How to Cope with Dad's HORRIBLE Diet

13

Replies

  • ZenZeta
    ZenZeta Posts: 19 Member
    Wow, I just got back to these replies. Interesting perspective.

    Maybe I had a bad day when I wrote the post or it came of B****Y, but I never really took issue with the whole "enjoy this precious time while you can" aspect.

    Some respondents got that I am AT the diner to make him happy, and someone even picked up the underlying dynamic that I have been doing what makes Dad happy my whole life -- with mixed feelings.

    So... despite Dad's comments, I eat my healthy food beforehand and ask for a cup of hot water with lemon and bring my own Green Tea to drink (they still charge me $
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    Wow, I just got back to these replies. Interesting perspective.

    Maybe I had a bad day when I wrote the post or it came of B****Y, but I never really took issue with the whole "enjoy this precious time while you can" aspect.

    Some respondents got that I am AT the diner to make him happy, and someone even picked up the underlying dynamic that I have been doing what makes Dad happy my whole life -- with mixed feelings.

    So... despite Dad's comments, I eat my healthy food beforehand and ask for a cup of hot water with lemon and bring my own Green Tea to drink (they still charge me $

    I find that diners are some of the easiest and healthful places to eat. You can order a salad, or even two. Just greens. Pick a meat for the top or side. Use hot sauce as a dressing. They have egg whites and veggies...No need to sip hot water.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,230 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    ooops... hit the wrong key. They charge me $1.75 PER REFILL for a cup of water, but I suck it up. I still get eye rolls for bringing in my own Stevia, but whatever.

    Yes, the time is precious, and I enjoy the time, but I felt whiny that day. There's nothing wrong with a whole egg or bacon or pancakes, but I'd rather blow my diet on something I actually want to eat (wine, dessert and pasta MMMM!!!) rather than a greasy breakfast I really don't want.

    I think that day I was having a "What about Me" moment that day. Caregiving is HARD.

    Thanks for all of the insight, though!!

    WTF? are you kidding?
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    There needs to be some sort of food thats not 1000 calories Im sure. Just order something. I dont understand how people can hate the taste of buttery delicious food. lol.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    Verity1111 wrote: »
    There needs to be some sort of food thats not 1000 calories Im sure. Just order something. I dont understand how people can hate the taste of buttery delicious food. lol.

    I don't hate it. But that's early in the day to use up a bunch of calories. I wouldn't want to either.
  • jo_nz
    jo_nz Posts: 548 Member
    Cream-filled pancakes, a certain brand of ice cream, and fish and chips on the beach all remind me of my granddad. None are exactly the most healthy options, but every time we visited him we would have one or more of those. Every time.
    And really, he ate quite bland, basic fare the rest of the time, so I felt like he deserved to indulge when he could.

    Maybe try and think of these breakfast as HIS indulgence, rather than YOUR sacrifice.
    I know it's easier said than done though - especially as you have been caring for him yourself and are trying to get your life/health back in to your own shape now.

  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    ZenZeta wrote: »

    So... should I just let the healthy thing go and suffer through the unhealthy diner food EVERY week? BLECK!!!!!

    Yes. This is time with your dad that one day you will remember fondly. Hopefully, you will not regret not spending time because of a once a week meal.

    Edited because of funky grammar.

    This, absolutely. My dad is 84 and I wish I lived close enough to eat at the diner with him every Saturday morning. I wish he felt good enough to go every Saturday.
    If it really really bugs you, eat half of what they bring you, but live with him while you are able to.
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    ooops... hit the wrong key. They charge me $1.75 PER REFILL for a cup of water, but I suck it up. I still get eye rolls for bringing in my own Stevia, but whatever.

    Yes, the time is precious, and I enjoy the time, but I felt whiny that day. There's nothing wrong with a whole egg or bacon or pancakes, but I'd rather blow my diet on something I actually want to eat (wine, dessert and pasta MMMM!!!) rather than a greasy breakfast I really don't want.

    I think that day I was having a "What about Me" moment that day. Caregiving is HARD.

    Thanks for all of the insight, though!!

    Caregiving is hard. My hubby and I were his grandmother's caregivers until she died at 95. I am glad you are taking care of both of you.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    ooops... hit the wrong key. They charge me $1.75 PER REFILL for a cup of water, but I suck it up. I still get eye rolls for bringing in my own Stevia, but whatever.

    Yes, the time is precious, and I enjoy the time, but I felt whiny that day. There's nothing wrong with a whole egg or bacon or pancakes, but I'd rather blow my diet on something I actually want to eat (wine, dessert and pasta MMMM!!!) rather than a greasy breakfast I really don't want.

    I think that day I was having a "What about Me" moment that day. Caregiving is HARD.

    Thanks for all of the insight, though!!

    I'm totally with you there. I enjoy bacon and pancakes when I want them, but I really dislike having to spend precious calories on something I don't really want just because there's no low calorie option.

    I'd also be annoyed if they charged me for hot water.
  • Sunna_W
    Sunna_W Posts: 744 Member
    These meals with your dad are truly a gift. Try to compensate by logging everything and adjust the day before and the day after.

    Also, maybe rethink "healthy" foods / fats.

    I encourage you to look at food differently by thinking about high protein/fat/fiber and low carbs/sugar meal planning (Paleo or Ketogenic).

    After several months of fits and starts and no results I kind of fell into Paleo / Keto (high protein / fat with low, low sugar and carbs) and I cannot imagine not eating this way pretty much forever. I am not hungry. I seem to be able to stay within my nutrition / calorie goals and I FEEL better. No aches, pains and I have lost almost 40 lbs almost without trying. (And, I am not always strict about eating no carbs -- I still occasionally allow myself some of the things that I like, {{{FRENCH FRIES}}} - just not more than once a week)

    On Paleo I would say yes to the bacon, eggs, sausage, and pick ONE of the following, toast, potatoes, grits, pancake and a bite or two of fruit.

    See this website for a list: http://paleoiq.com/best-paleo-diet-blogs/
  • susanp57
    susanp57 Posts: 409 Member
    Poached eggs and toast.

    Just saying.
  • sylkates
    sylkates Posts: 173 Member
    I agree with others who say to just eat a meal there and try to fit it into your plan.

    But I understand how annoying old-fashioned diners can be. It can be annoying, especially when they don't listen to you, like if you ask for something without home fries, for instance, and they still bring you this enormous pile of home fries that's enough to feed 4 of me. I end up getting dirty looks in that situation when I don't finish them and don't ask for them to take home.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    I would not give up my healthy diet, but it's hard to imagine a meal so bad that it would ruin a week of healthy eating.

    It's really hard to say without seeing a menu but I'd probably just order toast and a cup of tea or something simple like that if the food was horrible and then eat later.
  • PrincessMel72
    PrincessMel72 Posts: 1,094 Member
    Enjoy the time with your dad and let him know you cherish these days with him, but you'll stick with coffee because you want to live to a ripe old age just like he is doing!
  • boopsiegrl
    boopsiegrl Posts: 105 Member
    Madwife2009 wrote: »
    I disagree with the other replies; if you don't want to eat the food there, then don't eat it. Have your coffee and tolerate the comments/looks. Why should you eat something that you don't want to? I wouldn't, that's for sure, Dad or not. It's your body and you get to choose what you put in it.

    I disagree she needs to make this time good for her dad and she can just count it as a meal and eat less the rest of the day. God bless her for wanting to help her dad enjoy his life. It's not always about yourself its sometimes what you give to others.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Just wanted to say God bless you, caregiving is so exhausting. I was my dad's caregiver before he passed and it just wore me out. Wishing strength for you.

    Your dad reminds me of my dad, who always wanted to eat at the same greasy spoon which had the absolute worst food - petrified bacon, rubber eggs, and frozen and reheated waffles. I asked for fruit once and you would have thought I had requested a platter of live bugs. But it was familiar and the people there loved him and made him comfortable. It was a shame that your cheat days were being wasted on food you don't care for, and I'm glad you've worked out a solution, even if it's an expensive and absurd one! Charging for water, geez.
  • GYATagain
    GYATagain Posts: 141 Member
    As so many have said - go, enjoy the time. Eat light for the rest of the day or get the fruit cup. I look back fondly on the many times I had to take my father-in-law (who was in full dementia) and mother-in-law to a well known buffet that would literally make me sick to eat their food. Didn't know why at the time, but it would have felt better to just take a plate of their food (even the salad) and flush it down the toilet -- save some time and effort on my part of spending the rest of the day in the bathroom. But, I did it anyway - because that is what they enjoyed. Dad in his wheelchair and mom on her walker and me in between trying to get them both in the door and sat at a table. 14 years after they have passed, I only remember those times with fondness. So, go, enjoy this time! 10 years from now you will not say to yourself, gee, wish I hadn't eaten that food; you will say, I am so glad I had the time with my dad.
  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
    edited May 2017
    Why do you hate butter? don't be a fat bigot/snob, butter is beautiful.

    Focus on controlling your total calories through portion control and eat whatever is on the menu.
    No food is specifically bad or evil in moderation, it's the quantities that cause problem.
  • jujubeans1974
    jujubeans1974 Posts: 145 Member
    I don't have anything informative to add.. lost my dad last June ... I would do anything, eat anything.. just to spend time with him ..
  • wellthenwhat
    wellthenwhat Posts: 526 Member
    I would continue to get the coffee, maybe a piece of toast, and if he laid into me, I would make it VERY clear that he needs to cut that out, or I will leave. If you enjoy your dad, enjoy the time with your dad. I would not personally do that, because my dad has a toxic personality, and neither of us have any desire to spend time one on one with each other.
  • ashjongfit
    ashjongfit Posts: 147 Member
    ....So have a coffee and just grab a muffin? Your surely able to grab a small amount of food. Take half home and bin it later?
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    Slice of toast with an egg on top and a cup of tea. Sorted
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    Two extra 10 minute walks every day and you'll have enough calories for a stress-free diner day with your dad. Enjoyable stress-free time with the people I love is more important to me than any diet. Diet can be tweaked, precious moments spent stressing can't be rewinded.
  • raquele3394
    raquele3394 Posts: 180 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    So my dad is 86 years old, and I recently had to place him in an Assisted Living facility. Since bringing him to live with me 2 years ago, I have put on 25 pounds! Caregiving takes an enormous toll on a person mentally and physically, and the burden of making multiple meals and trying to squeeze in time for the gym was too much.

    So I have started exercising again and working out, but I still have one HUGE dilemma. Dad has adopted a weekly habit of visiting a local greasy diner every Saturday morning. This was a place I would visit on a cheat day, but I'm not a fan of eating there every week. In addition, it's not easy to get healthy food there.

    I've tried to order a veggie egg white omelet on wheat toast and after SEVERAL trips to the kitchen (why is this confusing), I still end up with a greasy, overcooked, buttery mess. The place does not serve oatmeal nor are they willing to boil me an egg so I can just eat the whites, and they charge me a ridiculous amount for the modifications or anything healthy ($3 for a small fruit cup? No thank you).

    Dad is pretty stuck in his ways and makes it known how AWFUL I am if I just have coffee, so my only other option is to attempt to bring in my own food, but I think that's against the law, and I've already had eyes rolled at me when I brought in my green juice.

    So... should I just let the healthy thing go and suffer through the unhealthy diner food EVERY week? BLECK!!!!!

    So what I learned through the many years of dieting and eating healthy, you can accommodate the dinner trip and spend time with dad. I would add 15 more minutes a day to workout when you go to the gym. Or you can go to gym that day and do an extra walk around the neighborhood. You can have one egg, 3 slices of bacon and the whole wheat bread. So the calories are 90+120+140=359. And half & half 2 containers 20 calories each. That is not bad at all and you can spend time with your dad! Take care!!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    raquele3394 wrote: »
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    So my dad is 86 years old, and I recently had to place him in an Assisted Living facility. Since bringing him to live with me 2 years ago, I have put on 25 pounds! Caregiving takes an enormous toll on a person mentally and physically, and the burden of making multiple meals and trying to squeeze in time for the gym was too much.

    So I have started exercising again and working out, but I still have one HUGE dilemma. Dad has adopted a weekly habit of visiting a local greasy diner every Saturday morning. This was a place I would visit on a cheat day, but I'm not a fan of eating there every week. In addition, it's not easy to get healthy food there.

    I've tried to order a veggie egg white omelet on wheat toast and after SEVERAL trips to the kitchen (why is this confusing), I still end up with a greasy, overcooked, buttery mess. The place does not serve oatmeal nor are they willing to boil me an egg so I can just eat the whites, and they charge me a ridiculous amount for the modifications or anything healthy ($3 for a small fruit cup? No thank you).

    Dad is pretty stuck in his ways and makes it known how AWFUL I am if I just have coffee, so my only other option is to attempt to bring in my own food, but I think that's against the law, and I've already had eyes rolled at me when I brought in my green juice.

    So... should I just let the healthy thing go and suffer through the unhealthy diner food EVERY week? BLECK!!!!!

    So what I learned through the many years of dieting and eating healthy, you can accommodate the dinner trip and spend time with dad. I would add 15 more minutes a day to workout when you go to the gym. Or you can go to gym that day and do an extra walk around the neighborhood. You can have one egg, 3 slices of bacon and the whole wheat bread. So the calories are 90+120+140=359. And half & half 2 containers 20 calories each. That is not bad at all and you can spend time with your dad! Take care!!

    Yeah but if you don't care for that kind of food and it's a weekly thing... I mean, to each their own, but I wouldn't make my life harder all week just so I can fit in something I don't even want in the first place.

    Also OP mentioned that it's greasy so your calories are probably closer to 500-600 once you add the butter/oil and whatnot...

    Anyway, OP found a solution.
  • amyinthetardis1231
    amyinthetardis1231 Posts: 571 Member
    ZenZeta wrote: »
    Just thought I'd revisit to see how many more tomatoes were thrown (smile).

    Like I said, I now literally make my own sandwich and inhale it right before I pick him up for breakfast. I then order a fruit cup and only eat half of it because I can't stand grapefruit and I'm not going to bother asking them for a fruit cup without it, and I drink my $1.75 hot water that they don't refill. Oh well...

    And honestly, spending the time with Dad is and always has been challenging, but none of his other 7 children bother to spend time with him, and I think it's cruel to let him rot away in some facility alone.

    So for those that keep saying "Enjoy the time..." I do my best.

    And for the record, I'm not a "fat snob" or anything else BUT I like to put healthy foods into my body most of the time. Trust, that when I want to have my fun, I do.

    No, one meal won't derail my efforts, and when I plan to "cheat", I want it to be on FOOD I LIKE!!! My motto is, if they're going to be "bad" calories, I want them to be "good" bad calories

    (Pizza from a local Italian Pizzeria - with REAL ingredients, Dessert from a Bakery instead of processed crap out of the grocery store, a burger that is actually ground beef and fries that come from a potato and not a brown paper bag of frozen nothingness). See what I mean?

    And I work out every Saturday after taking Dad to the diner and before going to the second job I must work to help pay for his care giving expenses...

    I'm sure I will miss lots of things, so no disrespect to those that had great relationships with their departed parents / loved ones...

    As I said... caregiving is HARD.

    Being a caregiver is extremely hard, and doubly or tripl-y so when you have a strained or difficult relationship with the person in your care. When you've spent your life bending over backwards to accommodate someone who doesn't appreciate or reciprocate your efforts, it can be galling to have everyone telling you to suck it up and enjoy something you don't find enjoyable. If you continue to spend this time with your dad, I am 100% supportive of doing whatever you need to do to make it as painless as possible. Not everyone has a great parent-child relationship, and people need to recognize that just because they would give anything to see their dad again,you may not have that kind of relationship. It IS a sacrifice to spend time with someone who doesn't value your time, don't let anyone guilt you over not doing it with a song in your heart.
  • cangler
    cangler Posts: 104 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I wish my dad was still around for me to join him once per week at a greasy dinner...I'd kill for that.

    When I'm 86 I pretty much plan to do what I want and I'd hope my kids would just play along 'cuz at that point baby, it's borrowed time.

    yep what he said!
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