losing weight with husbands who love to cook and eat out

doceo
doceo Posts: 46 Member
edited November 18 in Health and Weight Loss
Well, the title sums it up. I married a man who loves to cook comfort food. Since I retired, I put on more weight because we're enjoying life a little more.

I'm 61, 5'10 and 175. I use to work out all the time, but then the job started to consume my life. Now, I'm retired, exhausted, and have a spare tire.

I ordered 2 clean eating books and I'm rejoining the Y today and setting up a trainer (back issues and I stopped going after elbow and shoulder surgeries).

Is there a really decent clean eating group here? I saw one, but it only had one person....
I guess I also need someone to yell at me...keep me accountable.

I've ordered Piyo, PT24 (I think that's it), as well as kettle bells etc. I just need to USE them....and the YMCA.

Anyone else in my shoes, so to speak?
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Replies

  • doceo
    doceo Posts: 46 Member
    Interesting. My daughter lost 40 lbs by "clean eating." I'll have to find out what she really means by that. It could be completely different from my impression.

    Jemhh-- Most places where we live are pizza joints and bbq joints. Their menus are quite simple and going elsewhere is quite a drive.

    Lounmoun -- I have to figure that out more, that's for sure!
  • Monman45
    Monman45 Posts: 4 Member
    I have a husband like yours, loves to cook when he's home. He works out of town for 4-6 weeks, so when he's home the kitchen is his. Only problem- he makes me feel bad when I don't eat what he cooks, not with words but his expressions and I don't think he means to. So then I eventually give in and eat and then I'm kicking myself later. I need to just say No and walk away. That's the hard part, is saying No to him. I'm 47, 5'4 and 180. The heaviest I've ever been. When he's gone I do good kinda on my eating and I workout at the gym everyday, but it all comes back when he comes home. So frustrating..
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    edited May 2017
    I don't consider myself a clean eater per se. I do focus on whole foods and cooking from scratch because I get full on less calories this way. It's also easier to calculate calories when one is doing the cooking.

    Ultra Processed Foods have been specifically engineered to not provide satiety, so you will eat more of them. When I do eat them, I do so with the awareness that I am doing this to satisfy something other than nutrition and satiety - they are usually completely empty calories for me. So I have to work them in to my calorie budget.

    I am also living with a man who likes to eat higher calorie foods more often then I would on my own. So I do things like take smaller portions of the high calorie stuff and eat more low calorie vegetables. I'm disciplined about exercising regularly.

    My mom is retired and tends to be in the Underweight range because she spends so much time gardening. Her trainer calls it Extreme Gardening, lol. She's also scraped and painted the outside of her house, as well as working on the inside. So in addition to going to the gym, consider a hobby in which you will be active.
  • spdaphne
    spdaphne Posts: 262 Member
    My boyfriend eats out more than me but thankfully likes my cooking and cooking together. Eating out is challenging with him as is his Low Fodmap diet which he kinda sticks to, but that diet is difficult. I feel bad for him.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    Nah, I do all the cooking at my house so I don't have this problem. I feel like it would be difficult to count calories if you're eating mainly what someone else is cooking for you. Maybe you could prepare most of your meals instead?
  • midlomel1971
    midlomel1971 Posts: 1,283 Member
    edited May 2017
    My husband is a meat and potatoes guy and loves to eat out. For me, it's all about portion control. If I make steak and baked potatoes one night, I eat a small portion of steak, skip the potatoes (or have a small portion) and eat a huge salad. That way I'm not making anything special or different.

    Eating out is never an issue. Rarely do we eat anywhere that doesn't have salads or grilled meats or healthier options.
  • k_nelson_24
    k_nelson_24 Posts: 251 Member
    My husband is an excellent cook and we eat out often. I have lost 100+ pounds over the last 2 years.
    I try to save the majority of my calories for the dinners my husband cooks, and eat as clean as possible for the rest of the time.
    When ordering out, I always get a lean protein like chicken or fish and plenty of veggies. I will also order a salad with lite dressing. A good rule of thumb to have when eating out is to eat as low carb as possible!

    Just keep in mind that in the end its all about keeping a calorie deficit.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    doceo wrote: »
    Interesting. My daughter lost 40 lbs by "clean eating." I'll have to find out what she really means by that. It could be completely different from my impression.

    Jemhh-- Most places where we live are pizza joints and bbq joints. Their menus are quite simple and going elsewhere is quite a drive.

    Lounmoun -- I have to figure that out more, that's for sure!

    Anyone who loses weight does so because they have a calorie deficit through reduced calorie intake or increased calories burned or both. What type of food you eat is preference.

    MFP will tell you what calories to eat to lose weight. Log as accurately as you can. Eat food you like and you'll be able to stick with it better. Find an activity you enjoy and you'll stick with it better.

    I live with my husband and teenage daughter. I am the meal planner, cook, grocery list maker and we eat out one meal per week. I have not changed the type of food we eat. I have been able to find things at restaurants that fit my calorie goal.

    Plan meals together. Have some of what you both want.
    Cook or be involved in the cooking so you know what is going in the food.
    Look up nutritional info for restaurants you frequent. If they don't have it available find a similar item to log.
    Try prelogging your day so you can see you get the right amount of calories and protein.
    Eat your own thing for breakfast or lunch and the same thing for dinner. Save more calories for your shared meal.
    Put more vegetables on your plate. Pair a smaller portion of higher calorie foods with more lower calorie vegetables. Have a slice or two of pizza with a salad. Have a regular burger with a side salad.
    Watch portion sizes of things like bread, rice, cheese, pasta, dressings, sauces, crackers, oils, butter.
    Read labels.
    Get a digital food scale to help figure out portion sizes.
    Drink lower calorie or no calorie drinks and save more calories for food.
  • ferd_ttp5
    ferd_ttp5 Posts: 246 Member
    For most people the equation is, clean eating to be healthy and for health reasons, calorie deficit for weight loss. :)
  • StarBrightStarBright
    StarBrightStarBright Posts: 97 Member
    Not retired (only 35 years to go!) but I am married to man who has the metabolism of a hummingbird, loves to eat, and loves to eat as a bonding activity. He would rather me eat with him than lose weight so it has been an interesting 6 months for me.

    I still eat a little of everything that he eats, but I also fill my plate with 50% salad or green veggie. This meant the other day that he ate half a rack of ribs, a giant scoop of cheese grits, and a small salad. I ate a huge salad, a spoonful of grits and two ribs.

    Regarding "clean eating" - there are lots of meanings (no sugar, no wheat, low amounts of meat with no factory farming, etc) but often when people talk about losing weight because of clean eating they likely mean that when they cook more whole or scratch foods they basically feel fuller and eat less than they would have with processed (ie. food kits, fast food, fried food, etc) foods. That is how people lose weight from clean eating without counting calories. More wholesome foods fill you up more and therefor you need to eat less. I think this can be a very valid way of eating if you don't want to deal with counting calories and if you find it works for you. It worked for me for about 10 years and then I started to overeat "clean" foods so here I am, on MFP also counting calories.

    If your husband loves to cook then you can steer him to more wholesome recipes (I highly recommend the New Southern Garden Cookbook and Local Flavors). There are some really wonderful, healthy, relatively lower calorie foods that can take a lot of time and effort to make delicious and satisfy both the cooking yen and delicious comfort aspect of food.

    However, if you find you aren't losing on wholesome/clean foods then you do have to start figuring out CICO.

    Best of luck!
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    I'm in Memphis, so you have my sympathy about the pizza and BBQ places. In other states, even a pizza place typically has salads as well, but not here! Many of our restaurants serve their only vegetables deep fried.

    My advice is to show him the math. Log everything you eat for a normal week of his meals, figure out your recommended caloric intake, and then show him how much his foods are in terms of what you are allowed to eat. It's possible he just doesn't realize quite how few calories a post menopausal woman needs, and how fattening his favorite foods are.
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,522 Member
    I think that a person who loves to cook will love learning to cook new things. You just have to tell him what you want to eat and then stay strong, not eating too many calories, passing altogether on items that are really over the top (e.g., mac-n-cheese, nope!). Nothing makes a cook change their recipes faster than people not eating what they cook. Cooking healthy foods is just as fun as any cooking.

    Now, learning to stare down a plate of fresh brownies is difficult, but it sure sends a message.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Life is too short to give up good food. Read up on the centenarians in Italy and how they make the family dinner the center of their social life.

    Other have described how you do it. Fill up your plate with veggies. The main meal will be about the size of a deck of cards. He gets to do what he loves and you get to see his pleasure as you enjoy what he has prepared.

    Even ordinary places like steak houses and pizza joints have acceptable offerings on their menu.

    There's a trucker on the discussion right now who describes how he managed to lose 198 pounds eating truck stop food.

    All food can be enjoyed in moderation.

    If I were you I'd return those two clean eating books and get your man a Mediterranean or grilling cook book instead.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    edited May 2017
    My husband and I eat quite differently, and we cook differently, too-- but it doesn't jeapordize our relationship or my eating patterns because we communicate about it.

    Also, we figured out a long time ago that "mealtime" is more about the "time" than it is about the "meal."

    We eat different meals, but we make a point to share the time together. No biggie.

    When a friend asked how we talk about eating and cooking differently without getting into an argument, my answer was, how can you turn it into an argument when it's not?!

    "I'm making steak for dinner, with some sauteed mushrooms,. Want some?" he'll say.

    "Ooh! I'll skip the steak but I'd love some mushrooms with the sauteed eggplant I'm planning" I'll say.

    "Do you want some of the Mac and cheese I'm making as a side?" he'll ask.

    "No thanks-- just make enough for yourself. Then I won't be tempted by oiey gooey carby deliciousness" I'll reply with a smile. "Do you want some eggplant?" I

    "Not really my thing, but I'll try a bite if you make it," he'll answer.

    What's hard about that?!
  • SusanMFindlay
    SusanMFindlay Posts: 1,804 Member
    Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?

    If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).

    *Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.
  • 1982Josie
    1982Josie Posts: 95 Member
    I am very much in the same boat with my partner!

    He was previously the head chef in a top restaurant and cooks the majority of our evening meals, which are huge and unhealthy, leading me to gain 4 stone since we got together 4 years ago.

    His idea of a healthy meal, last nights example was a jacket potato with full fat houmous and half a pack of chorizo with salad etc, delicious but almost my full days calorie allowance!

    He also needs to lose weight but finds that if he exercises very lightly once a week the lbs drop off. I play intensive sports for 1.5hr x 3 per week and have not lost a lb due to my diet.
  • doceo
    doceo Posts: 46 Member
    edited May 2017
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    I'm in Memphis, so you have my sympathy about the pizza and BBQ places. In other states, even a pizza place typically has salads as well, but not here! Many of our restaurants serve their only vegetables deep fried.

    My advice is to show him the math. Log everything you eat for a normal week of his meals, figure out your recommended caloric intake, and then show him how much his foods are in terms of what you are allowed to eat. It's possible he just doesn't realize quite how few calories a post menopausal woman needs, and how fattening his favorite foods are.

    tHANKS... It's hard to meet friends for a night out when the only places are fried or pizza!
  • doceo
    doceo Posts: 46 Member
    SusanMFindlay wrote: »
    Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?

    If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).

    *Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.

    Thanks. He does need to lose weight, and he has been on WW before (unsuccessful), one of those chiropractor's diets (lost a lot; put more back on) but he's quite happy and has no intention of changing his lifestyle--even though he is already taking diabetic pills. I have had the "come to jesus talk" with him and he just isn't going to change. I've decided I could nag him forever and waste my time and ruin a 43 year old friendship/marriage or make myself change.
  • doceo
    doceo Posts: 46 Member
    josieliverpool wrote: »
    I am very much in the same boat with my partner!

    He was previously the head chef in a top restaurant and cooks the majority of our evening meals, which are huge and unhealthy, leading me to gain 4 stone since we got together 4 years ago.

    His idea of a healthy meal, last nights example was a jacket potato with full fat houmous and half a pack of chorizo with salad etc, delicious but almost my full days calorie allowance!

    He also needs to lose weight but finds that if he exercises very lightly once a week the lbs drop off. I play intensive sports for 1.5hr x 3 per week and have not lost a lb due to my diet.

    Yes. I can relate!
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    ferd_ttp5 wrote: »
    For most people the equation is, clean eating to be hit macros and micros for health reasons, calorie deficit for weight loss. :)

    fixed it for you
  • doceo
    doceo Posts: 46 Member
    edited May 2017
    Thank you to all who have responded. I returned the healthy eating books and I'll just try to find great menus online. I've rejoined the YMCA and signed up with a trainer. I had my first meet today and I'm pretty healthy but need to drop some pounds. She calculated that 130 would be correct for me, but we both agree that 130 is too light for me at my height. I'm 173 lbs right now. I'd love to be 150 and 140 would thrill me. Anyway, I read everyone's posts and I appreciate everyone's comments, even if I didn't personally reply to you.
    Thank you all for replying and giving me a kick in the butt.

    Keep kicking!
  • SusanMFindlay
    SusanMFindlay Posts: 1,804 Member
    edited May 2017
    doceo wrote: »
    SusanMFindlay wrote: »
    Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?

    If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).

    *Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.

    Thanks. He does need to lose weight, and he has been on WW before (unsuccessful), one of those chiropractor's diets (lost a lot; put more back on) but he's quite happy and has no intention of changing his lifestyle--even though he is already taking diabetic pills. I have had the "come to jesus talk" with him and he just isn't going to change. I've decided I could nag him forever and waste my time and ruin a 43 year old friendship/marriage or make myself change.

    Good to know! I just needed to throw out the possibility that he actually needed to eat that much - because some big active guys really do, and that can get forgotten around here. In your situation, you're absolutely right. You do you and let him do him.

    FWIW, my husband has lost quite a bit of weight as a side effect of me calorie counting without having to make any real concessions outside of "we eat out less". It's amazing how many calories you can save by eating out less (unless you're one of the fortunate few who have a yummy low-cal option available) - or even by switching from certain restaurants to other ones. Admittedly, we're leaning more on our lower calorie favourites and less on our higher calorie favourites - but we frequently have meals like roast potatoes, roast beef (or chicken or pork) and veg - which is what he likes to eat best anyway. He just has to remember to let me take my asparagus *before* he dumps all the butter on his. And his pile of potatoes is way bigger than mine. :smile:
  • Pid57
    Pid57 Posts: 11 Member
    I feel your pain. My husband is a big eater and loves BBQ joints. I love to eat too and try to just portion control. And my mother, who has never been overweight, says if she eats a lot at one meal, she eats less at the next meal and if she eats a lot one day, the next day she eats like a bird. She is VERY disciplined. Lol. I did not inherit that gene, unfortunately.
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