How to Cope with Dad's HORRIBLE Diet

ZenZeta

So my dad is 86 years old, and I recently had to place him in an Assisted Living facility. Since bringing him to live with me 2 years ago, I have put on 25 pounds! Caregiving takes an enormous toll on a person mentally and physically, and the burden of making multiple meals and trying to squeeze in time for the gym was too much.

So I have started exercising again and working out, but I still have one HUGE dilemma. Dad has adopted a weekly habit of visiting a local greasy diner every Saturday morning. This was a place I would visit on a cheat day, but I'm not a fan of eating there every week. In addition, it's not easy to get healthy food there.

I've tried to order a veggie egg white omelet on wheat toast and after SEVERAL trips to the kitchen (why is this confusing), I still end up with a greasy, overcooked, buttery mess. The place does not serve oatmeal nor are they willing to boil me an egg so I can just eat the whites, and they charge me a ridiculous amount for the modifications or anything healthy ($3 for a small fruit cup? No thank you).

Dad is pretty stuck in his ways and makes it known how AWFUL I am if I just have coffee, so my only other option is to attempt to bring in my own food, but I think that's against the law, and I've already had eyes rolled at me when I brought in my green juice.

So... should I just let the healthy thing go and suffer through the unhealthy diner food EVERY week? BLECK!!!!!

Chef_Barbell

ZenZeta wrote: »

So... should I just let the healthy thing go and suffer through the unhealthy diner food EVERY week? BLECK!!!!!

Yes. This is time with your dad that one day you will remember fondly. Hopefully, you will not regret not spending time because of a once a week meal.

Edited because of funky grammar.

Francl27

Keep trying to ask for less butter etc. Eventually they'll get used to you going there, and if you keep sending the stuff back, they'll know how to accommodate you right away.

ninerbuff

It's not the food. It's the amount. How'd he get to 86 if the food was SO BAD? You have control of how much you eat and blaming it on his choices is scapegoating him for your weight gain. Order some eggs and bacon and share it with him.
He's going to be gone one day and it you know what you're going to remember? Going to that local greasy diner with him. Enjoy, don't dread it.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

kimny72

Order an omelet and only eat half. Do they offer english muffins? An english muffin with butter and jelly would be an option. Order pancakes and eat a reasonable amount.

One meal a week doesn't make you healthy or unhealthy. Just do your best to limit the calorie damage and enjoy the time with your dad!

Madwife2009

I disagree with the other replies; if you don't want to eat the food there, then don't eat it. Have your coffee and tolerate the comments/looks. Why should you eat something that you don't want to? I wouldn't, that's for sure, Dad or not. It's your body and you get to choose what you put in it.

Cifucanguess

Do they have grilled chicken and a salad or grilled chicken and eggs? Try a protein + veggie approach.

marieamethyst

If you hate eating food there every week, can you not just eat something before you go, and then maybe just get a drink or something small to nibble on while keeping him company?

(I volunteer as tribute to eat your portion; greasy food is delicious)

cwolfman13

I wish my dad was still around for me to join him once per week at a greasy dinner...I'd kill for that.

When I'm 86 I pretty much plan to do what I want and I'd hope my kids would just play along 'cuz at that point baby, it's borrowed time.

Chef_Barbell

cwolfman13 wrote: »

I wish my dad was still around for me to join him once per week at a greasy dinner...I'd kill for that.

When I'm 86 I pretty much plan to do what I want and I'd hope my kids would just play along 'cuz at that point baby, it's borrowed time.

So much this.

Francl27

Cifucanguess wrote: »

Do they have grilled chicken and a salad or grilled chicken and eggs? Try a protein + veggie approach.

To be honest, so many places put so much butter in veggies (like 190 calories for a size of veggies at Texas Roadhouse), you're just better off getting something else for the calories, lol.

ninerbuff

Madwife2009 wrote: »

I disagree with the other replies; if you don't want to eat the food there, then don't eat it. Have your coffee and tolerate the comments/looks. Why should you eat something that you don't want to? I wouldn't, that's for sure, Dad or not. It's your body and you get to choose what you put in it.

True. If that's the case, then OP shouldn't complain about it.
There are lots of things people tolerate out of respect, but to bash a place because one disagrees on it's menu?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

lutzsher

cwolfman13 wrote: »

I wish my dad was still around for me to join him once per week at a greasy dinner...I'd kill for that.

When I'm 86 I pretty much plan to do what I want and I'd hope my kids would just play along 'cuz at that point baby, it's borrowed time.

So that! Its once per week, eat 2 bites and leave the rest and cherish that time...my dream in life would to be able to see my Dad again, you are so lucky to have this time with him

Spliner1969

We had to place my mother in an assisted living facility, then in several nursing homes before we lost her years ago. All of them cost somewhere between 3500-4k a month, some of them more. I'll be damned if they *kitten* about me bringing food in for my mother. I don't know about against the law, but the *kitten* they served half the time was worse than bland baby food. Toward the end her diet had to be liquefied and I could no longer bring her in food, but at first, I really didn't care what they liked and what they didn't. I brought food for me and her and we ate together.

zyxst

Madwife2009 wrote: »

I disagree with the other replies; if you don't want to eat the food there, then don't eat it. Have your coffee and tolerate the comments/looks. Why should you eat something that you don't want to? I wouldn't, that's for sure, Dad or not. It's your body and you get to choose what you put in it.

Agreed. Yes he's your dad and yes, you'll want memories of eating Sunday meal with him, but do you want those colored by "we always ate at a place I hated"? I get people saying you "need to enjoy this time with him", but it's not enjoyable if you're not enjoying it.

Have the coffee. IDK where you live, but I grew up where the diners always had customers that only drank coffee (for hours and hours, lol).

ninerbuff

Spliner1969 wrote: »

We had to place my mother in an assisted living facility, then in several nursing homes before we lost her years ago. All of them cost somewhere between 3500-4k a month, some of them more. I'll be damned if they *kitten* about me bringing food in for my mother. I don't know about against the law, but the *kitten* they served half the time was worse than bland baby food. Toward the end her diet had to be liquefied and I could no longer bring her in food, but at first, I really didn't care what they liked and what they didn't. I brought food for me and her and we ate together.

The issue for the OP though is where her father LIKES to eat.
If your mother liked IHOP, would you deny her last years going there even if you didn't care for it?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

CooCooPuff

I had to stay in a facility with seniors for a few weeks and all of my meals were from them. It was SUCH a downgrade from the hospital I had just come from. I wouldn't care what anyone said, I'm not eating that food again unless I'm in one of those homes for good.

You can talk to your dad with just a cup of coffee.

cwolfman13

zyxst wrote: »

Madwife2009 wrote: »

I disagree with the other replies; if you don't want to eat the food there, then don't eat it. Have your coffee and tolerate the comments/looks. Why should you eat something that you don't want to? I wouldn't, that's for sure, Dad or not. It's your body and you get to choose what you put in it.

Agreed. Yes he's your dad and yes, you'll want memories of eating Sunday meal with him, but do you want those colored by "we always ate at a place I hated"? I get people saying you "need to enjoy this time with him", but it's not enjoyable if you're not enjoying it.

Have the coffee. IDK where you live, but I grew up where the diners always had customers that only drank coffee (for hours and hours, lol).

I used to meet up with my dad about once per month at this *kitten* hole of a place called Murphy's Mull Barn...I didn't care for it...always seemed a little dirty...stained coffee cups...they still let people smoke inside...and pretty much a grease pit, but it was time with dad and I was always really tight with him. Their biscuits and gravy were decent enough so I usually had those. My pops passed on three years ago this past December just before Christmas.

If you would have asked me if I'd ever go their on my own, I would have said, "not in a million years"...I go in about once every month or two to have some biscuits and gravy to talk to dad.

TavistockToad

Your dad is 86. Let him eat what he wants.

For you, some heavily buttered toast or a bacon sandwich once a week isn't going to do you any harm as part of the wider picture of a healthy diet.

manderson27

My mum is 93 I do WHATEVER she wants, if it makes her happy I will eat a the cream cake she bought specially for me (even though she knows I am trying to lose weight), I will sit with her while she has a cigarette even though I have quit. I will go to the shops she likes and drink the coffee even though I begrudge the price. Anything she wants she gets, she is my mum and I love her. And when she goes I don't want to ever think...I wish I had done more.

Eating crap with your dad is only one day so just enjoy it. Keep trying with the food but don't fret too much if it is not quite what you want.

My dad died 30 years ago I would give anything to spend some time eating crap with him again. Cherish each moment and to hell with the food.

ninerbuff

CooCooPuff wrote: »

I had to stay in a facility with seniors for a few weeks and all of my meals were from them. It was SUCH a downgrade from the hospital I had just come from. I wouldn't care what anyone said, I'm not eating that food again unless I'm in one of those homes for good.

You can talk to your dad with just a cup of coffee.

It's NOT the facility food being discussed here though.
And as mentioned, one day of CRAP food shouldn't derail consistency.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

try2again

To me, it seems like you are overly concerned with your definition of "healthy food". What's wrong with a whole egg, or a single piece of white toast? (especially within the scope of what I'm sure is otherwise a painfully healthy diet? )

PokeyBug

zyxst wrote: »

Madwife2009 wrote: »

IDK where you live, but I grew up where the diners always had customers that only drank coffee (for hours and hours, lol).

My dad was one of those guys!

comptonelizabeth

To those saying,just have coffee: the OP is saying her dad complains when she just has coffee.
I agree: eat the food- or as much of it as you can tolerate. One meal won't sabotage your overall efforts

shagerty777

I say order two eggs cooked the way you want them along with wheat toast. Of course I don't understand people's phobia about eating a whole egg and all the nutrients that are in the yolk. Time with your Dad is getting limited at this point.

Heartisalonelyhunter

manderson27 wrote: »

My mum is 93 I do WHATEVER she wants, if it makes her happy I will eat a the cream cake she bought specially for me (even though she knows I am trying to lose weight), I will sit with her while she has a cigarette even though I have quit. I will go to the shops she likes and drink the coffee even though I begrudge the price. Anything she wants she gets, she is my mum and I love her. And when she goes I don't want to ever think...I wish I had done more.

Eating crap with your dad is only one day so just enjoy it. Keep trying with the food but don't fret too much if it is not quite what you want.

My dad died 30 years ago I would give anything to spend some time eating crap with him again. Cherish each moment and to hell with the food.

I really love this ❤

kenyonhaff

OK, so it's a sucky diner, but it's not about the food really, it's about spending time with your dad. It sounds like a place my grandfather would love--old fashioned, familiar, maybe a bit bland and greasy.

And for whatever reason your dad feels funny about being the only one eating and that's not that unusual.

My advice:
*Get the coffee, or tea.
* Eggs, even cooked in butter, with the yolk, is typically pretty easy to fit in a meal plan.
* Try the soup...especially if it's a clear soup like chicken noodle.
* Can you get a baked potato? It's hard to mess up a baked potato and if toppings are limited appropriately it's filling and healthy.
* Get some exercise prior to the meeting...if you can bank some calories, you can work in a smallish diner meal.

wndlady

cwolfman13 wrote: »

I wish my dad was still around for me to join him once per week at a greasy dinner...I'd kill for that.

When I'm 86 I pretty much plan to do what I want and I'd hope my kids would just play along 'cuz at that point baby, it's borrowed time.

Love this. My dad passed away 15 years ago this week. He was very obese and I wish he had eaten better for all of us, but I would order an egg or a piece of toast and enjoy it with him if he was here.

FreyasRebirth

The flip side to a 'cheat day' is a fasting day. There are plans like a 5-2 (5 days how you like, 2 non-consecutive days of 500 calories) or alternate day fasting. You can work the rest of your diet around one less-than-perfect meal a week.

GottaBurnEmAll

shagerty777 wrote: »

I say order two eggs cooked the way you want them along with wheat toast. Of course I don't understand people's phobia about eating a whole egg and all the nutrients that are in the yolk. Time with your Dad is getting limited at this point.

This is what I was going to suggest. Even if they're cooked in scads of butter, it's just one meal. Two eggs, a couple of tablespoons of butter, and one piece of toast... 450 calories and Dad's happy. In the context of a week? That's nothing.

Lounmoun

Yes, let it go.
Eat toast or fruit. Eat half of something. If the eggs suck don't eat them. Don't bring your own food.
Drink coffee.
Why are you going to the diner? To be with your dad or to get a perfect meal? You will be fine if you eat one meal a week there once a week and eat better stuff every other meal.