Incredibly stressful living situation causing me so much stress that it's making me sick and ....

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Tropicoolblonde
Tropicoolblonde Posts: 70 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm eating really unhealthy because of the stress. I'm also not sleeping much, which is causing me to overreat and to be unable to exercise sometimes (because I am so exhausted and sick from stress)

So my roommate is incredibly filthy and doesn't respect our living arrangement at all. She never cleans her piles of dishes, until they accumulate and smell like mold and attract bugs. She has guests over every single night to spend the night for the past month straight. She never takes out the trash ever (even if it's overfilling...she let's it pile up on top of the can and on the ground by the can). She has a pet and leaves its toys all over the ground (as well as her shoes, keys, purse, etc) all over the kitchen, living room, and hallway floors for me to stumble on when I come home when it's dark.

She also gets incredibly defensive when I have brought up these issues (in a kind way) before...and i have always framed things as "our" problem, even though it is 100% her. I used "I" statements, etc.


At this point I'm wondering If i should even bother trying to talk to her one more time or if I should just move out?


the stress is killing me.


Sorry if this isn't really a diet question...but it's affecting my health which is in turn affecting my diet. I am not sure how to deal with this or what I should do so that I can focus on me and my health. :(

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Replies

  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    What's your lease situation?
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
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    I'd move out.... have dealt with things like this in the past, they (in my experience) don't get better.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    Move out. Some people are just slobs. Life is too short for that kind of stress.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
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    Move out.

    This is one of those root causes that digs deeper than diet. You need to fix this first. You've spoken before and this isn't a marriage. Make sure you are good with the legal issues - rental agreements and such. Hoping you developed a good relationship with the landlord as they can often help out.
  • youdoyou2016
    youdoyou2016 Posts: 393 Member
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    As others have said, if you can move then do that.

    As for eating and sleep: are you exercising? I find it helps with both my stress and getting good sleep, and those things impact my eating -- all in positive ways.
  • Keladelphia
    Keladelphia Posts: 820 Member
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    If you're not tied into a lease i'd absolutely move out ASAP. My experience with roommate situations like this is that they don't get better.
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,172 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Yikes! Sorry you're going through this. I agree that you need to move out. Tell your roommate to start looking for a replacement because you'll be out of there as soon as you can. This situation just isn't working for you. If she balks, tell her that you'll find your replacement yourself and she'll have to deal with it. Or, she can move: her choice.
  • annacole94
    annacole94 Posts: 997 Member
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    Move. The great thing about renting is that you CAN change your situation. So change it. I had good roommates and bad roommates. I never had a bad one become a good one.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Move out... simple...
  • Tropicoolblonde
    Tropicoolblonde Posts: 70 Member
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    thanks so much for the feedback everyone... I should've mentioned the only reason I haven't moved yet (besides the lease only being half over) is that she is actually a close friend.. I had no idea living with her would be this terrible. I was lonely, and trying to save money so i decided to get a roommate after my first 2 years of living alone in my own place. Huge mistake it seems.

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    Tropicoolblonde wrote: »
    thanks so much for the feedback everyone... I should've mentioned the only reason I haven't moved yet (besides the lease only being half over) is that she is actually a close friend.. I had no idea living with her would be this terrible. I was lonely, and trying to save money so i decided to get a roommate after my first 2 years of living alone in my own place. Huge mistake it seems.

    One of the best ways I've found to destroy a friendship is to live with them. I would still suggest getting out, if you can. It's a hard lesson, but you can't sacrifice your own physical and mental health for fear of hurting her or ruining the friendship.

    Agreed. I never had it as bad as the OP but the best college roommate I ever had was one who was an acquaintance who I didn't spend much time with.

    Definitely move, OP.
  • Tropicoolblonde
    Tropicoolblonde Posts: 70 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    Tropicoolblonde wrote: »
    thanks so much for the feedback everyone... I should've mentioned the only reason I haven't moved yet (besides the lease only being half over) is that she is actually a close friend.. I had no idea living with her would be this terrible. I was lonely, and trying to save money so i decided to get a roommate after my first 2 years of living alone in my own place. Huge mistake it seems.

    But, ah, after living with her, do you still even like her? Us older folk have probably all been through this particular wringer. I know I have. You're going to end up moving out and you'll have no desire to remain friends with her. You'll be so relieved to live alone again.


    to be perfectly honest, it has definitely changed the way I view her. I wouldn't say I'm at the point where I'd say I dislike who she is as a friend/person..but has as a roommate. I did find that I started being overly critical of things about her when I was pissed off at the living situation (i.e. her sedentary lifestyle, her run in with cops, her job) but I would never say those things to her or behind her back. I think that just reaffirms that if it is changing how I see this person then I better get out fast before it completely ruins my friendship with her in addition to my own health and happiness obv.





  • Tropicoolblonde
    Tropicoolblonde Posts: 70 Member
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    ironically, as much as she has done to me (and as little as I have done to this girl) she seems to be the one bad mouthing me XD
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,898 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Tropicoolblonde wrote: »
    thanks so much for the feedback everyone... I should've mentioned the only reason I haven't moved yet (besides the lease only being half over) is that she is actually a close friend.. I had no idea living with her would be this terrible. I was lonely, and trying to save money so i decided to get a roommate after my first 2 years of living alone in my own place. Huge mistake it seems.

    I stayed friends with my messy ex-roommate friends after fleeing their messes. You can love someone but be unable to live with them ;)

    If it were me and breaking the lease wasn't an option, I'd clean up after her just to stay sane just until the lease was up and I could move out.

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