Friends suddenly unsupportive after losing a lot of weight?
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I have experienced this in the past. People telling me that I shouldn't lose any more weight or saying my face looks sunken in. I felt great and was well within a healthy weight range (135 lbs at 5'7").
My guess is that it was just a bit of a shocker to see me looking so different from before. I didn't understand this then...but I do get it now because I know someone that recently lost a bunch of weight and honestly his face looks sunken in compared To before and he looks almost too skinny. Or at least that's what I thought internally at first until I got used to how he looks. Now I see him as looking healthy and fit and proportionate. The difference is I never would dream of actually saying anything other than positive and supportive messages.
I would just respond with "I feel great, healthy and strong". And leave it at that.8 -
bienemajamfp wrote: »Fat people tell me all the time that I am getting to skinny (BMI 22, yeah right!) and look sick. I usually tell them: And you are fat and look sick!
Funny, skinny people never say that, must be that fat people are jealous!
uhh actually skinny people do1 -
I'm pretty lucky in that save for some coworkers I've had amazing support and even a few friends and family that followed in my footsteps. I can't really complain but there are miserable people and as they say; misery loves company.1
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So I was reading the OP when my office partner walked in. First, a back story on her. I first met and had a professional working relationship with her in 1983. It was, for each of us, our first job in this industry. She was Vietnamese and had escaped as a refugee on an overcrowded boat, an experience so terrible she said that she'd kill herself rather than go through again. After spending a year in a Thai refugee camp she was sponsored to immigrate to the U.S., went to Michigan State, became an engineer, got a job, and met me. We had a close working relationship. She married her office partner. A few weeks later I was the first colleague she informed of her pregnancy. She was shocked. "We only did it one time!" We're close. So, anyway, she walked in and said, "Jerome, are you still losing weight?" I replied, "I'm still trying." She said, "Why! You're so skinny you don't need to lose more. If you lose more you'll be sick!"
Back to the OP, Our size relative to our friends affects their regard for us. I'm too bony for my wife now. She wants me to gain. I'm still overweight. I'm slim enough now that always slim acquaintances now treat me as a confidant.
Even my office mate saw the first months of my weight loss journey and decided to CICO away a few extra pounds of her own. I had farther to go to get to my goal and it has taken longer. My progress is slower now and I guess she just thinks I'm already maintaining. Anyway, it happens as you observe to all of us.3 -
Interesting thread, I have not suffered the issues here and have just received the first comment from a co-worker that noticed I had lost weight. (Only 20lb down)
Wonder if when I lose the next twenty these comments will turn from a good thing and a boost to motivation to a negative comment that is demotivating.....?
I found that once I got to about 30lbs lost, people started noticing. They didn't start really speaking up until I had lost 50lbs (and at that point saying things like "I hope you're done! You don't need to lose any more!"... Sigh. Can't win.1 -
I've only lost 36 lbs now and my godmother makes comments about "You look good now, dont lose anymore weight, otherwise you'll look to sick and
skinny"
I have to laugh somedays other days I have to wonder about society..
I say your friend may be shocked and worried.. But I also think that your friend calling you a Skelton is out of place. Maybe just tell him you're healthy and have it under control and that your working with a doctor. That's all you need to say.
As far as your coworkers go that is a totally different story.. They don't have a right to make comments on your weight. But you could say " Please don't comment on my weight I'm healthy" and walk awaay if you choose. It's none of their business regardless. It's not about being rude it's just setting the tone that comments about people's weight is inappropriate for the office.
Everybody will react differently to the weight loss. Some people get jealous, others are shocked, and others are worried.. As long as you're doing it healthily and you are happy with your results then other people's opinions don't really matter much.
I also might add there's the people that remain neutral to other people's weight loss and that's okay as well, as long as they are treating you different or acting any different than they normally would.. They notice but may feel unable to say anything.
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My husband deals with this on a pretty regular basis. In college he put on about 20-30lbs extra pounds. Well, he had some stomach issues and had no choice but to change his diet, which resulted in weight loss. He's now back to his ideal weight (according to medical standards) and looks amazing and his lab work only emphasizes how healthy he is now. His mom has made comments about his weight several times (she's not the only one though). Typically things like "don't lose anymore weight, you were looking too skinny last time I saw you", etc. It's so unbelievably rude when he's not anywhere near "too skinny" and is all muscle.
I honestly think that people are so used to seeing overweight or obese people everywhere that it has become the new "normal". We've gotten used to a fat society. The one person who says he looks great is my mother....a healthcare professional haha3 -
I thankfully haven't run into this. I am still pretty overweight though. My boyfriend is now all of a sudden counting calories and watching his food intake. Found that ironic.2
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Adventuretown wrote: »I am at a loss and figured I'd turn to you guys to see if you've dealt with anything similar..
I started trying to lose weight in February 2016, where my starting weight was 234lbs (on a 5'3" frame..I was pretty big). In seven months, I lost 60lbs through cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. Nothing drastic, nothing "fad-like".. Literally just hard work. I maintained my weight for 5ish months, giving my mind/body a break from such hard work, and I'm now back on track and losing weight again to lean out a bit more. I want to see the muscle definition in the muscles I've worked so hard build.
Admittedly, how I look has changed A LOT. I went from a size 20 jeans to a size 8. My face is a heck of a lot slimmer now, too. But I've worked with a dietitian and my family doctor this whole time, and I'm healthy. I am the fittest I've been in my entire 32 years of life. I climb mountains, do every single sport I ever wanted to try / participate in (easily!), and I seriously love my life. Yes, I like being smaller and like how I look more now, but it's become soooo much more than the scale.
ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.
How the heck do I even begin to deal with this type of criticism? Or the day-to-day coworker comments about "Oh, careful, you're getting too skinny".. I feel like telling everyone in my life that if they didn't intervene when I was obese and veryyyy unhealthy before I started weight loss, they have no right to say anything about my size now.. But there's got to be a better, less confrontational way.
I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of "thin shaming".. that's for sure!
I just made a post about exactly this!!! Although I was very angry and it came out wrong so people thought I was blaming others for my weight gain. But no basically what you said - you didn't step in when I was over 200lbs but yet you step in when Im healthy??? Wtheck?? I have no understanding and I can only assume jealousy or insecurities of their own cause it. Otherwise, I don't get it! You look healthy based on your photos btw although you obviously know this.
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Most people have no idea what a healthy weight looks like anymore because obese is the "norm". And now they are even using more overweight people in clothing ads etc which just makes it worse. Kids growing up now will think that overweight is the norm because that's all they see. I just ignore everyone because my doctor and I know I am at a healthy weight and my vitals and bloods are the healthiest they've ever been.
I mean what can you expect when 70% of the population are obese or overweight. Healthy is the minority so it seems "wrong".4 -
And also with the new vanity sizing where size 10 is what an old size 14 is...tricks people into thinking they aren't fat.4
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Verity1111 wrote: »Adventuretown wrote: »I am at a loss and figured I'd turn to you guys to see if you've dealt with anything similar..
I started trying to lose weight in February 2016, where my starting weight was 234lbs (on a 5'3" frame..I was pretty big). In seven months, I lost 60lbs through cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. Nothing drastic, nothing "fad-like".. Literally just hard work. I maintained my weight for 5ish months, giving my mind/body a break from such hard work, and I'm now back on track and losing weight again to lean out a bit more. I want to see the muscle definition in the muscles I've worked so hard build.
Admittedly, how I look has changed A LOT. I went from a size 20 jeans to a size 8. My face is a heck of a lot slimmer now, too. But I've worked with a dietitian and my family doctor this whole time, and I'm healthy. I am the fittest I've been in my entire 32 years of life. I climb mountains, do every single sport I ever wanted to try / participate in (easily!), and I seriously love my life. Yes, I like being smaller and like how I look more now, but it's become soooo much more than the scale.
ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.
How the heck do I even begin to deal with this type of criticism? Or the day-to-day coworker comments about "Oh, careful, you're getting too skinny".. I feel like telling everyone in my life that if they didn't intervene when I was obese and veryyyy unhealthy before I started weight loss, they have no right to say anything about my size now.. But there's got to be a better, less confrontational way.
I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of "thin shaming".. that's for sure!
I just made a post about exactly this!!! Although I was very angry and it came out wrong so people thought I was blaming others for my weight gain. But no basically what you said - you didn't step in when I was over 200lbs but yet you step in when Im healthy??? Wtheck?? I have no understanding and I can only assume jealousy or insecurities of their own cause it. Otherwise, I don't get it! You look healthy based on your photos btw although you obviously know this.
Oh yeah - that was a hot post for a while.
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IgnoewAdventuretown wrote: »I am at a loss and figured I'd turn to you guys to see if you've dealt with anything similar..
I started trying to lose weight in February 2016, where my starting weight was 234lbs (on a 5'3" frame..I was pretty big). In seven months, I lost 60lbs through cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. Nothing drastic, nothing "fad-like".. Literally just hard work. I maintained my weight for 5ish months, giving my mind/body a break from such hard work, and I'm now back on track and losing weight again to lean out a bit more. I want to see the muscle definition in the muscles I've worked so hard build.
Admittedly, how I look has changed A LOT. I went from a size 20 jeans to a size 8. My face is a heck of a lot slimmer now, too. But I've worked with a dietitian and my family doctor this whole time, and I'm healthy. I am the fittest I've been in my entire 32 years of life. I climb mountains, do every single sport I ever wanted to try / participate in (easily!), and I seriously love my life. Yes, I like being smaller and like how I look more now, but it's become soooo much more than the scale.
ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.
How the heck do I even begin to deal with this type of criticism? Or the day-to-day coworker comments about "Oh, careful, you're getting too skinny".. I feel like telling everyone in my life that if they didn't intervene when I was obese and veryyyy unhealthy before I started weight loss, they have no right to say anything about my size now.. But there's got to be a better, less confrontational way.
I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of "thin shaming".. that's for sure!
Ignore them, move on and find others that support and believe in your efforts. There's negativity everywhere, however its down to you if you let that remain in your life / world. Keep doing what your doing, and kick *kitten* all the way lady. 1 -
Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »And also with the new vanity sizing where size 10 is what an old size 14 is...tricks people into thinking they aren't fat.
That doesn't bother me so much as the fact that I have to buy slim cut/skinny jeans for my 5 year old because the regular ones are too big in the waist even with the internal drawstring. My 5 year old is 50th percentile. I'm appalled that they need to vanity size clothes for 5 year olds.0 -
Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »And also with the new vanity sizing where size 10 is what an old size 14 is...tricks people into thinking they aren't fat.
That doesn't bother me so much as the fact that I have to buy slim cut/skinny jeans for my 5 year old because the regular ones are too big in the waist even with the internal drawstring. My 5 year old is 50th percentile. I'm appalled that they need to vanity size clothes for 5 year olds.
Interesting. Must vary dramatically from brand to brand. My 19 month old is wearing 3T and even 4T clothes for most items. Admittedly, he's over 90th percentile for height and about 95th for weight - but that seems like overkill to me!0 -
SusanMFindlay wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »And also with the new vanity sizing where size 10 is what an old size 14 is...tricks people into thinking they aren't fat.
That doesn't bother me so much as the fact that I have to buy slim cut/skinny jeans for my 5 year old because the regular ones are too big in the waist even with the internal drawstring. My 5 year old is 50th percentile. I'm appalled that they need to vanity size clothes for 5 year olds.
Interesting. Must vary dramatically from brand to brand. My 19 month old is wearing 3T and even 4T clothes for most items. Admittedly, he's over 90th percentile for height and about 95th for weight - but that seems like overkill to me!
It can definitely vary by brand. But even Carter's/Osh-Kosh seems to be sized very large (I kind of expect it with Old Navy). The length is right for my kiddo. It's just the waist that is oversized.0 -
SusanMFindlay wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »And also with the new vanity sizing where size 10 is what an old size 14 is...tricks people into thinking they aren't fat.
That doesn't bother me so much as the fact that I have to buy slim cut/skinny jeans for my 5 year old because the regular ones are too big in the waist even with the internal drawstring. My 5 year old is 50th percentile. I'm appalled that they need to vanity size clothes for 5 year olds.
Interesting. Must vary dramatically from brand to brand. My 19 month old is wearing 3T and even 4T clothes for most items. Admittedly, he's over 90th percentile for height and about 95th for weight - but that seems like overkill to me!
It can definitely vary by brand. But even Carter's/Osh-Kosh seems to be sized very large (I kind of expect it with Old Navy). The length is right for my kiddo. It's just the waist that is oversized.
I'm surprised you're having issues with Carter's; they're about the "skinniest" fitting kids clothing brand I've encountered (great for my older son; not so much for my younger son). But we're not up to the sizes you're talking about yet. And even they have some items that are wider than others, so it probably depends a lot on style (and, I'd be willing to bet, on gender).0 -
luckily, I have surrounded myself with a group of people who are very supportive and are always encouraging me and celebrating my successes. Because of that I was able to lose over 104 pounds in 10 months.
There are people in the world who make everything about them, sadly. My group are all on the same journey and our goals are about getting healthy and supporting one another. I'd be happy to introduce anyone to my group and have you come into the folds and be in the company of people who want you to win at what YOU want, not what they want.1 -
If your "friend" is making those comments to you and you weigh 173lb then they truly have a problem with themselves and they are projecting it on to you. Carry on with doing the best things for you and your body! Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter!!!1
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Likewise. I've actually lost friends during my journey, and a lot of support has turned to criticism. I've had people tell me I look underweight, and my mother "helpfully" makes a point of asking me, every time I see her, if I'm eating enough. I'm still ~185lbs, and I hover around 10% BF. I know there's nothing wrong with my body composition, so I wish people would stop offering me unsolicited advice, especially when it's clear that they don't have any good advice to offer me.1
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