The gym is all I have

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

You have identified the next area of your life you will need to work on. Nobody is perfect and I am practically in the same boat many years later (which makes it even that much harder to do). Every single one of my high school and university friends have literally moved to other countries and stopped replying to emails. every one.

I think a good approach is going to be two fold here.
1) Start going on some dates. meet some people this way. even if you dont find the "one" right away this will be GREAT practice to get some of that anxiety out and dealt with. If you happen to hit it off with a few girls along the way even just as friends, you are helping to solve the other problem.

2) Find a gathering of like minded people. If you like an activity see if there is a meet up or a group/club in your area. Even if you arent SUPER excited about the topic of the group or club, its a way to meet more people. I actually met one of my ex's at a chess club of all places. Look for things you are interesting in, board games, book club, running, biking, hiking, comic book stores, cooking lessons, any group or even a local sports league for baseball or whatever sport you might enjoy. just put yourself out there and be friendly. you will be bound to make a few friends.

Dont be scared to talk to people. 99.99% of the time they are going to be cool about it.

Do you call or text other people? Sometimes putting in the effort to make contact first can be beneficial... Perhaps they're thinking the same about you?

Hi! I'm totally ready to be buds! Where are you from? Sometimes the best thing you can do is something you're uncomfortable with, ask someone at the gym for a spot, then make small talk and see if they want to go grab a beer if they seem interesting to you.

The most important thing is that you're 21, and though it seems like the rest of the twenty something's are having everything figured out already honestly everyone is kindof in the same boat. It's not a fact to make you feel better just a fact. I'm struggling hardcore with this, and I get my energy from people.

Worst comes to worst your MFP fam is here with yoh

I know the gym can be an intimidating place. Do you see the same people every time you go workout? If so, simply start small talk like asking "How was your weekend?" Or "Hey man, I like your shoes." That will get the ball rolling.

ZodFit wrote: »

RED_0N3 wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

OMG I'm so keen for Destiny 2! September can't come soon enough.

Destiny 2 looks good, but did you check out Anthem?

Anthem worries me because of bioware and EA. Biowares last few games have been sub par in my books. Plus their only mmo is pretty bad with the exception of the story line play through. EA cuz its EA. Very rarely are EA games worth the full value.

But i guess Anthem could always be different.

At least its not made by Ubisoft.

Since you are spending so much time at the gym, have you considered joining any group classes or boot camps that will put you into smaller more intimate groupings or pairings?

Sorry man, but you HAVE a choice to go out there and enjoy life. Waiting for things to just happen to you is wasted effort. There are so many things you can get involved in for free that have lots of other people participate in.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I know how you feel. but your never truly alone when you have friends on mfp. I come here to loss weight but I ended up making a few amazing friends. that and logging into the forums here helps to.. I don't seek out other people in life and I don't go to the gym. but i'm fine. after all this time you do get use to it. what does help try volunteering even at the retirement home. they love having people to come in and be there to spend time with people and you get lots of opportunity to practice speaking to others. or if your into volunteering for sports like Spartan race you can volunteer for all Saturday and get a chance to run it for free on Sunday. it's just a matter of looking into what available in your community. just don't give up

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

League of legends

Hilariously, one of my buddies moved to CA to work at Riot.

This sounds exactly like my daughter. She went to community college and all of her friends from high school went away to college and left her behind. All she did was attend classes, do homework and sit at home with me. She was so sad and it was heartbreaking to watch. She did work in the summer and would do things with her co-workers but they all went their separate ways in the winter. It wasn't until she transferred out of community college and into a university that she finally started meeting people. She's 23 now and has a small group of friends.

What about finding a job? Even if it's part time? At least that will get you out of the house and interacting with others.

People will tell you to just put yourself out there, but for introverts, especially those with social anxiety, that's easier said than done. Sometimes just the thought of being somewhat extroverted causes heart palpitations.

I feel for you and hope you find that one thing that will bring you out and into the world with others.

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

Hello Friend, welcome to, erm, well... hell. You're not alone. I've moved around a lot. When I finally stabalized in an area and made friends, it was my friends who moved away (post college). I don't have "the answer" for you because it doesn't exist, it's all about pure luck, being at the right place at the right time and talking to the right people.

The things that have "worked" for me to keep my sanity:

- Like you, I spend a lot of time at the Gym lifting. This keeps me out of trouble, keeps my mind primed, etc.

- I attend and run meetups on meetup.com that are related to my career.

- I tend to focus a lot on my career and finances. With no real social expenses, perhaps its time to buy into a mutual fund?

- I joined a fitness group that is somewhat social. I've been taking tae kwon do for 2.5 years and many of the people there have become my "friends" over time. It also gives me something else to focus on. I'm seriously considering orangetheory as well, or maybe some hiking meetups.

Of course, none of this cures things. Society tends to throw people away, particularly men. You're going to get a wide variety of opinions on the topic but after so many years of social rejection my views are pretty pessimistic. All you can really do is try your hardest and work on being your best self. There's nothing wrong with being a loner, don't let society shame you for it. If you work hard on yourself, love yourself, and the heavens break just the right way, you can still recover. I'm still waiting for that break too. You're not alone. Really, don't let people shame you because you've been less fortunate socially. People tend to be cruel *kitten* towards men that are faced with loneliness.

Hi ! Have you tried joining any meet up groups they can be a way to meet new people .... or start one yourself ! I did that when I emigrated and knew nobody in a new country

I volunteer at a cat shelter...I've met other crazy cat lady friends. It took me almost 4 years to make gym friends. Gym friends can be a slow process, b/c most people are busy and focused.

My friend moved to Germany and started meeting people through a local meetup group...mostly young, non-Germans in her same situation.

Sometimes you have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone.

CFPeterson wrote: »

Its okay to feel socially awkward. Whether you know it or not you are surrounded by like people. Besides being a gym rat is not a bad thing. But we are a social creature and need some interaction to feel satisfied...

https://www.amazon.com/Fine-Art-Small-Talk-Conversation/dp/1401302262

I've always preferred to connect with people via common hobbies and activities. I've always defined small talk as being essentially (in the grand scheme) meaningless, or what some call bulls---ing. So I've never understood the idea of meaningless talk as a doorway to meaningFUL interaction, as the description of that book seems to advocate.

But, with that said, I'll give that book a fair hearing. I mean reading. I added it to my reading list.

Open the BIBLE...we are empty without God, and only God can fill our void