassed his brains signal to tell him he was full, plus all that food he ate must have caused a serious insulin spike creating fat storage. See, he ate a surplus and didnt realize it, cause he ate too fast!
Slow down, eat slower, savour your food. Before you know it you feel full (satiety). Then you eat less. There are more tips and tricks to learn that will turn your body into a fatburning machine read a little you will surely find a lot that will help. All the best!
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boopsiegrl wrote: »it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough
If I understand, it's quite possible I'm in this same trap.
Because if there's food in the open, I graze. And when I order something at a restaurant, I never leave leftovers. But I'm generally only put in these situations during special occasions.
However, there are a lot of special occasions in the spring--and I don't think people realize that until the time comes.
My present strategy is to eat healthy and exercise during "normal time", and out-lose my special-occasion gains. Not ideal, but if this is your strategy, the most important thing is to NEVER let "normal time" go to waste. Hit your goals for 100% of your normal days; you can have fun when the next special occasion comes.
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boopsiegrl wrote: »it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough
You said no lectures, and I'll try my best not to. But you choice of title for this thread sort of indicates a victim attitude toward weight loss. Perhaps it was just a poor choice of words. Why on earth would you feel ganged up on because holidays or visitors or special occasions happen while you're restricting calories? That's life. It will never go away. There will always be a 'reason' to overeat if you let it be. Get good at saying no - both to yourself and to others.
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What is the downside of refusing food? A frowny face from coworkers? Disappointment in you for not being "fun"
(if one defines eating snacks as the epitome of fun)? It is more important for me to eat according to my rules than to be a part of some clique that prioritizes social overeating...
If it really is that important for you in terms of your perception as a "team player" and may hurt you careerwise (as bizarre as that sounds I think it is a real thing in some workplaces), grab a napkin, take something, explain that you are busy or full and are taking it back to your desk to eat later, and then secretly dispose of it later.1 -
the same thing happened to me at the beginning of my diet, but I was strict because of how much I had to lose and I didn't want people to know that I was trying to lose weight because if I failed, everybody would be thinking "I knew she couldn't do it". this kind of thinking made me believe I had to hide my diet from everyone,and eat junk food in public. I came from a family of food lovers, so every special occasion revolved around a buffet table.
But now its easier to say no. Not because I am stronger, but because everyone knows I'll say no, so they never ask lol.
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I feel your pain because I've been exactly where you are. Previously I have always eaten badly and people get used to that. When I started this journey, my willpower was paper-thin and I can completely understand why you are finding it difficult.
It used to be that when I went out, people would pressure me to have a dessert, have a bit more food but I had to think about my goal, what I wanted to achieve and how I was doing it. 'No thank you' was a starting point but at times I had to be a bit more forceful. Even now there are people that I'm not keen on going out for a meal with because of the pressure to eat more, drink alcohol etc. I can say no and I do but the constant pressure feels like a battle of wills and it makes the whole experience a lot less fun.
You have to decide when your exception periods will be and stick to them. Explain to people around you. They may even support you!0 -
boopsiegrl wrote: »thank you all for sharing with me I will have to learn from each of you how to work things in, or say No I just don't want everyone knowing I am trying to lose weight I have tried so many times before and I don't want food police telling me what to eat
again thanks and I will keep on plugging along
You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you are saying, "no, thank you." If someone is rude enough to ask, look surprised (astonished is better), blink, shake your head slightly, and say, "I'm sorry, that's personal." If they persist, say, "I can't believe you asked that, much less after I told you it was personal." If they ask again, just walk away.1 -
poor words probably I just meant that people pressure me and events are always before me and I am not strong yet don't make so much out of my opening0
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thanks so much for all the help and understanding just trying to figure out how to handle social and people
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When you start calorie counting you need strategies for eating with others. You have to rethink how you do things, and be creative. Not everything will work, so you keep trying until you find the right thing for you. You can always say "doctor's orders" if someone really has you up against a wall and you don't know how to refuse. Prepare your answers ahead.
Eating out with my skinny husband used to be hell. He loves pizza, but never finishes and would be after me to eat part of his pizza. I used to say no, and no again, and then start arguing with him and hissing in the restaurant. It ruined many an evening that should have been fun. He does this with desserts, pasta, basically everything. Years went by and I was suffering from "weight creep", and very frustrated. Nothing was working, but then I figured it out. We go out often and I order a big salad (which I like anyway) and then eat a third of his pizza, pasta, etc. Then we split a dessert. After 4 yrs on MFP, I've lost my weight and am maintaining.4 -
I have been good about it for a few weeks now, though I will say I ate a little too much on mother's day.
But back to working hard and eatting right.
I just decided not to beat myself this time, certain times I will go over and eat things I shouldn't but as long it's it's a rare thing and not the norm it will be fine in the end.2 -
Learning to say no and effectively teaching people I deeply care about that no thank you, meant no thank you was the hardest part of the journey. I got as far on occasion to; "Which part of no is the hard part, the N or the O part" after the No thank you three times was just not enough
To be honest I have had to use it a few times and it was hard. People are generally not trying to gang up on you but it does feel like. It also feels kind of bad to have to grow that spine and stick to it.
On the good side they now understand the no thank you is a definite no. Both parties will need to learn about the new trend and that is hard. They'll learn and will even get to the point of saying something along the lines; Oh I am not even going to ask I know the answer already. My family and co-workers have learned and that is such a relief when the penny has dropped with most people that no is no1 -
No judgement here, but a bit of advice. I think you would greatly benefit from therapy. There is a reason you don't feel strong, and this is such a struggle for you. Really getting to the bottom of it is going to give you such freedom that you are going kick yourself from not starting therapy sooner, rather than later. Seriously, give therapy a try. That could make the difference between wishing you could lose weight, to wanting to lose weight. There is a big difference. Wishing is where you are right now, wanting it is where you take steps to make it happen. Don't play the helpless from myself card, you are better than that. You can make it happen.1 -
I have found that a simple "Oh, no thanks, I'm not hungry right now" is sufficient. Or you can say "No thanks, I just ate" (you don't have to specify when. LOL)
Nobody "needs" to know you are on a particular journey into weight loss and healthy eating - because the minute you tell them you will get "Tsk tsk" if they see you eat something down the road that they think is not good (HINT: ANYTHING IS GOOD AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GO OVER YOUR CALORIES) or they will try to get you to do low carb, paleo, etc. or offer unsolicited advice.
When it comes to self control / handling certain situations, so much of your success comes from planning ahead!
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I was at a neighborhood potluck the other day and was asked why I wasn't taking any food. I replied honestly, "I don't need the calories." Direct and to the point. It definitely was not a response they expected. I think it threw them off a bit as I subsequently heard them talking about me and repeating what I said. It put them on their heels and appeared to make them question why they were eating as much as they were though that was not my intent. I am lucky I guess--at this point in my life I can say exactly what I am thinking without worrying about the consequences of not fitting the norm. This is my life's journey, not someone else's.5
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I have found that a simple "Oh, no thanks, I'm not hungry right now" is sufficient. Or you can say "No thanks, I just ate" (you don't have to specify when. LOL)
Nobody "needs" to know you are on a particular journey into weight loss and healthy eating - because the minute you tell them you will get "Tsk tsk" if they see you eat something down the road that they think is not good (HINT: ANYTHING IS GOOD AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GO OVER YOUR CALORIES) or they will try to get you to do low carb, paleo, etc. or offer unsolicited advice.
When it comes to self control / handling certain situations, so much of your success comes from planning ahead!
This is solid advice, and also why I don't tell anyone outside my immediate household I'm losing weight. Falls under not their business.4 -
A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.10
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jeremylandon wrote: »A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.
LOVE this. So very true.0 -
jeremylandon wrote: »A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.
Very true and gets to the heart of the matter. What is important is meeting your friends/family. Does it matter if you have a drink in hand or a club soda? Does it matter if you ate a 1/2 sandwich or nothing at all?1
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