Parents - how do you allow your kids sweets and also foster healthy habits?
abbynormalartist
Posts: 318 Member
I have a 5 year old daughter who has a sweet tooth and I'm not sure how to moderate her candy intake while at the same time allowing her to have sweets, to enjoy food, and to start learn to moderate herself. Anyone with young kids will know they're not great with grey areas. They want to know specifically how much they can have, when, how often, "how many bites of peas must I eat first?", etc. I've played around with different ideas such as a sweet after school but before dinner, a sweet with dinner so she can choose when to eat it, or the current "you must finish all of your food before desert". I'm trying to avoid sweets as rewards because feel like that can cause some weird emotional associations with food but I feel like every other plan has it's own problems. While my husband and I have our own very real weaknesses towards chocolate and sugar, we don't keep many sweets for ourselves at home. We've mostly replaced our vices with slightly healthier options (half a quest bar instead of a snickers, etc.). Despite that, we still always seem to have sweets around. Random popcicles in the back of the fridge from a barbecue, remnants of Easter candy, treats from a birthday at daycare, etc. Again, I don't want to keep her from sweets completely. I want to figure out the healthiest (physical and mental) method to teach her moderation. I don't like our current plan of "finish all your dinner before dessert" because I'm worried that she's not listening to her body and stuffing herself just to get a treat. Please let me know what's worked in your family : )
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Tough one - I tried never to tell them that they have to finish anything. I know a lot of members of the "clean plate club" that have issues ever leaving something. I want them to eat sensibly and not eat just because it's in front of them. But then, we do want them to eat dinner before dessert.
Even with desserts, I say, "Don't keep eating just because it tastes good. If you're full, just stop and save it for later."
And then you don't want to put all of the focus on food, either. Tough one.
I'd say I just tried to use wording such that I didn't end up having to say exactly how many bites I expected them to eat. Dinner before dessert. Real food before sweets. When they were old enough, we talked about the importance of protein (versus just carbs, carbs, carbs, although I know there's nothing inherently wrong with carbs - I just want to ensure that they get a balance of macros). So now, I say, what protein have you had before you eat that piece of cheesecake?
I don't even know if any of this is helpful, but I commiserate.2 -
So I'm an Aunt, not a Mom. But I've seen this with my nephew - Yes, if you eat two more bites of chicken you can have a treat. So now I think he acts like he doesn't want to finish something just to hold it hostage for a treat! Having said that, he's a super skinny kid, so they decided letting him have a treat is worth getting him to eat his whole meal.
Perhaps a treat after school is a good idea, because it's not tied to anything as a reward. It's treat time. When I was growing up, we only had dessert on special occasions but I had a treat everyday when I got home from school. Mom would get me a couple of cookies or a small brownie and a glass of milk and we would sit down together and talk about my day while I ate. I've never really had a problem moderating sweets myself, so it worked out well for me at least
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My boys get a sweet snack after school...we sometimes do desert, but not every night.1
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I'm one of those parents that tells their kids to finish their diner first and then they can have a treat. I don't fill their plate to the brim, I know how much they can eat. My kids are 2, 7 and 8 and sometimes the older ones will bring a candy home from school. If they ask if they can eat it before dinner is ready I will most likely say yes unless they are behaving badly or dinner is ready to eat.
We have candy and all sorts of sweets all around the house. I like to buy holiday candy on sale, and I buy a lot of it. My kids have grown up knowing they can have everything in moderation and to have self control. These are good life lessons and not just towards foods.4 -
My son is now 16-years-old, and I wish I could remember exactly what we did and when because he really is not much of a candy monster. Ben & Jerry's ice cream by the pint is more his vice, but we're lucky in that he is extremely athletic/involved in sports so keeping weight on him is more of an issue. I honestly end up throwing away more Halloween/Christmas/Easter candy than he actually eats (there was literally a chocolate bunny still sitting on the counter yesterday when he finally decided to eat it).
Definitely don't forbid it completely--I think moderation is key. As you said, avoid using it as a reward. Don't keep much of it around the house, either. Encourage her to eat fruits if she wants something sweet (strawberries with a bit of whipped cream passes for dessert in our house quite frequently). Definitely don't force her to clean her plate before dessert--I think that sets up for a bad mindset, too.2 -
I don't have all the answers either. My kids are 11 and 8 and are completely different when it comes to their attitude towards food/sweets. My 11 year old has always approached food as fuel- only wants to eat when hungry, and if he has one or 2 bites left on his plate, won't eat them if he's satisfied. Won't eat dessert if he's full. My 8 year old takes after me- there's always room for more if you really like it!- and angles for as many sweets as she can get. We've always had open discussions about healthy, balanced eating and I try to limit their sweets to one regular sized serving of something, or alternatively 2 smaller treats, at the timing of their choosing. We don't do the clean your plate thing, but both kids understand if they're not hungry enough to eat their vegetable, I don't consider them hungry enough for dessert. My girl definitely always wants something after dinner, so never eats a "full" treat earlier in the day. It seems to work OK, but what I'd really like is for her not to be so focused on her sweets... when I figure it out, I will try to pass it on to her.
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We don't do desserts often, and by desserts I mean cookies, candies, pop, cake, ice cream. We do treats like tortillas more often - every couple of weeks. I just don't think they need it. They are growing, settin up habits for life. If they are hungry I'd rather they eat some whole foods or a meal rather than a treat.
They do get sweets in some food though. I make my muffins with quality nutritious flours and I will add stevia and aome sugar free chocolate chips to some. They get the sweets without the sugars. They put maple syrup on their coconut pancakes but I limit the amount. No syrup puddles. Again, I just don't think they need it.
We do have treats but they are often on unusual days or occasions. Birthdays, parties, and stuff like that.
I don't give it to them for lunches or on a daily basis. If as adults they feel they need a cookie or icecream everyday then they can choose to do so but as the parent, I don't buy it so they don't get it.
When they want sweet they end up looking for fruit like an apple with peanut butter. Sometimes they choose a sandwich with jam or flavoured yogurt, but even that I consider a treat and tend to buy plain so they can flavour it themsleves (with stevia, extracts and fruits).
It works for us. I just stay consistant. There is some whining once in a while for a treat but its minimal. For example, I bought a box of cookies for a BBQ that we did not attaend so I am saving it for another occassion. They've asked about it a couple of times but no one has opened it out of cookie desperation. It's been sitting on the shelf for over 3 weeks.
My kids are 9, 12, and 14.0 -
My kids are 7 &10.
I use a IIFYM for my life, and am trying to pass that on. So lunch, they take a pretty balanced lunch (fruit, veg, protein, fat). At dinner, I usually make up their plates and I know how much I expect them to eat depending on the rest of their day. If they finish that, they can have a treat. It's not about cleaning their plate, but rather making sure they have enough nutritious food before having a treat. We have that conversation (it's not about N number of bites, but whether they've filled up on nutritious food), then they can have their treat. And treats are scaled - some days it's appropriate to have ice cream, other days it's appropriate to have only a small chocolate.2 -
We don't do desserts often, and by desserts I mean cookies, candies, pop, cake, ice cream. We do treats like tortillas more often - every couple of weeks. I just don't think they need it.
??? Are we talking like a whole grain tortilla that a person might wrap around lean protein & veggies, or are you talking about chips or something?5 -
Perhaps a treat after school is a good idea, because it's not tied to anything as a reward. It's treat time. When I was growing up, we only had dessert on special occasions but I had a treat everyday when I got home from school. Mom would get me a couple of cookies or a small brownie and a glass of milk and we would sit down together and talk about my day while I ate. I've never really had a problem moderating sweets myself, so it worked out well for me at least
I think we may go back to this. After school she can have her pick of a sweet or a snack and then we can both just relax when it comes to if, when and what she can have.0 -
We did sweets once a week on Saturdays...they get to have a chocolate bar or jelly babies or whatever. Then we have dessert on Sundays and Wednesdays. Dessert can be eaten at any time during dinner...before, with or after mains. Snacks are always healthy.
Other than that no sweets,cookies, etc. Except for birthdays because there'd be a birthday cake.
They're teens now and no issue moderating sweet things. One thing we did is once they started getting pocket money we didn't stop them from using it to buy sweets. Our view is it's their money to do with as they please. They did use it to buy extra sweeties now and then but not much...even when they were eight or nine they'd rather wait and get the freebie sweets on Saturday and spend their money elsewhere.
Halloween...they could have as many sweets as they wanted...usually ended up taking them into work or throwing them away because they'd not want them all.
Christmas...kind of a triple sweetie day...they get three sweets in their stockings and there will usually be a box of chocolate biscuits we share as a family.
No one seems deprived. If they felt they were, they have enough cash to buy a dozen chocolate bars a day of their own money.0 -
We don't do desserts often, and by desserts I mean cookies, candies, pop, cake, ice cream. We do treats like tortillas more often - every couple of weeks. I just don't think they need it.
??? Are we talking like a whole grain tortilla that a person might wrap around lean protein & veggies, or are you talking about chips or something?
Sorry. I meant tortilla (corn) chips. Left out a word0 -
My little ones (now in their 20's) grew up with sweets around usually as after school snack. Desserts were occasional treats and not usually an after dinner thing. They knew if they did not eat the food served them that they would not have anything else until the next meal. My kids were lucky that both grandmas were amazing bakers so most of the goodies were homemade and not nearly as sweet as the stuff from the store. To them the store bought stuff was way too sweet.1
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I don't think any kids have ever starved to death due to a lack of sweets. Just stop keeping all that stuff around the house. The kid will still end up getting plenty of sweets from random events. I have 3 kids, and we do bargain about how much dinner they have to eat sometimes if we're doing dessert. But I often wonder if it's unhealthy to encourage kids to eat when they don't want to. Most foods taste pretty good when you're hungry.2
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My kids are 4, 5 and 7 and all are great, variety eaters. I don't worry about them having a small treat after a meal or after school. For me, I get individual sized treats (smarties, individual skittles, bite size chocolate) and they know they can have 1. I really never thought of cutting it out because they eat a balanced diet.3
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We do the 'clean your plate' before dessert thing but we give small portions. Then if they're still hungry after dessert, it has to be 'healthy'. Honestly though, both my kids are thin, so it's really not an issue in my house (I still say no to dessert if they have a sweet treat after school).0
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I am super careful with my DD's hunger cues and things like sweets. I don't want her being the same way I was as a kid and even as an adult for the most part -- eating just because.
I've noticed since she started eating foods that she knows when to stop, so I never tell her to eat everything. We do have a you must try two bites of whatever is on your plate rule, which mostly works to get her to try new things. Even if shes eating ice cream, she will stop and say shes full half way and walk away. I always want her to keep those cues (I hope.)
I keep ice cream in the house and she is more than welcome to have a serving daily, so long as she's had a reasonable amount of good for you food previously. If she wasn't hungry enough during the day to eat any of her meals, she doesn't get ice cream though.
I don't cut out any foods (we might not keep them in the house to be tempted, but we dont cut them out either.) So sometimes we have sandwiches and chips, she gets a few chips on her tray and also veggies. There are times where she only takes two bites of the veg and eats all the chips and other times where she doesn't eat the chips but eats all the veg.
I just want her not to feel guilty about eating "junk food" but not to want it over better foods all the time. I don't want her to eat just because. I'm hoping that everything I do with her and all that she sees me do will give her some healthy (mentally and otherwise) habits towards food.
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So odd because I thought you believed that sugar was the worst thing you could ever have in your body.We did sweets once a week on Saturdays...they get to have a chocolate bar or jelly babies or whatever. Then we have dessert on Sundays and Wednesdays. Dessert can be eaten at any time during dinner...before, with or after mains. Snacks are always healthy.
Other than that no sweets,cookies, etc. Except for birthdays because there'd be a birthday cake.
They're teens now and no issue moderating sweet things. One thing we did is once they started getting pocket money we didn't stop them from using it to buy sweets. Our view is it's their money to do with as they please. They did use it to buy extra sweeties now and then but not much...even when they were eight or nine they'd rather wait and get the freebie sweets on Saturday and spend their money elsewhere.
Halloween...they could have as many sweets as they wanted...usually ended up taking them into work or throwing them away because they'd not want them all.
Christmas...kind of a triple sweetie day...they get three sweets in their stockings and there will usually be a box of chocolate biscuits we share as a family.
No one seems deprived. If they felt they were, they have enough cash to buy a dozen chocolate bars a day of their own money.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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My DD can eat whatever she wants as long as we ensure she gets enough protein, fat and meets her micronutrients. She eats ice cream almost every night. She doesn't usually exceed 1500 calories a day as a petite 12 year old.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I actively tried (still do) to get my daughter to make better choices. I was lucky that she would get sick easily after a few cookies. A tummy ache. I would remind her about it. Also she knew about the food pyramid and that our bodies should only have a small amount of junk food. We also showed labels and what a serving size was, usually cutting it in half and saying a full serving is for grown ups.1
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We decided to divorce sweets from meals by almost never doing "desert" unless it's a special occasion. We do have sweets, but not every day. And we have always encouraged her to save her treats if she isn't hungry for it anymore. That way she never has that eat it now or lose it mentality. She eats a few bites, then puts it in freezer or fridge until the next day. 90% of the time she forgets about it, and we toss it a couple days later.1
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We eat desserts only on Sundays and birthdays. we learn to have 1 serving and enjoy.0
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My kids (16, 15, 13, 7)(also a 7 month old but she doesn't eat more than baby food now), eat what they want when they want. They understand moderation and have no weight issues.0
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*** My kids have no sensory issues regarding food.
The kids eat what we eat. We eat adult foods. There are no nuggets or replacements.
We don't have desert unless it is a special occasion.
We don't just have treats for them around.
Dad is a body builder and is very conscious of his diet. He models this for the kids.
However, I still have kids licking their finger and sticking it in the sugar bowl. Or asking for treats if dad is not around. Etc. . .
I think the best we can do is model a healthy relationship with ALL foods and then they will make their choice when they are older.
But for gods sake, no bribing to eat. I understand why a parent would want to. My younger son is going to take after my side and he is going to be short. He eats so little. Unless he is going to grow, then he eats a lot. But not very often. If I try and stuff more food down him, it isn't going to make any difference.
It is so hard watching a kid refuse breakfast and lunch. But at least he eats more at dinner,0 -
ashjongfit wrote: »I am super careful with my DD's hunger cues and things like sweets. I don't want her being the same way I was as a kid and even as an adult for the most part -- eating just because.
I've noticed since she started eating foods that she knows when to stop, so I never tell her to eat everything. We do have a you must try two bites of whatever is on your plate rule, which mostly works to get her to try new things. Even if shes eating ice cream, she will stop and say shes full half way and walk away. I always want her to keep those cues (I hope.)
I keep ice cream in the house and she is more than welcome to have a serving daily, so long as she's had a reasonable amount of good for you food previously. If she wasn't hungry enough during the day to eat any of her meals, she doesn't get ice cream though.
I don't cut out any foods (we might not keep them in the house to be tempted, but we dont cut them out either.) So sometimes we have sandwiches and chips, she gets a few chips on her tray and also veggies. There are times where she only takes two bites of the veg and eats all the chips and other times where she doesn't eat the chips but eats all the veg.
I just want her not to feel guilty about eating "junk food" but not to want it over better foods all the time. I don't want her to eat just because. I'm hoping that everything I do with her and all that she sees me do will give her some healthy (mentally and otherwise) habits towards food.
Sounds like you and your daughter are both not a good place with food habits 1 -
So odd because I thought you believed that sugar was the worst thing you could ever have in your body.We did sweets once a week on Saturdays...they get to have a chocolate bar or jelly babies or whatever. Then we have dessert on Sundays and Wednesdays. Dessert can be eaten at any time during dinner...before, with or after mains. Snacks are always healthy.
Other than that no sweets,cookies, etc. Except for birthdays because there'd be a birthday cake.
They're teens now and no issue moderating sweet things. One thing we did is once they started getting pocket money we didn't stop them from using it to buy sweets. Our view is it's their money to do with as they please. They did use it to buy extra sweeties now and then but not much...even when they were eight or nine they'd rather wait and get the freebie sweets on Saturday and spend their money elsewhere.
Halloween...they could have as many sweets as they wanted...usually ended up taking them into work or throwing them away because they'd not want them all.
Christmas...kind of a triple sweetie day...they get three sweets in their stockings and there will usually be a box of chocolate biscuits we share as a family.
No one seems deprived. If they felt they were, they have enough cash to buy a dozen chocolate bars a day of their own money.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Nope, fast food is the worst( and we've already established we have different definitions of fast food). Sugar is not a problem so long as you don't get addicted to it.0 -
I can only tell you what we had a children and what my brother used with my nephews.
My mother and brother always had fresh fruit at home as children we were always directed to that if we wanted something. Sweets, as in candy, simply were not in the house. Does not mean that we did not get them but only very very rarely.
As said my brother used the same system with my nephews (now 16 and 20). They love their foods and my older nephew is too big, but that is a quality of food problem, to because he eats candy.0 -
Just don't use it as a reward, or withhold it as a form of punishment. I think that nurtures a bad relationship with sweets and food in general.2
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I have a 5yo boy. I don't do the "clean your plate" before dessert. I don't want to "teach" him that he HAS to finish what's on his plate. I want him to eat until he feels that is enough.
I don't buy too much sweets. But he can have two small cookies a night. I am a big "everything in moderation". I also make sure he has healthy foods for 99.99% of his daily intake. I don't make a big meal about sweets being bad etc. He is a great eater and has no weight issues.0 -
I have no kids, and although I did get fat, sweets and snacks did not really contribute to that so I feel sharing my experience may be helpful. I'm one of these people who can eat one serving of ice cream, chips, or a couple of chocolate truffles and be perfectly satisfied. When I was a child my parents didn't really do the "clean your plate" thing. I just ate what they ate during meals and was not a picky kid, and had a certain amount of pocket money for snacks if I wanted to buy something.
We did not have sweet snacks lying around the house so it was normal to just go and buy whatever I wanted within my pocket money budget. My parents did not really comment on any aspect of my food or snacks. My pocket money could afford me 1-2 single serving packs of something, and I had the option to save some of it if I wanted something bigger/more expensive - they did not tell me that, I just figured it out on my own.
My family was not a soda drinker so we did not have a bottle in the fridge. We only bought it occasionally to have with some occasional meals (like pizza).
My mom made dessert maybe once or twice a month or for special occasions and we enjoyed it together, so eating dessert was a ritualistic occasional act, not a daily occurrence. Some snack foods were only eaten for certain family rituals or occasions, so they felt special and not something I thought about outside of these occasions (like there was a dessert that mom only made on the last day of school before summer break...etc.)
I grew up not feeling like I was missing out on anything (or even thought much about it at all) and still went for single servings of desserts and snacks even at my highest weight. When I decided to start dieting I did not have to change my habits around snacks because my portions were already healthy.
While I wish my parents controlled my intake of other foods in some way, I credit my healthy snacking habits and never developing fear of food to their laid back approach. I was never told foods were "bad", but my snacking was controlled organically through their own snacking habits and environmentally through artificial limits that did not feel like food limits (limits on money, limits on time mom had as a working mom to prepare dessert, limits on frequency of certain foods due to the preferences of the family...etc). It just felt like the normal way to eat, not some imposed feeding system.
Not sure if it's too late to do something like this (I was born into this), and not sure it even works when not everyone is doing the same (most kids I knew grew up with the same system so it did not feel out of the ordinary), but this was my experience, take or leave whatever you wish from it.0
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