How (not) to give a complement
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emma44ny
Posts: 141 Member
I am a very modest person and do not take complements well as it is... Having lost over 65lbs it has certainly become glaringly obvious and people for whatever reason, feel the need to discuss it. I can handle, "wow, you look great!" or even "have you lost weight?" However the following things are not appropriate. For any reason, EVER.
*You've lost a TON of weight!!!!
*What, did you start smoking crack?
*Did you padlock your fridge?
*You must have lost TONS because you were REALLY big!
*Well you should really try to keep it off! (oh really, you think so?)
I freaking hate people sometimes. At least when you're fat no one says anything at all! Am I just being sensitive or does anyone else have issues with this???
*You've lost a TON of weight!!!!
*What, did you start smoking crack?
*Did you padlock your fridge?
*You must have lost TONS because you were REALLY big!
*Well you should really try to keep it off! (oh really, you think so?)
I freaking hate people sometimes. At least when you're fat no one says anything at all! Am I just being sensitive or does anyone else have issues with this???
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Replies
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please tell me these are not real responses from real people. Otherwise, disgusting people.0
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"OH MY GOSH! You look so different, you look FABULOUS"
and all of what you said.. yes, drives me nuts. Was I that hideous before?0 -
I agree with that. I also don't being told "you've gained a lot of weight" (or any other way of saying that, rude or trying to be "nice"). I don't like being told "you're so THIN! Eat something!"
It's just rude to talk about someone's weight no matter where on the weight spectrum they're on, you know?0 -
I've gotten all of these plus....
"You're so pretty NOW!" (yeah, because I was so hideous before!)
"You had gotten REALLY big. We were worried."
"Your boobs are so small now."
...and many others I have blocked from my memory.0 -
wow... some of these are down right rude, others I wonder do they have brains? I pray I never say anything so ridiculous to anyone.
Congratulations on 65 lbs! This is awesome!0 -
People who have never struggled with a weight issue are oblivious. I am saying that as someone who NEVER had a problem with weight until after I had a baby. In fact, I was underweight most of my life. Very skinny, and I am sure I made comments that I never meant to be hurtful but I had never been in your position before so I didn't really see how it would effect you. I'm sure most people don't say things to be mean or hurt your feelings. Most people just honestly don't realize what they're saying or how it will affect you. Not to excuse their behavior, but please realize that people aren't out to hurt you.
Now I understand so much more than I did before, because now I've walked a mile in those shoes...0 -
You've lost a TON of weight!!!!
"No, you just remember me fatter than I am. Thanks. No, really."
What, did you start smoking crack?
"Oh yeah, right about the time you got that face lift."
Did you padlock your fridge?
"Can you padlock your mouth?"
You must have lost TONS because you were REALLY big!
"You must not have lost TONS of brain cells before you made it to rehab!"
Well you should really try to keep it off!
"That's right, sweetpea, I'll do that just for you. No, really." <-- drippy sarcasm here
or
"Well, thanks for your brilliant advice, I'll take that under advisement. You have a degree in this, don't you."0 -
I am a very modest person and do not take complements well as it is... Having lost over 65lbs it has certainly become glaringly obvious and people for whatever reason, feel the need to discuss it. I can handle, "wow, you look great!" or even "have you lost weight?" However the following things are not appropriate. For any reason, EVER.
*You've lost a TON of weight!!!!
*What, did you start smoking crack?
*Did you padlock your fridge?
*You must have lost TONS because you were REALLY big!
*Well you should really try to keep it off! (oh really, you think so?)
I freaking hate people sometimes. At least when you're fat no one says anything at all! Am I just being sensitive or does anyone else have issues with this???
my mom told me a few days ago its so good that you are losing weight, now i dont have to worry about you dieing, and you must feel soooo much lighter!
really??? love you too mom0 -
OMG...are you serious...this is insane.
I started extremely close to your starting weight and I cannot wait to get to the point you are now. I hate that people are so horrible, I mean yes the truth hurts but come on they are basically putting you down.
If it means anything I am very proud of you for your accomplishment!0 -
please tell me these are not real responses from real people. Otherwise, disgusting people.
All were said to me in the last, say, 3 months. The padlock comment just as recently as last Friday. Ridiculous, right??0 -
My favorite was the phrase that I will never forget and that spurred me to lose the weight. Said to me by a co-worker in the elevator... (she had had a walking boot on for about 7 months prior)
"Man! It's taking just as long for my foot to heal as it is taking your baby to grow!"
If SHE, yes she, only knew how much of an idiot she was! And that "baby" never grew to full term (because there NEVER was one) so maybe she still did feel terrible because she thought I lost the baby.
So I'm right there with you!0 -
guys, I'm guilty. I think I said something that I should not have said to my cousin. She got one of the surgeries, and she told me she lost 150 pounds and that she still had close to 100 left before she would go into maintenance mode. I really was trying to be encouraging when I said "wow that's a person!" I guess that makes me a DB
sorry
**and by the way I have battled weight issues on and off throughout most of my life, so I really am sensitive to the commentary. I just had one of those moments where my mouth did not filter what my brain told me to say. Should I apologize to my cousin for being insensitive?0 -
It's like people think that once you have lost the weight it's ok to say all the hurtful things that they were thinking when you were heavy. Not cool. It still hurts.0
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Some of those are just downright rude. Try to ignore the negativity as best you can! Your accomplishment is amazing!
(My least favorite compliment: "You're so thin! Don't lose anymore weight, you'll be anorexic!" I've heard that one word-for-word. Multiple times. From multiple people. #1-- I a not THIN, and I do not desire to be THIN. #2-- Don't try to dictate to me what you think my weight should be please. #3-- Anorexia is a very serious psychological and physical condition that is not defined by weight alone, but by severe restrictions of and obsession with food and exercise, often linked to OCD-like issues, frequently stemming out of depression, anxiety, and social disorders paired with severe difficulties with accurate self-perception, often to the point of body dysmorphic disorder. I will not "be anorexic" because I lose weight, and do not think such things should be thrown around lightly.
Of course, I respond with a "thank you" and keep the rest to myself, because sometimes saying what you think is perceived as being just a little too sensitive and/or *****y.)0 -
You've lost a TON of weight!!!!
"No, you just remember me fatter than I am. Thanks. No, really."
What, did you start smoking crack?
"Oh yeah, right about the time you got that face lift."
Did you padlock your fridge?
"Can you padlock your mouth?"
You must have lost TONS because you were REALLY big!
"You must not have lost TONS of brain cells before you made it to rehab!"
Well you should really try to keep it off!
"That's right, sweetpea, I'll do that just for you. No, really." <-- drippy sarcasm here
or
"Well, thanks for your brilliant advice, I'll take that under advisement. You have a degree in this, don't you."
I like you piperjon! All things I wish I could think of at that moment!0 -
I lost (and have kept off) 40lbs, in my 20's, way before I joined MFP. I'm sorry you are hearing this stuff, but yes, some people are really stupid and cruel. I also heard 'you should keep it off' as well as 'I'm glad you've lost weight! You were getting really big and I wanted to say something, but didn't" As if I had NO CLUE I was fat and it was a secret even to me???
I also heard, "Keep losing" which is flat out rude if you are already near goal, I mean, does everyone have to be a freaking size 4 or 2?? I heard "Now you can wear fashionable clothes." What, was I a bag lady before?? I shopped in Lane Bryant and did my best to look good even when I was fat.
Sorry you are hearing rude things. Losing should bring out the best in people's comments, but sometimes it reveals ignorance.0 -
"OH MY GOSH! You look so different, you look FABULOUS"
and all of what you said.. yes, drives me nuts. Was I that hideous before?
Oh yeah, I actually heard "You look so good, I didn't know it was you at first!"0 -
People who have never struggled with a weight issue are oblivious. I am saying that as someone who NEVER had a problem with weight until after I had a baby. In fact, I was underweight most of my life. Very skinny, and I am sure I made comments that I never meant to be hurtful but I had never been in your position before so I didn't really see how it would effect you. I'm sure most people don't say things to be mean or hurt your feelings. Most people just honestly don't realize what they're saying or how it will affect you. Not to excuse their behavior, but please realize that people aren't out to hurt you.
Now I understand so much more than I did before, because now I've walked a mile in those shoes...
Yeah see, I'm not buying that...
I have put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion but never have I thought that telling someone that they were getting "really big" was productive (or kind) conversation. People that don't realize that this is hurtful or offensive should not be let out of their homes. Certainly nothing against your opinion, I know it's just devil's advocate but...0 -
"OH MY GOSH! You look so different, you look FABULOUS"
and all of what you said.. yes, drives me nuts. Was I that hideous before?
Oh yeah, I actually heard "You look so good, I didn't know it was you at first!"
And I got this one last Saturday...0 -
LOL0
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