The gym is all I have

I used to feel the way you do when on dates or around people. Sooo socially awkward. I would over think everything I said and did to the point that by the time I was done editing all my reactions and responses, I wasn't even myself. I was trying to be what I thought everyone wanted. No one liked me any better. They thought I had no personality. So I gave up on that. I had no friends. Now I don't worry so much. I just relax and be me. I am the most sarcastic person I know. People who knew me from then and who I now get along with often joke "remember when we used to think you were nice?" Obviously it's a joke because I'm not rude I'm just honest. If people don't like me that's their decision, it doesn't bother me any. You need to get to a place that you're comfortable enough to say the same.

bigmuneymfp wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

bigmuneymfp wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

bigmuneymfp wrote: »

Stop playing video games
It's the number one problem I see with young people

any lawns you would like us to get off of? I bet it really chaps your butt that there are "young people" making millions of dollars playing video games for a living too.

That's nice but then don't complain about having no social life when you're in the basement making your millions on video games

Now get off my lawn!!!

Its not the video games fault in that scenario. Its people not wanting to meet and deal with people like you that keep them in their house.

Social anxiety =/= video games fault

All those scary real people lol hey I get it the world is a scary place

you are making a joke of it, but its not a joke to them. Perhaps you should grow up and find some compassion.

ZodFit wrote: »

bigmuneymfp wrote: »

Stop playing video games
It's the number one problem I see with young people

Lol meanwhile e-sports is growing in popularity every year...with full arenas of basement dwelling young people. One of the most social websites is Dedicated to video games....hmm.

Tournaments being held internationally where many people meet up and hang out. It's just like watching sports but the gamers can actually play the game they are spectating.

People just have to find social spaces they fit in with.

Don't hate. Appreciate.

The fact that E3 just finished also makes me laugh.

I'm much older than you, but in same situation. In general I'm a happy, well-adjusted human being, but get these intense moments of pure terrifying loneliness. I know it'll pass, and I know it will be okay, but it's still a horrible feeling to deal with. As corny as it may sound journaling as helped tremendously. Still it would be nice to have real, deep friendships. I've joined various meetups, exercise groups, tabletop events, and go out quiet a bit (even on my own) I try to be social and talk. I don't always succeed, but I tried and consider it practice. Even with my weight I'm an attractive person and get attention, but the social anxiety makes it difficult to maintain anything. Im getting better. I would highly recommend listening and reading Dr nerdlove articles and podcast. It's meant for guys and dating but the same concepts can be applied to social situations and trying to make friends.
So my advice:
Journal. See if it reveals any insights.
Research. Read books, listen to podcast, watch YouTube videos on making friends, being charismatic and how to be more comfortable in social situations.
Apply and PRACTICE. Treat it like a game and level up. Create a point system with a weekly and daily goal. I remember I watched a video about eye contact and gave myself a goal to maintain eye contact for 5 seconds with 3 people. Do you have any idea how freaking intense it is to look at a person's eyeballs? It was awkward and uncomfortable and that one dude on the escalator probably thought I was going start stalking him, but we both lived and now have an awkward story to tell people.

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

It sounds like you are an introvert like myself. I get a lot of anxiety when people talk to me because I don't know how to respond to strangers most of the time. I'm sure they think I am some kind of weirdo because I fail to keep a conversation going. A big part of that comes from the fact that I don't enjoy small talk.

I do much better surrounded by people that are interested in the same things that I am so we can actually talk about that stuff. So basically, the conversations that would occur at neighborhood picnics bore the hell out of me.

Anyway, if you like video games a lot, I recommend going to places where you know the other people also really like video games. Find people where you know you have something in common right off the bat so you don't have to put yourself through those awkward small talk conversations just to figure out if you have anything in common with the person on the other end of the conversation. That's my two cents.

You're 21 and go to a community college. Here's something a lot of people don't know. Community college has an inordinate amount of really hot girls... at least in California. Because during high school they were always invited to parties and dates and socialized and partied more than studying. So they didn't get into universities. I realize this is a generalization, so please don't attack me. It's just a personal observation I've made at a couple of community colleges in Southern California.

Anyway, you're young and with all of the time you've spent at the gym, you are probably getting pretty fit.

You need to unplug from the gaming console and plug into reality. Maybe get a part time job and meet some girls. Make a study group that meets at Starbucks... or join one of theirs.

The hardest part of making friends is being willing to put yourself out there. Learn to like the person you are, because if you don't like yourself, nobody else will.

newmeadow wrote: »

We all went to visit other people in their homes. That's what we did then. We didn't barge our way in if their door was deadlocked, they didn't own a phone and they didn't answer the doorbell. But other than that, yeah, that's what we did. It didn't make us saints. Most of us didn't virtue signal about it and we didn't keep a log about how often we did it so we could defend ourselves if we were quizzed about it. And guess what Sonny? Lot's of people 50+ years of age still make it a regular weekly or even daily thing to meet with people, including socially anxious people, face-to-face. And visit other humans in their homes. Whoa.

Be as ignorant as you want, I am talking about people with social anxiety that want to stay away from people like you, who dont invite you to their home. See the point here?

newmeadow wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

newmeadow wrote: »

I don't see any positive and developmentally constructive parallels to the disciplines, interests, face-to-face social interactions and technical skills you mention above as compared to indulging in a round the clock virtual gaming habit. Which is plenty prevalent with young and even not-so-young people today.

How many people with social anxiety did you go to visit in their home during the 70's and 80's. Because the only difference between then and now, is that they have the internet to reach out for help and to talk to people. Video games have nothing to do with it. Correlation is not causation.

Lots of fat people exercise. Therefore exercise makes you fat.

We all went to visit other people in their homes. That's what we did then. We didn't barge our way in if their door was deadlocked, they didn't own a phone and they didn't answer the doorbell. But other than that, yeah, that's what we did. It didn't make us saints. Most of us didn't virtue signal about it and we didn't keep a log about how often we did it so we could defend ourselves if we were quizzed about it. And guess what Sonny? Lot's of people 50+ years of age still make it a regular weekly or even daily thing to meet with people, including socially anxious people, face-to-face. And visit other humans in their homes. Whoa.

I believe you missed the point.

I just believe