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Commiserating with those who are clearly overweight when you're not clearly overweight.

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  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
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    stanmann571 wrote: »
    Macy9336 wrote: »
    stanmann571 wrote: »
    Nothing wrong with commiserating as a formerly fat person. What I find annoying are... skinny people half my age who've never been fat complaining about how awful they look in a swimsuit, or sharing advice.

    IMO, if you BTDT, you've got a right and a responsibility to share what worked for you. But, preface with your credentials.

    Why do you need "credentials" of being fat or formerly fat in order to share struggles with weight? I've never been overweight my entire life but that doesn't mean I've never struggled with my weight. It's wrong to assume all skinny or normal weight people are just blithely oblivious and are that way naturally. It takes hard work and brains to stay a healthy weight. Why not share struggles?

    Because a 22 year old who weighs A buck 10 who's never weighed more than a Buck 15, likely doesn't have the experience or education to provide meaningful advice. OTOH, a 19 year old who's currently beasting at 125 who dropped down from 225 2 years back probably has value to share.

    Yeah. I'm prejudiced, and a little bitter and jaded, mostly because the worst and most useless advice I've gotten has come from the first person and his/her clones.

    I've gotten some great advice from people who have never been overweight. Just because somebody hasn't been overweight doesn't mean that they know nothing about nutrition and/or exercise. In fact, very few people are just "naturally" slim with unusually high metabolisms. Most are slim because they have good habits (at least most of the time)

    Also, I know several people who lost weight by taking Adderall and other such drugs. I really don't think I would have wanted to take any advice that they had to give. Health matters.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
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    Macy9336 wrote: »
    and my mom breaking every dish in the house in a rage because she thought my tom boyishness was unnatural and most un feminine.

    Um. Sounds like your parents had issues waaaaay beyond merely being fat and eating unhealthily.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    Quite the bump.
  • StrongGirlFitGirl
    StrongGirlFitGirl Posts: 183 Member
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    Macy9336 wrote: »
    ASadchit wrote: »
    Well, I think there was no insensitivity going on as far as the OP is concerned, but I feel like there is an important point when asking "Can thin people give good advice on how to loose weight" and "isn't being thin a success in itself?" that people tend to forget - and, quite frankly in this Forum, seem to be quite arrogant about:

    While we all hope and think we can learn how to control our weight, nobody can deny that propably the most important factor is upbringing. So, no, if you come from a family where the majority is fit, healthy and thin, your own weight does not require the same amount of work as someones who has an entire family with an BMI over 40. Because you have learned to eat with moderation, sport has been part of your daily life forever and you lack a lot of those really bad habits that are so hard to leave behind. Being thin is not achievement - just like being well-mannered, smart or well-informed are mostly a result of how we grew up.

    If i was running around, telling people to educate themselves by reading more, blaming them for not doing it and assuming that reading as much as i do takes as much work from me as from someone who grew up not reading, that would be rather stupid, no? I could make the point that all those non-academic jobs will be lost quite soon - no matter what POTUS does to save those miningjobs - and that will be freaking expensiv for every society. But then people might rightfully remind me of privilege and be outraged. I might be smart, but that doesn't give me the right to expect that of everyone else.

    That does not mean that one shouldn't try to change - i certainly do - but I get a little miffed by people who can't stop raging about how fat humans should simply be more like them without ever reflecting that there might, quite possibly, be areas where they themselves could improve.

    In short: People who think fat people should simply eat less and exercise more also have to believe that stupid people should simply exercise (or chill, or...) less and learn more.

    I agree it is harder when raised by a couple of fatties to learn to be healthy. My parents were like that. Dinner was always French fries and steak, French fries and fried egg, French fries and fried fish, French fries and chicken nuggets, Chinese takeaway, goulash complete with pigs eyes and feet, and other unsavoury high fat things. My parents thought gym class was a waste of time and refused to support me when I declared at 14 that I wanted to run for the school cross country team. I used my own babysitting money to buy my running shoes, pay for the uniform and the bus fares to run races. I got laughed at when I proudly made varsity team and got my letter jacket. They also refused to pick me up from school after training as there were no late buses, so I usually would run the 5 miles in training, lift weights, then walk the three miles home...even in winter..after school. About age 14 is when I had a couple home economics catering classes under my belt and I began buying food with my baby sitting money...because I knew what they cooked was not at all healthy. My parents saw my lifestyle as teenage rebellion and tried to stop me from babysitting by putting a curfew of 10pm on me. I convinced them to only apply it if my grades slipped because I'd have lost all my business if I'd had to tell parents they couldn't stay out past 9:30 because I had to be home by 10. I remember asking for support to go winter camping in the Appalachians ( snow survival, plus it was when I rock climbed for first time and all that) and my mom breaking every dish in the house in a rage because she thought my tom boyishness was unnatural and most un feminine.

    I can sympathise with kids growing up in this environment because you are subject to brainwashing and bullying all the time. I shudder to think of kids in this environment now. At least when I grew up it was accepted that being obese was not healthy and to eat healthy and exercise. Nowadays there's the HAES and fat acceptance BS everywhere...if I were growing up now I am sure my parents would have put me in a private clinic to cure me of imagined anorexia and exercise addiction.

    Wow. Your story is amazing. So much dedication and drive starting so young! Thank you for sharing this.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,898 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    There should be, like, a rule in the employee handbook that you can't talk about being fat at work. Or weight watchers or how many points food has. Also, no calorie talk and no fat gram rants. It should be a fireable offense. It would make life easier for us all.

    Just joshing y'all. The rules at the workplace are draconian enough. Although I did ask if they would let me move to a new desk once because my next door neighbor talked about weight watchers and points all day long and I just couldn't take it anymore.

    Pfft, I don't want people talking next to me at all about anything. Breaks my concentration. I solved this issue by moving 1500 miles away and working remotely. I realize this is not a solution available to everyone :lol:
  • wmd1979
    wmd1979 Posts: 469 Member
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    feisty_bucket wrote: »
    distinctlybeautiful wrote: »
    Recently two different clearly overweight coworkers on two different occasions mentioned weight struggles and clothing-not-fitting struggles, and I legitimately and honestly related to their experiences. I expressed that and commiserated

    Ugh. You meant well, but it's best to drop the commiserating. There's nothing useful to say. Make pleasant noises, and get back to work. Then go home.

    I think this is terrible advice. If they brought the conversation to you then obviously they are looking for some sort of feedback or at least someone to listen. I think OP did the right thing by responding honestly and I am sure there was some comfort on the other end knowing that they weren't alone in their struggles.
  • Momepro
    Momepro Posts: 1,509 Member
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    jpoehls9025 wrote: »
    Ironandwine69 wrote: »
    I love it when overweight people give me nutrition advice

    LOL what she said.

    Hey, Just because I don't follow it doesn't mean I don't know it! Lol, I often preface my advicewith the "do as I say, not as I do
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
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    i wouldn't personally butt into anyone's conversations with someone else, and even less-so if it's about weight.

    except in very specific circumstances such as being invited to comment. or possibly if i know them really really really well. or if they've been talking about it in my presence for a significant-enough length of time for me to have a reliable sense that they're comfortable with me as a witness.

    proviso being that i have a pretty high butting-in threshold. so my form of the golden rule maybe sets the bar in a different place. the tricky ground here sounds like it would be trying not to come off as smug and/or patronizing.
  • lindsayking3485
    lindsayking3485 Posts: 7 Member
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    No, you did the right thing! I took a Socioogical Epidemiology class, and learned that being overweight is "contagious". However, so is being healthy, because we all have an impact on those in our circles. You can subtly influence people to life healthier lives. What inspired you to start using this app? If they say they're trying to lose weight, suggest they get the app!
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,052 Member
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    freesoul wrote: »

    So my point is...

    Sometimes, your size does not reflect your struggle. At all.

    Yes! I really agree with this! A close family member who is obese always tells me, "it's easy for you." Bugs me like crazy, but I think a lot of people actually believe this.... if you are successful (at weight maintenance, acquiring a skill, saving money, whatever), it must be because it's easy, because, you know, it couldn't possibly be really hard work or discipline or anything. Hoo... that sounded a wee bit ranty. Sorry!

    Anyhoo...You just don't know what someone had to overcome or to get through to get where they are now. Some people don't wear their struggle on their sleeve. I appreciated this post, OP. It was thoughtful and thought provoking.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    ahoy_m8 wrote: »
    freesoul wrote: »

    So my point is...

    Sometimes, your size does not reflect your struggle. At all.

    Yes! I really agree with this! A close family member who is obese always tells me, "it's easy for you." Bugs me like crazy, but I think a lot of people actually believe this.... if you are successful (at weight maintenance, acquiring a skill, saving money, whatever), it must be because it's easy, because, you know, it couldn't possibly be really hard work or discipline or anything. Hoo... that sounded a wee bit ranty. Sorry!

    Anyhoo...You just don't know what someone had to overcome or to get through to get where they are now. Some people don't wear their struggle on their sleeve. I appreciated this post, OP. It was thoughtful and thought provoking.

    I totally understand this, I was probably one of those people back in the day saying that to someone who "seems" to have been thin all their life, and now I realize I was so wrong in saying that to someone, that we all have our own insecurities, what I see on the outside of someone else (beauty, firm body etc.) they themselves might not necessarily see, I've learned to stop saying these things as I've gotten older (and matured I suppose) I'm still learning to try and accept compliments myself, although it always makes me feel good when someone says, you look great, or I love your smile, or you are losing a lot of weight, I tend to be self deprecating and say things like "You need glasses, but thank you" instead of just "thank you". It's difficult for me to do that for myself. It just doesn't matter who you are or what you look like on the outside, we all have insecurities about something. I think this thread really emphasizes that.

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